Chapter 28

Chapter

Twenty-Eight

TRESSYA

While I prepared my horse, I listened to the soft tread of the approaching footsteps.

"Good luck," came the soft, delicate voice.

Detailed embroidery adorned Princess Cirro's bodice of the palest lavender on a gown not fit for the fields. A light rain soaked the already damp ground. The continual passage of horses and tramping boots churned the green fields to mud, which now clung to her discolored hem. Her lady's maids had seen to her hair, twisting it into an elaborate style fit for a ball, which now hung limp to her head. Though she didn't seem to mind. Her eyes were lit with a child's eagerness.

I was starting to despise myself for my lack of conviction in carrying out the Mother's will.

"Thank you. Perhaps you should walk the fields and wish the men more luck than me. I feel they need it."

She giggled. "You were tremendous. Winning the first round of the trials. There is much talk around the fire of the mysterious young nobleman who dazzled the king with his prowess. Can you imagine how they would react if they knew a woman beat them?"

Her enthusiasm was infectious. "That's why you must keep it a secret. There'll be an uproar if they found out my true identity. The king would have no choice but to withdraw me."

Please, Mother, forgive my failure .

"Don't worry, I'll not say one word. I don't gossip. And I don't want the king to make you leave the trials."

She came closer, running her hand along the horse's side.

"Have you seen Andriet this morning?" I asked. "He would appreciate some well wishes, too."

"I went there first. But there was a guard at the entrance of his tent. They didn't permit me to enter. His valet was preparing him for the day ahead."

I cast a sideways glance, curious of the tone in her voice, and saw the blush in her checks before she flicked a glance at me. Then she sighed and clasped her hands in front of her. "I don't gossip, but that doesn't stop my lady's maids from doing it. I can't help but hear."

"You can tell me if it's about me. Don't feel shy. I care little about what the court thinks of me."

"I wish I was like you. I care too much. But it wasn't about you, and I won't say anymore because it's gossip after all. Nothing to be trusted."

I stopped checking my saddle bags and turned to face Cirro. "It was about Andriet, wasn't it?"

"Envy makes people say wicked things. That's all it is. Because he'll be king."

I walked around her for the horse's head and checked the tension on the buckle under the horse's chin.

Cirro hesitated slightly, then said, "He's very fond of his valet."

"Is that a question?"

She turned her attention to the horse, soothing her hand down its neck. "He just seems to be."

"They've known each other since they were boys."

"And are still very close."

"Is that another question?"

She dropped her hand and huffed a breath. "I'm sorry. I'm being stupid."

This time, I gave her my attention. "I think I know what you're trying to say. I can imagine the gossip your lady's maids have picked up."

"So it's just gossip."

This was not my secret to tell. I averted my eyes while I tried to decide what to say that would respect both of them.

She stepped toward me, and in her eagerness, took my hand. "I don't mind." Then, seeming to remember herself, she let me go. "He's kind and gentle and funny. Not at all like I expected. He'll make me happy. I know he will. I think I already love him. It doesn't matter if I have to share him. I know I'll grow to care a great deal for Daelon as well."

I couldn't end her life, and not because Andriet adored her. She was genuine, compassionate and innocent. I adored her too.

"Maybe that is a conversation you can have with Andriet."

Her cheeks flushed, so I squeezed her hand. "I'm glad. You two…three will be very happy."

I went to let her go, but she grabbed my hand with both of hers. "I don't want you to hate me."

"Why would I hate you?"

"I'm…" She dipped her gaze to her feet. "I'm taking your place so soon after you lost Juel. I'll be queen."

I snorted a laugh. "Believe me, I don't hold that against you."

Mother, I've failed you .

"You'll make a much better queen," I said. "I'm content with the place I have found for myself. I'm much better living beneath everyone's notice, moving in the shadows."

"But you'll never be beneath my notice." She glanced over her shoulder, then leaned close. "No woman in Acravia could ever hope to aspire to your position." Andriet had sworn her to secrecy regarding my new position with the king.

"Is it common in Merania?"

It was surely impossible, but I now adored her even more.

"No. I got lucky."

"I was never a ward. Father insisted I was brought up within his household and court. This is the first time I've left his side. King Henricus's court frightens me." She cast a glance over her shoulder, then moved closer. "The Creed of Salmun frightens me even more. They appear out of the shadows. You never hear them sneaking around in the corridors."

"They take some getting used to. And they're definitely creepy, but you don't have to worry about them. They're loyal to the Tannard throne."

"But we'll be friends, won't we?"

"Always. You never have to worry about that."

I could no longer call myself a disciple. The first and greatest of the pillars was no longer in my heart.

From over Cirro's shoulder, I spied Andriet and Daelon approaching.

"I hope you do't lose this horse today. Father didn't bring an endless supply of them." As always, Andriet's lively voice matched his warm smile.

"I'll try my hardest to keep this one."

Andriet leaned against my horse's side, resting his elbow on its rump. "I wish you wouldn't do this. The Salmun are protecting me. No creature of the Ashenlands can touch me. Whereas you're vulnerable."

"Are you forgetting my win?"

"I would never forget that. More so, I'll never forget the expressions on the nobles' faces when they learned some young lad with unknown titles beat them all." He dropped his arm, his smile fading as well. "Seriously. Each new trial grows more dangerous."

"I have a few tricks for dealing with the Ashenlands' beasts."

"I don't doubt you. And I long to see the faces of the king's court when they discover at the end that a woman beat them all."

"Because it will be Tressya. Of course it will," Cirro said, becoming swept up in Andriet's enthusiasm.

"There is no doubt of that," Daelon added.

The three of them surrounded me now, three people offering me genuine praise, each assured of my skill and ability. That was three people more than had ever believed in me before. And for one traitorous moment, I was glad Juel was dead, glad I would never birth the heir to Tarragona's throne. I would rather be the assassin in the shadows than the queen upon the throne. Mother, please forgive my traitorous, weak heart.

I pressed on my lips, unable to reply and glanced away, only to spy Radnisa stomping through the muddy ground toward me. I should've known my brief spark of happiness would be ruined in an instant.

"There you are, Your Highness," Radnisa gave the faintest curtsey. "Prince Andriet."

I gritted my teeth as her eyes grazed over Cirro, which seemed all she was prepared to do in acknowledgment to the young princess.

"I have things to do before the trial begins," Andriet announced, holding out his arm to Cirro. "Come, Cirro, let me tell you all about yesterday's fun."

Cirro threaded her arm through Andriet's, but her eyes lingered on Radnisa as her smooth brow developed deep grooves.

"Come, Daelon. There is still much to prepare." Andriet spared me a slight smile with a subtle shrug as if to say he was sorry for deserting me.

I glared at Radnisa as they departed, then moved to the horse's girth strap. I'd already checked the buckle was fastened tight, but it was something to do to help me ignore her.

"It seems you learned something during your years of training."

I stopped what I was doing. "I don't believe it. You're impressed that I won yesterday."

She snorted. "I wouldn't say impressed. Many others survived. There are three more, each harder than the first."

"And the king will lose many more of his noblemen before it's over. But you're right, today's trial will be harder. I need to prepare my horse, then I need to change out of this dress and into something more appropriate for a man." I turned my back on her and walked around to the other side of my horse, for no other reason than to get away from her.

Radnisa was determined to have her say because she stayed on my heels. "It's pathetic what you're doing. The Salmun are protecting Andriet. And far more adept at the task. You couldn't even find him in the Ashenlands."

"They weren't there to protect Juel. And now he's dead."

"If the boy is going to be so stupid as to fall from his horse and die the same way his brother did, then I say he deserves his inglorious death. Meanwhile, you're running off and playing the savior, leaving me to take care of things at home."

I spun to face her. "What do you mean?"

She dusted invisible flecks from her sleeve. "You're no closer to sitting on the throne, and even further from birthing the next heir to the House of Tannard. Why keep the second alive if he's not your husband? Instead, you're wearing men's clothes and pretending to be a hero."

I knew where this conversation was going. I took a step toward her, but like me, Radnisa never stepped back from anyone. This drew us uncomfortably close. "Don't you dare. I've already told you I'll take care of it."

"Oh really, I don't see how. She never sent you here to be the king's blade. If that's what she wanted, she would've used someone far more accomplished. You were meant to sit on the throne alongside Juel and birth out his children one by one until you were too fat to be of use anymore."

I initially joined these trials for Andriet's sake. But after the fleeting yet exhilarating rush of power that surged through me during my first trial, leaving a profound sense of emptiness once it dissipated, my motivation altered. I found myself yearning to recapture that intense sensation, to feel that extraordinary energy coursing through me once again. While protecting Andriet remained my primary focus, an additional allure now drew me to participate in these trials.

None of this, I would share with Romelda. Instead, I said. "Leave the princess alone."

"Is that a threat, dear Tressya?"

I spun from her, scrunching my eyes up to stem my fury. When I opened them, I noticed her pull something small from her pocket. I turned to see what she held, and saw her drop one of Bloodwyn's berries into her palm, then another, and then another as if she was counting out coin.

I lunged for them, but Radnisa moved her hand away.

"Give them back."

"They must be important to match the fire in your voice. I've never seen them before. Tell me, what are they called and what do they do?"

"Just give them to me. It's none of your business. How dare you search through my personal belongings."

"I'm your lady-in-waiting. It's my job to go through your trunks and ready your clothes for the day."

"They weren't in my trunk."

"Does it matter?" Her mockery stopped, her expression turning dark as she leaned in, filling my vision with only her needle sharp eyes. "Tell me what they do."

"No."

It was as though I'd slapped her. "Do I need to make you?"

"Yes" lingered on the tip of my tongue, as I had not yet disclosed my defense against my soul word being used as a weapon against me.

It was forbidden to hold secrets amongst disciples. We were told secrets between disciples were like a disease that slowly killed the strength of the group, the unity of the Sistern. But nothing would make me reveal the truth. I had already grown disloyal and committed the forbidden by disobeying the Mother's directive. And now I wielded the blade again, slicing once more through the fabric that tied me to the Mother.

"They're poisonous. I found them in a nobleman's belongings. So I took them. He was a traitor to the king. I was going to present them to the king as more proof of his treason."

Secrets and lies, both a canker growing in my heart.

"One of the dead, I assume?"

"Yes." I held out my hand. "Give them back."

"I think I'll keep them for now. You don't need them while you're in the Ashenlands. I'll keep them safe. I wouldn't want anyone to accidentally swallow them."

"Don't you dare, Radnisa. Leave the princess alone."

"Honestly. Another threat?"

I turned from her, unable to look at her face any longer.

"Perhaps you need to list the six pillars. It seems you've forgotten your place and who owns your soul."

I closed my eyes, inhaling deep to find my calm place and failed. Instead, I listened to Radnisa's tread as she stalked up behind me.

"Go on then. Recite them for me."

My blade sheathed in my saddle was in my hand as I spun. I'd faced Radnisa so many times, I knew exactly how far I had to raise my arm to reach her throat. But once around, my blade finding its way to her neck, I felt the cold steel of her blade pressing at my throat.

"Precision." I smirked. "Never miss."

"That's one. But you were never good at that one."

I felt the pressure of her blade indent my skin and waited for the sharp sting of its piercing. We remained like this, staring at each other while my heart climbed up my throat. It seemed there was no way out, neither of us willing to withdraw first.

I was a disciple. These actions were not the way of the Sistern; not sister against sister. I would truly curse my soul if I was to strike her down. Only she would likely strike me first.

"The mother is very disappointed." Her remark broke the spell.

In my periphery, I saw her fidget with her pocket using her free hand.

"I took the liberty of writing to her. It was most important she knew what was happening here."

She held up a folded letter, already opened. "It's for you."

I snatched the letter and shoved it into the pocket of my dress.

"You're not going to read it?" She smirked.

"Shall we remove our blades?"

She pressed hers one more time into my neck, then released it from my throat and sheathed it through the slit in her skirt.

"I'll read it later. I need to prepare for the trials, which means I need to focus on the task ahead."

A large part of me feared reading the letter. It was one thing knowing how much I disappointed her; it was a different and painful experience to read the words as if hearing them, as if kneeling before the Mother and suffering her barbed gaze while she recited all the ways I'd failed her.

And then, traitorously, a small part of me wondered who I would be without the Sistern, a thought I never would have dared contemplate weeks ago. Free from the Sistern's hold, free from the Mother's will, free to direct my life as I chose: an impossible thought. I was nothing without the Sistern, or the Mother who gave me my life as I knew it.

I returned my dagger to its sheath on my saddle and took the letter from my pocket. Radnisa was keen for me to read it in her presence, which meant the letter contained nothing good.

There was no point in shying from the inevitable. If the Mother had decided to abandon me, I might as well know now. I opened it. Scrawled across the page were three words.

Kill the Princess.