27. Saoirse

Saoirse

T he next few weeks blurred together in a haze of royal dinners and bakery routines, each day bleeding into the next with a rhythm that was both familiar and stifling. Vane and I had settled into a cautious friendship, the tension from our earlier conversation lingering unspoken in the air. I spent my mornings and afternoons with him, preparing for each day's worth of bakery needs, and my nights at the dinners where Len had become a fast friend against the torrent of negativity that came from the head of the table.

Len had surprised me, a big difference from his brother Kian, who I found to be quite overbearing. Len, on the other hand, was kind and gentlemanly. I'd be blind if I didn't recognize the way he looked at me, especially when he thought my head was turned, but I did nothing to encourage him.

I'd sworn off men for the foreseeable future.

There were moments of awkwardness still with Vane, fleeting but noticeable, when our hands brushed or our eyes met for a fraction too long. Memories of his lips on my skin, his hands on my body. Sleeping was the worst part, the time of the day where all I could think about was his warm, hard body only a few feet away.

Despite all, we managed to navigate around it, our interactions becoming easier as the weeks went on, the forced distance a necessary barrier that neither of us dared to cross.

Xan threw herself into research, where we joined her as much as we could after the dinners. We pored over ancient texts and maps tirelessly, but nothing brought us closer to finding the shard.

During dinner, my father's gaze was a constant weight, but he made no further effort to push the Jephyr questions, instead doing his best to pretend that I didn't exist, which was fine with me. The Ocea delegates added another layer of protection, their watchful eyes a reminder that he needed to be on his best behavior.

I never gave him the chance to get me alone again, and no word of Jephyr's murder spread.

Late one evening, after another exhausting dinner, Xan, Vane, Maeve and I were gathered in the castle library, a spot we had grown increasingly familiar with. Maeve rifled in one corner, through a stack of old books that she had found in the castle's storage room.

"Look at this," Maeve suddenly exclaimed, her weathered voice breaking the silence we had fallen into.

"What is it?" Xan asked, already moving closer to Maeve's side.

Maeve held up an ancient, leather-bound book, its pages yellowed with age. "It's written in the language of the gods, but the illustrations are fascinating. Take a look." She pointed to a detailed drawing of a large, intricate gem, nearly glowing even through the pages of the book.

"What is that supposed to be?" I asked, confused.

Vane leaned forward, squinting at the image. Mave looked up, her eyes dancing with excitement. "This has to be the Amarithe Core."

Xan's breath caught in her throat as she looked closer. "That symbol… I've seen it before, but I can' t remember where."

"It looks familiar to me too," I added.

Maeve furrowed her brow, flipping through the pages of the book. "This book is incredibly old. There is no telling what that symbol is."

Xan and I exchanged a glance, the same thought running through our minds. If it was something we both recognized, then it had to have been somewhere inside this castle.

Hours later, the castle was eerily quiet as Xan and I made our way through the dimly lit hallways. We'd all but given up on searching the vast expanse, but after seeing that symbol we figured it'd be best if we did a sweep, and maybe we could see something that would help jog our memory of where we might have seen it.

Xan glanced at me, exhaustion in the set of her body, but like a true queen, she never complained. She'd grown up a lot in the last few weeks, the tasks of hosting a foreign kingdom clearly weighing on her. "What's on your mind?" she asked me.

I sighed, my shoulders slumping slightly. "Everything. Nothing. I don't know. It feels like we're running in circles, and I'm starting to wonder if we'll ever find that shard. That symbol could be a complete dead end for all we know."

"We'll find it," Xan said firmly. "We just have to keep looking. We're close, I can feel it."

"I feel like I barely see you during the day, or at all anymore."

Xan smiled faintly, her weariness showing. "I'm not sure why I was always so excited to get my powers," she said warily, her eyes trained sharply on the path ahead of us. "It's been nothing but trainings and meetings and councils."

As the only heir, our parents would have begun training her in all things royal king and queen that Xan would need to know for the day she one day took power, not to mention the intense training schedule she must be following now that she had full use of her powers. "I almost relish these times when we are researching, to tell you the truth. It keeps my mind off other things."

"Like what?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"Prince Kian has been trying to court me."

My nose wrinkled as I drew back in surprise. Xan nodded, her expression troubled. "He's been... persistent. At first, I thought he was just being friendly, but it's becoming clear that he has other intentions. Not to mention that I don't think he has a friendly bone in his body."

"What are you going to do?" This was a territory we'd never covered before. She'd messed around with a few people, at least as far as I knew, but it'd never been anything with serious intention. We both knew as the next in line for the throne, Xan's marriage would be a politically driven one. We'd just always thought it would be from a high-born family in another Sol city, not a prince from a completely different kingdom, a completely different race.

"Do you want that?"

"It doesn't really matter what I want," she answered darkly, her own cloud of darkness lurking behind her mirrored eyes that I wasn't used to seeing on her. "Father has been watching us closely, and I'm scared he might go along with it. Marry me off to Kian. I think he wants to unite both kingdoms, maybe even take power one day."

The thought sent a shiver down my spine. "Have you told Kian about any of... this?" I gestured around us, hoping she understood my meaning. I'd taken special care to keep Len in the dark. I was pretty sure I could trust him, our friendship blossoming night after night of dinner and conversation, but this wasn't just about me.

"No," Xan said quickly. "And I want to keep it that way. The last thing we need is for him to get involved and complicate things even more, and besides, I don't even know that we can trust him."

I stopped walking and turned to face her, my heart aching for my sister. I'd been through my fair share of horrible things, but she was suffering too, in a way that I couldn't relate to. "Xan, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I wish there was something I could do."

"You're already doing it," she replied, placing a hand on my shoulder. "I always knew I wasn't going to have a say in who I marry, Saoirse. I'm okay, really."

We stood there for a moment, the quiet wrapping around us like a shawl. The weight we shared seemed lighter in the companionable silence, before we resumed our search, our footsteps echoing softly in the empty corridors.

We meandered through, making small talk as we moved, until we stood in front of a familiar part of the castle. The corridors were less grand here, more personal, with portraits and mementos of previous rulers decorating the halls.

The children's wing, where we had spent most of our childhood, in bedrooms that were side by side. Nostalgia hit me like a wave, soured by all the negative memories that floated through.

We came to a stop in front of the space between our rooms, where there was a large painting on the wall. I'd never liked it. The depiction of the first Awakening ceremony was always a reminder of a moment I would never have. I'm fairly certain that's why mother had put it there in the first place.

The intricately painted art hung long and wide, the colors vibrant and detailed. The scene showed the first Lightlace queen, regal and commanding, holding a staff aloft in her hand. The staff had been handed down from ruler to ruler, always ensuring the duty of Awakening the next generation was passed on.

Xan's breath caught in her throat. "Saoirse, look. The symbol...it's on the staff."

I stared at the painting, my mind racing as I stared at the crossed arms the staff bore. "This staff has been passed down through generations. How could we be so stupid?"

Xan shook her blonde head, her eyes wide. "It's been right in front of us this whole time."

Excitement and urgency of our discovery pulsed through me until a sinister thought chilled my blood. "How are we supposed to get it?"

"Mother only brings out the staff for special events," Xan mused, her brow furrowed in thought. "She keeps it hidden when she's not using it, under heavy protection spells in her bedchambers. Our best bet would be to get it when she has it out in the open."

A wave of despair washed over me. "So we have to find a way to get close to her without raising suspicion and steal it from her? That's impossible."

Xan nodded, her face set. "Maybe we can find a way to create a distraction, or get her to leave it somewhere. We'll have to wait for the next opportunity that she brings it out."

"If we get caught…" I warned, not sure what I wanted to say. We all knew what would happen if Vane and I got caught.

"Then we don't get caught," Xan said, shrugging as if it would truly be that simple.