Chapter 7

Collin wasn’t sure what he was feeling. He’d never gone for men like Tank, and yet he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Being wrapped in his strong arms was hot and sexy as hell. Collin slid his hands down Tank’s impressive chest, returning the kiss, straddling Tank’s lap, and hanging on as Tank held him tighter.

“Is this what you want?” Tank whispered.

“Hell yes!” He wasn’t going in for any of this whispering. He was going to make sure Tank heard him loud and clear.

“But aren’t you afraid of doing what you did before?” Clearly he’d been listening to Collin’s story.

“Maybe a little.” He had expected Tank to be a go-for-it kind of guy. Maybe it was his size, but the big guys he’d known had all been real take-charge kind of men, and Tank seemed more laid-back. Not that Collin thought it bad for a second.

Tank pulled away. “Then how do you expect to get something different if you do the same things over and over?”

Collin climbed down and sat back next to him. “If you’re not really interested, then I can understand that, and….” He felt like an idiot for throwing himself at Tank. Like in the past, he’d kiss a guy and then be ready to go for it.

Tank gently cradled his chin. “I think you’re wonderful, but I don’t jump into most things quickly. I can’t afford to. Every time I rush ahead, people get hurt…. I get hurt.” He leaned forward, the kiss sweet and gentle. “I think you and I need to give things a chance and take a little time. I know that you’re only here for a little more than a week, but rushing into things isn’t something that I think we should do.” Tank sat back on the sofa. “And you deserve something more than a quick fuck on the sofa.”

And just like that, Collin realized that beneath the hard-looking exterior was a man with a gentle soul—and maybe that truly was the kind of person he’d been searching for all this time. Collin knew he had to find out.

“Is there a truck I can borrow?” Collin asked Alan at dinner that evening.

Alan smiled and shrugged. “There’s one you can use, but do you think that’s a good idea? You’re used to driving on the left, and it’s not as easy to switch as I thought it would be.”

Collin smirked. Alan’s tribulations with driving back home were legendary in the area. After that, George had given him specific driving lessons. “I know. But I was hoping to go somewhere interesting with Tank, and I want it to be a surprise.” He wasn’t even sure where to go.

“Okay, I know just the place,” Alan said with a grin. “And I can get you a vehicle, but only if you let me take you out driving.”

“What are you two up to?” George asked from the other side of the table.

“Nothing,” Alan said, winking at George, who rolled his eyes. Thankfully, Tank seemed intent on his dinner and hadn’t noticed any of the conversation. He’d been quiet the last few hours before dinner and spent time out in the yard, clearing asway the limbs the storm had brought down.

George leaned over the table after glancing at Tank. “Talk to one of his men and ask them to saddle Tank’s horse. Instead of using a truck, go out riding. The man is a cowboy, and there’s nothing as… stimulating… as a ride.” He bumped Alan’s shoulder, and Collin nodded, refusing to ask any more questions about the exact type of riding his friends had been doing. He really didn’t want to go there, and certainly not at dinner.

“Thank you for that,” Collin said, making Alan and George laugh and drawing the attention of the rest of the people at the table. Except Tank, who still seemed off in his own little world.

“Don’t worry. It’s supposed to be a nice evening. I can call over and ask Hatcher to have everything ready for when you get back. I also have the perfect place to ride out to. There’s a great section of the stream that runs along our properties, and it’s perfect for a late-evening ride under the moon.” He winked again, and Collin nodded.

“Thanks.”

“No problem.” Alan pulled out his phone and sent a message.

“Alan,” Maureen said when she realized what he was doing. “Not at my table.”

Alan smirked. “It’s a humanitarian mission,” he remarked flatly, nodding to Collin before slipping his phone away once more. Maureen rolled her eyes and then shot Alan a glare that he pretended he hadn’t seen. His phone tinged, and Alan snuck a look at it. “All set for an hour.” He slipped his phone away again, and Collin nodded his thanks.

“Where are we going?” Tank asked a little more than an hour later as they headed out under the glow of a full moon. Collin had a flashlight that he used to shine the way ahead.

“To a place that Alan told me about.” He was used to darkness out on the estate, but even with the moon, it was surprisingly dark out here. Still, Collin could make out the outline of Tank’s form on the horse, as well as enough of the landscape to be safe. The stars overhead seemed near to the ground, and Collin stopped himself from trying to reach out and touch them. The illusion was so stunning and the night amazingly clear. “He said it was straight out from the house and that I had to turn left when we reached the trees near the creek.” He was starting to think this was a bad idea. He didn’t know the area and should have just told Tank what he had in mind rather than dragging them both out in the middle of the night.

“Don’t worry. I know where we’re going.” He clicked his teeth, and the horses picked up speed. Collin moved with the rhythm of the horse, watching the area as well as Tank, whose silhouette against the sky was like a cowboy postcard. As big as he was, on horseback, his movements were nonetheless graceful.

Collin followed Tank until they reached the darkness of the trees. “It’s okay,” Tank said as he pulled to a stop and dismounted, then shone a small pen light while he tied up his horse. Then he held Collin’s until he dismounted and lashed his horse’s reins to the same tree.

“Alan said we should go this way,” Collin said, and Tank led him through the trees until they passed into a clearing with a stream running through the middle of it. “This must be it.”

“I’d think so,” Tank said. “This is one of Alan’s favorite places. He and I used to come here as kids.”

Collin handed Tank the pack Alan had given him, and he spread out the blanket on the ground. “I take it you were friends.” He sat down.

Tank walked toward the creek, the water gurgling over the rocks, filling the night with comfort. “Alan and I grew up together. Our fathers were friends for years. At Christmas, Maureen and my mom used to spend days together baking and getting ready for the holiday. My mother passed away years ago, and Dad just after I left the service. Alan’s dad passed a few months later. But growing up, we all played in the stream during the summer. There’s a swimming hole a little ways upstream, and we used to sneak away to get some relief from the heat.”

“Did Alan bring George out here?”

Tank laughed. “I doubt it. They met in the winter. But Alan used to bring people out here when he was growing up. It was like our own private boys’ club.” He turned around and sat next to Collin, who lay back, looking up at the sky.

“Did you and Alan ever…?” He let the words hang in the air.

“No,” Tank breathed. “He and Chip are like my brothers.” He turned toward Collin. “And Maureen is closer to an aunt than a friend. After Mother died, she made sure that I had a female presence in my life.” Tank’s voice broke, and Collin took his hand but otherwise pretended not to notice. “My mother and father….”

Collin figured Tank would stop speaking at any moment. He rarely said much, and he’d talked a lot already. “You don’t have to. I know being quiet is easier for you.”

“I had a brother, Benny. He was twelve when he died. He contracted meningitis. They can say what they want, but Mom died of grief. I don’t think my father ever got over it either. When we were kids, all four of us would come to the stream to swim.” He rolled onto his side. “Honestly, it’s been a long time since I was here.”

Collin gently touched Tank’s sun-weathered face. “I’m sorry.” Grief and pain he could understand. He’d held enough of it inside for a long time. Maybe he and Tank were more alike than Collin thought. Tank grew quiet and withdrew from people. Collin had been taught to bury his feelings, keep a stiff upper lip, present a proper visage to the world. But in the end, the loss was the same… and so was the hurt.

“No. I think it’s time I told someone,” Tank said softly as the water continued its perpetual gurgling. Collin closed his eyes and let the sound wash over him.

Tank lay back, and Collin took his hand once more. “I had hoped to bring you out here to look at the stars and….”

“You were hoping for a little cowboy romance?” Tank said.

“Well, yeah. This is lovely right here. The stars, the water….” He sat up. “And you.” He leaned over Tank and kissed him gently. “You’re lovely too.”

Tank laughed, full and loud. “I have been called many things. A surly bastard, frightening, a quiet asshole… you name it. The guys in my unit called me Tank, and it stuck. No one I can remember has ever called me lovely.” He put his arms around Collin’s neck and drew him closer.

“Well,” Collin whispered, “even the surliest bastard should be lovely to someone.” He swallowed hard as Tank’s heated breath kissed his cheeks. The truth was that Tank was hot, pure banked fire hiding behind those eyes, and Collin knew that under all that control was a blaze just waiting to explode.

“Please…,” Tank said, and Collin drew closer.

“I mean it. You are damned hot, and everyone sees it. The girls all watch you, and the gay men all want to be right where I am now.” He could have pressed it, but he had learned his lesson. Whatever happened, Tank had to be the one to make the first move. Collin lay back once again, looking up at the stars.

Tank lay still, his breathing mixing with the sound of the breeze through the trees. Collin waited, and then Tank’s hand slid into his. Collin squeezed it back, and that was enough.

“Did you ever look up at the stars back home?” Tank asked.

“Yes. Mom was a horsewoman through and through. She used to ride most days and loved to play polo. Before I was born, she told me she played with the men and kicked their bums. On clear evenings, we’d ride out like we did tonight and lie out on the great lawn of the estate.” He pointed to the sky. “That’s Cassiopeia. But I call her Violet, because after she died, I swore I could see another star up there. So I always think of that as Mom.” He squeezed Tank’s hand. “I know it sounds bonkers and that Mom isn’t up in the stars, but it’s nice thinking that she could be up there.”

Tank didn’t say anything for a minute, not that Collin expected him to. Then, “You know, Benny used to love fishing. There are trout in this stream, and he used to sneak away so he could try to catch one. Maybe he’s up there too, casting his line and trying to catch Pisces.”

Collin smiled. He liked that image. “I always wanted a brother.” He squeezed Tank’s hand, and they lay quietly for a while. Collin’s mind wandered over the man next to him. “You know, when I met you, I thought you were some sort of cowboy stereotype—big, hunky, like the Marlboro man. But….” He didn’t know quite what to think.

“I’m not. I don’t think anyone is… or ever was… not really. People out west who make their living off the land… we’re who we are. We have traditions and ways of doing things, but we’re the same as you.”

Collin smiled to himself. “No, you are not. You’re straightforward and honest. You tell things the way they are. You don’t accept or condone a bunch of bullshit. Back home, my life is nothing but social subterfuge, vying for influence, and social niceties that hide a knife in the back. Everyone in my social circle would think nothing of smiling at me and shaking my hand while in my own home, and as soon as I left the room, speaking badly about me because I’m gay or don’t fit the mold they think I should.”

“Is that why you came here?” Tank asked. He’d asked the question before, and Collin had struggled a little with the answer. But he knew more now about what he should expect and what he’d found. “Because you wanted to get away from the folks at home? Because running from stuff ain’t no way to find what you want.”

“No. I came here to try to find something, and at the time I thought I was looking for someone. But maybe what I’m searching for is more of an idea.”

Tank turned his head. “You know, you ain’t going to find anyone until you know who you are. You gotta start with this.” He placed his hand in the center of Collin’s chest. “It all starts here.”

Tank was right. Collin had been searching for a type of guy, but maybe what he really needed was to figure out what he truly wanted.

After an hour talking quietly and looking at the stars, he and Tank rode back to the ranch, guided by the lights outside the horse barn. Once they had the horses settled, Collin walked inside with Tank, just as curious about what the big man wanted as he was when they’d left on their ride. The dogs were happy as all heck when they returned, jumping over each other for attention. Collin played with them while Tank gave them each a treat.

“You want a beer?” Tank asked, handing Collin a can. “I don’t have anything really nice, but I can look to get some tomorrow.”

Collin looked it over. He was used to drinking his beer at the proper temperature but said nothing, instead opening the can. As soon as he took a taste, he was grateful for the chill to take the edge off the sharpness.

“Is it that different?”

“It is.” Actually the stuff tasted awful, but he drank it anyway, sitting at Tank’s scarred kitchen table. “What do we have to do for tomorrow?”

“We need to help Alan and Maureen. One of the barns they use to store winter feed needs to be rebuilt. It’s in bad shape. Alan thinks we can get the old one down tomorrow. He has the supplies to start building a new one. Apparently all the neighbors are heading over to get the shell raised.”

“I’ve heard about these barn raisings….” He’d actually thought it was more of a legend than a real occurrence. “I can help if you think there will be things I can do.” He lowered his gaze. “I’ve done a few DIY projects.”

“It’s a big job, and there will be maybe thirty or forty men. It’s a pretty simple building, and Alan messaged that the foundation and anchors are good. So we tear down what’s there and take it apart. Then we rebuild something along the same lines.”

“Okay.” Collin finished the beer and yawned. “I should go to bed.” He took care of his empty can and leaned down to kiss Tank good night before heading down the hall to his room.

While Collin cleaned up, he could hear Tank moving around the house. Then he climbed between the crisp sheets, thinking about Tank in the next room, trying to keep his imagination from running wild. There was something about him. The more he learned about Tank, the more curious he became, especially when it came to Sullivan, who seemed to think he had some leverage over him.

Collin tried to sleep. He knew he needed to, but his mind kept churning things over. His father and what he wanted, thoughts of Tank. Even his mother played a role in his nocturnal musings. The thing was, he wasn’t sure what to do about any of it. Collin was fairly certain that his father was not going to let him just leave for two weeks without exacting some sort of price. That was the way the old asshole worked.

Talking to Tank brought back memories of his mother, and he played over the times they’d spent together. It had been she who had first taken him to London and shown him the National Gallery, the British Museum, and so many more things. She had even taken him to his first West End show and the ballet and opera.

Then there was Tank. Collin didn’t quite know what to make of him, but he hoped he’d have the chance to figure it out.

He checked the clock next to the bed and pushed back the covers, then got up and went out to the living room to sit on the sofa. Sheba must have heard him, because she came out and jumped onto the sofa before curling up on his lap. Maybe it was still the time difference and he just wasn’t used to it yet. Collin wasn’t sure. Picking up the remote, he turned on the telly, made sure the volume was low, and settled in to watch Lucifer . He had seen some of the episodes back home, and the station seemed to be running a marathon of some sort, so he got comfortable and hoped something to take his mind off his circular thoughts would help him sleep.

“Are you still not tired?” Tank asked in a sleep-roughened voice.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Collin said, turning to look. He about swallowed his teeth. Tank wore just a pair of boxers, and damn, Collin’s imagination had not done the man justice. Tank was big all over, with strong arms, and a chest and belly covered with a light pelt of short hair that tapered down his belly before disappearing into his waistband. Maybe Collin was more tired than he thought, because he couldn’t stop his gaze from following the trail. And big all over was exactly right.

“It was Sheba. She decided to make a production of walking over me before leaving the bed.” Tank yawned and rubbed the center of his chest.

“I see.” Maybe he should send her a thank-you bag of dog treats. “I don’t know why I can’t sleep. I should be able to after all the activity today.” He shifted on the sofa, trying to hide the fact that Tank standing there wearing so damned little, those shorts hanging on his hips, was raising a great deal of interest. “It’s also well into the morning back home, and my body could be a little confused still.” There was a seven-hour time difference.

Collin squirmed under Tank’s gaze, but Tank made no further move, so Collin figured he might as well go back to bed and try to sleep. Fatigue was catching up with him, and all those swirling thoughts from earlier had taken wing as soon as Tank walked into the living room.

“I’ll see you in the morning.” He gently lifted Sheba and then stood, passing her to Tank, who cradled the small dog to his ample chest. No matter what Tank did, he looked hotter and sexier by the second. Collin huffed softly to himself and went into his room, reminding himself that no one died from a case of blue bollocks, but he swore he was going to put that theory to the test soon enough. Maybe tomorrow he’d think about going back to that bar and seeing if Teddy was there. The thought put a smirk on his lips as he closed his eyes, until footsteps approached the door.