2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

My gut clenched because the first text was from Gunnar. Was something wrong with Fluffy or Shadow? Had someone died? Had the beast beyond the barrier gotten through? If it were the latter, Gunnar would have had his hands too full to send me messages so I calmed my overactive imagination. I smiled as I opened it and saw pictures of a happy Fluffy, tail high in the air, and Shadow rolling around together.

I drank in the sight of them; I missed them so much. Another wave of homesickness hit me, something I’d never really battled with before. My home hadn’t been all that good but now I had a home to miss, friends, too, and a boyfriend only a fool would kick out of bed. Why on earth was I stuck in stupid Sitka when all I wanted was Portlock?

Before I could second guess myself, I hit dial and rang Gunnar. ‘What’s up doc?’ he answered and his jocular warmth flooded me.

‘Hey,’ I said as something in me settled. ‘How are you? How’s Sig?’

‘We’re both fine, Bunny, though we’re missing our girls.’

Our girls. I grinned.

‘How are you doing?’ Gunnar probed.

‘I’m okay. Thorsen is wearing me down.’

He grunted. ‘I did some digging after you complained about him last time. For some reason I can’t get his active file, but I can tell you why he has a chip on his shoulder. His dearest daddy is a senator so Thorsen has got delusions that he’s somebody. That’s probably why he didn’t get bounced for hitting on Margilene.’

I sighed. ‘It’s not what you know, it’s who you know.’

‘You’re wrong, Bunny. And you’re gonna walk out of there with so much knowledge that you’ll prove that to him. Chin up. You’ve got this.’

I swallowed past the sudden rock in my throat.

‘Tell Bunny I send love!’ Sigrid hollered in the background. ‘And tell her we’re taking great care of Fluffy and Shadow!’

‘Did you hear that?’ Gunnar asked.

‘Hard not to.’ I smiled wryly. ‘She sure has a holler on her.’

‘Don’t I know it,’ he grumbled, but the affection in his voice was clear.

‘I’ve got to go. I just wanted to check in.’

‘Sure thing.’

‘Send our love to Sidnee too!’ Sigrid called.

‘I will. Speak soon, boss.’ I rang off. Home : it wasn’t even a place. I rolled my shoulders a few times then tackled the next message.

I grimaced: it was from my mum. I hesitated, as I had with the other thirty-plus messages she’d sent me. and in the end decided against opening it like the others. As far as I knew Mum had kept my secrets from Dad, but there was so much in my headspace right now that I didn’t have room for her.

I was still processing all the hard truths about my life and the lies they’d told me, and I was still unsure about the amount of contact I wanted with her but right now the answer was a resounding zero. I was here at the academy to learn, to gain the skills for the life that I wanted, and Mum had no place here. Maybe I’d open some of her messages when I was home.

Home : there was that damned word again.

I pulled up the last message before I got too emotional. Thank all that was holy that it was from Connor; it was like he knew I needed him even when we were miles apart. I smiled and opened it.

‘Oooh, that’s a Connor message, I know that dreamy face,’ Sidnee teased. I threw her a flat look and she laughed.

I read it quickly. I miss you, Doe. Counting the moments.

I smiled, though the smile faded when I realised I’d used most of my fifteen-minute break calling Gunnar and dithering about whether or not to read my mum’s message. Disappointment gnawed me because there was no time left to call Connor. I’d probably just fall apart if I heard his voice for only a moment or two – it would be as cruel as giving a thirsty man only two drops of water.

Sighing, I typed a message. I aimed for some levity so he wouldn’t know how much I was struggling without him. I miss you so much. And baths. I really miss baths.

I got an instant reply; he’d probably been watching his phone waiting for a response. You can borrow mine any time. I adore it when you’re wet.

Some interesting places heated and a pillow hit me in a face. ‘Absolutely no dirty talking while I’m here!’ Sidnee said firmly.

I rolled my eyes. ‘But you’re always here,’ I complained. ‘Dorms are so shitty.’

‘You’re not wrong. Dibs on the toilet!’ She shot off the bed and ran into the bathroom. I stowed my phone and chased her. Luckily Margi was elsewhere, so we actually got the privilege of both going at the same time. Score.

‘Sig and Gunnar send love,’ I said as we soaped our hands. Sidnee paused and I saw her eyes tear up in the mirror. ‘Shit! Sorry,’ I mumbled.

‘It’s okay.’ She offered me a wobbly smile. ‘I wasn’t prepared for how much I’d miss them, you know?’ She groaned. ‘I even miss Stan and his terrible jokes.’

‘And Thomas?’ I teased.

She gave a happy sigh and a private smile tugged her lips. ‘Yes, I absolutely miss Thomas.’ Those two seemed to be moving at a painfully slow pace, but I guessed that with all Sidnee’s traumas with her ex, Chris, Thomas wanted to make sure she had her head screwed on properly before they started something.

I thought his glacial pace might be a mistake. Sidnee was beautiful and she’d had no end of admiring glances from the other recruits. If he wasn’t careful, someone else would take action before he did.