Chapter 18

The burger was good, though she had a hard time focusing on it. She just stared at it, mostly, as she quietly ate. They sat in silence. Well, okay, not counting the sound of Izael literally eating an entire cooked cow. The bigger parts went in through the slice in his body, and she both couldn't look away and really didn't watch at the same time.

Which meant, of course, she watched.

It didn't help her mood.

I love him.

Did it change things? She didn't think so. She loved him, but she didn't love him enough to doom hundreds of thousands of fae and humans—if not millions—to death at the hands of the bloodthirsty Valroy.

But it felt like it changed things. She just didn't know how.

Shit. Just—shit. Monkey-fucking, donkey-sucking shit. What was she supposed to do? They probably only had hours to live. So, great—awesome—she loved him. For less than it would take to watch an extended edition of a Lord of the Rings movie. Fantastic.

Gods, she wished she could just get hammered and forget everything. But there was no chance of that. She needed to have her wits when they went into the Maze and tried to kill a demigod who would inevitably mop the floor with them.

But there was one question eating away at her—no pun intended.

Should she tell Izael?

There was no telling how he'd react. No predicting what his response would be. Sure, she could figure he'd be happy about it, but what then?

It was one thing to use her wish and force herself to love him. Even he understood, despite his arguments to the contrary, that it wasn't the same thing. It was another thing if she legitimately, honestly loved him.

Would he still agree to a suicide mission?

Or would he change his mind, deciding against it and trying to cook up some other new scheme in its place? There was only twenty-four hours-ish remaining to their original deal. It wasn't much time to come up with some new evil scheme, but she wouldn't put it past Izael to come up with some worse plot.

Not to mention, it felt…cruel. Telling him that someone loved him right before he died. It felt needlessly mean to him. Like it was taunting him somehow. Congratulations, after hundreds of years you're finally loved by someone! Collect your door prize. You're dead now.

Luckily for her, Izael likely mistook her dour and strained expression as her dreading what they were about to do. Not that she was suddenly hiding some enormous secret from him.

Things were even more complicated than that, though. What would he do when it came time for her to use her wish to love him—and he discovered she was lying? She couldn't wish for something that was already there, right?

That would mean she'd be put at a crossroads. Either she admitted she loved him already, so the wish was a lie for that reason, or she claimed she really didn't want to love him, and therefore the wish was a lie.

The latter was beyond cruel. The former was dangerous.

"I've made up my mind."

She blinked out of her thoughts, looking over at the snake who had just finished devouring a whole cow like a t-rex. It took her a second to realize what he'd just said. "About?"

He sat back in the chair. He was in human form, once more impeccably dressed. She had opted for something more comfortable to die in—black pants, a dark purple tank top, and a black long-sleeve fishnet shirt pulled over it. It was nice of him to just magic up clothing for her.

With a deep exhale, he stared down at the plate in front of him that only had smears of steak juice left on it. "You do not have to use your wish before we go to the Maze."

Turning her chair to face him, she was dumbfounded for a second. Thrilled—relieved—it solved the problem she was just realizing she had. But it wasn't like him. "Why? I mean. Thanks, but why?"

"Two reasons. First, I stand at the precipice of going to my grave, knowing the person I love will die with me. If Valroy kills you first, I will have to watch you die. I—I think that alone might kill me." He grimaced, obviously imagining the sight. It clearly sickened him. "I do not want you to suffer the same. This is hard enough without you knowing the one you love will die."

Yeah. I'm just realizing that. But she kept that to herself. Reaching out, she took his hand. It was the least she could do if she couldn't be honest with him.

"And second—your soul. I will return to Tir n'Aill. I will become one with all this." He gestured half-heartedly at the night sky and the surrounding woods. "You, though? I don't know what'll happen when you die if your soul is my property. I think it would be released to wherever you naturally would go. But I can't guarantee that."

Frowning, she squeezed his hand. She let him finish his thoughts without her breaking into it.

"I do not want you to be trapped in a world that has cost you your life. Even if you wouldn't realize it, as your consciousness would be gone—it seems wrong to me. You should be free. Perhaps, just perhaps, your soul will live on. The songbird I adore could be reborn in another life, where I will be scattered and all that makes me who I am is stripped away." He shut his eyes, looking as though he was on the edge of tears. His hand tightened in hers. "I want to give you the chance to exist. Somewhere, someway." With a wavering inhale, he let the last words out in a rush. "Even if it will be without me."

Her heart shattered into pieces like blown glass and fell to the proverbial ground. Getting up, she wordlessly straddled his lap, facing him, and kissed him. She couldn't take it. Couldn't take the look of pain on his face. The agony in his voice. The sheer loneliness.

Meeting her kiss, he wrapped his arms around her in a hug and pulled her close. It wasn't passionate—it wasn't about sex or physical need. It was about love.

Overfull with emotions, she tucked her head onto his shoulder and fought the urge to cry as well. "Thank you, Izael." She knew what it meant to thank him. And she also knew how valuable that was. How meaningful. She couldn't tell him the truth—that she already loved him, and this was already going to be brutal for her—but she could do that much.

He kissed her temple. "You are welcome."

They sat there for a long moment before he sniffed and cleared his throat, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Let's get this over with before I change my mind."

Sliding from his lap, she nodded. He was right. There was no point in delaying things any longer. "How do we do this?"

"Fuck if I know, toots." He stood and straightened his suit and then his tie. "There's a reason they call it the Maze. Only a few people have ever fought their way to the tree at the center of it. And it's not like it's ever in the same place twice. I'm betting we never even see it—he'll kill us before we get that close."

"Great." She sighed. "What do we do if he tries to take me prisoner?"

"I thought about that. I won't be able to stop your heart anymore. And you won't be able to kill yourself if he claps you in iron." Izael headed over to one of his bookcases. Pulling a small box from it, he returned to her. Chuckling, he opened the lid. "This feels right."

It was a ring. Beautiful and delicate, the silver band tangled around a bright teal jewel set into a heavier base. She was dumbstruck once more.

"Our meeting began with rings. And now, it will end with one." Pulling the ring from the box, he flicked a small, nearly invisible clasp on the side of it. It was filled with a strange, greenish powder. "Poison. Fast acting. You will feel nothing. And he will not be able to get you to a healer in time, and that power is far outside his reach." He closed the lid on the ring before lifting her hand and slipping it onto the ring finger of her left hand.

The meaning of it wasn't lost on her. Shutting her eyes tight, she took a breath and let it out, keeping her tears at bay. Barely. "It's gorgeous."

"And deadly. Just like me." There was that cheeky grin of his again, though it didn't last long. "I'd say take it now, but—there is a slim chance that together we might be able to kill him. It's worth a try. If he captures you before you can use your magic to stop your own music—then swallow the poison."

"Yeah." The thought turned her stomach. But it was a good plan. Best that they had, anyway. "This sucks."

"Tell me about it." He tilted her head up to him. "Tell me you're mine, songbird. That even though I go to my grave without your love?—"

She cut him off with another kiss, wrapping her arms behind his neck. She couldn't take it. Couldn't take the way his voice cracked. She loved the boisterous, man-eating maniac. Not this sad, defeated thing before her.

When she broke away, she smiled sadly at him. "I'm yours. And even through all this—with how it's going to end—I…don't regret any of it."

That made him smile, even if it was drowning in grief, just like hers. Taking a step back, he offered her the crook of his elbow. "Then let us shuffle off this mortal coil."

She placed her arm in his.

And couldn't help but notice the music around them had changed into a dirge.

Izael did not knowwhat the point of love was if it hurt this badly. He could barely wrap his head around what was about to happen. He, the Duke of Bones—was about to attempt to murder his King. Not only that, he knew he was going to lose! Even if Alex's power was unique and strong enough to take down Valroy, there was no chance the Unseelie King went down without a fight.

And Izael knew he would take whatever blows were meant for her. He would ensure that she got her best shot. And that meant, even if she was ultimately successful, she would live on without him.

That was the other reason he opted not to take her soul. It was pointless. He would have it for thirty minutes before it was returned to her upon his death. It'd be a waste of time and energy.

But he didn't mention to her the fact he knew that even if, somehow, against all odds, she succeeded in destroying the great tree that was Valroy, she would walk away alone. Why make her dread every possible outcome? Why ruin even the smallest bit of hope that this wasn't a goodbye?

She had mentioned, while they sat on that mortal child playground, that no one would miss her on Earth. No one would miss him on Tir n'Aill. Not even "Uncle" Anfar or his selkie mate Perin. Perhaps Puck would miss the chaos Izael could cause, but he would not miss the creature that caused it.

No, all they had was themselves.

"Will you miss me, my songbird?" He was leading her through the forest. He would take her to the Maze the long way around. He was in no rush to die.

"For like, what, the two seconds I'm still alive after you?" She smirked, her tone sardonic. "Yeah. I will."

That was something. He smiled. She had told him that she belonged to him. She had thanked him. It meant that by all fae law, she was his property, wish or no wish. Her soul was still her own, but she was his.

And that was enough.

That would have to be enough.

Nothing is ever enough. But here, at the end, he'd have to make an exception. He placed his other hand on hers where it rested on his elbow as they went for a leisurely stroll toward oblivion.

He had considered putting the iron collar back on her, as that was what he had promised Abigail he would do. But they were far outside the reach of the Seelie as they set foot inside the Maze.

And his songbird may have only precious seconds to fight. Seconds they could not waste on him removing the collar.

The world around them seemed to grow even darker as they crossed the threshold into the portion of Tir n'Aill that most Unseelie never dared to tread. The starry sky seemed muted, the shine of the moon duller.

The trees were decidedly less inviting.

Alex clearly could feel it as she stepped closer to him, holding on to his arm just a little tighter. The look on her face reflected her sudden fear—her already pale skin growing a shade less pink. "I…fuck."

"I can only imagine what it must sound like to you."

"If we live through this, I'm going to show you a horror movie. You'll get the gist." She cringed, as if straining to hear something. "But there's something—something else there." She shut her eyes for a moment to focus on whatever it was. "I can hear another instrument. It's like a pipe organ, but—fuller. Bigger."

"That must be the center of the Maze." A flicker of hope entered his heart, like a candle fighting through a stiff and sudden wind. Sputtering and desperately holding on.

"It's quiet. It's far away. But it's—" She strained again, before pointing off to the left of the trail. "It's that way."

Cackling, he picked her up in a sudden hug and spun her around before putting her back down. They had a chance! They had a damnable chance! What they did not have, however, was much time.

Puck's planned distraction could only last so long. Even the master trickster himself couldn't keep Valroy's focus forever.

They would have to hurry.

But they had a chance.

"Come—songbird." He grinned down at Alex. "Let us go kill the King."