Chapter 21

I scrubbed my face clean and threw the dress into the laundry basket; I couldn’t bear to see it. Then I looked in the mirror. My green eyes were miserable, tears close to the surface. I looked like shit.

I left the bathroom and threw myself on the bed, buried my face in my pillow and screamed until my lungs burned. Funnily enough, screaming into a pillow solved nothing. For fuck’s sake. I sat up and crossed my legs.

Fluffy came in and whined as he cocked his head back and forth trying to figure out what was wrong. ‘Connor told me that we’re fated mates,’ I told him. ‘So I ran away. Awesome, right?’

Fluffy looked at me balefully, then he gave a sympathetic whine and climbed up on the bed next to me. He fixed me with golden eyes, ready to listen. I scruffled his ears. It was easier to be honest with him.

‘Besides you, only one person in my entire life has ever loved me for me, really loved me – my nana. Mum and Dad … their love is supposed to be all-encompassing and unconditional, but it’s not. It never was. They loved me only if I behaved exactly as they wanted, and Mum always looked at me like I was a disappointment. It used to kill me until I learned not to care anymore. But Connor… Am I insane for running away from a man who could really love me?’

Fluffy cocked his head then he barked once. It was hard to tell what that meant. He laid his head on my lap, which made me smile. Even if he thought I was an idiot, Fluffy still loved me; no one loves as unconditionally as a dog. I ran my hand over his coat.

Shadow jumped up on the bed with a squeak and I smiled at him. Maybe cats love unconditionally, too. After seeing nothing fun was going on, he jumped back down and wandered out. Okay, maybe cats don’t love unconditionally.

I took a deep breath and let it out with a whoosh. ‘I think the universe really doesn’t like me.’ I kept stroking Fluffy’s fur, letting that small comfort relax me. ‘I don’t need one more person to love me because it’s an obligation.’

Fluffy looked sad. ‘It’s okay. You’re safe. It’s Bunny and Fluffy forever.’ I gave a wan smile. ‘I know you love me for me,’ I paused. ‘Well, that and the fact that I feed you.’

He growled lightly and nudged my hand with his nose; I guessed he disagreed that his was cupboard love.

‘Maybe I should give up on men.’ I sighed. ‘I need to focus on work and look after you and Shadow. That’s enough, isn’t it? I don’t need anyone to love me, I need to learn to love myself.’ I fell back on the pillow and Fluffy stretched out with his head on my arm.

I eventually let his reassuring presence soothe me and I fell asleep.

My phone jolted me awake: Sidnee. I groaned. I was sure she was trying to catch me to ask about my date so I considered ignoring it, but it could be work related. In the end I swiped to answer. ‘Hey, Sidnee, you okay?’

‘Yeah. How was your date? You have to tell me everything.’

I really didn’t want to think about it and I wanted to talk about it even less. ‘It was a disaster. I don’t want to talk about it.’

Silence for a beat. ‘I’m coming over.’

I opened my mouth to protest but she’d already hung up. Since I was in fluffy pyjamas, I hurriedly got dressed, brushed my teeth and switched on the kettle. By the time I’d done all that she’d arrived. There are pros and cons to having your bestie living so close.

When I opened the door she studied my face then instantly pulled me into a hug. ‘Oh, love,’ she said sympathetically. ‘I’m so sorry.’

I tried to hold back my tears as I mentally added Sidnee to the list of people who loved me unconditionally. In truth, I could probably add Sigrid and Gunnar as well.

‘I like what you’ve done with the place,’ she said once she’d pulled back.

I looked at the threatening red paint on my walls and laughed, then I started to cry. Sidnee put her arms around me again and I sobbed with all the intensity my bruised heart could sustain.

After I’d cried myself out, she made us tea. Tea made everything better, if only by a little. ‘So, start at the beginning. What did that asshole do? I promise I can come up with some excellent plans for revenge.’

I took a drink. ‘He told me we’re fated mates.’

Her jaw dropped and she stared at me, then snapped her mouth closed. ‘Ok-ay,’ she drew the word out slowly. ‘But he didn’t try anything creepy?’

‘No.’

‘He didn’t become controlling and try to lock you up in his basement?’

I snorted. ‘No, of course not.’

She handed me a cup of tea and turned back to the counter to add milk to her own. ‘Did he say he was fighting the bond and that he thought you should stay away from each other and that he secretly hated you?’

‘Um… No, he didn’t.’

She sat down and sipped her tea. An irritated puff of air escaped her lips. ‘So, what’s the problem?’

‘I…’

She raised her eyebrows.

‘Me, I suppose.’

She waited.

‘I grew up privileged.’

‘I noticed, love, but what’s that got to do with anything?’ Her brows scrunched together in confusion.

I stood up and walked around the couch because I couldn’t look at her. I was well aware that plenty of people had it far worse than me. I hadn’t been beaten or abused, I just hadn’t been loved, and it was hard to put that feeling into words without sounding pathetic.

‘My dad is always working – he runs a multi-million-pound company – and my mum spends her time on charities and social climbing.’ I sat back down. ‘I was raised by a series of nannies. The only person that regularly checked on me or wanted to spend time with me without being paid was my nana.’ I stared down at my hands, afraid to look at her for fear of the rejection and judgement I was sure I would see.

Sidnee cleared her throat. ‘So, you feel like being a fated mate is another way someone is being forced to love you?’

I looked up at her, startled. That was exactly it. ‘Yes. Precisely.’

She looked at me with compassion. ‘I get it, I really do. But it’s not Connor’s fault that you’re fated mates any more than it’s yours.’

I closed my eyes. ‘I know.’

‘Speaking as someone who fell in love with an asshole, got used, abused, and then abandoned, I’d say there are worse things than being destined for each other.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘You have a chance at happiness, Bunny. Don’t lose it because of your fucked-up parents. If you do, you’re letting them ruin even more of your life.’

She dashed away her own tears and gave me a watery smile and another quick hug. ‘I have to go to work.’ Then she ran out of my house.

I felt terrible. My problem was that someone wanted me; hers was that someone hadn’t wanted her. Talking about my shit had reminded her of her own.

If ever I found Chris, I was going to kill him.