Chapter 6

Victoria must have discerned what she’d hoped to achieve when she started planning this house party; however, Lilah had not been privy to any of it. She could have asked questions. She hadn”t. Now she wished she had been more involved. A ball? What did they think would happen at a ball? They had all been wallflowers. No one asked them to dance. Ever. All right, some of the wallflowers did occasionally dance. But not with a suitor. It was usually some relative or a married gentlemen that took pity on them. Lilah would much rather not dance at all than be the object of someone”s need to be sympathetic to her plight.

Was it too much to want passion or love? She knew full well she was being ridiculous. The notion of either of those was beyond a notorious wallflower such as herself. Besides, love and passion was beyond most ladies of the ton. A society marriage almost never included either. What had she overheard once? Passion was for the gentleman”s mistress, and love would only muck up everything. Love had no place in a marriage.

But she wanted to believe that it could be. Wouldn”t a lifetime with someone be inherently better if love were part of it all? Lilah wanted it desperately, but she would accept passion. At least passion would make it seem love might be possible. She could pretend she was adored.

But none of that mattered. Nothing truly did anymore. She wouldn”t even have something resembling passion. She would be alone. Forever. It was a sad thought and an even sadder existence. But she”d have one last ball, and one in a borrowed gown. She hadn”t planned for a ball and had not bothered with packing a gown appropriate for one. Luckily, she was a similar size to Selena, and they only had to do a few quick minor alterations.

It was a lovely silk gown the color of indigo, with lace around the bodice and at the hem. It hugged her bosom and made her feel almost beautiful. Selena had sent over her lady”s maid to help dress Lilah”s hair, too. She had style in an elegant chignon with a few stray curls left down to frame her face. Lilah almost believed this could be a magical night. Almost.

She sighed and stood up. It was time to stop admiring herself in the mirror and go down to the ball. She could not stall any longer. If she did, one of her fellow wallflowers would come in search of her. The next part of their plan was supposed to happen during the ball. Lord Harcrest would be discovered with one of the ladies. She could only hope that they would be in a compromising situation, but that wasn”t the goal for tonight. They just wanted to put the idea into the house guests’ minds that there could be something between them. They had decided on Lady Daisy. Because he”d already been seen engrossed in conversation with her before, they had played hide and seek.

She glided down the stairs with more grace than usual. Perhaps it was the gown giving her confidence. Lilah didn”t presume to know. She went down a hall that led to the ballroom, but entered through a side door that the servants used. Lilah did not want to be formally announced. Some of the guests already stared at her as if she had a deformity of some sort. She did not need to draw any attention to herself.

Lilah walked along side of the room, looking for the perfect place to perch. She didn”t expect to dance. She lost all expectations of that sort ages ago. Her dreams of being swept into a handsome man”s arms and twirling around floor died in the first fortnight of the start of the season. No one noticed her. No one cared if she danced. Now they saw her as damaged. Ruined. Unacceptable.

”Where are you heading?” There was that familiar male voice. She had almost never crossed paths with Lord Harcrest before, and now he was always around. She could not escape him. ”I had hoped to ask you to dance.”

She froze. Lilah could not have heard him correctly. Slowly, she turned to face him and had to suck in a breath. She had never truly paid him much attention. Why would she have? Being a wallflower meant no handsome gentleman looked in her direction, and this one? He was a consummate rake. Even wallflowers knew to keep their distance from scoundrels like him.

But now, as she stared into his eyes, she suddenly realized exactly how breathtaking Lord Harcrest was, and she lost all ability to form words. His blue eyes were a startling shade that reminded her of the Serpentine she loved so much, and his blond hair was only slightly disheveled. ”You wish to dance? With me?” Lilah could not keep the shock from her voice.

He grinned and it made her heart skip a beat. Why was he pursuing her? What game was he really playing? ”Yes, you.” He motioned toward her wrist. ”You do not have a dance card.”

”Because I didn”t intend to dance,” she said in a glum tone. ”It would be a waste of good parchment, as no one ever signs my dance card.”

”So, you”re not abstaining to avoid me?” he asked. ”That is a relief.”

”How fortunate none of my actions are to achieve solace for you. You may trust that you never enter my mind when I make any decisions.” Well, that wasn”t entirely true. She did plan on ruining him, or rather his life, as he had hers. She shouldn”t talk to him like this. It only served to confuse her.

”You wound me,” he said as he held his hand over his chest. Then he held it out to her. ”Come now, love. Dance with me. I promise I will make it pleasurable.”

She stared at him in confusion. This was a terrible idea. Dancing with him would benefit nothing, and yet, she wanted to. Lilah was never asked to dance. She couldn”t even recall the last time she had danced.

Slowly, she lifted her hand and placed it in his. He lifted it to his lips and kissed the back. ”Thank you, my lady, for allowing me to escort you to the dance floor.”

Her cheeked heated at his touch, and his words. Unquestionably a terrible idea… She would not stop it now, though. Lilah wanted this dance.

The strands of a waltz echoed through the room. She had thought it would be something like a quadrille. Not nearly as intimate. A waltz though... She”d never had this pleasure. He brought her into his arms and expertly steered her around the floor.

Lilah forgot she was supposed to hate him. She even failed to remember why she shouldn”t dance, especially with him. As they twirled around the floor, her awareness of everything except him fell away. It was almost as if just the two of them were on the floor, and he danced like a dream. One she had only ever imagined in the deep recess of her mind.

”You are lovely tonight,” he told her. ”So stunning it aches to gaze upon your beauty.”

”You do not need to offer me platitudes,” she said stiffly. ”I am no great beauty.”

The dance had been wonderful. She had been able to overlook why she should dislike him. Now his words were bringing her back to the reality.

* * *

Henry wished there was some way for him to make her believe him. He didn”t lie. Not generally. Apparently, he did make up tall tales while inebriated. He must have be in some sort of waking dream. Where he had hoped that Lady Lilah would want to strip his clothes off and have her wicked way with him. ”Tell me something,” he said. ”When I started that rumor...”

”I don”t want to talk about that.” Her lips formed a fine line. ”I”d like to forget all about it.”

”But we both know that is impossible. You will never forget it and now neither will I.” Now that he was aware of what he had done.

”What do you want with me?” She had a mulish look in her eyes. She would dig in and die on her principles.

”I want to know you. I need to understand...” He sighed. ”I should never had done what I did. I don”t even know why I did it.”

She arched a brow. “You ruined my life and you do not know why?

He nodded. “Did I mention you by name when I disparaged your character?”

“I do not know,” she answered honestly. “I was not present for your tirade.”

Now he had to wonder exactly what had happened. Someone had to be there when he’d ruined Lady Lilah Stephens’ reputation. He hadn’t compromised her, but he had caused her undo harm by his actions. He had to make it right. Somehow.

“I am sorry,” he said in a soft tone. “If I could…”

“Don’t say it,” she interrupted him. “That won’t help anyone except you. There is not unwinding time and having a redo. We both have to live with the outcome from your inappropriate conduct. All we can do is keep moving forward.”

He nodded. Henry could do that. But he still wanted to understand it all, and he would. Somehow, he would find out exactly what had happened. He continued to twirl her around the floor, but with a purpose now. He led them to the other side of the floor and then toward the balcony doors. She wouldn’t thank him for what he was about to do, but he wanted some privacy with her. Henry led her to the doors and then out onto the balcony. There were only a handful of people out there.

“Come for a walk with me,” he said.

She shook her head. “That’s not a good idea.”

“It’s an excellent idea,” he said. Henry held out his hand for her. “I already ruined you. What else could I possibly do?”

“Seduce me,” she answered. “But you’re right. That’s unlikely.” She sighed and allowed him to lead her off of the balcony.

She was wrong, though. He would love to seduce her. Henry had imagined stripping off her gown and worshiping her with his tongue. He wanted to taste her and become drunk on her passion. If he thought for one moment, she would welcome his attentions, he’d already have led her somewhere that he could do all of that. Lady Lilah Stephens was skittish, and she had every right to be. He had wronged her. He did not deserve her regard, let alone her passion.

“Why did you want to go for a walk?” she asked, bringing him out of his musings.

“The ballroom is a bit stifling; don’t you think?” He motioned toward the hedge maze. “And I have heard that this is a fun place to explore.”

She wrinkled her nose. “You want me to get lost with you in there, don’t you?”

He sighed. “You have no faith in me. It’s all right. I understand why, but I do hope that by the end of this house party you at least tolerate me.”

“I make no promises, my lord,” she said demurely. She didn’t sound contemptuous, so that was something. An improvement really.

They continued their leisurely stroll, and she didn’t balk at entering the hedge maze with him. Henry was well acquainted with the maze. There was no chance they would become lost within it, as she had suggested. When he had stayed at the abbey before, he had explored it at length. There were many places one could willingly become lost if they so wished. In a different time and perhaps with a different woman, he might have been tempted to do just that. She already did not trust him and he would not give her more reasons to add to that long list of disappointments.

“What will you do after the house party has ended?”

Lady Lilah was quiet. She was so quiet it concerned him. Had he said something to distress her? Finally, she drew in a breath and stopped. They were almost to the part of the maze that had a fountain depicting Athena. He wanted to motion her forward so she could see it, but she seemed determined to stay put. “Why does it matter to you what I’ll do?” she asked him.

Moonlight bathed her face, giving her an ethereal appearance. Almost as if she were a goddess that rivaled Athena herself in beauty and strength. Perhaps she was his goddess, and his alone. He liked the idea of that. “Because you matter to me.” He drew in a breath. Suddenly, the very idea of breathing was a struggle. He had to tell her something that made sense when nothing did anymore. “It’s…” He sighed. “I feel responsible and want to help you if I can.”

“You’re not responsible for me, my lord,” she told him. “What happens to me after this house party…” She waved her hand as if it was nothing. It would never be nothing. “It doesn’t concern you. I’ll be all right.”

“Will you?” Somehow, he doubted it. “It hasn’t escaped my notice how they are all treating you here. Why did you come when you knew what it would be like?”

He kept asking her questions that silenced her. Henry had to understand, though. She was so brave. If he was being treated like a pariah, he wouldn’t have never been able to come to this house party and endured all the snubs. He wanted to yell at them all. She had done nothing wrong. He’d been the idiot that ruined her for no reason. None at all. After spending even a few moments with her, he’d understood that much. Lady Lilah Stephens was more angelic, more pure, than any of them. He felt unworthy to even speak to her.

“I had no choice.” She met his gaze and his heart ached for her. “This is my last chance. My final bit of society until I am no longer a part of any of this.”

“You don’t think this will pass? Another scandal will happen and they will all put their attention to that. Don’t let them push you into hiding.” He was almost panicking now. Henry had to prevent her from disappearing. He could not handle never seeing her again. Something snapped inside of him and he stepped closer to her. “Don’t go.”

“You’ve left me with little choice, my lord.” She smiled, but it wasn’t a happy one. Sadness filled her gaze, and he knew then she was right. This was all his fault, and he had to rectify it. Somehow. He just didn’t know how yet.

She held his gaze, and he had the sudden urge to pull her into his arms. To comfort her, reassure her that it would all be all right, and to show her that she meant something to him. She might not accept him or that comfort, but he wanted to offer it to her all the same. Henry narrowed the distance even more and considered if he should pull her into his arms or not. He wanted to. Desperately. “Lilah,” he said.

“I didn’t give you leave to use my name so informally,” she chastised him.

He grinned. Henry liked her sharp tongue, but he enjoyed the sound of her name on his own lips even more. He wanted to repeat it several times and test it out. Instead, he said, “You may call me Henry.” As if him taking such liberties only meant she should as well.

“I do not think that is wise.” She frowned. But then she did something he did not expect. “But perhaps that is how it should be.” Lilah shrugged. She would always just be Lilah to him now. “You have ruined every chance I have of happiness. When I leave this house party, I will not be simply a wallflower with no prospects. I’ll be lucky if I am a spinster. One with no hope of finding passion, let alone love.”

She wanted passion? He could give her that. Love though? He didn’t know if he even understood that elusive emotion. “What would you do with passion?” Would she allow him to kiss her? God…he wanted to kiss her. “Would you accept it, or would you turn away from it?”

“I’d seize it,” she said boldly. “I’d savor it. But more importantly, I’d embrace it like the gift I’d never thought I’d receive.”

He didn’t need any more convincing. Henry closed the distance between them. There wasn’t much there to separate them to begin with, but now nothing did. He had her in his arms and he intended to kiss her. Slowly, he lowered his lips until they touched hers.

A jolt of awareness shot through them. It was just the briefest touch of his lips on hers and far more arousing than even the most wickedest of kisses he’d experienced. He brushed a kiss on her mouth, coaxing her. She wound her arms around him and sighed, giving him the opportunity he’d been waiting for. Henry slid his tongue over her lips, then inside. The kiss deepened and became more than a slow exploration. Suddenly, every bit of desire inside of him erupted into a force, a need, he could not deny. She tasted like heaven. A mixture of honey and whiskey that both burned him and made him want to drown in all that made her Lilah. His Lilah.

Henry could kiss her forever and never tire of her. But he had to stop this now. He had already ruined her good name, and he could not do her any more harm. He wanted her. Desperately. But she deserved far better than him. For her, he might even consider being that better man…

Reluctantly, he pulled away from her. Her breathing was as ragged as his. He almost pulled her back into his arms. Instead, he looped her arm with his and escorted her out of the maze. Neither of them spoke on their way back, and he was thankful for that. He doubted he could mutter anything sensible. When they reached the ballroom, he made his apologies and left her alone.

There was much he had to think about, and she muddled every bit of intelligence he might have. Lilah was a temptation. One he was not sure he could resist. Henry had a decision to make before he did something he’d actually regret—like ruining her completely. By compromising her and making love to her. Because it had been a near thing in the maze.

He might just have to leave to keep her safe. From himself…