Chapter 25

TWENTY-FIVE

“What happened?” Carter asked as Diana walked into the cabin.

She paused in the entranceway. “I…what? How did you know something happened?”

“You look upset. Or pissed. Or both. Um, do you want to just tell me?” He leaned against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over his chest, brow pinched in concern.

“We lost the Cornflower Hotel. They sold to Devlin Hotels.”

“Fuck.” He pushed a hand into his hair, leaving it sticking up in all directions. “Well, that sucks. What now?”

“That’s what I need to figure out. I’m going to head back to Boston a few days early since things are basically finished here in Crescent Falls.”

“What about Emily?” he asked.

She rubbed a hand against her breastbone, right over the ache there. It felt like a crack in her heart that she was desperately holding together. If she let go, let it fracture, she’d fall apart, and she wasn’t ready for that to happen. She wasn’t ready to acknowledge that Emily had the power to break her heart, because that meant…that meant…

Carter blanched. “Oh shit.”

And Diana realized her eyes had welled with tears. She blinked them back, reaching into her purse for her calming strip, but her fumbling fingers couldn’t find it. “I guess she doesn’t want to try things long distance after all. I just…I’m going to pack up and drive back to Boston tonight. You should pack too. It’s time to go home.”

She turned and fled to her bedroom, hoping she didn’t look as upset as she felt, but if the look on Carter’s face was any indication, she definitely did. She shut the door behind her with too much force, flinching as it slammed. Then she pulled her suitcase from the closet and started packing. If she stopped, if she sat…she might cry, and she just couldn’t deal with her emotions right now.

She’d been so sure she and Emily would make things work long distance, it had never occurred to her that Emily might be having second thoughts. Once Diana committed to something, she was all in. She planned for success, always. Now she felt like she’d missed a step and gone into free fall. She had metaphorically tumbled off the mountain, and the only safe landing place was her town house in Boston.

She’d nearly finished emptying the closet when Carter knocked on the bedroom door. Straightening, she blew out a breath, making sure she had her emotions firmly under control before she responded. “What?”

“Um, can we talk for a minute?” he asked through the door.

She sat on the bed, pushing her hands beneath her thighs to keep from fidgeting. “ Come in.”

The door swung open, and Carter stood there, looking uncomfortable. “Can you stay tonight? I have something I want to talk to you about, but not while you’re this upset.”

“I’m fine,” she snapped, then flinched. “I’m sorry. I’ll be fine once I’m home, I promise. I’m just ready to leave. Can you tell me what you need to tell me once we’re home?”

He shook his head, his gaze dropping to his sneakers. “I, um, I don’t want to go back. That’s what I was going to tell you. I’m staying in Crescent Falls.”

“What?” Her voice came out angry and high-pitched, and she pressed her fingernails into the backs of her thighs, trying desperately to calm herself. “I know you and Drew have something going on, but that’s no reason to just move to Vermont. You don’t have a place to stay here, or a job, or?—”

“Aunt DD, take a breath and let me explain.” He straightened, looking suddenly so much more mature than he had before. “Drew and I are just casual. I like him, yeah, but that’s not why I’m staying. Actually, he’s been showing me around. He took me to his old college campus—Vermont State University—and I filled out an application this morning. I want to start there for the spring semester.”

She blinked, her mind spinning. “Oh. Oh, wow.”

He gave her a hesitant smile. “Yeah, so…I want to keep working for you part-time if that’s okay. In fact, working at Aster is how I figured out what I want to do. I really like working with computers, building websites, that kind of thing. I’m going to get a degree in web development.”

“Carter, that’s wonderful.” There were tears in her eyes again, but this time, they were the happy kind. Then she was on her feet, pulling him into a big hug. “I’m so proud of you. ”

“Um, thanks.” He patted her back awkwardly, and she remembered belatedly that he wasn’t a hugger.

She released him and took a step back. “So you’re staying in Crescent Falls to finish college?”

“And maybe longer? I don’t know. I really like it here. I like being part of the Adventurers group. I feel like I fit in here in a way I never did back in Boston. I only had a year left at Royce, but it’ll take me longer now that I’ve switched majors. We have a few days left on the rental here, and then Tom and Maddie offered me their guest room while I look for an apartment…or I might live on campus come January. I’m still figuring it out.”

“Okay.” She nodded, blinking back more tears, not even sure what she was feeling anymore. “How will you pay for it?”

He shrugged. “I’ll take out loans if I have to.”

“I’ll support you however I can. I’d like you to keep working at Aster part-time, if you can swing that with your studies. I need your help, and that way you’ll have a source of income since your parents aren’t paying your way anymore. And on that note, you need to call your father and tell him about your plans before he shows up here, hell-bent on dragging you back to Boston. Maybe he’ll even agree to pay for you to finish college here.”

Carter nodded. “I’ll call him tomorrow. Promise.”

“Okay. You can stay with me in Boston until the new semester starts if you have trouble finding an apartment. You’re always welcome at my home, Carter.”

He ducked his head. “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

He left her to finish packing, and when she came out of the bedroom a few minutes later with her bags in tow, she found him watching TV. He really wasn’t coming back with her .

“I’ll call you tomorrow,” she said.

“Yep. Drive safe, and um…sorry about the hotel…and Emily.”

She nodded as her throat constricted painfully. It hurt that he’d managed to find something here in Crescent Falls that she hadn’t, and then she had the irrational urge to beg him to come home with her. But no, she would be returning to Boston on her own. Funny, she’d always lived by herself and always preferred it that way, and now…the prospect felt awful.

As she towed her suitcase to the car, she’d never felt more alone.

“Hi, Em.” Gram smiled at her from the doorway. “Come in. Is everything okay?”

Emily knew the answer was written all over her face. After Diana left, she’d called Alex, needing her best friend to help talk her through it, but it was Frankie’s birthday, and they were out to a fancy dinner together. So, she’d come to her grandmas’ new house, desperate for some advice and a shoulder to cry on.

She gave Gram a weak smile as she stepped inside. “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

Gram placed a hand on her shoulder, guiding her toward the living room. “You see, that’s the beauty of being retired. Your grandma and I were just ordering prints of our vacation photos and trying to decide what to have for dinner. We’d love to have some company.”

Grandma stood from the couch. She’d come home from their cruise more deeply tanned than Emily had ever seen her. They both had a happy glow about them these days. Retirement looked good on them. “Em? What’s wrong?”

Emily knew she was the farthest thing from glowing right now. She blinked as her eyes filled with tears. “Diana and I…”

“Oh no. Did you two have a fight?”

Emily nodded. “We didn’t say the words, but I think we might have broken up, and I think…it’s my fault.”

“Well, let’s not lay blame yet,” Gram said. “Blaming yourself is never helpful in a breakup. We brought home some lemon chiffon tea from France that is absolutely divine. Why don’t I put on a pot, and you can tell us everything?”

“Okay.” She let Gram guide her to the kitchen. Ten minutes later, they were seated at the table with an ornate teapot between them…another European purchase. Grandma poured them each a cup of amber-colored liquid that smelled a bit like lemon meringue pie.

“So sweet you won’t even need to add sugar,” Grandma said.

“Now.” Gram covered Emily’s hand with her own. “Tell us what happened.”

Emily sipped her tea—which tasted as good as it smelled—and sighed. “Diana had put in an offer to buy a hotel in Maryland, and it fell through. They sold to her father’s company instead. She was upset about it, so she decided to head back to Boston a few days early.”

“Her father’s company undercut her deal?” Grandma grimaced. “That’s awful. I’m even more glad we didn’t sell to Devlin Hotels if that’s how they treat people.”

“Agreed,” Gram said. “So how did you and Diana end up having a fight?”

“I got upset that she was leaving.” Emily’s bottom lip trembled. “She said I could come with her if I wanted, and she’d come back for the summit hike next week, but then we started arguing about how things were going to work long distance. I said I’d never move to Boston, and she said she’d never move to Vermont, and then she made me admit that deep down, I’d been hoping she would. I wanted her to stay. And then she left.”

“Okay.” Grandma gave her a shrewd look. “Let’s talk more about this realization that deep down, you wanted her to stay.”

Emily stared morosely into her tea. “She’s always made it clear that Boston is her home, so that part’s on me, definitely. But we had so much fun together the last few weeks. She seemed to be really enjoying herself here, and my stupid romantic heart started hoping, you know? That Crescent Falls could be enough for her. That I could be enough. That she’d decide she wanted to stay…for me.”

“Oh, Em.” Gram wrapped an arm around her. “I love that you have such a big romantic heart, but surely you can’t expect Diana to move to Vermont after you’ve dated for what, two weeks?”

“When you put it that way…” Emily’s throat hurt when she swallowed, and tears stung her eyes. “She wanted to keep dating, to do the long-distance thing, and I…I fucked up.”

“If you think long distance could work, then you might have,” Grandma said gently. “But it’s probably not unfixable, if you apologize. Look, you might not want to hear it, but I think part of what’s happening here doesn’t have anything to do with Diana. You have abandonment issues from the way your mom left, so Diana leaving probably brought up some insecurities for you. ”

Emily sipped her tea as her tears spilled over. “Don’t forget Jenny. She left me to move to the city too.”

“Right.” Gram gave her a sympathetic look. “So, maybe you overreacted to Diana leaving, or maybe you just forced her to have a real conversation about the future now instead of putting it off. Maybe long distance was never going to work for you two. Your heart is in Crescent Falls, Em. You’re content here, and that’s okay.”

Emily stared into the amber depths of her tea. Was she content here? She was comfortable, certainly. Crescent Falls was her home. She loved it, and she felt safe here. But there had always been that little part of her that yearned for more. She looked up. “What if…I’m not content?”

Grandma’s eyebrows rose. “You’re not?”

“When I was younger, I wanted to see the world…like what you guys just did. I wanted to paint faraway places, flowers I’ve never seen before. Mountains. Cities. Oceans.”

“What’s stopping you?”

“I don’t know.” She gulped from her tea, burning her mouth in the process.

“Is this because of your mom too, do you think?” Gram asked softly, hesitantly. “Do you feel like, if you leave Crescent Falls, you’ll be like her in a way you don’t want to be?”

“I don’t know…maybe?” Emily’s eyes stung, and her heart ached too.

“Sweetie, she abandoned her child to go see the world. She let you down, but honestly, she was little more than a child herself at the time. She’d been struggling for a while, and she got overwhelmed.” Grandma reached out and took Emily’s hand. “She was doing the best she could, the same as any of us, so please don’t let her actions hold you back from whatever you want to do. You aren’t letting anyone down if you leave. On the contrary, you’re letting yourself down by staying, if it’s not what you want. Go. Spread your wings. See the world.”

“But first,” Gram added, “you’d better get over to Diana’s cabin and apologize before she leaves town.”

Emily knew as soon as she pulled into Diana’s driveway that she was too late. The silver Lexus was gone. Only Carter’s SUV remained. Emily’s eyes, already sore from crying, welled with new tears. Her chest was heavy with regret. Still, she went to the door, just to be sure.

Carter opened it, his expression guarded. “She’s gone back to Boston.”

“Oh.” She felt like she’d shrunk six inches, like her body was caving in on itself. Diana was gone. And Carter wasn’t his usual friendly self, which meant he knew about their fight. Somehow it hurt even more to think of Diana venting to him about Emily before she left. “What…what did she say?”

His lips thinned, and for a moment, she thought he would close the door in her face rather than answer. “She didn’t say anything, not really. It was how she looked . She almost cried, and I’ve never seen my aunt cry.” He looked down at his feet. “Anyway, she’s not here, so…”

“Right. I’ll go. Thank you.” She turned away as the door closed solidly behind her. A gust of wind stung the tears on her cheeks. She couldn’t even imagine Diana crying. It was too much. I did that to her. I hurt her .

Emily drove home in a stupor, but when she pulled up to her cottage, she didn’t get out of the car. She just sat there in the dark and let the tears fall, her mind drifting to what her grandmothers had said about abandonment issues. Emily hated that term, but if the shoe fit…

Impulsively, she picked up her phone and dialed a number she hadn’t called in years.

“Em…Emily? Is that really you?” Her mother’s voice sounded exactly the same, instantly evoking a million painful memories, like being thrust back in time to the worst day of her life.

“It’s me,” Emily managed, her voice little more than a whisper.

“It’s been so long. Are you okay?”

“No,” she admitted, balling a fist against her thigh. “I’m not okay. I screwed something up tonight, something big, and I just… Why did you leave, Mom? Why wasn’t I enough?”

“Oh, Emily…” Violet sighed, and Emily had been wrong. She didn’t sound the same at all. Her voice was deeper, older . Emily’s mother would be fifty-one now, and the years had taken a toll. “I’m the one who wasn’t enough. I was so young when I had you. I felt like I was losing myself. I can look back now and see that I was just an immature kid, but at the time…I felt like I was drowning, and I just kept screwing up with you. I knew Mary and Eva could give you so much more than I could, so I left.”

“That’s bullshit. You were my mother ,” Emily said, low and shaky. “I needed you, and you left. That’s what screwed things up for me.”

“Oh, I screwed up plenty before that too. You were just too young to see it,” Violet said, something self-deprecating in her tone. “After you got hurt when we tried to hike to the top of the mountain together, your grandmothers were furious with me. They really let me have it for endangering you like that, and it wasn’t the first time, but I decided it would be the last.”

“You could have decided to become a better parent.”

“I could have. I’m sorry I didn’t.” Violet’s voice cracked. Emily had expected the usual light, flippant attitude she got from her mother. This was different. “All I can say is that, at the time, I was convinced you were better off without me. By the time I realized I’d made a mistake, it was too late.”

“It would never have been too late!”

“It was, though.” She could hear her mother crying now, and it made Emily’s chest feel overinflated, like she was going to burst. “Whenever I came back to visit, you wanted nothing to do with me. You were happier with your grandmothers, and I get that. I do. They did an amazing job raising you, so much better than I could have. I still tag you on Facebook, so you know I’m thinking about you.”

“Tagging me on Facebook is a cop-out!” Emily cried. “When you came to visit, you’d talk about your boyfriends and all the places you’d been, like your life was so much better without me in it. You never apologized for leaving. You never came back . Visiting for the weekend isn’t the same thing. Of course I didn’t know how to act when you showed up. It hurt to realize I didn’t know you anymore!”

A sniff carried over the line. “If it’s any consolation, I have so much regret for the choices I made. I think I’ve spent my whole life running, trying to escape my own guilt.”

“And I’ve spent my whole life stuck here, right where you left me.”

“Could I… If I came to visit now, would you see me?” her mom asked tentatively. “I could stay awhile, try to get to know you for real.”

“I don’t know.” Emily was seething. She’d called to vent, to tell her mom all the ways she’d screwed up. Maybe she’d wanted to cast blame, so she didn’t have to feel as bad about what she’d done to Diana tonight. She hadn’t expected apologies or remorse, and now she had no idea what to think or how to feel.

“What if I come for Thanksgiving? I’ll rent one of those vacation cabins and cook a turkey. Darren and I, we’ve been together a few years now, and he’s taught me how to cook.”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“I’m going to book it when we get off the phone,” Violet said, sounding more certain now. “I’ll stay awhile this time. No more running.”

Emily swiped angrily at her overflowing eyes. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”

“Fair enough,” her mom said. “For once in my damn life, I’m going to try to make you proud and earn your forgiveness. I only hope I’m not already too late.”

Emily thought of Diana on a dark mountain road somewhere, fleeing Vermont. Fleeing Emily. And she hoped she wasn’t doomed to repeat her mother’s mistakes.

Diana regretted her impulsive decision to drive to Boston tonight. She was too tired, and her emotions were too raw. Driving alone like this, she had no distraction from her pain, nothing to do but sit with her own chaotic thoughts. Her heart pounded. Her eyes stung. Her iron grip on the steering wheel made her hands ache.

Somewhere in New Hampshire, the tears began to fall. She blinked and sniffled, trying to get herself under control, but it was no use. Diana hardly ever cried, but on this absolutely shitty night, the dam broke, as if a decade’s worth of tears had chosen this moment to come pouring out. Eventually, she pulled over at a gas station because it was dark, and these roads were already hard enough to navigate without tears blurring her vision.

She sat there in the parking lot, rubbing her calming strip until she’d cried herself out. Then she rested her forehead against the steering wheel, more exhausted than ever. She did feel calmer for having let it all out, though. Luckily, the gas station was still open and had a bathroom she could use to clean herself up. On her way out, she bought some snacks and a coffee for the road. Hopefully caffeine and sugar would see her the rest of the way to her town house.

She couldn’t believe Carter had decided to stay in Vermont. Or maybe she could. She’d watched him blossom over the last few weeks. And he was going back to school. All of it made her happy, even if she’d gotten used to having him around. It would be hard to visit him in Crescent Falls without bumping into Emily.

Unless…

No. She was angry. She was upset. She was hurt . She wasn’t even going to think about Emily tonight.

Except…

That little voice had been whispering in the back of her mind all evening. She’d started hearing it almost as soon as she learned Devlin Hotels bought the Cornflower Hotel. Her brain had immediately started working, pondering how she could do better next time, how she could set herself apart from Devlin Hotels, and the first step was obvious.

Aster only bought small, unique hotels. It embraced all the things that made those hotels special instead of making them conform to a corporate brand. Small towns and tight-knit communities were her bread and butter now.

So, if she set up Aster’s headquarters in a small town instead of Boston…well, that would further cement her brand. Not to mention, the office space would be exponentially cheaper. She’d struggled to find an affordable office in Boston, but if she opened an office in Crescent Falls…

It would be convenient for Carter. It would give her an excuse to visit Emily. And it would help her strengthen Aster’s brand identity.

But right now, she didn’t want anything to do with Crescent Falls, not after Emily had practically shoved her out the door after Diana said she needed to come home a few days early to regroup after her loss. Tears pricked her eyes again, and she huffed with annoyance.

When was the last time she’d cried over a woman?

Probably never. She and Emily needed to talk. She knew that. But first, she had to process. They probably both needed a few days to cool off. Diana forced thoughts of Emily from her mind as she reached Boston so she could focus on her driving. Luckily, entering the city at 10:00 p.m. on a Tuesday night meant there wasn’t much traffic. Still, she exhaled with bone-deep relief as she finally pulled onto her street.

Even luckier still, she managed to find a parking space not too far from her town house. She rarely parked here at home, only on random nights like this one when she’d just gotten back from a work trip and hadn’t returned her rental car yet.

She carried her suitcase and laptop bag down the street. She dropped them inside the front door and went back to the car for the plants she’d brought to Vermont. Everything else could wait until tomorrow. Inside, she was pleased to see that the plants she’d left here were faring much better this time since she’d visited only a few days ago. As much as she wanted to get right to work, it was late, and her brain was mush.

After washing up, she climbed into bed and was asleep almost immediately. She didn’t stir until she was awakened by morning sunshine pouring in through her uncovered windows. In her exhaustion last night, she’d forgotten to close the curtains.

Today, she needed structure. She needed to stay busy to keep from moping. So, she went for a run, followed by a shower and breakfast on the back deck. And then, she went upstairs to her office and got to work. It was satisfying to be back in her space, at her own desk. The window let in plenty of sunlight, and several of her favorite plants were arranged below it.

Her spider plant had sprouted several new little spider babies while she was away. There were so many sprouts hanging off it now, she might have to clip some of them off soon.

No forest beckoned outside the window, only the familiar facades of the brownstones that lined the opposite side of the street. A steady stream of traffic passed by, and her next-door neighbor was playing the violin. The sights and sounds of home.

Diana’s first order of business this morning was to reach out to the owners of the other two hotels she was interested in buying. She had a nice conversation with each of them and arranged times to visit both. Then she started looking at available office space in Boston. Whatever romantic notions she’d had in the heat of the moment last night about opening an office in Crescent Falls had been impractical.

Diana lived in Boston. Therefore her office needed to be here too.

She was deep in corporate real estate listings when she heard a knock at the door. Frowning, she glanced at the clock on her laptop to see that it was just past eleven. Who in the world would be knocking on her door? She rarely had uninvited visitors, and no one even knew she was back from Vermont yet.

For the first time, she understood the value of those video doorbells. Since she didn’t have one, she walked downstairs and pressed her eye against the peephole just as the person outside knocked again, nearly deafening her at such close range. She jumped backward, but not before she’d glimpsed the face on the other side of her door.

It was Emily.