Chapter 7

CHAPTER 7

Holland

I step into The Zesty Lemon, a charming café in Shelbyville apparently renowned for its French country ambiance. At least that's what Kat said when she texted me yesterday to push for lunch today. This restaurant is new, as are several other boutique shops along the main street through town, and I make a note to spend a day walking through them.

I'm enveloped by the inviting aromas of fresh baguettes, buttery croissants and the faint hint of garlic and herbs from the quiches and tarts lined up in a glass case at the checkout register. For some reason, the scent of warm food immediately puts me at ease, because yes… I'm nervous to sit down and talk to Kat. I expect tougher questions are coming than what I got from Wade last night.

The restaurant is a delightful blend of rustic charm and elegant touches. The walls are painted a soft, buttery yellow, adorned with white wainscoting. Framed prints of lavender fields, quaint villages and charming farmhouses dot the walls, each one carefully chosen to enhance the café's theme. The tables are set in small, intimate groupings, each one draped with a checkered tablecloth in cheerful shades of blue and white. Floating shelves on the wall are laden with teapots, ceramic roosters and other knickknacks, but not in an overly cluttered way that makes it seem too busy.

In all, it's a lovely spot and I'm guessing the food will be pretty damn good.

Kat is already seated at a small table near the window covered in lacy curtains. She waves enthusiastically as soon as she spots me. I make my way over, smiling at my friend, despite the jumble of sentimentality swirling inside.

"Hey, Holland!" Kat stands to give me a tight hug. "I'm so glad we're doing this."

"Me too," I reply and realize, I genuinely mean it. Even through my trepidation over the imminent questions, I've missed this woman. "It's been way too long."

A waitress appears and pours us some waters, but Kat is insistent I not even bother to look at the menu. "Trust me… the quiche Lorraine and the strawberry walnut spinach salad are to die for."

Smiling up at the waitress, I hand her the menu I hadn't even cracked. "Looks like that's what I'll have."

"Same for me," Kat says brightly. When we're alone, she launches right in. "How's it feel to be back in Shelbyville?"

"Strange," I admit with a chuckle. "But also kind of nice."

"This place has grown a bit since you left." She looks around at the nearly filled restaurant. "And yet it's still the same old Shelbyville where nothing has changed."

"Some things have changed," I say, looking at her pointedly over my water glass rim. "Like the Mardraggons and the Blackburns are actually friends."

I'm not intentionally forestalling when I'll inevitably need to answer for my actions, but I am genuinely curious to learn more of these developments.

Kat snorts. "I would not say our families are even remotely close to being friends, but Gabe and I sure have made a bridge of sorts."

"You told me all about how you two connected at dinner the other night but what's the full story on Ethan and Alaine Mardraggon?"

"No real story between them. Just a drunken one-night stand, but Alaine got pregnant, went back to France and had Ethan's daughter in secret."

Trey had mentioned as much and that Alaine had died of cancer. "How did he find out?"

"An attorney showed up at the farm after Alaine died about three and a half months ago. She left instructions that Ethan was to be told of his daughter's existence and that she wanted him to raise her."

There's no stopping my jaw from dropping. I knew Alaine Mardraggon but not all that well. I'm not shocked Ethan slept with her because alcohol causes people to do stupid things, but I'm stunned he lost all that time with his daughter. "Sylvie looks like she's around ten or eleven," I guess, trying to add up the time that was missed.

"Just turned ten."

A sharp twinge catches me in the center of my chest, sorrow for the little girl. "Jesus… that had to be so hard for her. Ethan too, I'm sure, but that poor little girl… losing her mom and going to a strange family."

Kat's eyes flash with ire. "Not just any family. She was going to the Blackburns and the Mardraggons had been filling her head with hate. At least Lionel and Rosemund were. Sylvie was a pistol when she came to us, but it was actually Marcie who got her to give us a chance."

A discussion ensues about Marcie and I'm told all about Ethan falling hard for the sassy redhead I met at dinner the other night. And now, they're a ready-made family with Sylvie.

"How are the Mardraggons handling this new dynamic with Ethan having custody?"

Kat shakes her head, lips turned up in a dry smirk. "You haven't even heard the craziest part yet. Alaine left a trust, which included her French winery, to Sylvie, but there was a clause that said if she died before she turned twenty-one, it would revert to Lionel and Rosemund. Lionel didn't like that and wasn't ready to give up that wealth or let his granddaughter be raised by Blackburns. So he tried to poison her."

I'd been sipping my water as she said that last part and I immediately spew some of it, the rest going down into my lungs upon a sharp inhale. I cough and hack trying to get it up and grab my napkin to wipe my leaking eyes.

When I regain my composure, I focus on Kat with blurry eyes. "He tried to kill his own granddaughter?"

Mouth flattened in disgust, she nods. "And would have gotten away with it too but Gabe found evidence pointing to his dad and turned him into the police. He's been charged with attempted murder and is on house arrest now."

"No wonder you love the guy," I murmur.

"That's definitely a factor," she chirps with a grin. "But he's cut ties with his parents. Rosemund wasn't involved but she's sticking by Lionel. Gabe ousted his dad from the Mardraggon board of directors and now he's running the company."

"Just… wow." My head swims with the major changes that have happened in just the past few months.

Kat nods, her expression thoughtful. "It's been a lot, but we're stronger for it."

"And I still can't get over you and Gabe." I stir my water with my straw. "Secret romance in college, huh?"

Kat snickers, her eyes twinkling. "Could you imagine what my family would have done had they known Gabe and I were seeing each other?"

Oh, I have some idea. Probably the same shock and possibly condemnation if they'd found out about me and Trey eleven years ago. It's not lost on me that Kat and I had clandestine first loves that fell apart. The only difference is that she had a second chance with Gabe that worked out.

I want nothing to do with Trey.

Well, that's not exactly true. I let him give me two orgasms this morning, so that's something.

I'm more than eaten up with curiosity though. "You didn't say why you two broke up originally."

Kat's expression shutters slightly but she shrugs it off. "He wouldn't let us tell our families. Didn't have the courage. And then when one of his cousins was bullying me, he let it happen. I broke it off with him even though he wanted to keep seeing me."

I nod in understanding. I know all about betrayal. "And yet you forgave him for it?"

She pauses to reflect, gaze going out the window. When she brings those ferny Blackburn eyes back to me, she says, "He's a different person now. He's changed. Grown up. Gotten wiser. He made a horrible mistake and he genuinely apologized for it. I chose to believe he meant it and gave it another go, and as I sit here and think about it, I know I made the right decision. The way I figure it, it just wasn't our time all those years ago. Our time is now."

I'm stunned by Kat's practicality as well as her open-mindedness on forgiving Gabe. Trey has apologized to me, but I can't accept it. Granted, he's asked for me to sit down and listen to him because he has more to say. Is he going to give me the same line that Gabe gave Kat? That he's truly a changed man now?

How could I ever believe him?

Maybe the same way Kat believes Gabe.

For a split second, I consider telling Kat about my own secret past with Trey. Of all the people who would understand, it would be her. She lived it too. But the words catch in my throat because I'm not sure I want to hear her advice. I expect after the initial shock, she'd push me to give her brother another chance. Mostly though, the shame of having given in to Trey earlier is too fresh, too raw. I violated my own values by having sex with a man I don't trust and mostly despise, merely because I wanted to get back at him. I wanted revenge and I was going to get it by letting him have me once, and then shutting the door on him forever.

Instead, I agreed to see him again, in secret, and I'm right back to where it all started.

"Holland," Kat says, and I jerk at my name, lost in my mixed emotions. "I have to ask… why did you really leave? I mean, you were such a big part of our lives, and then you just vanished. It's hard to believe it was because you got busy."

And here it is. The question I've been waiting for and frankly, they all deserve an answer. The only problem is, I can't divulge the full truth.

So I decide to give her a partial.

I take a deep breath, shoring up my resolve. "I was busy, but you're right… not the reason I avoided returning home. I was avoiding my parents, or rather, mainly my father."

"But why?" Kat asks, head tilted.

The waitress returns with a tray and sets down our plates. I appreciate how good it all looks while I undo my silverware. "My relationship with my parents was… complicated. My dad was an alcoholic."

Kat looks up from cutting into her salad. "What?"

I nod sadly, using my fork to jab a strawberry. "It made things really hard, and my mom… she never stood up to him. I needed to get away from that, to find some peace."

Expression soft with empathy, Kat reaches over and touches my hand. "I'm so sorry, Holland. I had no idea."

"And why would you? I kept it secret." From everyone but Trey. "I didn't want to burden anyone with it. Your family was my escape, my safe place, and I wanted it to be totally separate from my home life."

"We would have helped," Kat says, squeezing my hand. "You know that, right?"

"I do," I reply, squeezing her hand back. "But I needed to find my own way. There was so much pain here that when I had my opportunity to escape, I went as far away as I could go."

I'm not sure if I'm talking about escaping my parents or escaping Trey, but they both apply.

"I guess I still don't understand why you couldn't at least keep in touch with us. We tried to call and text, and sometimes you'd respond, but gradually, you just stopped."

She's pressing hard, as expected, and I don't have a good answer for it. At least not one that would be acceptable to her, but I do tell her another semi-truth. "Something happened before I left that I couldn't face anymore. And while I can't tell you what it was, it was better for me to leave Shelbyville behind and never look back. Unfortunately, that meant cutting ties with everything. I'm really sorry that our friendship was a casualty of that."

Kat studies me critically from across the table. "I don't agree with what you did. I mean, I understand that you felt you had to cut us all away, but it was wrong."

I nod in understanding. "I know. And I'm sorry. It's what I thought would be best for me at the time."

We stare at each other, Kat's expression unreadable. I almost expect her to get up and walk out on me, because really… there was no good excuse to cut off ties with all the Blackburns.

Instead, she beams a smile at me. "It's a good thing I'm a cool chick and I utterly forgive you!" Kat digs into her salad, shoves a bite into her mouth, and while she's chewing, says, "So, tell me about Zurich. Do you really like it there?"

Laughing, I take a bite of my quiche, savoring just how good it is. "It's a beautiful city, and I have a great job. I've made some good friends, too. It's just… different."

"Different how?" Kat asks.

I pause, searching for the right words. "It's… lonely sometimes. My job, while it's fulfilling, can be incredibly demanding. Sometimes I feel like I'm just going through the motions."

Kat's eyes are full of concern. "Have you thought about coming back? For good, I mean?"

The question hangs in the air because being back here, surrounded by the Blackburns, has stirred something inside me. A longing for home, for connection. "Never," I say while staring her right in the eyes.

She doesn't shy away. "But your dad is dead now. There's no reason for you to stay away."

I flush from nearly getting caught in a lie. I pinned my leaving on my dad but he's no longer a factor, so I stumble through an explanation. "Yes, he's gone and I'm not close to my mom at all. But there are a lot of bad memories here." And I know I'm referring solely to Trey now, despite all the good memories we had. "Besides… I have a fantastic job. There's no reason to come back here."

"Except we're here," Kat counters. "You have a family here who loves you."

My eyes sting but I blink hard to dispel the threat of tears. A genuine rush of love and affection for Kat and the Blackburns hits hard, along with a deep sadness for what I lost. Not just Trey, but all of them.

He took it all away from me.

I swallow the bitterness and reach for the extended olive branch. "I love you all too. While I fully intend to return to my life in Zurich, how about I promise to do a much better job of communicating from here on out?"

Kat grins. "It's a start."

"And you can come visit me," I add, pointing my fork at her. "There's nothing like the Swiss Alps."

"Deal," Kat says and takes a bite of her quiche. She groans in delight and asks, "Good, right?"

"Amazing," I agree.

We move on to lighter topics. I share my immediate plans for the printshop, explaining that I think the best course is for me to get it in shape to sell. I don't envision my mom will be able to run it, but I've seen enough potential to know it can be lucrative with some work.

Kat listens intently, offering support and encouragement, and we talk about even less important things like fashion, horses and favorite recipes.

"You haven't mentioned anyone special," Kat observes, pushing her empty plates away.

I smirk, eating the last piece of crust from my quiche. "Guess that should tell you I have no one special."

"Have you ever?"

Tamping down a wave of sadness, I nod. "Once. But it didn't work out."

"Don't want to talk about it, do you?"

I smile at her. "You know me well."

"Fine, I'll let it go. But promise me that we'll do a girls' night out before you leave. And of course, you'll have to come back to dinner at the farm. Oh, and we have to go horseback riding. I'll get Trey and Wade, and it will be like old times. Maybe Abby can get a few days away from her practice and then it will be a real reunion."

Laughing, I feel pressed to agree to some of that. "A girls' night would be fun, and I wouldn't ever say no to horses. Just say when."

Kat insists on paying for the check and on the way out, I admit that I feel lighter than I have in days. While I could never tell Kat the full truth, it was so cathartic at least telling her some partial truths.

We hug tightly before parting ways, and as I walk to my car, I can't help but be a bit unsettled about this town. It was such a deep part of my life I don't think I ever really left it behind. While I can't imagine coming back, I can at least allow myself a bit of time to grieve all those things I lost after Trey chose someone else over me.