Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

Trey

T hank fuck it's Friday.

The end of the work week. I don't have to go to the farm for two whole days and I can hole up here, in my house that I used to share with my now-dead brother, and hopefully drink myself into a stupor.

I consider the beer bottle in my hand. I want to slam it, get another, and do the same, but truth is… I'm not much of a drinker. I'll nurse a few tonight, but beer's not going to take away my racing thoughts. In fact, it might lower my inhibitions and I could do something stupid like text or call Holland.

Nope. Not doing that. It would defeat the purpose of my decisions, and I'm not even sure what I would say to her. I know I sure as hell don't have anything to offer her right now other than another heartfelt apology.

My mind is a mess, a tangled web of guilt and regret. After another grueling day at the farm, I'm drained, both physically and emotionally. The house feels empty without Wade, the silence almost deafening. Even the ticking wall clock feels like it's mocking me with each second that passes.

A knock at the door startles me. I'm not in the mood for visitors, but I drag myself off the couch and shuffle to the door. When I open it, I'm surprised to see Gabe standing there. His presence feels like an intrusion into my misery and I'm immediately irritable.

Well, more irritable than normal.

"What do you want?" I ask, my voice razor sharp.

Gabe smirks, unfazed by my hostility. "I'd like to talk. Got a beer for me?"

I consider slamming the door in his face. It's something I've dreamed of doing since he started seeing my sister but instead, I sigh and step aside. "Yeah, come on in."

I lead him to the kitchen, grab a couple of beers from the fridge, and hand one to him. I lean against the counter, arms crossed, trying to put a barrier between us. "Make it quick."

Gabe takes a swig of his beer and then looks at me, his expression serious. "I'm here to help you get your head out of your ass."

I'm immediately offended. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me," Gabe says, not backing down.

"Did Kat send you? Is she too afraid to confront me?"

"Kat has no idea I'm here but frankly… I'm tired of seeing her upset at you, so I took matters into my own hands."

"And what exactly do you hope to accomplish?" I ask, bewildered.

"I hope to make things easier on Kat, your parents and Ethan. You're making them suffer more than they should be because, in addition to mourning Wade's death, they're worried sick about you."

If I thought I had been oppressed by guilt before, I feel like I'm suffocating now. I'm not sure I'd ever considered how my actions were affecting others, but most significantly, I don't want to be a burden to my mom's heart.

"But really why I'm here is to tell you that you made a stupid mistake letting Holland go."

"I chose my family."

"Maybe eleven years ago, you did, which was also stupid. But now you're choosing guilt," he replies.

"What could you possibly know about it?" I sneer, oddly hating that he's exposing my weaknesses, and yet weirdly interested to discover his game. I've gotten no clarity on anything, and yet Gabe sounds so damn sure of himself.

His eyes narrow. "I know a thing or two about choosing family. I turned my own father in to the police for trying to kill Sylvie. I turned my back on my family because of that and kept it turned so that I could have your sister. But don't think that means I don't have guilt. I deal with it every day, so yeah, I'm pretty qualified to talk about it."

I glare at him and don't know what to say. I can't deny the truth in his words. His past actions are comparable, if not heavier, than mine.

"It's natural to feel guilty, Trey," Gabe continues. "But it's still okay to choose what's best for you. Eleven years ago, you made a poor choice letting Wade have a shot at Holland."

"I chose Wade over Holland. That was choosing family. That's what family does," I argue, the words sounding hollow as I say them.

"Sometimes," Gabe concedes, his voice softening slightly. "But that's not what happened eleven years ago or now. You didn't choose Wade over Holland. You chose Wade over yourself. And that's not always right. In this instance, I think it's wrong. You should have chosen yourself over Wade. Even after he died, you still chose your brother over yourself. And I'm here to tell you, he wouldn't have wanted that."

I feel a flicker of hope at his words, but I quickly squash it. "The argument we had drove Wade out of the house. He got in the accident. It's my fault."

Gabe shakes his head, his frustration evident. "You can't know that for sure. And if you don't know that, you can't assume it. No one can absolve you of your guilt, but I can tell you, not one person in your family blames you. They blame the drunk driver, and he's the only person at fault. You're smart enough to know that. I don't know why you're clinging to that but if you let it go, the path is open for you to correct your mistake with Holland."

I look away, his words settling over me. Gabe's right, but it's hard to let go of the guilt. The air in the kitchen feels thick and heavy and the wall clock seems louder, each tick echoing in the silence that stretches between us.

Gabe sets his beer down on the counter, stepping closer. "Trey, you've been punishing yourself for too long. You're not the only one hurting here. Your family needs you. They've already lost Wade—they don't need to lose you too."

I glance at him, seeing the sincerity in his eyes. He's not saying this to get a rise out of me. He genuinely cares, not just for Kat but for all of us. It's a sobering thought.

"Think about it, Trey," Gabe says. "Whatever you decide to do about Holland, it's time you joined your family again. You're only hurting your parents, Ethan, Kat and Abby by keeping yourself removed. Don't make them lose another son and brother."

For the first time since Wade died, I don't immediately deny the possibility that perhaps I'm looking at things wrong. That maybe I'm being too hard on myself.

But all I do is nod. A silent agreement I'll think about it.

Gabe turns for the door, but when he reaches it, he looks back. "Oh, by the way, thought you might want to know that Kat talked to Holland yesterday and she has an offer on the printshop."

I blink in surprise. I didn't know what she was going to do because my family isn't freely sharing news about Holland, and I've not asked. It's a shock to know she's selling it. It's the last tether she has to Shelbyville.

Gabe walks out and I lock the door for the night. I lean against it, my mind rolling his words over and over again. I can't stand the man—or rather, I used to not like him. Admittedly, he's grown on me a bit given his heroic actions with Sylvie and Kat, but for the first time in days, I feel a glimmer of hope.

Maybe he's right. Maybe I've been punishing myself unnecessarily. But even if he's right, it doesn't erase the argument I had with Wade or the fact that I pushed him away.

I move to the kitchen table, the beer growing warm in my hand. The house is still quiet, but now it feels different. Less suffocating. I think about what Gabe said, about joining my family again. I've been so focused on my own pain that I haven't considered how my actions are affecting them. As loath as I am to admit it, Gabe's right. They've already lost Wade; they don't need to lose me too.

And then there's Holland. I pushed her away, convinced it was the right thing to do. But maybe, just maybe, I was wrong. The thought of reaching out to her, of trying to make things right, terrifies me. But the thought of losing her forever is even worse.

Something Gabe said sticks with me the most—about my choice of Wade over Holland. I'd chosen Wade over myself, both then and now. If I accept that, and more importantly, accept that Gabe is indicating that was a wrong move on my part, then I have to consider rectifying that mistake.

And as he said… that would pave the way to Holland.

Would she accept me back? I've screwed her over twice and she has no reason to trust me a third time.

But what if she did?

The possibility has my heart racing and my head swimming.

I lean back in my chair, staring at the ceiling. My mind drifts to the days before everything fell apart. Holland's laugh, the way her eyes lit up when she talked about something she was passionate about. The way she made me feel alive, even in the darkest times. The press of her body against mine. The thought of never seeing her again, never holding her, it's like a knife twisting in my gut.

The memory of Wade's laugh, his mischievous grin, and the countless hours we spent together in the barn, working side by side, hits me like a wave. The pain is still raw, but there's a new clarity in it. Wade wouldn't want me to be miserable. He wouldn't want me to sacrifice my happiness out of some misplaced sense of guilt.

Gabe's right. I've been choosing Wade over myself, and it's time to stop. I need to honor his memory, but I also need to live my life. And part of that life is Holland. I need to find a way to make things right with her, to show her that I'm willing to fight for us, no matter how scared I am.

I stand up, feeling a sense of determination settling over me. I can't change the past, but I can choose how I move forward. And I choose to fight for the woman I love.

Pulling my phone from my pocket, I dial Ethan. He answers on the second ring. "Trey? Everything okay?"

I wince, because that's not a normal greeting. It speaks to his level of worry. "I'm good. But I need a few days off."

"No fucking way," he growls. "It's time you got back on the horse so to speak. You're not going to hide away—"

"I'm not hiding," I break in on him. "I'm going to Zurich."

There's silence and then a small chuckle. "Well, in that case… consider your time off request approved."

"Thank you," I say softly.

"Good luck, brother," he replies and I hear the amusement in his voice. "You're going to need it. I suggest lots of groveling."

"Whatever it takes," I assure him.