19. WHOLE

WHOLE

B efore Balthazar could control Roan-Kaly and rewire him to join Caemorn, Julian and Daemon appeared just a few feet from all of them, using the Wyvern power to teleport from the lake to the tower in less than a second. Christian wondered if Daemon had Julian teleport them like he'd made Christian's best friend do for them.

Julian would not have been so useless against Roan-Kaly, I think. He has gotten so strong already, Christian thought, angry at himself for not protecting Balthazar from the toxic memories that Roan-Kaly had been using against him. Instead, falling prey to them himself, distracting Balthazar when he needed to be focused. If Caemorn had not been there to anchor Balthazar… things might have gone differently.

Julian's head snapped towards Christian and his best friend rushed over to him. Julian didn't wait for Balthazar to release Christian to take him into his arms, but just hugged them both with evident relief.

"Julian! Daemon!" Christian answered back with more emotion than he meant to let on. But he still felt a little fragile after the assault of memories and wanted these two people who exuded such strength and purpose.

"Christian, Balthazar," Daemon said softly and with more than a little affection.

Daemon lightly pressed a hand on his and Balthazar's shoulders before moving onto Arcius, Fiona and Caemorn to greet them as well with that silent, but powerful communication. Christian immediately felt Balthazar relax. He did as well. The Vampire King's powerful personality surrounded them all and re-established a feeling of rightness and order. Things had only seemed out of control and terrible, but now everything was as it should be. They'd made it through to the other side. The flames were still purple. Christian frowned at that, but Julian's voice drew his gaze away from the fire.

"Are you guys okay? Oh, my God, I was so worried! Daemon said it would be all right and we had to stay back but…" Julian pulled back from the hug and cupped both Christian and Balthazar's faces. "I felt this pain… what happened?"

Christian opened his mouth, but nothing came out. The pain had been something he would never be able to forget. Balthazar, of course, didn't wish to remember it. He wanted it to remain in the past. Christian could feel his Master shoving those memories into a dark hole, wanting to be in the moment, and to look forward to the future.

"It's all right, Julian. We vanquished him. Look. See!" Balthazar gestured towards Roan-Kaly's unconscious body. "I took him out, Daemon! I know you're not surprised, but--"

"I see, Eyros, and, no, I am not surprised. I know your great strength even if you are not so sure of it," Daemon answered with a nod and smile.

Christian met the Vampire King's eyes and he saw that Julian hadn't been the only one to experience Balthazar's pain that wasn't on that tower. Despite the Vampire King's calming words, Daemon's expression was haunted for a moment. Christian was sure he was mentally jotting down yet one more thing his long sleep had allowed to happen. What had it cost him to keep Julian and himself away while this fight took place?

He wants to protect us. To shelter us. But if he does then the damage can't be repaired, Christian realized. Facing Roan was something that Balthazar needed to do without Daemon's help. And Caemorn had to see it, too.

Christian watched from the safety and security of Balthazar and Julian's arms as Caemorn got down on his haunches above Roan-Kaly. Daemon had checked in with Arcius and Fiona before he came up behind Caemorn. He did not touch the Kaly Vampire, but the sympathy on his face showed he wished to comfort Caemorn. But would Caemorn allow it?

From the tension in his shoulders, the stiff way he moved, the deliberate not meeting of any of their eyes told Christian that Caemorn was suffering and when he suffered he drew inwards. What Christian had seen and experienced from Balthazar's mind had shown him that Roan-Kaly was more than dangerous. He had done unspeakable things to Balthazar and the others. Previously, Christian had no idea how bad it had truly been and he was certain that Balthazar would never have shared that with him or anyone. But now all on this rooftop had a very good idea of why Balthazar had taken the extraordinary step to kill Roan-Kaly. And now, he was being asked to repair him and send him into Caemorn, his good friend.

Caemorn's shoulders drew forward as if he were beetling in on himself the longer he touched Roan-Kaly. Christian could feel the toxicity of the Kaly-slice that resided in that body. It was so much worse than all the others.

Are you sure you want to do this, Caemorn? Take Roan back inside of you? Christian asked, using the name "Roan" and not adding the hyphenate. "Roan" was not Kaly, was certainly not Caemorn. Time had twisted Roan into something else.

It is a part of me, Christian, Caemorn disputed those thoughts. Gently, but firmly. Roan-Kaly's acts are ones I must atone for, because it was a part of me that did these things to Balthazar and the rest of his House. How could I have been so blind not to see what was going on? Not to sense myself in this--

There's darkness in everyone, Caemorn, but to suggest that if you plucked that part from anyone, set it loose, and made it insane that it IS the same as them, is simply wrong. Christian mentally shook himself. I'm sorry, but no, these aren't your acts and you aren't responsible for them! Balthazar would tell you that himself if he was asked!

Balthazar should not give me forgiveness. He has suffered enough, Caemorn said firmly. Do not ask him.

Christian wanted to object, but Caemorn sent him a firm "no". If Christian respected him and loved him, he would not do this. The love part Caemorn hadn't intended to reveal, but it was there. He tensed as if waiting for Christian to tell him that "love" for something like him was impossible.

That's not true, Caemorn, Christian told him. Surely, you can feel how much the people here love you. Daemon is right there. Right behind you.

Caemorn shrank down more. Julian was looking between Christian and Caemorn. He knew that they were talking, but not about what.

The only truly safe place for this creature to be is back inside me, Caemorn answered. It will never get out again. It will never be free. That I can assure both you and Balthazar.

And Christian felt how much the Kaly Vampire meant this. Caemorn would ensure that he never allowed this aspect of himself to affect anyone again. Caemorn rolled Roan-Kaly over. He was still unconscious. So deeply away from the world that he didn't even moan.

"I think I may have hit him a little hard," Balthazar said as he soothed himself and Christian by caressing Christian's back with one hand.

"It will take time for this form to recover, but you did not give him a Second Death," Caemorn assured him. "You did, however, stun both body and soul. Are you certain you are able to convince this part of me that it wants to merge now or must you wait until consciousness returns?"

"Caemorn, you disappoint me! Do you really think mere unconsciousness can stop me?" Balthazar harrumphed.

But Christian felt his Master's unwillingness to touch Roan-Kaly's mind. He was holding back as if it were something disgusting and rotting that he did not want to touch.

"You can do this, Balthazar," Arcius said as he kept his hold on Fiona.

She still looked weakened, but determined as she answered, "You're stronger than him by a long shot, Balthazar. I don't know how you endured-- no, survived --those kinds of attacks for as long as you did. I wouldn't have lasted five minutes longer and you lived through them for decades with your sanity intact." She shook her head and gritted her teeth. Her fangs were out. "I should've helped you against him."

"He had a hold on your mind. His claws were literally in your soul, you can't expect yourself to have fought that," Balthazar assured her.

But she shook her head again. "I mean before. When you killed this bastard the first time. Every single one of us should have been on your side! What he's done is monstrous !"

Caemorn flinched just a little, but covered up the movement and Christian's empathy for him grew. Roan had been far more twisted than the others, it seemed. All the Kaly slices had gone insane--Christian could feel that coming off of them like waves of putrescence--but Roan had a special place in the ranks of madness.

"You couldn't have known that before," Balthazar said softly. "I didn't want anyone to know what he was doing. I felt ashamed that my own Master did that to me. It made me feel unworthy . As if I had done something, that I was someone, that made me undeserving of a loving Master. And because of what that bond does to us, I could not help but love him. No matter what he did to me or others."

Christian held onto Balthazar so tightly. He sent his love to his Master with as much intent as he had withheld it at the very beginning of their relationship. And he realized then that there was a part of Balthazar who had not accepted Christian could love him. A hard, dark nugget of self-doubt that was iced over. It thawed, though it did not completely go away. It would take time and care to make that happen.

"I'm sorry, Balthazar," Caemorn spoke quietly.

"Why? It wasn't you who did it… I mean, it was you , but not you." Balthazar grimaced as words failed him, which so very rarely happened.

"But it was me. This is a part of me. The jealous part that always wanted to hurt you for Daemon caring for you more. Those things you felt because of Roan? I was the one that wanted you to feel them," Caemorn told him with a stiff back. "To make you feel insignificant and small and unworthy of Daemon's love and attention. And in my arrogant belief that I could split myself into parts to experience more of the world, I unleashed all of this on you and everyone else."

"Kaly," Daemon said quietly and Caemorn's eyes shut for a moment as if hearing his name were a blessing and curse combined coming from the Vampire King's lips, "you have always sought to touch the stars and, in doing so, you fell from heights greater than most have ever dreamed existed."

Daemon laid a hand on Caemorn's shoulder. The tension in that long, lean body relaxed slightly and his eyes opened.

"My reach exceeded my grasp," Caemorn reminded him. "I will not make the same mistake again."

"No, you will make other mistakes. As will we all," Daemon told him. "And that is not a bad thing. We need those around us who will call us on our terrible ideas." The Vampire King smiled at Julian as if recalling a conversation they'd had about just this. His best friend went over to the Vampire King and tucked himself against Daemon's side. "I allowed you to be on your own too much. I won't again. You will be with friends and know you are loved just as much."

"People should be around me to make sure that I do not do anything evil. Or, if I do, that I can be stopped before it can go so far." Caemorn stood up, still not looking at anyone.

"Caemorn," Julian said and lightly touched the Kaly Vampire's upper arm. "When Christian and I saw you in Moonfall, you were… yourself. You don't turn into a monster because you reabsorb this part of yourself. You're at peace."

Caemorn had turned his head to the side to listen to Julian. But he did not respond to those kindly meant and very earnest words. Instead, he simply said, "Please finish this now, Balthazar. I do not want this part of myself unbound."

Balthazar, frowning, nodded and walked over to the prone body. He held tightly onto Christian's left hand. He did not need to be closer to Roan to touch his mind. But Christian felt that he wanted to see the monster one last time before he banished it for good.

"I want you to stay with us again tonight, Caemorn," Balthazar said. "Actually, I'd like you to simply stay in the Eyros Palace and let Lisette handle all the idiots that set off traps in the Kaly Palace. Less annoyance for you."

"You do not need to say that, Balthazar. I can understand why you would both want and not want me anywhere but where you can see me," Caemorn answered.

"Oh, you bloody idiot!" Balthazar snapped. He was glaring at Caemorn. "How can someone so smart be so stupid?"

Caemorn's eyes widened a fraction. "I do not see how I am being stupid--"

"Of course you don't! Because the one area where you are completely blind and idiotic is about yourself!" Balthazar pinched the top of his nose.

"You have seen what I am capable of. You experienced it first hand with my torturing of you and--"

"No!" Balthazar lifted up a hand. "No, no, no, that's not how this is going to go."

"And how is it supposed to go?" Caemorn lifted an expressive eyebrow.

Balthazar lowered his hand. "If I thought for one second that what's in here," he toed the unconscious Roan, "was in here," he poked Caemorn's chest, "do you think I would simply let your mind be free?"

Caemorn blinked.

Balthazar let out a low laugh. "Now, he gets it! Caemorn, you can make dead animals love you and bring back the Harrows because your skill at what you can do is second to none! But you forget that the rest of us lowly Immortals are just as good at what we do!"

Caemorn frowned. "I admitted that you were stronger than me--"

"We're pretty evenly matched, but you have some ultra-cool powers, but I am a master of the mind," Balthazar told him. "I know what's in your head, your heart and your soul. This here," again he toed the unconscious Roan, "yes, it's that nasty part of you distilled and twisted so tight as to be unrecognizable, because it isn't the core of you. Trust me when I tell you that I know you now. I know all the parts of you intimately ."

Caemorn's eyebrows went up. "Intimately--"

"Yes, Caemorn! In order to turn things all around in your head, I have to know you really damned well," Balthazar explained. "Every slice I got my hands on made me know you better. So when I clean out this one of the filth that's got on it and return it to you… nothing is going to change for you. Because the core of you, the whole of you, is not Roan."

Caemorn looked down at Roan. "You're certain?"

"Yes, because, like I said, if it was, I would change it," Balthazar said.

"You can do that?" Another lifted eyebrow.

"Can you make a skeleton dance a jig?" Balthazar challenged.

"Of course, that is simple--"

"Exactly, it's simple . Same for me if I wanted you to be different, but I don't," Balthazar said. "As annoying and irritating and--"

"Do go on," Caemorn remarked dryly.

"Intelligent and funny and compassionate and ruthless and… oh, the list goes on. The truth is that I like and respect you, but even if I didn't, what and who you are isn't Roan," Balthazar told him.

"Hear, hear," Arcius cheered.

"Well said, Balthazar," Fiona added.

"Totally true," Julian agreed.

"Yes, most definitely," Christian said.

"Kaly, you need to try and trust what Eyros is telling you. He would have no reason to lie to you. Quite the opposite," Daemon remarked simply.

"I see," Caemorn said with a faint smile on his lips.

"Oh, and by the way, when you're fully integrated, you owe me, Master," Balthazar said with a grin as he tightened his hold on Christian's hand.

"Owe you? What do you think I--"

"Presents!" Balthazar told him. "Masters give their fledglings presents or so I am told."

"I haven't gotten any presents," Christian muttered.

"Oh, just you wait." Another grin but this time aimed at him.

"Do I get presents, Daemon?" Julian asked.

"I will get you whatever you want, my only one," Daemon replied.

"Presents? Where did you hear this?" Caemorn looked unconvinced.

"It's true!" Fiona chuckled. "You owe Balthazar hundreds of years of presents. One for every year since you turned him."

"There's even a list sort of like an anniversary list with paper and silver or gold and on it goes," Arcius said with a knowing nod.

Another frown from Caemorn before he said, "I see. Well, I do not believe in material things being useful for one's fledgling's education and--"

"You don't want to give me any presents?" Balthazar's lower lip wobbled.

Caemorn pursed his lips. "I want to set the right example for you. You shall receive presents from me, but they will be things that will assist you, not useless baubles."

"Oh, that sounds… hmmm, presents are to delight, Caemorn. You're to delight your fledgling, i.e., me," Balthazar insisted, but though his tone was mock chastising, his eyes were full of warmth and his mind was as well.

"I shall endeavor to honor both our views on presents," Caemorn finally agreed. "Now, if you wouldn't mind, I would like--"

"I've already done it," Balthazar told him, rocking back and forth like Sophia had when she'd talked about the kittens.

There was a long, searching stare at Balthazar by Caemorn. "You did not put anything in that part of me about inappropriate presents , did you?"

"What? Me? Never! I trust you will do right by me." Another grin flashed across Balthazar's handsome face.

"I will endeavor to make up for what I've done, you know," Caemorn said quietly. "If that's what you want."

"Yes, I know. Go on now. Integrate and end this thing," Balthazar told him and that hard nugget inside of him cracked, well on its way to destruction.

Caemorn extended his right hand towards the unconscious figure. Blue-white mist like they had seen at the Well of All Souls left the body and streamed over to Caemorn. It circled him for a moment before sinking into Caemorn's body. Caemorn's eyes were closed. Nothing dramatic seemed to happen.

"Caemorn?" Christian asked softly then changed it to, "Kaly?"

Caemorn's eyelids flew open. His silver eyes glowed. He levitated over three feet from the tower's floor. His arms went wide and he let out a cry that echoed throughout the Ever Dark. There were answering cries from all over the Ever Dark. The howl of two werewolves was loudest. When Caemorn slowly lowered to the ground again, the flames of the tower went from purple to blue-white. Destiny was purely in Balthazar's control again.

Caemorn--or Kaly--turned now to look at Daemon and Julian for the first time. He lowered himself gracefully to one knee, bowing his head.

"My king and my prince, I am the Immortal Kaly. I am yours to command. I serve," Caemorn said in a voice that was and wasn't his own. But it was the voice Christian and Julian had heard him speak in at Moonfall.

Daemon put a blessing hand on Caemorn's head. "Kaly, how I have missed you. Prince Julian and I accept your offer of service. We would not be complete without you."

There was appropriate serious silence.

For a moment at least.

Then Balthazar said, "What are we going to do with these bodies by the way? Bury them? Burn them? That all seems wrong to me, I mean, but we can't keep letting them clutter up the place."

Caemorn rose up, a small smile on his lips. "I have a solution to this. What about putting the correct souls back in those bodies?"

"You can do that? I would have thought they'd have left long ago," Christian said.

"I kept them all in soul gems, of course." Caemorn gave a shrug as if to ask what else should Christian have thought he'd do. In this case, Christian was glad of Kaly's determination to let no soul go.

"And what about Heath?" Daemon asked.

"I can restore him as well if that is what you desire, King Daemon," Caemorn said. "Though a body will have to be formed for him, but the Kaly Palace has plenty of power. I can even draw some of the other Immortal souls here."

But Daemon shook his head. "They all still exist or have been reborn like you and Balthazar were. We'll see them… soon."