Chapter Eighty

Chapter Eighty

Sephie

"I just never thought the darkness is what would connect us," I said, mostly to myself. I had walked back to sit next to Ivan, so he heard me. My mind was racing trying to understand what we'd just discovered. I knew we were all connected in some way, but I didn't expect it to be the same, somewhat otherworldly experience.

"Doesn't that happen to everyone?" Misha asked. He was clearly still surprised at finding out we'd all been in the same "place" within our heads when seriously injured. For some reason, we all looked at Stephen. If anyone had the answer to that question, it had to be him.

He looked surprised at everyone looking at him. "I have a lot of answers to a lot of questions, but that question is not one of the ones I have an answer to. I've never heard of this many people essentially sharing an experience. In all my 900 years," he said. I had no idea how he managed to keep a straight face all the time, but I found myself admiring him for it. It was impressive.

We were all quiet for a few minutes, everyone's mind racing, trying to comprehend our conversation. Andrei leaned onto his elbows on the counter. He was staring at his hands. "We're all evil, aren't we?" he asked.

I think he meant it as a joke, but I could also hear the legitimate worry in his voice. "Bubba…" I said.

Ivan interrupted me before I could say any more. "I don't know about the rest of you, but I enjoy it when I'm in the darkness. It's difficult to leave it sometimes. I'm arguably the most evil out of all of us, so you might be on to something there, Andrei."

I hooked my arm through his and leaned my head against his shoulder. "I don't think any of us is evil. And I think you enjoy the darkness because you know nothing can hurt you there. You've found peace in your darkness, both literally and figuratively. You and Adrik both. You're both fine with the fact that you might be a little evil. You understand that people can be both. Most people are both. The world is both. The point of life is to find the balance between the two." Ivan squeezed my arm that was still hooked through his. "Mine was necessary to remind me of something important," I said. I was finally starting to understand why things had happened the way they had. "You all know how much I hate being cold. My darkness is cold. Like bone-chilling cold. At first, I couldn't see anything at all, not even my own body. I started to hear Adrik's voice and I could faintly see the outline of my body, but nothing beyond it. That's also when I started to hear my uncle's voice. Every time I would hear his voice, it would get darker. When I would hear Adrik, the opposite. It would get lighter. Eventually, it started to get warmer too. You all heard my fight with my uncle. Once I finally kicked him out of my head, I could see. I needed that reminder that my light comes from me. Adrik was the spark to make me remember." I glanced over at Adrik. I'd never explained what had happened when I was stuck in the nightmare loop to him before now. I don't think he realized how much of an effect he had on me when I was trapped in my own mind.

"That's similar to how it happened for me when I was in the hospital. Every time I'm in the hospital, I see the same doctor's face that used to delight in torturing me when I was a kid. I'm trying to kill him when I fight whoever is in front of me. It doesn't matter who the person is, I can't see them. I can only see the doctor," Ivan said.

"But you see Sephie. She's the only one you don't fight," Viktor said. Ivan looked down at me. We knew why he could see me when he couldn't see anybody else. I could see it clearly on his face that he didn't want to share that information with everyone, just as I didn't want to share it either.

"The only thing we can figure out is their shared hatred of doctors. Like Sephie said, their demons recognize each other, if you will," Adrik said. I glanced at him, thankful for stepping in so we didn't need to elaborate. I glanced around to see if the rest of the guys were looking at us. When I was satisfied they weren't, I signed a "thank you" to Adrik.

"Bubba, how did you get out of your darkness after your accident?" I asked.

"I don't know. I just woke up. I don't remember specifics about it. I remember being in it and only able to see my body, but I don't have memories of any sounds. I just woke up in the hospital a few days later. It took me a little bit to remember what had happened after I woke up," Andrei said.

"That's how it was for me too," Viktor said. "I have a memory of being in it, but nothing further."

"And you just woke up out of yours too?" I asked. He nodded.

"Same for me," Misha said.

"Me too," Stephen said.

"Interesting," I said. I remembered my dad telling me that Ivan could walk between worlds and that I could too. It felt like that had something to do with the difference between our experiences and the other guys' experiences, but I wasn't sure how. I was sure, however, that it was one more way we were all connected. It wasn't by chance that they all found each other, and it wasn't by chance that they found me.

The next afternoon, I was in Adrik's office while he finished up work. I had a book and was stretched out on the couch. I could see Adrik peek at me now and then while he was working. He loved it when his schedule was clear and I would come to his office while he worked, just so he could be near me. I had to admit to loving it as well. I always worried I was going to distract him, but he insisted that I was the best distraction there was, whether I was there or not. He admitted to his mind wandering more when I wasn't there and he couldn't see me.

Andy stuck his head in the office door, knocking on the door frame lightly. We both looked toward the door. "Do you have a few minutes, Boss?" Adrik nodded his head, then glanced at me as Andy walked into the office. Adrik was surprised to see him, which meant he was unsure of what was about to come out of Andy's mouth. I understood his look and quietly got up from the couch, taking my usual spot behind Adrik's desk, so I could see Andy as he talked to Adrik.

Adrik stayed quiet, as usual. Andy sat across from Adrik's desk. He looked a little nervous, but the last time he was in the office had been intense for him. "I was hoping to discuss something with you, sir. I'm not 100 percent sure on it yet, but I've also run into somewhat of a dead end on it now. I think it's important enough that you know."

I was now curious what he was going to tell us. I could feel Adrik's anger start to rise. He hated surprises. Andy glanced at Adrik, then to me. He took a deep breath and continued, "I overheard Mike on the phone a few times. Once the night they got me out, once after I was moved here. I don't know for sure who he was talking to, but he used a code that I've heard Anthony use for years."

I stood up and grabbed Adrik's phone from his desk, calling Viktor. I let it ring, then ended the call. They were all in the office within seconds. Andy went pale when they all walked in. "Don't worry, Andy. I just want them to hear this as well. Tell them what you just told us." He looked at the guys, who were still standing, and repeated what he'd just told us. He was still nervous, but he was trying to keep himself composed.

"What's the code?" Ivan asked.

"It's one word. Anthony got it from an old movie when he was younger and he's been obsessed with it ever since. He always wanted to be the stereotypical gangster you see in movies. He has all his guys call him ‘sicario' when they talk to him," Andy said.

I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. I stumbled backward toward the cabinet to catch myself. I was immediately back in the ring with Mike, right before I kicked him the last time.

"Do you want to adjust your opinion of me yet?

"Fuck you, whore."

Then that last word he said to me. The one I almost didn't hear. "Sicario."

My mind was racing. Why would he say that? Why would he basically be telling me he was working for Anthony? Why would Andy be telling us this now? Why not earlier? Was Andy also working for Anthony? I felt my anger rising to the surface as I tried to make sense of who we could trust and who we couldn't.

I didn't hear Adrik get up from his chair. I was snapped back to reality when I felt his arm around my waist. I looked up at him. He was clearly concerned. "Are you okay? What's going on? Talk to me." I glanced quickly at Andy, who was still nervous, but appeared to be concerned as well. The guys were all still standing, but they'd moved to surround Andy.

I responded in Russian. I wasn't sure we could trust Andy at this point, and it was making me angry. "That's the last word he said to me in the ring. I doubt any of you heard it. I almost didn't hear it because he was having trouble talking and he mumbled it. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I thought he was calling me a hitman."

"Why would he call you a hitman, gazelle?" Misha asked, still in Russian.

"That's what that word means, my adorable Russian guardian. I didn't think anything of it then. But why would Andy be telling us this now? Why not earlier? Why does he sit on this information before telling us?" I asked. Adrik's anger was also starting to rise to the surface, but he was running his hand over my back, trying to keep himself calm.

Ivan, who was also clearly angry, looked to Andy, asking in English, "Why are you just telling us this now?" He might've had a threatening edge to his voice that may have made Andy clench a little.

"I was trying to catch Mike talking to Anthony again so I could confirm it, but I haven't seen him around for a few days. I know Armando was gone over the weekend, so I figured he was with them, but I haven't seen Mike since they got back. I'm worried he went back to Anthony. And if I'm being honest, you guys always seem like you want to kill me anytime I give you information," Andy said, running his hand through his hair.

"And yet, you're still alive. It's like magic, really," I said, crossing my arms across my chest. "Don't be a pussy, Andy. You've been in this world long enough, for fuck's sake. They saved your ass, gave you a safe place to live, and everything you need. If they wanted to kill you, you would've been dead a long time ago. Cut the bullshit."

Adrik cleared his throat quietly beside me and I knew it was because he was trying not to laugh. I felt his hand slip under my shirt, his thumb tracing circles on the bare skin of my back.

Andy looked to me, surprised at my words. He thought for a moment. Ivan was losing patience and said, "You realize if she's losing patience with you that mine was gone before I even walked into the office. It's in your best interest that you start talking."

Andy started to say something, then stopped himself. He took a deep breath, then said. "I was trying to work it into a job here. Either with your security or Armando's. I knew if I could catch Mike working for Anthony, it would look good for me and you'd be more willing to trust me, so I waited to try and get hard proof. But then I haven't seen him for a few days, so I got worried."

I looked at Viktor to gauge his reaction. The look on his face said he was not the least bit interested in hiring Andy at this moment. He said, in Russian, "He's not working for us. I can talk to Armando and see if he wants him."

"Only after all this is over. Not before," Adrik said. Viktor nodded his head in agreement. Adrik glanced down at me, like he was asking my opinion on it as well.

"I don't trust him. It was shaky at best before this, but this would've been good information to have weeks ago," I said.

Adrik looked at Andy. In English, he said, "Next time you have information that directly affects us, you tell us right away. We'll consider the job after all this is over. Until then, nothing changes." I could feel Adrik's anger, but I could also feel that he was trying to contain it. It was almost like I could feel him struggling against it. Each time it happened, I could feel more than the time before. It felt almost like I could feel what he was feeling in his body and it was mirrored in mine.

Andy nodded and took his leave quickly. As we watched him walk out of the office, I turned toward Adrik, putting my hands on his chest. I could feel his anger fade away as he looked at me. I felt the calm return as he wrapped his arms around my waist. I smiled up at him. "That was different," I said.

He leaned down and kissed me quickly. "We'll talk about it later," he said, winking at me. He pulled me with him to his chair. Viktor had followed Andy to the door, closing it behind him as he left. Andy had his own guards assigned to make sure he didn't leave the building without permission, so there was no need to follow him any farther. Everyone moved to find a place to sit. Adrik pulled me into his lap as he sat back at his desk.

We all sat in silence for a few minutes, trying to wrap our heads around this new bit of information. I was frustrated with how difficult it was becoming to know who we could trust and who we couldn't trust through all this.

"Do you think this means that Keith and Chris are in question as well?" I asked.

"It's worth having a very serious conversation with both of them to find out," Ivan said.

"Call one of them up here. I want to get to the bottom of this right away, but I want to talk to them separately," Adrik said. While he had a moment of calm, I could feel his anger rising again. I could also feel that he wasn't fighting it this time. He wanted to be angry to talk to Chris and Keith.

If I'd learned anything since being with Adrik, it was that anger was a very useful emotion once you learned to control it. Especially if you needed to intimidate someone into telling you the truth. I smiled to myself. While I usually tried to keep him calm, I found myself enjoying being able to feel his anger because I knew it was needed.

We heard a knock on Adrik's office door. Viktor opened the door, letting Keith into the office. He walked in, somewhat curious as to what was going on, but he seemed quite calm. "What's going on?" he asked as he sat across from Adrik's desk.

"We need to know everything you know about Mike," Ivan said. He was still clearly angry, which caught Keith off guard.

"Yeah, man. Can I ask why? Seems kind of like a moot point now," Keith said.

"Did I ask for your opinion?" Ivan asked, a clear edge to his voice.

Keith looked quickly to Stephen. It was obvious that he was confused by what was happening. "I'll tell you anything you want to know, but I kind of need a direction here. Why are you asking about him? Like what are you looking for?"

While the guys were all quickly becoming angrier because it felt like Keith was trying to avoid the question, I could see that he was being honest and was trying to figure out how to appease them. "Let's start with when he left the police force in the small town you guys grew up in. Did he leave before or after you left the town?" I asked.

"He left before I did. He was gone for a couple years before I decided to leave. Honestly, we lost touch until we both showed up for this job. I didn't really like him when we worked together before, so I wasn't exactly jumping at the chance to catch up with him," he said. He looked at Stephen again, this time it was obvious that he was unsure how much he could say.

"He didn't know you're gay?" I asked. Keith turned back to me, his eyes wide.

Stephen chuckled. "They know, Keith."

"Oh. Okay. Well, no. He didn't know. He was not as observant as you." He cleared his throat. "Clearly."

The guys couldn't help but laugh quietly. I'm sure they would've given him a hard time if this conversation was a little more light-hearted.

"Did he ever say anything about what he'd been doing in the couple years between him leaving and getting this job?" I asked.

"Not much. He said he'd worked security here and there. Mostly odd jobs. He tried to get onto the police force in the city, but he failed the psych test," Keith said. "He never really went into details, but I also never really asked. I almost didn't take this job because of him, if I'm being honest. It was so much better after he left," he said.

"Why did you leave then?" Misha asked.

"Basically, the same reason that Mike left. It was such a small town that there was no room for advancement. I'd pretty much topped out early on in my career. There, uh, also wasn't much of a dating scene in town. I knew Mike had initially moved to the city, but like I said, we lost touch, so I never dreamed I would meet him at the first job I applied to after moving here," Keith said.

"How long were you here before you applied for this job?" I asked.

"A week. This was the first job I applied for too. I'm pretty sure I got lucky, but this conversation is making me wonder, not gonna lie," he said.

"You're doing fine, Keith. Just relax," I said. He gave me a tight smile, but did not relax.

"After you two started, did you ever notice him making calls that he wouldn't tell you about or did he ever disappear with no explanation? Did you notice anything weird?" Viktor asked.

Keith thought for a moment. "A couple of hushed phone calls. Or like he would end the call very quickly if he saw me. I never noticed him disappear, but once Armando was done for the day, I didn't keep track of Mike. I was usually looking forward to getting a break from him by the end of the day, so I didn't pay attention to what he was doing or not doing."

"Do you remember when those phone calls happened?" Viktor asked.

"Not precisely, no," Keith said. "Can I ask why this is important now? I mean, he's not really an issue now, right?"

The guys looked to me before saying anything further. I said in Russian, "I don't think he's lying. I don't think he knows anything. I think he likely stayed away from him as much as possible. If Mike had that much of an issue with me, I can only imagine how horrific he would've been toward Keith if he found out. He's nervous because we're all here grilling him, but I don't feel like he's hiding anything."

While we were talking with Keith, I knew Adrik had been staring him down. It was a very effective strategy for him, as he could be extremely intimidating when he wanted to be. I saw Keith catch his gaze once or twice and immediately regret it. Once I told them that he was telling the truth, I felt Adrik relax slightly. His anger level lowering, but only slightly.

"We have reason to believe that Mike was working for Anthony," Adrik said. "We needed to make sure he's the only one."

Keith looked stunned. He looked at the floor for a moment. "Now it makes sense."

"What makes sense?" Ivan asked. Where he had started to calm down, he was now right back to the anger level he was at when Keith walked in.

"A couple of things, actually. I was with Mike when we went in to get Andy. There was clear recognition between those two when Andy first saw us. I admit I don't have extensive experience with those types of situations, but I did enough work with informants that I recognize the look when you know someone but you're trying to act like you don't know someone. Andy had seen Mike before, but I'm sure Mike gave him a look when he said the code word you gave us," he said.

Adrik, who had also started to relax, was no longer relaxed. I could feel his anger, which was feeding into my anger. I stood, knowing he would want to pace. "He's a dead man," Adrik said quietly, but dripping with anger, as he stood up.

Keith's eyes went wide once again. "Tell us what else makes sense, Keith," I said, giving him a tight smile. The scene in front of him did not help him to calm down. I'm sure my anger was written all over my face as Adrik paced behind me like a caged animal just waiting for his chance to escape.

He looked too stunned to speak for a moment. His mouth was open, but his brain had clicked off as he just stared at Adrik. "KEITH," Stephen said, firmly enough that it snapped him back to reality.

"Right. Uh, when we went to get the documents from Armando's house. When we got back and Mike said that no one was watching us or following us? Yeah, he was lying. I don't think Armando caught it, but both Chris and I noticed we were being followed. Mike was basically in charge and I knew how he was about being questioned, so I didn't say anything. I should've said something." He looked up, his eyes even wider than before. "It was a mistake. It will never happen again," he pleaded. He was in genuine fear for his life at this point.

"Anything else? Now would be the ideal time to come clean with everything, Keith," I said.

He swallowed hard, but shook his head no. "That's everything I can remember. Just those two instances. I didn't notice anybody when we went to pick Andy up and bring him here and I haven't noticed anything since. Why wouldn't they be following us now that Mike is gone?" he asked.

It dawned on me the same time it dawned on Ivan. He caught my eye and we both said "Andy" at the same time. They didn't need to follow anyone when they had someone on the inside. I felt my level of anger rise higher than I'd ever felt it. I vouched for that son of a bitch. I gave him the okay. I ran interference for him when the guys wanted to pummel him on multiple occasions. He tried to kill Ivan. That motherfucker.

I felt Adrik's arm slide around my waist. He leaned down so his lips were next to my ear. "Take a breath, solnishko. We need to be smart about this. I want to talk to Chris first before we deal with Andy." I looked up at him, somewhat surprised that he was the one calming me down. I immediately recognized the lust in his eyes when he looked down at me. I shut my eyes, trying to get control of myself and to keep him from thinking about ripping my clothes off. When I opened them, I looked at him again. I raised my eyebrow slightly, silently asking if my eyes were normal again. He just smirked at me and kissed my temple. "Normal again," he said quietly.

Adrik looked to Viktor. "Call Chris. Put him in a room until we're done with Chris."

Viktor walked Keith out of the office. A few minutes later, he returned with Chris, who was already so nervous he could barely keep it together.

"Tell us what happened the night you guys went to get Andy," Ivan said in his very authoritative tone.

"Keith probably knows more than I do. I wasn't with him and Mike when they actually went in to get Andy. I stayed outside, in the hall, to make sure no one surprised us. I didn't hear anything, other than Mike tell Andy the code word you guys gave us, then they came back out. You guys know what happened on the way out of the building, right?" he asked.

"What about what happened the night you went to Armando's house to get the documents?" Viktor asked. Even he sounded angry.

"Oh shit. Well, Mike lied to you guys, for one. I don't know why. I think he was trying to save face, but we were followed. He told you guys we weren't," he said.

"Did you notice anything weird with Mike other than that instance?" I asked. I was trying to keep my cool, but I was certain I was failing miserably at it as Adrik pulled me closer to him. I felt his hand slide under my shirt, his thumb on my skin.

"Honestly, I tried to stay away from him as much as possible. He was a dick."

"And you didn't feel it was important to tell us that he lied to us?" I asked, maybe a little louder than I meant to.

"Please don't hurt me. He made it clear that he was in charge. He also made it clear that he could fire me and Keith at will. I need this job, even though it might cost me my life in like two minutes," he said.

Adrik flexed his arm around my waist, causing me to look at him. He wanted to know my opinion of Chris before he said anything. "I don't think he's lying, but I also vouched for that piece of shit Andy too, so I don't know how much you want to trust me right now," I responded in Russian.

Adrik clicked his tongue at me, but said nothing. He turned to Chris, saying, "Mike was working for Anthony. If we find out you or Keith are also working for anyone else, you'll meet the same fate as Mike. Only it won't be so quick." He looked at Chris with every ounce of hatred he could muster.

"I'm not working for anyone else, I swear. Look, I really need this job. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize it. My mom, she's sick. This job is paying her medical bills. She raised me and my sister on her own, working two to three jobs. She means the world to me. There's no way I would put her or being able to take care of her in danger," Chris said. His emotions were right on the surface when he talked about his mother, making me want to believe him, but I was so frustrated with myself for believing Andy that I wasn't sure I should believe Chris.

I closed my eyes, pinching the bridge of my nose. My head was starting to pound. I heard Adrik tell Viktor quietly to put Chris in a room as well. I opened my eyes and looked at Adrik, who was clearly concerned about me. When his eyes met mine, he looked surprised. "Blink, love," he whispered, his sexy smirk on his face.

"Shit, sorry," I said, closing my eyes once more. I took a deep breath, trying to calm down. I was almost afraid to open my eyes again. When I did, I looked quickly to Adrik, who smiled at me.

"Normal again," he said, kissing my forehead. He stepped in front of me, glancing at the guys. "Apologies, but I need to do this," he said to them as he wrapped his arm tightly around my waist. He pulled me against him firmly, his lips finding mine forcefully. His anger quickly turned to passion as he kissed me deeply. I felt my knees go weak. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my body to his even tighter. Just when I felt my lungs objecting to the lack of air, he stopped the kiss, his forehead pressed to mine as he regained control. He pressed his lips to mine gently once more, then pulled me to one of the couches to sit. Usually, kissing me like that would calm him down, but I felt like he did that for me this time. It was effective. I found myself wanting more, no longer so angry I was having trouble seeing.

"I picked the worst person to be wrong about, it seems," I said, as I felt Adrik's arms slide around me.

"We don't know for sure you were wrong yet, spider monkey. He could still be telling us the truth, just maybe not the whole truth. That seems to be what he does," Andrei said.

"Not telling us that he knew Mike before was a big fucking omission," I said. "Just like not telling us that Sal was the one behind brawn all along was a big fucking omission."

"Maybe he's trying to play both sides," Ivan said. "Essentially, that's what he's always done. He worked for Sal, but fed you information. The big question is whether he's feeding Sal information while he's here."

"We took his phone. He has no way of contacting anyone outside the building. The guards that are assigned to him are always with him and have reported nothing. I'm going to speak to every single one of them, however," Viktor said. He was just as frustrated as I was with this situation. He felt like it was his responsibility to keep us safe and this was a potential breech of his airtight defenses. Viktor usually stayed calm and we rarely saw him angry, but he was angry over this one. He felt directly responsible for missing that Mike had worked for Anthony.

"What about Chris and Keith?" I asked. "I think they're both telling the truth, but now I'm not sure I trust myself, so I don't know if you guys should trust me."

"As far as I can tell, they're telling us the truth now," Misha said. "If Andy recognized Mike, that means they'd seen each other before. Not necessarily that they'd worked together before. And we were expecting them to be followed when they went to Armando's house that night. I thought it was weird that they weren't. It might not be as bad as we think it is."

I hoped Misha was right. Not just for us, but for the people of the city. We were trying to do this quietly, with as little fallout as possible. I didn't want to reach the point where chaos was necessary.