Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

" Y ou look beautiful."

Arabella smiled sadly. "Don't cry mother, or I shall as well."

Emily sniffled and dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. "Is a mother not allowed to cry on her daughter's wedding day?"

Her eyes watering in spite of herself, Arabella nodded. "I suppose she is."

Reaching out, Emily pulled Arabella into a tight hug. "I am very proud of you," she murmured into Arabella's hair.

"Now I am absolutely going to cry," Arabella chuckled, tears already coursing down her cheeks.

When Emily pulled back, she gently wiped away her daughter's tears. Then she searched Arabella's eyes carefully. "It is all right to be nervous, you know."

"Is it that obvious?"

"Only to me," Emily assured her.

Arabella sighed. "I hardly know him, mother."

Hesitating, Arabella cut her words short. She wanted to say more. She wanted to say: I do not know what sort of life I am walking into. This man has been nothing but cold and distant to me in the little time that I have known him. And his uncle has treated me even worse. If this is only a sign of what is to come, I do not know how I shall abide it…

But Arabella said none of this. How could she? Her mother was looking at her with such pride. Such relief. How could she now reveal to Emily that Arabella was walking into a loveless marriage?

Emily smiled sweetly, seeming to take Arabella's silence as last-minute jitters. "Do not judge your husband by what little you now know of him. Or by his uncle's behavior. After all," her mother added with a laugh, "imagine if His Grace judged you solely on our family's behavior."

"You have nothing to reproach yourselves for."

Emily chuckled. "You are kind to say so. But I am under no false impressions. I know that we are regarded as odd by the rest of ton . And I would agree with them. But I am proud to be different. I am proud of our lovely family." Emily placed a hand on Arabella's cheek, smiling through still shining eyes. "All I am saying is that you should give your husband a chance. Get to know him. Allow him to get to know you. Love may not come, but you may at least be able to find comradery. Friendship, even."

Gripped again by the same anxious knot that had been sitting in her stomach for the last several weeks, Arabella nodded faintly. "I am going to miss you all so much."

Now it was Arabella's turn to wipe away her mother's tears. "Oh, my love, we are going to miss you," Emily wept, still fighting to keep a smile on her face. "But we will still be able to see one another."

"But it will not be the same."

"No, not it will not. But it is for the best. Children cannot live with their parents for all of their lives. You must go out and discover who you are apart from us. Besides, if you were to stay here, you would soon grow tired of us, I am sure."

Arabella smiled sadly. "I doubt that."

"A woman must go and make her own family. You will not know the depth of joy which may be experienced when a woman becomes a mother."

A glimmer of hope flared to life inside Arabella, like the wick of a candle, greedily taking to flame.

From a young age, Arabella had always known that she was meant to be a mother. She had loved caring for her younger siblings. She loved seeing how her parents raised their children, quietly remembering all the things they did to make their children feel loved and accepted.

Now, finally, she had a chance to have children of her own. Her husband might not be the family she would have chosen for herself, but that would not exclude her from the love that was born between a mother and her children.

"I can only hope to be half the mother you are," Arabella murmured.

Emily laughed. "Do not hold me to too high a standard, my love. Even I make mistakes. Plenty of them. And you must not expect too much from yourself either. A good mother is one that can admit her failures and learn from them."

"I shall try. I –" Arabella hesitated as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks.

Concerned, Emily drew closer. "What is it, my child?"

Arabella laughed, embarrassed. It was so silly. So simple. But Arabella's apprehensions were now lessened by half. "I am so excited to be a mother," she admitted. "I know it must sound silly. But I feel as if I was born to be one." She pressed her mother's hands together in hers. "Thank you for reminding me of that. I will no longer be nervous about what is to come, now that I know it is time to start a family of my own. There can be no greater joy."

Laughing, Emily embraced her daughter once more. "Oh my dear, I am so very happy for you."

Turning to look at herself in the mirror once more, Arabella took in a deep breath. It was not nearly as steadying as she had hoped it would be.

Her dress, high necked and trimmed with delicate though not very expensive lace, seemed to suit her enough. Her hair was piled high with just a few gentle curls spilling loose at her ears. She certain looked presentable. The mirror reflected the very picture of the classic blushing bride.

But what would her husband-to-be think?

If Arabella was to become a mother, she would need the duke to perform his duties as a husband. And if he did not find her desirable, would duty be enough to entice him into her bed?

She did not know. And she blushed to think of such things just hours before her wedding.

But Arabella had always been a practical woman. And she would not stop today.

"This is your last chance." Reginald stood before the carriage, speaking as soon as Jasper was within hearing distance.

Jasper sighed. "I am not turning back now, uncle. Besides, did you not say yourself that it was too late to cancel the wedding? That the scandal would ruin my reputation?"

"I have changed my mind," Reginald replied coldly. "We can find some excuse for why you will not have her. Some reason that will save your good name and cast her off quickly and quietly."

The older man grimaced. "She is a mistake, Jasper. She is uncouth and inexperienced. Surely there is someone else whom you can be prevailed upon to marry. Someone more befitting the line of the Duke of Gysborne."

"I grow weary of your cautions," Jasper warned his uncle. "They are beginning to sound as if you do not trust me to fulfill my duties as duke."

Sighing, Reginald took a step closer. When he spoke again, his voice was softer. "I promised your mother," he began, and Jasper tried not to flinch. It had been some time since they had spoken of her. She was always on his mind, but he had not voiced such thoughts in years.

"She made me promise, rather," Reginald added with a sad smile, "when you were born, that I would do everything I could to help raise and protect you. She was adamant that our family stayed together. That we help one another. And now, we two are the only ones who remain." Reginald's smile fell away completely. "I fear she would be greatly disappointed in your choice of wife, nephew. Though I worry I have already failed her in helping raise you, I cannot give up now. I must speak my mind, whether you will hear it or not."

Jasper knew he should have been comforted by his uncle's words. But he was not. This man spoke of his relationship with his nephew as if it were only duty that kept him by Jasper's side. He made it seem as if he felt nothing at all toward the duke. That, should he be released from the vow he made to Jasper's mother, Reginald would leave this place in an instant and never be heard from again.

And on top of it all, he was behaving as if Jasper's choice of wife might bring the family and dukedom to its knees. Was Reginald not the one who insisted that Jasper take a wife – any wife – as quickly as possible? Was it not Reginald who had begun to introduce each and every woman in society to Jasper in an attempt to marry the man off?

Annoyed and growing impatient, Jasper threw out his arms. "What do you expect me to do, Uncle? Leave the woman at the altar? I am marrying her because it is the gentlemanly thing to do. I would be a hypocrite to abandon her now."

"Besides," he added, "were you not the one who assured me this marriage would be solely for convenience? That she and I would have little to do with one another apart from social appearances? If I have fulfilled my duty by getting married, I hardly think you or my mother could expect more from me."

Reginald opened his mouth to protest again, but Jasper held up a hand to stop him. "I am ready to leave," he told the driver. Then, climbing into the carriage, he turned expectantly to his uncle. "Are you coming or not?"

"Thank you." Arabella allowed the footman to help her into the carriage. All around her were shouts of congratulations and the murmur of excited attendees. But Arabella could not have smiled if she wished to.

Anxiety gripped her as her new husband settled into the carriage across from her. Jasper waved to someone and pulled the door closed as the carriage jolted into motion.

Unconsciously, Arabella grabbed at her skirts, her fingers twisting into the fabric of her wedding dress. She focused on breathing steadily. Why was she so nervous?

The wedding had, thankfully, gone off without a hitch. The ceremony had been short and sweet, and all the guests that anyone could have wanted to be there, had been in attendance. Every person of wealth and status had been there to wish them a long, happy life together. And, most of those people would soon be joining the new couple at the duke's manor for the wedding banquet.

There, Arabella would get her first taste of married life, as well as a chance to see just what was expected of her as a duchess. Hopefully Jasper did not hold her to such high standards as his uncle did. At least, not yet. She was committed to making every effort to learn her new duties. But she, like anyone, needed time.

Reginald. The man had glared at her all throughout the ceremony. Arabella did not know whether Jasper had seen it or not, but she could not have missed his disdain for her even if she had been ignorant of his feelings up until now.

How many others, she wondered, had seen his evident disapproval? Arabella clutched harder at her skirts, anticipating the vicious gossip that might follow Reginald's display at the wedding.

"You will rip your dress in a moment."

Arabella glanced up. "I'm sorry?"

Nodding to her hands, Jasper repeated himself. "If you clutch at your dress any harder, you will succeed in ripping it."

Embarrassed, Arabella loosened her grip.

"You are anxious." It was not a question. Jasper glanced out the window to his left as he continued to speak. "It is understandable. This is new territory. For both of us."

With a sigh, he flexed the fingers of his right hand where it lay atop his thigh. Arabella watched the movement. He wore the same gloves that she had seen him wear the night of the masquerade. The same gloves he had worn when he had proposed. And the same ones which he had donned for their wedding.

It was strange. From what she could tell, most men disliked wearing gloves, and only used them if and when they were required. But Arabella had never seen Jasper without them.

"There are some things that must be made clear between us," Jasper continued, his attention still on the moving landscape outside. "I expect nothing from you but to fulfill your duties as duchess."

"What will that entail?" Arabella asked hesitantly.

"I will explain in time. You will have the honeymoon period first, with which you may settle into life on the estate," he explained coldly, as if he were detailing what they would eat for dinner, instead of describing the period of love and luxury that a couple shared after exchanging wedding vows. "After that, I will begin educating you as to your duties."

The honeymoon. Arabella's face grew hot. And, unfortunately, it was at that moment that Jasper turned to look at her. Seeing her blush, he all but glared at her. "I should make it clear that our marriage is one of convenience," he added, firmly.

Arabella nodded. "I appreciate what you have done. You have saved me and my family from scandal."

"I do not refer to the necessity of getting married." His eyes flicked up and down her quickly, his expression stony and uncaring. "I mean to say that nothing more will be required of you…nothing private, that is…in addition to your public duties."

Not quite understanding, but feeling her cheeks grow hot again under his gaze, Arabella opened her mouth.

But Jasper continued. "I would ask that you keep your distance in our marriage. Apart from the required social outings, of course. I will keep to my own and you should do the same. As long as you do not follow in your older sister's footsteps and stay out of the scandal sheets then we shall have no quarrel."

"My sister did not desire to be the source of gossip and mockery," Arabella countered firmly.

"No one ever does." Jasper glanced back out the window. "And yet they still make choices that place them in the path of public scorn. See that you do not make such careless decisions." He spoke with a finality that told Arabella that he was finished with the conversation. But she was not.

"My sister has never once been careless!" Arabella's voice rose. She could not let the subject drop. If there was one thing her new husband should know about her, it was that she would not tolerate disrespect toward her family. "She acted from of the purest intentions. I see nothing wrong with what she has done."

Jasper still did not look at her. But Arabella saw the tendon in his cheek jump as he clenched his jaw in frustration. "Perhaps she did not deserve the level of scorn with which she was met. But she ended up in the scandal sheets all the same. As duchess, you must be wary of how your every action will be interpreted."

He made a good point. And, from the tense way he was sitting, he was giving off every impression that he would not allow this conversation to continue much longer. But Arabella was not in the mood to concede. "She did not deserve any scorn," she pressed.

Finally, Jasper turned to her. His eyes flashed with anger, the frightening expression stretching over his broad features. "Do you seek to quarrel with me, wife?" It was a warning. A dangerous one. And yet, as he called her ‘wife', as his deep voice slid over the precious few sounds, a shiver of excitement raced up Arabella's spine.

"I only wish us to start out our marriage with a clear understanding of one another," Arabella replied hesitantly. "And speaking of which, I desire clarification on one of the matters which you have so graciously presented." A little scorn came through as Arabella spoke, but this too she could not help. The man was beginning to irritate her – as well as confuse her - thoroughly.

"Oh?" Jasper's expression did not change.

"Yes. When you ask that I keep my distance from you, is that physical too?"

Arabella felt a small surge of satisfaction as Jasper blinked, evidently taken aback. She suspected that she had hit the nail on the head. "It is obvious that you dislike lowering yourself to engaging with those you consider beneath you," she continued, thinking of when Jasper had refused to shake her father's hand. "But, humble though I may be in your eyes, surely I am allowed to touch you."

She let out a dry laugh. But as Jasper remained stoic and silent, her satisfaction faded. What she had intended as a biting critique of his behavior now began to fill her with dread. "May I not?" she murmured.

"I did not know you found me so physically attractive." Jasper looked her up and down, his expression still unreadable.

Now Arabella was blushing furiously. She found, too, that she could not quite deny his statement. After all, any woman would find him attractive, would they not? "That…my point was not –"

He turned away again. "Whatever you feel for me, I would ask that you keep your distance in every way. This marriage benefits the both of us by remaining in name only. You and I shall continue to live as we each see fit, within the laws of propriety."

"But…you mean aside from…" she could not believe he was making her say it aloud like this. "Aside from the duties of the marriage bed," she finally managed.

As Jasper frowned, Arabella hurried to explain. "You must have an heir, mustn't you? Neither of us may be particularly inclined to the way in which a child must be conceived, but we are bound by duty to have one. That is why you have married, is it not?"

When Jasper looked at her again, Arabella thought his gaze might have withered a rose right on the bush. He slowly looked her up and down once more. Arabella shrank beneath his gaze.

Just then, the carriage came to a halt. A moment later, the door was opened by the footman. Jasper moved to exit. But he hesitated in the doorway. Without looking at her, he finally gave her an answer. And it sent a chill straight through her. "I will never join you in your bed. I can promise you that."