4

Sal

Next room, I didn't wait to see who would come out of the shower, stepping into the steaming bathroom. My eyes locked on Beck's silhouette through the sliding doors.

"Hey," I whispered, but he didn't look so maybe he didn't hear me.

After a moment, he spoke, "Tell me you lied to protect me… that you didn't do it to hurt me."

"I didn't want to hurt you, Beck," I sighed. "I didn't want you to also end up dead because of me."

The water shut off a second later, and he stepped out of the shower. "I'm sick of being lied to by people." He grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. "You see, Emma lied and said she loved me and cared about me, but apparently I'm too goofy for her."

"Not for me. Fuck that bitch," I snapped.

"Even Briar lies. Do you know how long it took to get out of him that our father was…" He shook his head. I knew where he was going. "Everyone treats me like a kid. I don't need your protection, and I don't need your lies. If we are together, I need honesty, and I need to be treated like I am equal. I can handle shit. I can handle breaking up, and I can handle my own family. I beat the fuck out of my father for fuck sakes!"

I stared at him, letting him continue. He needed this.

"I like you, but I hate your lies and how you hide yourself."

"I hid two things—my arms and skills. Everything was the real me. The girl who never had fruit before and the girl you fucked in the car. I am the same."

"No, you're not! You are this whole other person!" he shouted.

"I am not! The moment you forgive me, this will go back to normal."

"So, I just forgive you like it's nothing? Like today didn't happen."

Anger rushed through me, making my jaw tighten. "Are you blaming me for today?"

His face softened. "No! I didn't—"

"I understand. I fucked up because I didn't know how to trust anyone. It's not because you're funny or not serious. I didn't tell anyone. Everyone leaves, and everyone dies. I learned that in Ashbourne. I just never can get close to people."

"Then how is this supposed to work between us?!" he asked, hands reaching for me but he stopped himself.

"I don't know! I never did this! I told you guys this!" I threw my hand in the arm, letting it drop to my side.

He stared at me.

I bit my bottom lips. "I don't understand relationships and how vulnerable they make people. I kill people with no remorse, and I have more guilt for lying to you than I do about this morning being my fault."

"This isn't your fault," Beck muttered, moving to me.

"It is!" I stepped back. "You don't have to tell me differently or be nice to me. I'm sorry I lied to you. I just want things to go back to how they were before, and now I fucked it up, Beck. I'm sorry."

He cupped my face. "It's okay."

"It's not. I never meant to make you feel like you're less than me. I won't lie again."

Beck sighed, brushing a tear from my cheek. When did I start crying? "I was just mad and taking it out on you. I'm sorry."

I reached up to touch him but backed down. I didn't know what he wanted or where this was going. "Are we… breaking up before we even started dating?"

He shook his head. "I don't want that. I just want honesty, Psalm."

I nodded. "I… I have trauma and past things I'm still working on, but I will be as honest as I can without hurting myself. Bringing up the past is hard and now I feel like you guys think I'm weak. I had to learn how to do everything with a left hand all my life. I don't even know how to use my right hand much. I just… I don't know. I don't want to lose you… or this…"

He closed his mouth before nodding. "Let's go sit. I'm exhausted."

I agreed and went back into his room. I sat on the bed, trying not to watch as he dried off and put on some shorts. Slowly, I kicked off my boots, before I got rid of my jeans. He caught on, moving to the side of the bed and lying down with me.

Our eyes met, and he closed the space between us, kissing my lips softly. "I don't want any of this to end either, Psalm. I like you too. I think you're funny, brave, and very beautiful."

"It's my charm, isn't it?" I asked with a smile.

"Of course," he said, pulling me against him. "All charm."

After a moment, I relaxed against him, and together we fell asleep quickly.

A boot hit my head, almost fazing me. Pain was the only thing I liked to feel anymore.

"Ashbourne scum," The Oracle spat at me before kicking me in the shoulder where my arm was gone. "Useless bitch. You would have been prettier if you weren't defective."

I gasped, feeling the sharp pain. It never healed exactly the greatest. I pulled the knife from my boot, swiping my leg, and knocking the Oracle to his ass.

In a flash, I was on top of him, holding a knife to his throat. "Defective where? Do you want to lose a limb like me?" But then the tip of my blade ran down his body to his lower stomach. "Or should I cut off that small dick of yours?"

"Cut this out. You don't want to do this," an older gentleman barked behind me.

I scoffed, eyes locked on the Oracle's, willing to keep up this fight. I wanted the chance to hurt someone on purpose. "You don't know me. I want to do this. I will do this with a smirk on my face. Would you like me then?"

"Fuck you, defective bitch!" The Oracle spat.

I balled a fist around the half of my blade and punched him hard in the nose. The crunch was unmissable.

The sound of ringing had me jolting in Beck's arms. His hand ran over my right side, landing on my hip.

"Just my phone," he muttered, turning over to grab it. "Hello?"

I sank against him again, wanting to feel his warmth.

"Yeah. I'm coming too. Give us ten minutes." He told the person and hung up. He wrapped his arms back around me, pulling me closer. "Kier wants us up. Your friend will be here within the hour."

"I want to stay here," I muttered. Part of me never felt safer than in his arms. I didn't even have a horrible dream like usual, just a memory of how Spectre started.

Beck kissed my shoulder, hand running to my sternum.

"If you're trying to keep this PG, don't go further," I warned.

He snorted. "Never PG with me. We do have ten minutes; give me five."

I let out a laugh, trying to push away from him.

"I'll make it worth your time. How about two minutes?" He laughed.

"I"d rather save my time and maybe spend the extra few minutes doing my hair and brushing my teeth."

"One minute. Take it or leave it."

"Bye, Beck." Laughing, I rolled out of bed and worked to get my jeans on. "I'll meet you downstairs."

"Alright. See you down there, beautiful."

I paused at his words. "Do you really mean that when you say it?"

He blinked at me before nodding. "Of course."

I was used to men telling me I was gorgeous and beautiful, but it felt… weird and different coming from him and Abel. Moving from the room, I went back to mine, changing before going downstairs.

Kier was already in the kitchen, handing me over something in foil. "You and Beck were too busy having sex to even come downstairs and eat."

I almost smirked at him. "You saved me food. Oh my god. You must want me really badly."

He nodded, leaning on the island. His eyes darkened when they landed on me. "Is it working?"

"No," I deadpanned, going around the island to get away from him.

He shrugged before standing up straight. "I have a few meetings tomorrow for the whole academy incident. Jinn and Cain will be over to help you with the others to start training."

I nodded. "Are all fathers going to the meeting?"

"Yeah."

"If you see Nero there, will you tell me if he's okay?"

He cocked a brow. "Oh, a new boyfriend? You know, Nero and I are pretty close, became fathers together."

"Liar," Beck said, touching my hips. I liked it when he touched me. It made me feel like we were normal again, even briefly. "You barely like Nero."

"We've gotten closer since our last few missions," Kier shrugged. "He's something else, sometimes. Ready?"

With a nod, Kier took us out to the garage to his big ass truck and drove us towards the station.

The closer we got, the more nervous I got. It'd been a while since I last spoke to Cozen. He worked on my arm once or twice but made no major repairs. Money was tight, and I never wanted to use him. Plus… pain reminded me I was alive. Sometimes I felt like I also deserved the pain I had. I wasn't the best person ever, and all the sins were catching up to me in the form of karma.

Losing my arm was karma. Cozen was branded because of me. Jade was beaten or taken advantage of. This was my karma. I deserved every second of my pain, but now I needed two functioning arms to pass these tests. It was a time when things were different before it got worse.

Humans were always the ones above others, but after the Revelations, we became lesser. The vampires grew until we were confined to walls that barely helped. Soon they will have killed everyone, and we would all just be mindless servants to a vampire instead of being mindless soldiers for a war that I didn't even want. I just wanted things to change for the humans, to show them we could fight and be safe.

At the train station, Kier checked his watch again. "What does this kid even look like?"

"Scrawny, brown long hair. Shorter than me. But he might be a bit taller now that it's been almost five years."

"How come if he's your friend, it took long to see him again?"

I shrugged. "Too many memories of the past. I don't honestly know."

"I think it was guilt more than anything, keeping us apart from each other," a heavy, velvety voice.

I twisted to see…

Cozen.

But not the one that I remembered. He wasn't scrawny anymore; now muscles covered most of his body. His hoodie clung to his arms and shoulders. His hair was short now, pieces falling against his beautiful olive skin. His face wasn't round anymore, jaw sharper with high cheekbones. Silver piercings sat along his ears and a necklace around his neck.

"Cozen." I blinked. "You're… different."

"Psalm," he chuckled. "You're different too. Happens when you don't see people or check-in. Viper's pissed."

My eyes rolled. "Let him be pissed."

He smiled, flashing white teeth. His dark eyes glanced at the two men beside me.

"Sorry. Cozen, this is Beckett, one of my boyfriends, and Kier, an asshole."

Cozen's thick brows pulled together. "There's a lot to decipher from that statement."

Kier laughed. "Nice to meet you. I'm not an asshole. Psalm is just…"

"Psalm," Cozen finished, shaking his hand. "She's always been like that."

I scoffed.

Beck shook his hand next, saying hi.

For a moment, I forgot where we were. I glanced around before motioning to leave. Luckily, Cozen had a hoodie on, his hood up, and his back was facing the cameras. He thought like me and always stayed away from being seen.

Especially since he was technically dead.

"We will stay at Kier's house," I told Cozen as we both climbed into the back seat of the SUV.

"Wow. An asshole who gives us both shelter."

"See!" Kier pointed out. "Cozen gets it."

I rolled my eyes. Look who's going to be bestest of friends.