Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

S amantha had wanted to sleep so that she could at least say that the worst day of her life thus far was finished, but even then, she knew it would not be possible.

She proved herself correct when, even when she heard everyone else retiring to their rooms themselves, she was still wide awake and willing herself to fall asleep to no avail. At last, however, she understood why she could not find any peace. She was angry with the Duke, and she had not said a word to him about it.

There had been no time to, and it would have been impossible to say anything in front of everyone else that was present. The only time that she would have to speak with him would be…

Then and there.

Samantha sighed and rolled over one last time, trying with everything in her not to want to do that. That was the very same thing that had caused all of this in the first place, and one mere day later, here she was wanting to do it again.

"Fool," she whispered into the darkness.

But that did not seem to stop her from pulling her bed sheets away and climbing out of her bed. The floor was cool beneath her feet as she walked towards the door, her hand resting on the handle. She tried to take her hand away and go back to bed, but she knew there was no use in doing so. She could not rest until she had asked him why he had done that to her, and so she had to do it.

After all, what more did she have to lose?

The Duke, it appeared, knew that she would be in such a state.

"At last, you have arrived," he said upon her arrival, his eyes not leaving the book he was reading. "What took you so long?"

"What do you think you are doing?" she demanded.

"At this moment, I am reading. You ought to try it. It is good for your nerves."

"I am not nervous," she lied.

"Then why are you trembling? It is not cold in here."

She expected the candlelight to illuminate some sort of smirk or at least some form of unkindness, but there was nothing. His face was empty; if anything, it was one of concentration as he read.

"Why did you do it?" she asked, sitting on the edge of his bed. "I did not come here to play games. I came here to know why you thought that was a good idea when I specifically asked you not to propose."

"If I didn't, who would have?"

"I am perfectly fine with nobody else proposing!"

"Even if it is some callous man in London?" he asked, at last putting the book down and facing her. "Is that what you would have wanted? Would that have brought you joy?"

"Nothing of that nature could bring me joy, but I was resigned to that. What I did not expect was a man that hated me so much to be forcing my hand. I already have my father to do that, you know."

"Of course, I do, which is why I tried to save you from him."

"That is not why you did that, and you know it. You could not care less about me if you tried."

"I do not know you, Lady Samantha."

"Then why would you ask me to marry you?"

"Because I can halfway tolerate you; is that what you want me to say?"

"What I want," she said with a sigh, "is the truth. I do not care why you did it, in truth, because it is not as though I can do a thing about it now, but I still wish to know. If I am to be your wife now, you must at least be honest with me."

The Duke sighed, leaving his desk and sitting beside her. She felt his arm brush hers, and her heart raced for a moment, but she simply put it down to the way she had spoken to him.

"I told you that you do not know my family," he began, "but I thought you might have at least noticed how awful my brother is."

"I certainly did. Did you not hear how I spoke to him in return this evening?"

"Not as yet, but if it was anything of note, I am sure Penelope will have informed me by tomorrow. She is quite taken by you."

"Do not change the subject."

"Yes, of course," he agreed, "But if you are to enter into my family, you must know that that behavior will not change. He will always be hateful and spiteful. It is simply how he is."

"That is fine by me. I know plenty of people like that."

"Not like him. Not like two of my three brothers. They will do anything to ruin me, and they will stop at nothing to make even the slightest dent in my reputation. I do not mean to frighten you, and so I was going to keep this from you entirely, but if you want complete honesty, then that is what I shall give you. They would have destroyed you completely if it meant that even the faintest doubt could be cast over people's view of me."

"Are you quite certain that you are not paranoid?"

"Believe me, I wish that was all it was. I have spent my life trying to make them see sense, but it only ever made them worse, and so I gave into it. There is nothing that you or I can do about him beyond play things safely, and the best thing for me to do in that moment was to stop him from revealing your secret by proposing to you."

"Even if you knew it was not what I wanted?"

"It was what you needed. It was what I wanted which was to protect you."

"And why did you want to do that?"

"Because you are not a bad person. I know what bad people look like, and you are simply not one of them, and I was not going to allow him to make you suffer simply because he thinks he can."

"That is very kind of you, but you have simply moved me from one bad thing to the next."

"I do not think so at all. If you think about it, a marriage without love sounds perfect for you."

"Love was the only reason I would ever marry. Why would it possibly be a good thing for me?"

"Because this way, you shall be afforded every freedom that you would have as a spinster with all of the good things about being a duchess. You shall be well taken care of, I assure you."

"But not loved, is that what you are saying?"

"Lady Samantha, would you have been loved by a stranger that your father had chosen for you? I understand that this is not what you want, and it is not what I want either, but you have to believe me when I tell you that this is what is best for you."

"You do not know what is best for me," she warned, "You do not, and you never shall."

"Then how is this? You shall give me an heir and make a few appearances to our county, and after that, you will be free to do as you please. It will silence my brothers and bring you peace for what I assume would be the first time in your life. It might not be exactly what you always dreamed of, but is it not enough?"

Samantha thought for a moment. The Duke was not necessarily wrong; being left to her own devices as a duchess would afford her her freedom, and if all that she had to do was simply provide an heir, then it all may prove easier than she had thought.

"I can even give you freedom before the heir. if you wish," he added. "I apologize. That sort of promise would have come from my father which I decidedly am not."

He laughed quite emptily at that. Samanth looked at him gently. He had never laughed in her presence before.

"Very well," she agreed. "I suppose I can go through with all of this without complaint."

"Wonderful."

"On one condition," she continued which silenced him. "I wish to study."

"Is that all?" he asked.

"Yes. If you allow me to pursue my studies and do not mind that it is what I wish to do, then I will be your wife."

"Then the matter is settled," he agreed. "And quite easily, I might add."

The way he said it was easy made Samantha brave, brave enough to push him that slightest bit further.

"I do not mean by myself," she explained. "I wish to attend university. Can a duke make that a possibility?"

The Duke seemed to sit in thought for a moment. Samantha wondered if this was him thinking about the possibility of being able to do it or simply him wondering if he had, indeed, picked the wrong lady to marry.

"What is it that you wish to study?" he asked at last.

"Science. I wish to be a scientist."

"I may be able to make that happen, you know. It shall certainly be easier to do given that you would be a married lady, and stranger things have happened in the realm of academics."

But Samantha did not like how he was looking at her. He was smiling, and when her father did that, it meant that he did not believe a word that he was saying.

"Why are you smirking?" she asked, brows furrowed. "I am being serious."

"I know, that is why I am smirking. I have never known someone to be so sure of what they wanted without it making them awful. I must say, I am impressed at how willing you are to tell me what you want. Any other lady would have simply jumped at the chance to be a duchess."

"That is because I have never wanted to be a duchess. I want to be a scientist."

"Well, it will be very difficult even with your new status, but if the university will have you, then I shall have no qualms about it whatsoever. If it is what you want, I will do everything in my power to ensure it is done."

"And what if they do not want me?"

"Then I shall locate tutors for you. I know of the best ones in all of England, and I am more than willing to pay them for their time. Would that make you happy?"

"The happiest that I think I could be, yes."

"Then it is done. Now, is that the end of this conversation?"

Samantha wished to say yes and then return to her room and sleep at last so that she would be as ready as possible to face the day. Unfortunately, she had felt the rush of pushing her luck with the Duke and wished to do it again. He almost seemed to respect her for it, and in spite of herself, she wanted more.

"What if you fall in love with me, Your Grace?" she asked, her throat dry.

"You need not be concerned about that. I am not a gentleman that falls in love. It is not for me, and I doubt that I will ever be."

"And what if I fall in love with you?"

His face seemed to darken, and she wondered if that meant she had pushed him too far, and he would at last be angry with her.

He did not say anything for a moment, instead looking her in her eyes. Samantha could not help but notice how they were so blue, even in yellow candlelight. She wanted him to speak, even if it was to tell her to leave or to call her something foul. She wanted to hear his voice, and she was furious with herself for it.

"If you wish to fall in love with me," he replied at last, "then be my guest. It is as I told you — you have your freedom to do as you please. I do not care how you feel about me, so long as you give me an heir."

Somehow, that affected her more than any cruel words could have. He truly did not care about her at all. She was inconsequential to him, but at least, this way she would be free to do as she pleased.

"Very well, Your Grace," she agreed. "Then we have a deal. I shall see you in the morning."

"I believe it already is morning," he smirked, "but I shall see you at breakfast, nonetheless."

"Very well," she huffed. "Breakfast it is."

She was standing straight, and the Duke seemed to believe in her confidence which was just as well because she did not believe in it at all. He had not been unkind once, but she felt even worse than she would have done had she received a scolding.

"Goodnight, Lady Samantha," he said, and she realized that she was still standing in his room. "Unless you wish for a repeat of last night, that is."

She did not like the Duke at all, she told herself as she returned to her room. At least this time there was no note waiting for her. Regardless, she had been attached to a duke that did not care about her at all, and there was nothing that she could do about it.

Then why, she wondered, did she feel so shaken? She was not the type to be so easily rattled by someone's indifference, and yet the Duke's…

It was almost unbearable.