Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

Trey

J ackson's Funeral Home is the only funeral home in Shelbyville and I've attended a few farewells to the dead over my life. My grandfather on my dad's side had a very simple service here as opposed to a church since he wasn't a religious man. I was seven when he died of complications from a routine hernia repair.

My grandmother followed six years after that and she was a religious woman. Her service was at the Baptist church and mourners overflowed out the door, a testament to how involved she was there.

As expected, the mood is somber when we enter, made even more so by the dimly lit sconces on the dark paneled walls. The scent of lilies and roses fills the air, mingling with the faint aroma of polished wood. It's a smell I associate with death.

I'm not surprised by the lack of mourners as I doubt many were sad to see Lyle go. I note mostly local business owners who Lyle probably knew through the Chamber of Commerce as well as some of Debbie's friends.

Lyle Rhodes wasn't exactly known for his warm personality and as a couple they weren't overly social, so it's no surprise there aren't many people here. Just a bunch of community citizens doing their duty to pay their respects, although I'm not sure exactly what Lyle was respected for. He was a taciturn man who never went out of his way to help his business peers.

Our family walks in together, a united front as always. I'd heard through the grapevine that Holland blew back into town a few days ago and I'd be lying if I didn't admit to having some anxiety about seeing her again.

It is, however, the only reason I'm here. I'd have begged off in some way if it was just about the neighborly duty of paying respects to a man my family was only loosely connected to because his daughter rode at our barn for years.

My parents would come no matter what, as would Ethan, now that he's the head of the farm. But Kat, Wade and I don't have those obligations and would have continued on with our workday at the barn as if it were just an ordinary Monday.

Except it's not ordinary. Holland is back in town and we're about to come face-to-face.

My parents lead the way, Mom's hand tucked into the crook of my dad's arm. Wade follows next, then Ethan. Kat and Gabe are just behind them, with me bringing up the rear. We all look sharp in our black attire, blending into the handful of mourners dressed just like us.

My mom cranes her neck and her face softens when she spots Holland standing beside a table that holds a simple white marble urn and a bouquet of white flowers.

My parents move that way, followed by my siblings. I, however, stop in my tracks as I take in everything about Holland Rhodes. All the ways she's changed and all the ways she's still the same.

Always a beautiful creature, I'm dazzled just as much now as I was back then. Her golden hair, which always lightened in the summer because we were outside all the time, falls in soft waves around her shoulders. Her warm brown eyes seem even more striking against the sadness etched on her face. She never wore a lot of makeup but then again, she didn't need to. She has one of those classic faces with high cheekbones and full lips, and while other girls were playing with makeup once they hit their teen years, Holland never did. She was a tomboy of sorts, but I know she liked girlie things too. She never felt the need to call attention to herself and it was one of the things I found attractive about her as she got older.

Her mother, Debbie, crying copiously and dressed in a frumpy black dress, looks like a watered-down version of Holland. She doesn't have her daughter's height and she hasn't taken good care of herself over the years. Her skin is sallow, eyes sunken, and I don't know if that's grief or evidence of an unhappy life. I never had much chance to cross paths with Debbie over the years so the change in her appearance is shocking.

Holland pats her mom's shoulder gently while trying to hold a conversation with someone offering their condolences.

I hang slightly back as the rest of the family approaches. My mom is the first to hug Holland and there's joy on both their faces.

"Ah, my dearie, it's grand to see you, though I wish it were under better circumstances." My mom's soft Irish brogue can warm the bleakest of days.

The women hold on tightly to each other for a few moments, with Holland's eyes closed as she seems to soak in the experience of Fi Blackburn's arms wrapped around her. She always had a special bond with my mom.

My dad steps in, giving her shoulder a firm, reassuring squeeze. "We're here for you, Holland. Always."

Wade doesn't hesitate, maneuvering in to wrap her in a brotherly hug. "It's been too long. We've missed you."

Yeah… we all missed her. Let there be no mistake though, we're all disappointed and maybe even a bit angry over the way she just up and disappeared from our lives. But it's a sad day, her father's funeral, and now is not the time for recrimination. Of course, no one in the family except me knows exactly why she left and while I may have been the root cause, she still could have let me know she was going away.

She could have said goodbye.

So yeah, I'm a little bitter, but also my heart is pounding just looking at her.

Ethan, who was so much older than Holland and never part of our little crowd, wasn't close to her the way the rest of us Blackburn siblings were. He offers a polite hug. "Condolences, Holland. If there's anything you need, just let us know."

Ethan didn't bring his daughter, Sylvie, to this funeral. She didn't know Lyle Rhodes and she's been around enough death lately, having lost her mom. I expect she's hanging out with Ethan's girlfriend, Marcie. As I watch Holland greet each of us in turn, knowing I'm almost up, I kind of wish I was with Sylvie and Marcie too.

Kat and Gabe approach together, and I see the surprise on Holland's face as she takes them in as a couple. As a close friend and honorary member of the Blackburn clan, she shared in our loathing of the Mardraggon family, so I imagine it's quite a shock to see them holding hands.

Kat steps in for a hug and when she pulls back, Holland levels wide eyes at Gabe. "Wow… things sure have changed in the last ten years."

"Eleven," Kat reminds her with a grin. "And yes, everyone's counting. But we're so happy to see you, even if under these circumstances. Welcome home."

Not sure if anyone else notices but Holland flinched at the mention of "home", and I know just from that slight reaction that she doesn't consider this to be a homecoming at all.

Glancing at Gabe, Kat shoots a wink at Holland. "I'll explain later. Promise we'll do lunch?"

Holland hesitates but agrees. She then glances around, eyes moving right over me as if I don't exist. "I'd like that. Is Abby here?"

"She lives in Pittsburgh now. She wanted to come, but work got in the way. Wanted me to pass on condolences. She said she'll give you a call in the next day or so."

Holland nods and then, almost as if she has no choice, her eyes slide to me. I step forward, feeling a mix of awkwardness and longing. There's no choice but to pull her into a hug and I immediately feel the tension in her body. "I'm sorry for your loss, Holland."

She leans back, her eyes meeting mine with a guarded expression. "Thank you."

My mom, dad and Wade have stepped over to talk to Debbie and Ethan is hobnobbing with some of the other businessmen. Kat and Gabe meander off, leaving me and Holland alone.

I clear my throat, searching for the right words. Hands tucked in the pockets of my dress slacks, I ask, "How are you holding up?"

She shrugs, her voice detached, gaze everywhere but on me. "I'm managing."

"It's been a long time. I can't believe you're here. You never came back to visit."

Her eyes flash as they snap back to my face. "Because of you. Surely you know that."

The words sting and I'm the one flinching now. "I'm sorry, Holland. I never meant to hurt you."

"But you did," she says quietly, looking away. When her attention returns to me, I see resolve. "It's old news though."

I want to reach out, to bridge the gap between us. "How long are you staying? Maybe we could get together for a drink."

Immediately, I see the abhorrence on her face but she's too polite to tell me to go to hell. "I won't be here long. Only until I can figure out the business for my mom. It's a bit of a mess. The shop needs repairs. I inspected it yesterday and we'll have to close until we can get some stuff fixed."

"What kind of repairs?" I ask, my interest piqued because of how flustered she looks.

She huffs out a big sigh, rakes her manicured fingers through her hair. "Wood rot around the windows and the flooring is damaged from a leak in the water heater. It extends out into the customer area and has warped the floors."

"Let me help," I offer without thought. "I've got tools and can be there tomorrow."

"Someone's already scheduled to come look at it. I've got it handled."

"Let me guess… Petey Byers?"

Holland lifts her chin. "He comes highly recommended."

"That's because he's the only decent handyman in town and he's got a dozen jobs he works all at the same time. I'm betting he won't show up, claiming he got busy on another project."

Eyes flat with disinterest and words clipped, she says, "I'm sure it'll be fine. But thank you."

She turns away but I reach out, my fingers encircling her wrist. She twists to look at me. "We used to be friends, Holland," I remind her, hoping to appeal to our shared past.

"We used to be more," she says, pulling her wrist free. "And then we weren't. It was nice seeing you, Trey, and thank you for coming. Take care."

Frustration bubbles inside me as she melts into the crowd, leaving a storm of emotions brewing within. I want to run after her, to explain everything, to make her see that I never meant to hurt her. I want to apologize until she forgives me, then I want to hold her.

Kiss her.

Keep her.

Jesus, I'm not prepared for this avalanche of feelings but seeing her again has caused eleven years of regret to cascade down upon me and I can't even begin to understand how to process that.

A hand drops onto my shoulder and I turn to see Kat there with Gabe at her side. "Saw you talking to Holland for a bit. Did she have anything interesting to say?"

"Interesting like what?" I hedge.

Kat rolls her eyes. "Like why she's been gone so long with no visits? What she's been doing with her life? I mean… is she married, kids?"

Christ… is she married? I didn't even look for a ring. "She didn't say much. Just that she was trying to get her dad's shop in order and then she'll be heading back."

Kat slides closer to Gabe, who puts his arm around her waist. They've been solidly together for almost a month now and it's still a hard pill to swallow. "It's so weird to see her here after all this time," Kat muses. "Don't you think?"

I nod, my eyes sliding over the crowd, looking for Holland. "Yeah. She's changed a lot."

"A little standoffish, right?" Kat concurs.

I don't get a chance to respond because Gabe looks genuinely confused. "What's the deal with her? I mean, I know she was close with the family, but there's clearly more to it. That didn't look like an overly warm reunion at all. Did she leave on bad terms?"

"No," Kat exclaims, and I don't bother to correct her. "She just left and never said why. We've loosely connected through Facebook, but she's hardly on there. Once in a blue moon she'll post pictures of some of her travels through Europe and I'll comment. But she never responds. After a while, I just gave up."

"But why stay away if her parents are here?" Gabe asks.

"She didn't have a good relationship with them," I say. I can remember keenly how sad Holland would be at the end of a day at Blackburn Farms when her mom would pick her up. She never wanted to go home.

Gabe looks between me and my sister. "So, this is the first time you've seen her in years?"

"Yup," I say, hoping my terse response will make it clear I don't want to talk about Holland and I really don't want to talk to him.

Kat sighs wistfully. "It broke my heart when she left. She was like a sister to all of us. But maybe this is a chance to reconnect."

I love Kat's idealism but from what I just witnessed, Holland doesn't want anything to do with Shelbyville and that probably includes the Blackburns. Take away her bitterness against me, her time with my family seems like eons ago. She has a new life in a new country. She's moved on.

I thought I had moved on too, but seeing her again makes me think otherwise. I'm not sure what I hope to accomplish, but I know I'm not going to let her leave without at least getting five minutes of her precious time so I can genuinely apologize and hopefully repair the friendship we had.