31. Vane

Vane

M y words hung in the air between us, and for a moment, I couldn't breathe. I hadn't meant to say it, hadn't meant to let the thought I'd been sitting on for days leave me, and yet I'd blurted them out, right in the middle of the muddy forest floor. Saoirse's hair was covered in it, the murky brown tarnishing the spun fire of her curls. But neither of us paid any mind.

"I can't," she whispered, her voice trembling. "My entire world is here, and Xan. I can't leave, she's my family. This place is my home."

"This place?" I scoffed, my eyes narrowing as I stared down at her. "This place that treats you like you're nothing? That has never seen your worth? Saoirse, you deserve better than this."

My words struck deep, the truth in them heavy. She turned her head away, unable to face the intensity of my gaze. "It's not that simple," she muttered .

"Isn't it?" My fingers tightened their grip on her waist, but she wasn't going anywhere unless my much larger frame got up. "You're scared, I get that. But aren't you tired of being afraid of everything? You won't leave behind what you know, even if it's killing you." Flashes of blood pooling beneath her, the soulless, numbed expression on her face when I'd found her.

This place was the furthest from where she needed to be.

At least if she came home with me, she could be free of her father. It was strange, the way she'd so quickly wormed her way into my heart, eliciting a possessiveness I didn't know I had. I wanted her, yes, but much more than that. I craved her, wanted to pick her up and fly her straight back with me, never to return.

Every night that I watched her walk out that door, subjected to another night of dinner with her father, and that sneaky prince that she'd made friends with, I wanted to lock her up so no one could hurt her again.

But I wouldn't. That was what everyone else in her life had done, smashing and breaking her until she was just a shell of the person she could have been, and I would never let that happen to her again.

Her head whipped back, anger flaring in her ocean eyes. "You don't understand. You have no idea what it's like to live without any power, to be constantly reminded of your failures."

"I understand more than you think," I replied, my voice softer now, tinged with sadness. "But you're not a failure, Saoirse. I knew who you were the first moment I met you, and you are so much more than you realize."

My words pierced through her defenses, and I saw her resolve crumbling behind her eyes. The warmth of her body, the sincerity in her eyes—it was all too much. I wanted her to believe me, to believe that she could be more than what she'd been told her whole life.

The only thing still holding her back was herself.

"Vane, I…" She trailed off, uncertainty clouding her mind.

I leaned in closer, my lips brushing against her ear. "Tell me what you want."

She closed her eyes, and I wished I had the power to slither inside her mind, read her soul and bare all her secrets to me. Then, in a whisper, "I can't. I'm sorry."

My heart sank, anger and frustration boiling up inside me. "You are a lot of things, Saoirse," I said, bringing up a hand to tuck a lock of that beautiful hair behind her ear. "But a coward was one I wasn't expecting."

Tears spilled from her eyes as she shook her head, knocking my hand away. "I'm trying to survive."

"Is this what you call surviving?" I snapped. "Letting them tear you down? Letting them break you?"

She flinched at my words, and I couldn't stop the torrent of rage that surged in response. Not at her, but at the person who had conditioned her to flinch in the first place.

She said nothing, her silence infuriating, the resigned defeat lurking in their depths nearly unbearable. In a sudden, fierce motion, I captured her lips with mine, pouring all my emotions and longing into it. It was intense, desperate, and I held nothing back, as if I could make her understand what I felt through sheer force of will.

My hand tangled in her hair, pulling her closer, deepening the kiss. She tasted like warmth and despair, a deadly combination that made my cock ache and my blood boil. Her resistance melted away in my arms, her body responding to mine just as it had in the wellspring.

She kissed me back with equal fervor, her hands clutching at my shirt as if she were afraid to let go. As our breaths mingled, I could feel the rapid beat of her heart against my chest, matching the frantic pace of my own.

But just as quickly as she had surrendered, she pulled away, her hands pushing against my chest. "Vane, stop," she gasped, unsteady. "I can't do this."

I pulled back, easing myself off her reluctantly, until we were both standing, our clothes drenched in mud under the rain now bearing down on us.

"I am scared," she added, angrily swiping in vain at the mess on her clothes, anything to avoid looking at me. "Of everything. Of losing Xan, of losing myself. Everything scares me, okay?"

"You're not losing anything," I said fiercely, my shadows responding to my anger, misting up from my arms. "You can't lose yourself if you don't even know who you are in the first place."

She reeled back as if struck, hurt stinging her face. "That's not fair," she whispered, her voice breaking. "I know who I am."

"Do you?" I threw back, my jaw aching from how hard I was clenching. "Or are you just who everyone told you that you were?"

She was silent, and I took my opportunity, my tone softening only slightly. "It's not easy, but sometimes, the hardest choices to make are the ones that matter the most. Even if it's not with me, you should leave. Staying here, letting them have this power over you, that's not living, Saoirse."

She shook her head, tears streaming down her face, and I knew I'd lost her. That darkness that always fought for her, clinging to her like a shadow when all she wanted to do was shine, crept over her, pulling her back into its clutches as she shut her walls to me.

I turned my back on her, bending into a crouch as I called my dragon form forward. Hands turned into claws as I hit the ground running. Once I had put enough distance between us, I pushed off the ground with a powerful stroke, my shadows unfurled into wings as I soared into the sky. The rain poured down, but I welcomed the cold sting against my magic, a numbing balm to the churning inside of me.

The flight to Umbra was a few hours, but the darkness of the pass welcomed me long before I got that far. The moon cast a silvery glow, the only light source piercing through the perpetual night. Umbra had always been my home, a place where shadows reigned and the sun was a forgotten memory.

As I descended upon my hidden city, the landscape below reminded me of what exactly it was I was fighting for. The decaying land stretched for miles, once fertile soil now barren and unyielding. Tall, jagged rocks reached to the heavens, jutting from the earth.

Umbra's entrance was concealed by magic, built into a particularly large rock that blended in with all the others. The untrained eye would never know where to find it, but I did, and I flew through the barrier without hesitation. I landed silently, my footsteps echoing in the emptiness as I quickly shifted back, mud still soiling my clothes.

The city itself was a labyrinth of tunnels and chambers, carved from the very earth itself. My ancestors had made the best choices they could with the hand they'd been dealt, and I couldn't fault them for choosing to stay in this eternal wasteland. To them, it was survivable, and a place that no one would ever be able to find them, and that choice had bought us many more years.

It was home.

I made my way through the winding passages, the air growing colder and damper the deeper I went. Surprisingly, once they'd dug far enough, they'd found a freshwater source, rumored to have been created by Daer herself.

When I reached my destination, the door creaked as I pushed it open. The familiar scent of earth and herbs filled my senses, embracing them like a hug. Saoirse's baking smelled mouth-wateringly delightful, but there was still nothing quite as good as home. But there, just beneath the surface, was another scent—sickly-sweet, and tinged with death.

"Mother?" I called out softly, stepping into the dimly lit room.

She was lying on our makeshift bed, her frail form barely covered by a thin blanket. Her once vibrant hair was now streaked with gray, her skin pallid and gaunt. She turned her head slowly, her eyes struggling to focus.

"Vane," she whispered, her voice weak. "You're home."

I crossed the room in a few strides, kneeling beside her. "I'm here," I said, taking her hand in mine. Her fingers were ice cold, a slight tremble to them. "I'm sorry I was gone so long."

"You look tired," she murmured, reaching up to touch my face. "You worry too much."

"It's my job to worry," I replied, my heart aching at the sight of her. "How are you?"

"I got out of bed yesterday," she sighed, a deep weariness in her eyes. "But some days are better than others. Today is... not one of the good ones."

I brushed a lock of hair from her forehead, trying to hide my dissatisfaction. "I'll find a way to make you better. It'll be okay, I promise."

She smiled faintly, the gesture not reaching her eyes. "Some things are just out of your control."

Her words cut deeper than any blade could. I'd kept her alive this long, and I was so close to getting my hands on the other shard. "Have you eaten?"

"I figured I shouldn't waste the food."

I nodded, unable to meet her gaze. "It's spreading, getting closer and closer to Lanthus. But I think I've found it, the other half of the shard."

She reached out, gripping my hand tightly. "We've been down this road before, Vane. Don't lose yourself to this wild goose chase."

"I have to try," I insisted, my voice firm. "I can't just sit back and watch you –" I stopped, my mouth clamping shut, holding the words in. The tightness in my throat wouldn't let me continue. My mother swallowed, her eyes glistening as she watched me.

"I've come too far to turn back now. I met someone in Lanthus, someone who can help me get the shard. "

Her eyebrows lifted slightly in surprise. "A girl?"

"Yes," I nodded, thinking of the girl who set my heart ablaze every time she was near, even now, when I wanted to scream my frustration at her. "And I think she's the key to everything. I'm going to get it this time."

A ghost of amusement lit her eyes. "Maybe there's hope then," she whispered. "We need you here, too." She closed her eyes, her breathing shallow, the conversation exhausting her. "You were always a dreamer," she murmured. "Just like your father."

Seconds later, she was asleep, and I placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. I needed to get back to Lanthus as soon as possible. Stepping back into the night, I unfurled into my dragon form and launched into the air, back toward the girl that made me question everything.