Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

" C ongratulations," Arabella managed, smiling though tears were still streaming down her cheeks.

"Oh, Arabella." Peggy crossed to pull her younger sister into another embrace.

"I am sorry," Arabella sniffled. "I – I am happy for you, truly, it is just…"

"Shhh…I know you are. But you do not need to be happy for me just now," Peggy murmured, clutching her tightly. "This was not how I planned to tell you."

Releasing her, Arabella took a step back, looking into her sister's all too familiar face. "I know how much you wish this for yourself," Peggy added, placing a hand on her swollen belly. "You may be happy for me and sad for yourself at the same time."

"You know then, do you?" Arabella sighed. "What has happened?"

"I know absolutely nothing," her sister replied, offering her a sad half smile. "But I can guess that something is amiss. Mother would not have sent for me if she were not worried for you," Peggy added gently.

Taking Arabella's arm, she guided her to a seat. Keeping an arm around Arabella, Peggy sighed. "The whole family is worried for you. I am too. It is not like you to keep them at arm's length this like."

"I know." Arabella looked up, trying to blink away her fresh tears. She felt as if she had not stopped crying for the last three days. "I do not feel like myself."

"Maybe you will once you talk about things," Peggy suggested knowingly. "I always did when we had our talks."

Arabella smiled sadly, remembering such simple, uncomplicated times with fondness. Arabella smiled sadly, remembering such simple, uncomplicated times with fondness. Though Arabella was younger than Peggy, she had acted as her sister's confidant many times throughout the years. Indeed, the girls would share almost everything with one another, staying up late into the night to whisper and giggle together.

They had shared numerous dreams with one another over the years. Then, when Peggy had fallen in love with a man far beneath her social status, it had been Arabella that she had come to, confessing her feelings for the man and her fear that their parents would never allow such a match.

When Peggy next spoke it were as if she were reading Arabella's thoughts.

"When I was falling in love with Michael," Peggy continued, referring to her now-husband, "you held me as I cried and cursed the world for having delt me such an unfair hand. You sat with me as I decided to marry the man I loved, giving up all the luxuries and comforts that I had known my whole life."

Peggy put a hand under Arabella's chin, gently moving her so that she could see her face more clearly. "You helped me through one of the most difficult decisions of my life, Arabella. Please, let me try and help you now."

Taking a shuddering breath, Arabella finally nodded. Then, somehow, she began to detail everything that had happened between herself and the Duke of Gysborne. She told Peggy about their first meeting and how Arabella had agreed to marry him to save their family from scandal.

Then, fighting the lump in her throat, she began to detail how she and Jasper had begun to fall in love. Or, at least, she had thought that they had. Arabella had fallen in love. But now she questioned whether the duke had ever had feelings for her.

"Maybe I pushed him away," Arabella confessed, hanging her head in shame. "I saw the way he looked at me after the accident. The way he shied away from my touch. I, I ruined things. I know that I did. But how? Why?"

"Peggy – he was looking at me as if he would not survive losing me. As if – had I been gravely injured on that ride – that his world would have fallen apart. How could he have left after that and then sent his uncle to remove me from the manor as if he could not bear to face me again?"

"You do not know that," Peggy countered. Though, from her furrowed brow, Arabella could see that her older sister was having difficulty making sense of the duke's actions.

"He sent no word after he disappeared. And he has sent no word since I left the estate. He does not wish to see me, Peggy. That much is clear."

Arabella put her head in her hands, blocking out the bright daylight as she tried to clear her mind. "I just want to understand him," she murmured. There were tears in her eyes when she finally raised her head. "I love him, Peggy."

"I can see that," her sister assured her, taking Arabella's hand in hers. "I never thought I would see you so in love," she admitted, smiling sadly as she pushed a hair out of Arabella's face.

"But what can I do? He does not love me in return. What can I do with a one-sided love?"

Peggy considered this for a moment. "I do not know. But what I do know is that love is capable of many unexpected and wonderful things. If you think that your husband did love you, at one point, then he cannot easily disregard such deep feelings. Trust in what you feel for him, Arabella. Do not lose hope yet."

Arabella sighed and rested her head on her older sister's shoulder. She wanted to believe what Peggy said. After all, Peggy was proof that love could overcome almost anything.

But Arabella did not know if she could believe. Her heart had been broken. Yes, her body had been bruised on her fall from the horse. She could easily have broken several bones. But those would heal. Those injuries would disappear.

But a broken heart? That was a pain that she did not know if she could recover from.

Jasper shifted nervously as he waited in the hall. He had been running circles in his mind for days and now, finally, he knew the truth of what he wanted from this life. He knew just how badly he had treated his wife – what a horrible mess he had made of things.

Now it was time to make amends. If he could.

"I shall inform the earl that you have arrived," the butler informed Jasper.

"I am here to see the Duchess," Jasper reminded him frowning. "I wish to speak with her, as I said before."

"I understand that, Your Grace. Forgive me, but I have been ordered to first fetch her father if you were to arrive asking after her."

Jasper's blood ran cold. "Is – is she all right? Is she unwell?"

The butler hesitated. "It is not my place, Your Grace. If you will but wait a moment."

Bowing, the older man took his leave. Now Jasper was beginning to pace up and down in front of the front door, his mind racing. Why had he not been contacted? If something was amiss and Arabella's father wished to speak with Jasper, why had he not written to him?

Thankfully, Jasper did not have to wait long. He let out a sigh of relief as he spotted Peter making his way down the hall toward him. Then, in the next moment, Jasper's stomach dropped.

Arabella's father was glaring at Jasper as he strode toward him, wearing a mask of such anger that Jasper could hardly recognize the man.

As Peter planted himself before Jasper, he narrowed his eyes. "What are you doing here, Your Grace?"

"I – I am here to see my wife," Jasper said, struggling to find the words, taken aback as he was by Peter's cold reception.

"I am afraid that is not possible. She will not see you."

"She will not see me?" Jasper asked. Now it was his turn to be skeptical. "Is that her decision?"

Peter lifted his chin. "No. It is mine. And I think it is a good one. After all, why should I allow my daughter to see the man who threw her from their home?"

Jasper's mouth fell open. "Thrown out? I would never! I have come here to bring my wife home with me. I do not know why she left my estate, but I most certainly am not responsible for her departure."

As Peter seemed to consider this, a flicker of hesitation ran across his scowling face. "That is not my impression of the situation. From what I can tell, it was not my daughter's decision to leave your home. No one who has left of their own accord would suffer as she has the last few days."

Again, Jasper's blood was like ice in his veins. "Has she been unwell? If you will allow me to call my physician –"

"She is not sick with anything that a man of medicine may cure," Peter said firmly.

Finally, understanding, Jasper nodded. "I need to speak with her. I owe her an apology."

"I would think you owe her more than that." Peter sighed gruffly, shaking his head. "My daughter has said nothing of what transpired between you, but I will tell you this: I have never seen her as distraught or, indeed, as despondent as she is now."

His mind racing, Jasper felt as if he were still missing a piece or two of this puzzle. But he could not deny that it was his fault that Arabella was upset. He had completely disappeared on her, without word or note of where he had gone. The Lord only knew what she thought he might have gotten up to in his absence.

Clearing his throat, Jasper took a step toward Arabella's father. "I promise you, I have come to make amends. I believe there has been some misunderstanding in the matter, but I have not come to hurt your daughter."

Peter skewered Jasper with a glare for so long that Jasper began to worry that the older man had not heard him. But, finally, the earl sighed. "I suppose I cannot refuse to allow you to see your wife. And, selfishly, a part of me does wish to see the two of you reconciled."

Arabella's father offered Jasper a small, rueful smile. "We had all begun to consider you as family, Your Grace. Thomas in particular is quite fond of you. We had hoped, with time, that you might consider us as a part of your own family."

Jasper had no words for the gratitude he felt at such a statement. Nor could he express to Peter just how much he valued their family in return, or how much he wished to be considered as one of their own.

But before he could try to express any of this, Peter's eyes hardened once more. "But no matter our personal feelings toward you," Peter warned him, his voice lowering nearly to a growl. "If you hurt my daughter again, I will ensure that you pay for what you have done."

Jasper blinked in surprise. He had never seen Peter like this. The normally jovial man was more serious than Jasper had ever seen him before.

Swallowing, Jasper knew there would only be one way to assure Peter of his sincerity. Stepping forward, Jasper put a hand out and placed it on Peter's shoulder. Keeping it there, Jasper held Peter's gaze with steady assurance despite the chill that seeped up his arm and the pricks of pain that soon followed.

"I love your daughter," he told Peter. "More than anyone. I would sooner cut off my own hand than hurt her."

Staying there a moment longer, Jasper waited. Then, when Peter began to smile, Jasper sighed, letting go of his shoulder.

Nodding, Peter took a step back. He gestured to Jasper's left. "Very well. I believe you. She is in the drawing room."

Gratefully, Jasper turned and strode straight into the room, pushing the doors open as he went, not caring what he might be interrupting. He had to see Arabella. That was all he cared about.

And, as he strode into the room, he got his wish. Arabella, who had been sitting close to another young woman, stood in surprise at his sudden appearance.

Beside her, the other woman rose. Jasper glanced between the two of them realizing that they bore many similarities to one another. Was this the sister who had married the poor man, plunging her family into scandal?

From what he could see, she was happy with her decision. The woman was practically glowing. And, upon further examination, she was expecting a child, too.

But there was little time for such assumptions. Jasper turned his gaze back on Arabella who was still staring at him in astonishment. "Jasper?" she breathed.

For a moment, there was relief in her eyes. Then, just as her father had done mere moments before, her eyes narrowed. "I am afraid, Your Grace, that I am not up to seeing visitors today," she informed him, her voice slightly wavering on the final few words.

"You are angry with me, I know," Jasper began, starting toward her. Then, remembering the presence of the other woman, he hesitated, drawing up short. "Forgive me. I have forgotten my manners. We have not been introduced."

The woman glanced hesitantly between Arabella and the duke. "I am Mrs. Merton, Your Grace."

"It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Mrs. Merton," Jasper said. The room fell silent once more as he glanced back at Arabella. His wife opened her mouth to speak, but Peggy cut her off.

"I should go and speak with our mother," she said, taking a step toward the door. "I have…something to discuss with her."

"No, you needn't leave –" Arabella protested, but Peggy was already to the door. Then, casting one more glance back at the both of them, Arabella's sister disappeared.

When Jasper turned back to Arabella, she was regarding him with renewed anger. He moved toward her, but she stepped back, putting even more distance between them. "Arabella –"

"Why have you come here, Jasper?" she asked. "You sent someone to throw me out of my own home, but now you have the courage to come and face me yourself? What do you hope to get out of this?"

Jasper reached out, desperate to touch her, but he forced himself to keep his distance. "Arabella, I do not know what happened, but I never wanted you to leave. I –"

"Then you did not send your uncle to see that I packed up my things and was gone before the day was out?"

Outrage coursed through Jasper. Reginald? He should have known better than to have trusted his uncle not to act upon Jasper's situation. He should have known that his uncle would leap at the chance to get Arabella out of Jasper's life.

"I did not," Jasper assured her. "If my uncle did anything, it was without my permission or prompting."

"But you left –"

"I did." Jasper sighed, passing a hand over his face. "Forgive me. I shouldn't have left. I…needed time to think." This was all coming out wrong. "If you will let me explain –"

"Yes." Arabella's simple reply took Jasper by surprise. He frowned, waiting for her to continue. She sighed. "If you are prepared to explain yourself, then I will listen. But I need to know the truth, Jasper. All of it. I deserve clarity, I think, after all this time. Do I not?"

She was right. She was absolutely right.

Gathering his courage, Jasper nodded. "When you fell off that horse, I thought I was going to lose you. And I couldn't stand the thought of it. I couldn't stand the thought of losing someone else."

At this, Arabella's eyes widened ever so slightly. "Someone else?"

"My mother." How long had it been since he had spoken about that fateful day? There was a reason he never talked about it. Even now, after all this time, the memories welled up within him, fresh and fierce. "I watched her die. I…it way my fault."

Jasper took a shaky breath. Already, he could feel his body turning to ice at the memory, just as it did when someone touched him. Just as it had that horrible day.

"She reacted to a fruit," he pressed on. "That is what the physician guessed, afterwards, when he arrived. He said that the fruit caused her throat to close up until she was unable to breathe. It killed her. The fruit that I gave her…"

Jasper hung his head. "I had wanted to surprise her. I had been at the market with my uncle and a man had been selling a strange fruit from abroad. He told me that, where it came from, only the most beautiful and the wisest of women were allowed to eat it. So I begged my uncle to buy it for me so that I might give it to my mother."

"I was no older than six," he added. "I did not even know that a person could get ill by eating the wrong thing. I only wanted to make her smile." Jasper tried to swallow the sudden lump in his throat. "After my father passed, she was so sad…"

Clearing his throat, Jasper forced himself to continue. "So I gave it to her. She ate it and immediately, she began to turn red. She coughed and gasped. When she tried to drink something, she only began to cough harder. Then she fell out of her chair. I rushed to her and held her, begging her to tell me what to do to help her. But she could not speak. She died there, in my arms."

"Sometimes, when I look at my hands, I can still see the red stains of that fruit. That day, in the chaos of it all, I managed to get it all over me." Jasper looked at his palms now, the tan skin still stained in his mind's eye with his guilt.

"I think that was what started it. Seeing my mother pass. Knowing what I had done. And my hands…my skin. Suddenly, I could not bear to be touched. My condition came upon me overnight and changed everything about me. I began to wear gloves in the hopes that I might prevent an unexpected touch. I stopped shaking hands. Stopped hoping that, one day, the condition would leave as quickly as it had come."

"And then I met you." Jasper raised his head to look at Arabella. "That night at the masquerade, I thought I had lost my mind. I could not fathom the possibility that there existed someone whom I could touch without pain. But it was true."

"Not once," he added, taking a small step toward her. "Not once has my condition been triggered by your touch. It…it was a miracle."

Hesitating, Jasper scoured his wife's face for any sign that he should stop. He wanted to stop. Because what came next was the most damning confession of all.

But Arabella was waiting, silently.

"I know how it looks," he admitted, his chest growing tight. "That I should marry the only woman whom I could touch. But I had every intention of staying away from you, of letting you live your life entirely separate to mine."

"But I couldn't stay away." Jasper warred with himself, wanting to run to her and take her in his arms, but knowing he could not. Knowing that his wife might very well refuse him now. "When I thought I might have lost you, I told myself that I was somehow at fault for that, too. That I was cursed to lose those closest to me. That, somehow, I would bring you danger and harm."

"And now that I have abandoned you," he continued, forcing himself to meet her gaze, "I know that your feelings for me might have changed. I ran, trying to clear my head, and I left you all alone. I told myself that I was protecting you, but all the while I was putting myself first."

"Your father tried to stop me from seeing you just now," he added, gesturing to the closed door behind him. "And he was right to do so. He could see that I had hurt you. I can see now, too, how much I've hurt you, Arabella."

Jasper shook his head. "I cannot ask you to forgive me. I have no right. But I must do it all the same."

Meeting her eye again, Jasper spread out his hands, palms up, in surrender. "I love you, Arabella. I did not know it – or rather, I could not admit it to myself – until I thought I had lost you. And now I realize that I do not care what the future holds. I cannot give you up simply because I do not know what will happen next. I would still be here, confessing my love, if I knew that I were to die tomorrow."

"I love you, Arabella. And I never want to let you go again. Whether I deserve you or not."

As Jasper's words finally ran dry, the room fell silent. Arabella stared at him for a long, long time. Her eyes swam with tears, but Jasper did not know what that meant. Then, as he was beginning to despair, Arabella opened her mouth.

Then she closed it.

Then, she ran to him.

Arabella ran straight into his arms, throwing her own around his neck as she let out a sound that was half sob, half laughter. Jasper's hand was on her head, then her cheek. He pulled her to him, pressing his lips to hers with a love that no words could express.

And his wife kissed him back.

Jasper pulled back just enough so that he could wipe the tears from his beloved's cheeks. "Do not cry," he murmured.

"They are tears of joy," Arabella laughed in reply. "You have made me so happy, Jasper. I thought -" Arabella's palm was pressed against his cheek, her eyes scanning every inch of his face with ferocity, like a traveler looking upon a new city for the first time. "I thought you did not want me," she murmured. "That I had somehow lost your love."

"You could never do that. Even if you tried."

"I love you too, you know," she smiled. "More than you could ever know. But –"

Jasper's eyes went wide. "But?"

Arabella's smile widened. Then, with a sigh, she fixed him with a sad, pitying look. "But you must promise me something."

"Anything." There was no hesitation in his voice. "Name it."

She stroked his cheek with her thumb. "You must stop blaming a child for the death of his mother. A child who no more caused her death than he was capable of stopping it."

Sighing, Jasper held his wife just a little tighter. Somehow, she had known the right words to say. As she spoke a great weight was lifted from him – one that he had not even been aware that he was carrying. In this way, too, she had saved him.

Arabella was his redeeming angel. She had brought him back from the brink of despair and isolation. She had released him from years of guilt and blame. And now, she had brought a happiness into his life that Jasper was certain he never had nor ever would deserve.

"Thank you," he murmured. Thank you for everything.

In reply, Arabella kissed him again.