Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29

G raham wondered if there was any point at all in discussing issues with Samantha if she was so quick to ignore any agreements made when it suited her. They had only just agreed not to disappear and to talk about problems before they got out of hand, but she had ignored both instantly and left to confront her father.

Immediately after confessing that he had been violent to her.

He had wanted to discuss the Earl with Adam and try to learn more about him so that he could confront him himself at a better time, but when they had come back, Samantha was gone. Adam had tried to comfort him and told him that it had been a difficult conversation, and she had perhaps gone to bed, but he knew her better than that. She was far too polite to go to bed without saying goodnight, especially if they had a guest.

He already knew where she was, but he gave her the benefit of the doubt and checked her room. He found the note immediately, and his fears were confirmed. She thought she could confront her father alone because she did not want him to be a part of it.

Now they were home again, and she was trying to make him talk to her about what had happened as if it had not been her own fault. She could have waited. He could have been with her. They could have had Adam there to prove that they were not speaking about unfounded claims. Instead, she had gone alone and gotten into trouble. Had he not followed her, well, he did not wish to think about that.

What mattered was that she was home and safe, but she did not wish to go to bed. She wanted to speak with him as if it was not the very same thing that he had wanted to do in order to avoid all of this to begin with, but she had pressured him enough. If she wanted to talk, then they would.

"Have you any idea how frustrating it is not to be listened to?" he asked.

"It is how I have lived my life, so I should think I do, yes."

"Then why would you do that to me?"

"I did listen to you."

"You disobeyed me, then?"

"I was unaware that you could tell me what to do and expect me to do it simply because you said so."

"That is not what I meant, and you know it."

"Then what did you mean? That is precisely what you said. You told me not to go, and I disobeyed orders. Therefore, you ordered me. Therefore, you believe that you have the right to give me orders."

"Or, perhaps I have the right to tell my wife what I think, and if I think that it is a bad idea to confront the same man that has treated you so terribly for years, then I might actually be correct, and you might have been better off listening to me."

"It is a family matter," she protested.

"Then what am I?" he asked in return, and she fell silent.

It had never been part of their agreement to see each other as family. They were to be friends at most. It was easier that way, and it had been exactly what he had wanted until somewhere along the way he had fallen for her. He could not pinpoint the exact moment, nor could he honestly say that it had hit him all at once. Instead, it had crept up on him without him knowing, and now, he was too far gone to be able to push it aside, and it was torture.

Made far worse, that was, by her pushing him away.

"You are my husband," she replied at last. "The one I am supposed to find comfort in, not receive lectures from. I am not a child. I am supposed to be your equal, deserving of your respect."

"Why can you not see that it was out of respect for you that I did not want you to go there alone? I know that you are capable of everything I am, but just this once, I wanted to be beside you and show you that you did not have to do this alone. I want to be at your side. Why won't you let me?"

"Because I am afraid."

"Afraid of me?"

He hoped that she would say no. He willed her to say no because any other answer would have destroyed him.

"Not you. Never you. I am afraid of what you represent. If I trust you as much as I wish to, then I put myself in danger the same way I did as a child that trusted my father. I have no way of knowing whether or not you will be kind to me in ten years or twenty, and if I unfold myself to you, then you have far more power than my father ever did."

It was his turn to fall silent.

"Is that what you wanted to hear?" she continued, exasperated. "I have been so afraid to enjoy my time with you that I have found it easier to run away. I would rather not look like a fool again."

"You are not a fool. I could never have married a fool. I would have sooner let you be ruined."

"Do not attempt to flatter me in such a manner."

"If it is flattery, it is not insincere. It is the truth; you are an intelligent lady that is willing to do what you can without burdening others. I only wish that you would stop seeing yourself as said burden. I want to be there for you. I want to help you."

"Why? We are friends, are we not? That was the deal, if I recall correctly, and I often do. We were never supposed to have our lives entwined with one another. You were to live yours, and I mine. Why do you not want that to be the case all of a sudden?"

"Because I love you."

They both froze. It had not been the most romantic way of telling her, he knew that, but it was not as though it had been deliberate. There was simply no other explanation for his actions.

"If you were to ask me," he continued, "why I feel the need to protect you, why I do not want to see you hurt, why I will do everything in my power to be with you as often as I can, why I lie awake at night and dreaming each morning, then I would have to tell you that I love you, Samantha, and it has destroyed me and completed me in ways that I had never expected."

She looked at him, and he wondered what she would say in response. He could not expect her to reciprocate after all that had happened between them, but against all odds, he truly did want her to.

"I love you too," she whispered. "I have been wanting to tell you, and I was hoping to find the right time, but now is as good as any I suppose. Graham, I have been restless over this for so long, now, because this is the exact opposite of what we had discussed. I tried so hard not to think about you in that way and to just see you as my friend, but I cannot fight it any longer."

She stepped towards him, and instinctively, he took her into his arms.

"I am yours," she whispered. "I am yours, and I have been so desperate to tell you. Perhaps that is why I have been so irritable. Perhaps, if you were angry with me, I could find a way to love you less. It did not happen, however, and now, here we are."

"Here we are," he repeated. "And now what do we do?"

"I do not know. What do you suppose that we should do?"

He took a breath, holding her tightly in his arms.

"I think it would be best that you and I truly listen to one another, and we do what we can to make the other happy. That is what two people that love each other do, is it not?"

She nodded, burying her face in his chest.

"I want to be happy," she said softly. "I want you to be as happy as you have made me."

"Then let us do that. We can do everything that we want to do, and starting now, there shall be nobody that can tell us what we can and cannot do and have. We shall have you enrolled in university, just as you always wanted, and I…"

"You will try again with your brothers."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"I know that is what you want," she explained. "I can see it. Perhaps not Nicholas, but the other two. I know that you did not have the ideal upbringing, and you all hold grudges against one another, but I think it would be best for you all to talk. That is what we do, and it is as you say — we are family."

He considered her words though he did not know if he agreed. There was so much animosity between them all that he did not think it could ever be fixed, but she was right. He wanted to try.

After all, what did he have to lose?

"It is late," she whispered, "and you were right — I am exhausted. We should have gone to bed before all of this."

"I like to think that you were right," he corrected her. "Our condition has made it even easier to confess how we are truly feeling. Had we gone to bed, I may never have had my walls broken down enough to tell you how much I love you."

"I love hearing you say it," she smiled.

"I enjoy saying it a lot more than I ever thought I would. Now, if you are truly tired, we could go to bed."

She nodded, and he led her up the stairs. As they reached her door, however, she did not stop. Instead, she continued towards his room, turning back to look at him before motioning to his door.

He did not hesitate to follow her inside.

The following morning, they awoke together for the first time. Also, for the first time in Graham's life, he felt as though a cloud that had been following him throughout his life had been lifted. When he opened his eyes to his wife, who would remain still for a few minutes more, he was tempted to close them once again and spend the entirety of the day just the two of them. They had earned it — he knew that much.

Unfortunately, his wife had other plans. She was an excellent planner, and that day she had had her best idea yet. Once awake, she dressed herself and rushed out of the room down to breakfast, giggling as she went. Graham shook his head with a smile and followed her down. As they ate, she explained her plan.

"So, I was thinking about what Adam told me. He wishes to meet Diana, and you are hoping to see your brothers again, and so I was wondering if we could find a way to plan a ball of sorts?"

"That sounds like an invitation for trouble."

"I suppose, but would it not be wonderful to host a ball? I would so love to, not to mention it is among my duties as duchess."

"Then perhaps we could host one as a reward for fixing everything."

"I like the sound of that. So, will you go first, or shall I?"

"I believe your task might be easier. There is more resentment for me, I fear, and so we can consider yours the first step."

"Wonderful."

As she said that, however, the butler appeared. He eyed Samantha carefully, but he did not seem as angry about her being there as he had before. He handed Graham a piece of paper and then walked away. Graham opened it to see an invitation.

"What is it?" she asked, trying to peer at it.

"It is from Nicholas," he replied, not able to tear his eyes away from it. "He is engaged."

"Oh! Is he engaged to that young lady?"

"The very one that you met, yes. Miss Norton seems to have gotten what she wanted."

"Then we will attend and wish them the best," she decided. "You never know, it could be the very first step in mending things."

"I do not want to see him."

"We must. We accused him of a terrible thing, a crime of which he was innocent, and still, he has extended an invitation to us. It is only right that we attend."

She was right, and he knew that, and he also knew that he had to be ready for what lay ahead. They had agreed to try, and he had to keep to his end of that.

"Very well. So long as you are with me, I am sure that I will find a way through it."

"You speak as though it is a deadly disease rather than an engagement party," she laughed. "Though I understand how you feel. I cannot say that I would have been thrilled to attend a party in honor of my brother's arrival, and I do not even dislike him."

"It is certainly not ideal, but we can do this. It just so happens that I shall have to be first in all of this, and then you can have your turn afterwards."

"Then all is well. Now, I must confess that I do not own many ball gowns."

"We can most certainly fix that. I am surprised that it has taken us this long to do so. You ought to complain then I shall know what you need."

She laughed gently before standing up and rushing around the table to him and wrapping her arms around him.

"You are a wonderful husband. Did you know that?"

"I do my best."

"Your best is more than I ever could have dreamed of."

Graham never would have imagined having someone in his life as wonderful as her, but he would not have traded it for the world. He had to thank the Earl, in spite of everything, because he had made Graham Samantha's husband, and it was the best thing about the Earl as far as Graham was concerned.

He chuckled, considering telling him as much should their paths ever cross again, but he knew that they would not. He would be living his own life with his wife, and there would be nobody happier than the two of them.

He would make sure of that.