4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Isla’s guide to Twelve Nights of Halloheen (excerpt)

The main goal of the Night of Fire is to remind us what it was like to live without modern technology. You’re supposed to cook only on an open fire and use fire for light and warmth. Because fire is so dangerous, the Night of Fire is celebrated outside even though our ancestors probably used fire indoors. At the end of the evening, there should be a display where colorful substances are exploded high into the sky. That’s how our ancestors told the Universe that we were on our way to the stars!

Tisuran

Tisuran immediately chased Isla through the crowd, but his human was fast. By the time he followed her into the night, she’d disappeared. Tracking her footprints, he caught up as she reached the fringe of the forest surrounding the settlement.

“Isla, no!” he shouted as he snatched her into his arms. She panted, terror and pain easily read in her expression. Concerned he’d caused her distress by restraining her, he was quick to set her back on her feet. But still, he kept his body between Isla and the forest.

“Isla, please,” he begged. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

Body shaking, she pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. It broke him to see her suffering and be helpless to even understand what was causing it.

“Not you,” she mumbled so softly he almost didn’t hear it.

He dropped to his knees to put himself in a vulnerable position, then sat back on his heels to see her face clearly.

“Will you explain what happened?” he requested.

She hugged her arms around herself as a violent shiver racked her body. Tisuran wasn’t sure if it was caused by the chilly night air or her turbulent emotions. As he watched, she pulled a deep breath into her lungs, held it, then released it slowly.

“You won’t like what I say,” she warned him.

“Nothing can wound me more than your silence,” he answered with a soothing rumble.

She shivered again. Now he thought it was caused more by the cold than her mental state. She’d run out of the communal building without an omnie. While it would need to be far colder to effect a Talin, the humans could quickly succumb to even the mildest change in temperature.

“You can take as long as you need to find your words, but while you search, we could go somewhere warmer,” he coaxed.

“No.” That one word was delivered with sharp finality. After another deep breath, she spoke again. “I can’t be inside right now. I just can’t.”

He refused to leave her alone, even for the short time it would take him to sprint back to the building and grab her an omnie. If he couldn’t take her inside, he needed to find a source of warmth out here.

Then he remembered the fire pits. He’d spend the early evening setting up the fire pits, flame lanterns, and fire stands for tomorrow’s Night of Fire. Everything was ready to light and some of the bigger fire pits had seating around them.

“Let me take care of you,” he soothed. “I won’t make you go inside or hold you without permission. But let me make you warm and comfortable.”

Isla blinked a few times as she processed his words. Finally, she nodded her head in agreement. Relief filled him as he interrupted his soothing cadence to rattle out a sound of encouragement.

Moving slowly, he rose to his feet. He had to fight the urge to take her hand in his. “Will you walk with me?”

She nodded but kept her eyes focused on the ground. He wished she’d look at him.

Walking side by side, he guided her to one of the many fire pits. Tisuran encouraged her to sit in one of the human-style chairs. It took him only a few sub-marks to start a roaring fire, then he sat next to her on the ground and watched the flames. The crackling fire and rustling of the forest beyond was all they could hear.

To keep himself from pushing her to talk before she was ready, Tisuran mentally recited the components of a field-shock cannon. Even if it took all night, he’d sit at her feet and wait.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed, but he’d finished with field-shock cannons, mounted swing arm guns, and was starting in on the triple-load strafer by the time Isla spoke.

“I haven’t heard of a single human colony that’s doing really well,” she started. “It was hard for humans to find jobs in the universe before the Final Cataclysm, but after Old Earth couldn’t support life anymore, we had to leave. That meant we had to take any job offered. There were people who basically ended up being indentured servants. They worked for room and board, you know?”

“I’ve been told this, yes,” Tisuran agreed. “Was it like that on Wimol?”

“No, we were some of the lucky ones. The Ugarians were pretty fair. They let us build a village on one of their colony planets, Wimol, and set a minimum that the Ugarian farmers had to pay us for our labor. The minimum was way lower than what the average Ugarian would earn doing the same task, but it meant we always had jobs.”

Tisuran had to fight an explosive war rattle. Wimol might not have been as bad as other places for humans, but they were still exploited. He took a few breaths to make sure he could speak calmly.

“Zia told me the work never stopped,” Tisuran observed gently.

“That’s true, but we didn’t all have to work. Unlike a lot of other human communities, we had elderly,” Isla mused. Her simple statement was significant—humans had the luxury to grow old on Wimol, but they couldn’t anywhere else.

A sad rumble sounded from Tisuran. “You’re all safe here,” he reminded her. “No one will be worked to death or neglected. If you’re worried because we’ve all been laboring so hard, let me reassure you, it’s temporary. Once basic infrastructure is established, the colony should sustain itself with minimal labor. Humans will have time to create, innovate, and prosper. We will have elders here too.”

“That’s not what I meant,” she rejoined, finally looking at him. The pain and fear were gone, but the tight line of her mouth indicated she was still dealing with anxiety. “I’m not worried you guys are going to work us into early graves. I wanted you to understand that, compared to other human enclaves, Wimol was pretty good but still poor.”

“Consider me informed,” Tisuran acknowledged with an upbeat, teasing rumble.

Isla grinned briefly, but it wasn’t a true smile. It didn’t reach her eyes and disappeared when she returned her gaze to the dancing orange flames.

“When Zia’s family moved to Wimol, I was super excited. Zia and her sister lived on a space station before Wimol. They’d seen so much already. I idolized and stalked them with the ferocity of a bored adolescent. Zia was nicer to me, so I ended up focusing on her. She taught me so much, even before she got her first implants. We were all using a sign language we’d cobbled together from the few Old Earth information vids the colony shared. It wasn’t great, but we made it work.”

She went silent, prompting Tisuran’s next question. “What happened?”

“Zia was developing too quickly,” Isla said in a soft voice. “If we didn’t get her a set of implants soon, her neural tissues might reject the hardware because of the hormonal changes in an adult. Even the cheapest implants would work because she could get them switched out later, but that was more than her family could pull together. Then the whole community saved to buy her implants. We were all so scared we’d miss the window.”

A feeling of dread built in Tisuran’s chest. “What did you do, Isla?”

“Ugarians are sexually compatible with humans,” she whispered. “The males will go into a rut. Usually, it isn’t an issue. Ugarians often form mating groups of up to two dozen individuals. That means there’s always a willing partner available. But, um, this Ugarian named Yesith got caught stealing.”

“And Ugarians use shunning as punishment,” Tisuran concluded.

“Yup,” Isla said. “His sentence wasn’t even that long, but he was due to go into rut. He was scared he’d become so needful he might commit a much worse crime. So, uh, he came to the human colony and offered money to anyone who would see him through his rut.” Her breathing got quicker. “It was a lot of money.”

It took all the willpower Tisuran possessed to keep from plucking Isla off her chair to settle her in his lap. He longed to hold her, sound a constant soothing rumble, and promise nothing would ever hurt her again.

Fighting his instincts, Tisuran kept silent and still. When Isla turned her face to his, her eyes were deep pools of unshed tears.

“I’d never done anything before,” her voice broke. “I mean, I’d messed around a little with Bennie, but nothing super serious. Mom had given me the sex talk. I knew basically what was going to happen. She’d said it might be a little uncomfortable the first time. But, um, it was way worse. It hurt. It hurt a lot.”

The tears started falling and her voice got a little unsteady. “Ugarian ruts last a few hours, or, um, I guess the equivalent of three or four marks. Mostly I just had to lay there and take it. He wore a muzzle to keep from mauling me, but he still held me too tight. When it was over, he thanked me and paid even more than we agreed into the account for Zia’s implants.”

“No one ever knew?” Tisuran asked, surprised at the grating quality of his voice. Maybe it was from having to get the words past the powerful emotions he was experiencing but trying to keep suppressed.

“I had to keep it a secret,” Isla explained. “Yesith would have been punished for hiring me and breaking his shunning. And… and… I didn’t want anyone to know. I mean, I didn’t feel ashamed or anything. So I don’t know why, but I didn’t want anyone to know. I felt different. Even after I healed up.” She bit her lip, probably to hold back her sobs.

“Healed up?” Tisuran croaked.

“I hurt so bad for a few days, and there was blood. More than Mom said there would be my first time. I was scared I was damaged,” she admitted. The tears flowed down her face more rapidly now. “I told everyone I was sick and stayed in my room. No one noticed because of the money. Everyone was celebrating that Zia could get her implants and guessing who made the big donation. Yesith paid anonymously so no one could trace it.”

“You could’ve had an internal injury,” Tisuran whispered, appalled at the danger Isla had subjected herself to. He’d been aware from the beginning that her love and loyalty knew no bounds, but this was a revelation. Everyone loved Isla, but they also saw her as impetuous and a little childlike. He didn’t think anyone would guess the steel core housed within her diminutive packaging.

A connection formed in his head. “Is that why you don’t like to be touched?”

She nodded her head and wiped at her tears. “I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but something changed inside me. My brain knows that my friends and family aren’t going to hurt me, but I get scared anyway. It doesn’t happen when I hug someone else. But if they try to hug me back, my body goes into panic mode.”

Tisuran was sure no one else had noticed Isla’s condition because she covered it so well by always being quick to hug, let go, move away, then distract. Before he’d thought her incapable of being still, but now he could clearly see the pattern.

His poor human!

Drawing her legs up on the chair, Isla wrapped her arms around her shins and rested her chin on her knees. Going slow, Tisuran moved until he was sitting on the ground in front of the chair, facing her.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m not sure,” he answered. “I want to hold you and protect you from danger. I want to surround you with my body and promise my flesh will absorb all blows so none will ever touch you. But I don’t want to be the reason you panic. I thought if I sat here, you could touch me instead, if you wanted to. To comfort us both.”

“You Talins are all so protective of us,” she huffed out. “I’ll be fine. I have to be fine.”

He waited until she met his gaze, then spoke from the heart. “We might be protective, but I feel different about you than the other humans. This is about you and me, not anyone else. You’re special to me, Isla.”

Her eyes widened briefly, then slid back to gaze at the fire over his shoulder. As if she was fighting her own muscles, she jerkily unwrapped her arms from around her legs and put her feet on the ground on either side of Tisuran. Close, but not touching. “I think you’re special too.”

“You’ve touched me before,” he reminded her. “And others. Touch me again. Take comfort from me.”

Dropping her gaze to him, Isla reached out a tentative hand to touch the top of his head. “You didn’t pick me up earlier,” she remembered. “Palforma was holding Zia, but you didn’t do that. Why?”

“I’m not sure. I didn’t realize until now that you didn’t like to be touched, but I knew instinctively not to pick you up,” he answered honestly.

She stroked her hand over the top of his head. “When I first saw you guys, I thought your skin would be rough. But it’s smooth. And you’re so warm. You guys throw off a lot of heat.”

Her touch made him hungry for more. That hunger gave him an idea.

“I want to demonstrate my stellian ,” he said. “It will show you how trustworthy I am.”

“What’s a, uh, stellian ?” she asked.

“It’s a way to show self-control and restraint,” he explained. “During my early years in military school, I wanted to distinguish myself, so I would perform a sustenance stellian often. I wouldn’t eat for several rotations. When I allowed myself food, I would consume a single-serving meal slowly and steadily over the course of several marks. No one could match my control.”

Isla was silent for a few moments. “Willpower,” she finally exclaimed. “ Stellian is willpower. I don’t think I could take a couple of hours to eat if I’d fasted for several days.”

“Our basic needs are hard to deny,” Tisuran agreed. “I did the same with water, allowing myself only small sips and never truly quenching my thirst.”

“It would be easier not to have any at all,” Isla observed. “Constantly denying myself a full drink would drive me crazy!”

“And that’s the point of the s tellian . To develop perfect control over even the most basic instincts,” Tisuran concluded.

“This stellian means you won’t touch me?” she clarified.

He sounded a soft rumble of agreement. “Not without your permission, ever.” He paused, then added, “Except for danger.”

“Yeah, but in some dangerous times you touch a nasty gorg, not me,” Isla teased with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. He didn’t rumble out an amused sound. He was focused on talking her into trusting him.

“You can rely on my stellian , Isla.”

Her smile vanished, her expression turning serious. “I might never be okay with being touched.” The hand petting his head shook slightly at her words.

“When a bone is broken, does it go from separated to perfectly whole in an instant?” he asked.

She blinked in confusion, then snorted out a laugh. “Weird change of subject, but okay. Human bones don’t heal like that. A bone has to rebuild. Even with growth meds it takes days or even a week.”

“If that’s the case, why would you think you could easily heal trauma without help or in one interaction?” Tisuran asked pointedly. “We don’t make bones heal by themselves. Healers use medication, braces, and light therapy to aid healing. We don’t simply let an injury heal on its own. We help. You’ve been trying to heal your mind without any help. That’s not optimal.”

“I never thought of it like that,” Isla said, her hand resting on the armored plates at the back of his neck. Unlike the ones running down his spine, these only moved apart when he bent his head forward. “You want to help me? Be my medicine? Or, I guess, my treatment.”

“Yes, I do.” Bowing his head, he separated the plates to give Isla access to the soft, vulnerable flesh underneath. “Your mind isn’t broken. It’s injured.”

He shuddered when her little fingers moved between his neck plates, stroking the sensitive skin. No one had ever touched him there. He felt exposed and cherished.

“What do you plan to do?” she asked.

“Touch you,” he answered simply.

Her fingers went still. “I don’t think—”

“Only a little,” he said quickly, before she could voice her full refusal. “And I would stop the moment you showed any fear or discomfort. Remember, my stellian is exemplary.”

“What if it doesn’t work?” she asked as she withdrew her fingers from his neck. He mourned the loss of her touch.

“What if it does?” he countered gently, turning to catch the flickering shadows across her face. “May I give you an example of what I want to try? Will you let me hold your hand?”

She hesitated, but this was something he knew she could do.

“Sure, I guess,” she said, shoving her hand at him.

Tisuran didn’t take her hand in his. Instead he brought his face to her hand and nuzzled her palm. His scent glands ached, and when her hand slid over his cheek, oil slathered her flesh. The scent of his bonding oil filled the air. When she took a deep breath to pull the scent into her lungs, his heartbeat sped up a little. He focused on remaining still so she could explore him with her fingers.

When she moved her hand to cup his jaw, he went still. “This doesn’t count,” she whispered. “I’m touching you. You’re not touching me.”

He opened his eyes to see a half smile on her face. “It does,” he insisted. “I’m touching you with my face and my scent.”

Now she laughed. “I guess touching me with your face doesn’t make me feel panicked.”

Bowing his head, he pressed his lips to her palm. Humans called these lip presses kisses, and although it wasn’t a natural Talin act, many of them had grown familiar with and fond of kissing.

She gasped slightly. He rolled his eyes up to see her face. Tisuran worried he’d see distress. But it wasn’t fear; it was interest. Emboldened, he kissed her again, this time lower on her palm and closer to her wrist. Then another kiss on the pulse point of her wrist.

“I would like to touch you all over with my lips and mouth,” he whispered into her callused palm.

“I, uh, that doesn’t sound scary,” she stuttered out.

“Isla, what’s going on?” Vida called out, breaking the moment between them.

As Vida stepped into the ring of light produced by the fire, Isla jerked her hand away from Tisuran. He had to bite his tongue to keep from snapping at Vida for her bad timing. Vida was a motherly human originally from Wimol and was constantly trying to feed everyone her homemade nutrient bars. No one had the heart to tell her how horrible they tasted, and there was a small, growing pile of them deep in the forest. Not even the wild animals of Sorana would eat them!

Now she stood over Isla and Tisuran, looking curious.

Isla smiled up at Vida and gestured to the fire. “Tisuran wanted to give me a preview of the fire pits for tomorrow’s Night of Fire. Didn’t he do a good job?”

Vida nodded her head with approval. “It looks great. Much better than what we had on Wimol. But you need to come back inside! We’re about to put the star on the tree and everyone needs to be there or you’ll miss out on the good luck!”

“Of course,” Isla agreed as she stood up. Although it was subtle, Tisuran could tell she was reluctant. As much as Tisuran didn’t want to move, maybe this was a good time for them to have a break. Isla had been through a lot of emotions tonight.

“We can continue our discussion tomorrow,” he said to Isla as he stood to follow the humans back inside.

When she smiled up at him, it was full of anticipation instead of dread. “I think I’d like that.”

“I’ll make sure you do,” he promised.