Chapter 18

Collin was frayed to the edges of his nerves, but as far as he could tell, everything was set. He went over the last-minute details before climbing the stairs that were now his and going to his room. He dressed in black, as was traditional, before returning downstairs.

“Is there anything more that you need?” Tamsin asked.

“Thank you, no. You didn’t need to come in today.”

Tamsin nodded. “I know.” She left the room. It was time to go, so Collin closed the front door behind him, got into the car, and drove to the village church. Walking into the building that had been there for centuries gave him a sense of solidity that otherwise seemed to have slipped out of his life. He sat down in front as others began to arrive.

Collin figured that he would use this time to think quietly and say his own goodbye to his father. It was funny—their final two weeks together were not what he would have expected, and Collin was glad they’d had them. The previous years had been full of tension and struggle. But those few weeks had been completely different. His father had even shared stories about his own childhood and his father, subjects he’d never talked about before.

“Do you mind if I sit here?”

Collin closed his eyes, knowing it had to be his imagination playing tricks on him. Slowly he lifted his gaze, and damn it all to hell, Tank stood at the end of the pew in a dark suit, a cowboy hat in hand.

“Is it really you?” Collin asked, not believing his eyes.

Tank sat down next to him, placing his hat on his lap. “You bet your ass.” He bumped Collin’s shoulder and then took his hand, squeezing his fingers.

“Why? How?” This was too damned much.

“I came because no one should have to say goodbye to their father without someone standing by them.” He squeezed Collin’s hand once again as people continued to fill the church. Collin lifted his gaze skyward and said a silent prayer, feeling for the first time that he was going to get through this day without shattering into a million tiny pieces.

“And I love you for it. You know that.” Blast and hell, he was at a funeral, and this was so not the time to be professing his love, but he couldn’t help it.

“I do.” Tank said softly. Alan and the duke took their places on Collin’s other side, and it seemed that neither of them had been aware of Tank’s travel plans. Not that it mattered. This might have been a funeral, but in a way, Collin’s real family had arrived in the nick of time, and he could finally release the breath he had been holding for days.

At George’s recommendation, instead of having an after-funeral lunch, Collin bought out the pub in the village for the afternoon. He decided that rather than have a somber affair, he wanted to celebrate his father’s life. Let folks tell their stories about his father and share their memories. There were some that Collin wanted to bury so deep they never resurfaced, but others he could talk about.

“Are you okay?” Tank asked when he approached Collin with a couple of pints of beer.

“I think so,” Collin said, and drank the hoppy beverage before making another pass through the full room. He noticed as he passed how people’s tone changed. They’d be laughing or telling some story about his father, but then as soon as he drew close, they would stiffen, their shoulders would shift, and then they’d clear their throats.

“You’re the earl now,” George told him as he and Alan stood near the end of the bar. “Before, you were the son, and you could have gotten away with being one of the guys. You can’t do that any longer.”

The room was full of people, but there was a ring of emptiness around the three of them—well, four when Tank joined them. Collin had never been so grateful for that light, warm touch of Tank’s hand on his back. “The entire village will watch you and analyze every decision you make and everything they see.”

Collin sighed. He knew it was true but had hoped to put it off as long as possible. It was amazing how he could be in a room full of people and still be alone. At the moment he wasn’t alone, but the idea still hit him pretty hard. Maybe it had been just as hard for his father. “You have friends and people who like you for you,” Tank said softly.

Alan nodded. “You do. And we don’t care about titles and shit like that. We’re cowboys. We can be an ass to everyone equally.” He raised his glass, and Tank clinked it. George did the same, and Collin joined him, laughing softly, because how could he not.

Collin had paid the pub keeper enough for the party to go until five, but he skipped out early, just after George and Alan excused themselves. He had had more than enough at that point. Together they walked quietly back up toward the house, and Tank took his hand.

“How long can you stay?” Collin asked Tank as they walked.

“I’m not sure,” Tank answered quietly. “But now is not the time to discuss it. I know you haven’t slept well in days, I can see it in your eyes, and I know you’re at the end of your energy.” He squeezed Collin’s hand. “Guys kept asking me how I knew the earl, and I listened to their stories.”

“What did you say?”

“That I was a friend of the current earl,” Tank whispered. “They would all smile and nod before returning to their story. It was kind of strange how they all behaved the same way.”

Collin nodded. “I’m going to need to get used to it. I’m the earl, the guy who will make decisions they like and ones they don’t. I’ll be either the hero or the bad guy, sometimes in the same breath.” He continued walking up the estate drive, then unlocked the main door and went inside.

His energy gave out almost as soon as Tank closed the door behind them. “Come on,” Tank said softly before leading him upstairs.

“Where is your luggage?” Collin asked as he climbed.

“I put it in the office when I arrived. You had already left, but Tamsin let me in. It can stay there for the time being.” Tank got him to his room and gently stripped off his coat and shirt. Once Collin kicked off his shoes, Tank got his pants off, and Collin nestled under the covers. Tank drew the curtains shut, darkening the room, before climbing under the covers next to him. Without thinking, Collin closed his eyes and did something he hadn’t really done in days: slept.

“You didn’t want to talk about it yesterday,” Collin said the following morning as he and Tank rode through the trees between the estate and the village. They had both gotten up early, and Collin figured a ride would help clear the cobwebs. “But how long are you staying?”

Tank pulled to a stop, their horses standing next to each other. Tank turned to look back, and Collin did the same, his gaze sweeping over the lawn leading to the house. “That depends on you,” Tank said with a smile before slowly getting off his horse.

“It does?” Collin wasn’t sure what Tank was getting at, but his heart did a little leap anyway as he dismounted and drew closer to Tank. He couldn’t help tugging off Tank’s hat and running his fingers through his soft black hair.

“Yeah. You know Maureen and Claude got married, and they plan to combine their cattle operations—well, in a way. I don’t have all the details. But before they left on their trip, Claude talked to me, and then Maureen asked me to come over for breakfast. To make a long story short, they offered to buy my herd and lease my land for the next two years. There would still be details to work out, and I haven’t given them an answer, but the long and short of it is that I can stay… if you want me.”

Tank bit his lower lip. Collin’s first instinct was to smile, but he didn’t as a realization barreled into him. Tank was offering to come here to stay. He was willing to leave his life, his ranch, and everything he knew to be with Collin. His knees nearly buckled. “You’re serious,” he said.

“Yeah.” Tank sounded so tentative.

“And you’ll bring Sheba and the pups and stay here with me?” It was almost too good to be true.

“Like I said, if you want me.” Those words sent a chill through Collin.

“Of course I want you,” Collin said, throwing his arms around Tank’s neck. “I’ve wanted you every day since you left.” He kissed Tank hard before either of them could say anything more. Then those strong arms closed around his waist, and Collin groaned as he kissed Tank harder, ready to climb him right here and now. “You’ll really stay?”

Tank nodded. “But there are a few conditions. The first is that you make an honest man out of me. And the second is that we need to discuss children.” Tank stepped back and crossed his arms over his ample chest.

“Children?” Collin asked. It was something his father had brought up multiple times, but Collin honestly hadn’t given it much thought.

“Yes. I want at least three. None of this only child stuff. I can teach them to ride and rope and how to be a cowboy, and you can teach them how to be ladies and gentlemen and the oldest to be a good earl once you and I go to the rangeland in the sky.”

Collin nearly gasped. “You want children?”

Tank nodded. “But we have to do it so that our kids will be legitimate and can inherit. I want a little boy with your eyes and spirit running through that big house causing havoc, and a little girl with your red hair who can command a horse better than either of us could imagine. I want us to sit in that library together reading fantastic stories to them, and I want to take all of them back to America to show them where my people came from. I want to fill this place with dogs and animals and—”

“Life,” Collin supplied, his hands shaking, damned near in tears. But he refused to let them fall. He was British, after all.

“Yes, and love, lots and lots of love.” Tank caressed Collin’s cheek. “I want to build a life here with you and fill this place with love.” He motioned all around, and suddenly Collin had a vision of sorts. He and Tank at the stables, teaching their son how to ride his first pony, and Tank with a little girl on his lap, asleep in his arms, and Tank with his feet up, lying back as he hummed to her. For so long this place and his life here had been a struggle against his father, and maybe even more against the role he was expected to play. But with Tank, it felt different. Maybe between them, they could turn this old rambling place into a home.

Collin smiled and rested his head on Tank’s shoulder. “I want all of that too.” So badly he could almost taste it. “But are you sure?”

Tank drew him upward and kissed him hard, and this time he didn’t let go until Collin whimpered. “Does that answer your question? I think it does,” Tank said with a smile. “I think it answers everything.” Then he kissed Collin once more.