15. Saoirse

Saoirse

" M other?" I stammered, taking an involuntary step back, wincing as my hip bit into the edge of the hard stone countertop. That would most definitely leave a bruise later, but I didn't care. I couldn't care about anything besides the woman standing in front of me.

Queen Nissa Volari had never been warm or kind to me. It was as if from the moment of my birth, she could barely bring herself to look at me, much less be in the same room as me. Like she was ashamed to have taken any part in my creation. Her abuse wasn't physical in the way that it had been from my father, but it had cut me just as badly. My internal scars were just as bad as the external ones.

There were many days where I couldn't decide which one had been worse. On the days that a young girl yearns for a mother, a warm embrace to fight against the cold.

But mine was the blizzard.

"Wipe the shock off your face, girl," she hissed, and my surprise faded, my back straightening as I took in a deep breath, bracing myself for whatever she'd choose to throw at me next. Her eyes darted to Vane, and it took me a second to remember he was even here. Catching her eye, he quickly turned, pivoting to pick up a rag and start wiping down counters that I knew we hadn't yet dirtied.

She threw her glare back at me and I sighed in relief, something I'd never thought possible. The more attention she paid me, the less she would have to wonder about Vane. Someone I could only assume was Xan had dropped off some long-sleeved clothing for him which fit well, if not a little too snug around the arms, but they did a good job at hiding his shadows from view, and for that we couldn't be picky.

"Where is Maeve?" the queen demanded, her nose scrunched, as if she was smelling something rotten and not the delicious aroma of baking pastries as my ovens worked overtime.

"Sleeping, I assume. Same as everyone else." My tone was clipped as I drew my arms across my chest, one more layer between her and I, as if that would somehow protect me from the sharpness of her words.

"When will she be back?"

"She comes and goes as she pleases. It's been at least a week since I've seen her last."

"What?" It was almost a shriek, and I didn't miss the flinch from the corner of my eye as Vane tensed at the awful sound. "She leaves you here all alone?"

"I am perfectly capable of running the bakery by myself," I said flatly, my eyes narrowed. "As I have been doing for years."

She huffed, glancing out the front window where I saw the guards I had missed earlier waiting outside. Involuntarily, my eyes darted to Vane. At the thought of what could happen if they discovered what he was, what they would do to him.

What they would do to us .

"If you mean to hire the bakery for something, you can clear that with me," I added for good measure, taking a small step forward. It wouldn't be the first time I'd worked for the castle, but they usually sent a courier with specific instructions on what they needed. The queen paying a visit in person was a big deal. I had no love for the woman in front of me, but her money was good, just the same as anyone else's.

She stared me down with a withering glare, looking me up and down in that slow, judgmental way that she'd always done as I'd grown up. She'd never let me forget that not only did I not have magic, but I did not fit into her box of what was beautiful. My hips were always too wide, my thighs too thick, my stomach too jiggly.

Sometimes, I wondered which part of me she hated more—my lack of magic, or my appearance. Taking in her perfectly coiffed curls, the charcoal lining her eyes in meticulously pressed lines, I'd often thought it was the latter.

She huffed, stomping forward, closer to the counter. The nearest guard to the door kept watch through the window. Judging from his thunderous expression, I'd bet money that she'd ordered him to stay outside. "We require… your services. Nobles from the Ocea will be arriving any minute, and we must make a good impression. Miren do not venture this far inland very often."

"What do you need?" My tone was clipped, my words short. Not enough to get me in trouble for being rude, but just enough to get her to purse her lips, as she always did when I dared to talk back. I didn't question her about the Ocea kingdom visit, as much as I would have liked to. She would rather kiss a rat than tell me reasons for anything besides what I needed to know.

But still, it was peculiar that Ocea was coming for a visit. The Volari family were very private, and had refused all offers to ally with the Ocea kingdom. Our walls were all-encompassing, and they stayed locked down tight. The only reason we didn't get attacked was because of the sheer force of our army. Even if we didn't win, we would cause mass casualties on both sides .

"Pastries at breakfast each morning, plus freshly baked breads by midday to accompany the rest of lunch." She gave me a once over, her blue eyes calculating. "For two hundred."

"Two hundred?" I blurted before I could stop myself, regretting it as soon as the question left my mouth. The castle usually housed only half that. They must have been bringing a very large entourage indeed.

"Tell Maeve that a courier will arrive with payment every Friday at sundown. You may use the pasty kitchen in the castle, you definitely won't have the room in here," she said, already gathering the skirts of her long dress as she prepared to leave. "They arrive tonight. Make sure breakfast is ready by morning."

Without giving me a second to tell her how impossible it was going to be for me to make two hundred pastries daily , she was gone; the door swinging shut behind her with a resounding thump.