23. Jason

CHAPTER 23

JASON

"What time is your flight?" Mik asks me, his head on my chest, finger lazily tracing the infinity symbol on my ribcage. The tattoo I got to memorialize the feel of him tracing that same pattern into my skin so long ago. To remember what we had, and what I lost. To remind myself not to give my forever away again, the way I did that night, when I cautiously thought we had a lifetime ahead of us.

Yet here I am, doing the exact same thing. What's it going to look like? How is it going to work? I want to dive in to all the logistics, to get a verbal confirmation, or maybe a written contract, that tells me we're on the same page. I don't want to push, so I stay quiet.

I trust that Mik wants this, too. I've even come to terms with the revelation that he thinks he would have stayed with me, chosen me, all those years ago. What I don't trust is circumstance.

Circumstance tore us apart before. Circumstance could come between us again.

"I have to be at the airport at four," I answer. Mik lifts his head to eye the digital clock on the nightstand. It's just past ten at night.

We spent the day enjoying each other's company in the mostly empty hotel spa, talking about all the things we missed in each other's lives. Whenever the conversation got too deep or heavy, we resorted to kissing, touching, and fondling each other when there wasn't anyone else around. Alone in the sauna, we watched each other masturbate, until Mik got thirsty and dropped to his knees to suck my orgasm from me like he was drinking a thick milkshake through a thin straw.

After dinner, we tumbled into the room in a tangle of limbs, stripping each other down before we so much as hit the bed. I took Mik the way I did last night, slow and gentle but firm, wanting him to feel every bit of me, physically and emotionally. There are words we haven't said yet that I've been trying to convey with the way I've taken his body. I don't know if it was becoming too much, or if Mik is just an impatient bottom, but he ended up rolling me over and climbing on top of me. He rode me like a jockey, pinning his knees tightly to my sides and using his strong thighs to fuck himself hard and fast.

We dozed off for a bit, but I woke up with a start, having a moment of panic that he'd left. He was only in the bathroom, but when he stepped out, it felt like he knew what I'd been thinking when I woke up without him. He stalked back to the bed, climbing over me and kissing me deeply before tucking himself against my side.

"We need to talk about it," he says quietly.

"I know," I say with a sigh.

Neither of us speaks for several long moments, both of us unsure how to start. Finally, I get the courage to just say whatever is on my mind. Take the chance, Jason. Be brave this time.

"Come with me."

"To London? "

"Yeah, why not? Come watch me be sexy," I joke, waggling my eyebrows.

"I'd like to watch you be sexy anywhere. But I can't leave right now."

My heart sinks into my stomach like a stone. It's not that I assumed he'd come with me. I know he has work and an entire life here, but I thought he'd at least give it some thought. His answer came way too quickly.

"I want to," he clarifies. "But I owe it to Janel to talk this out. She deserves an explanation, and we have a lot to work through."

"I understand," I say, pulling him in to kiss his forehead so he can't see my inner turmoil. I do understand, really. But I'm afraid. What if he changes his mind? What if she changes her mind and finds a way to make him stay?

"Give me a couple days, and I'll meet you there."

"Wait. What?"

"I need to talk this out with Janel. I owe her that. And I can't stay gone too long, because Jase is leaving for college soon and I don't have a lot of PTO. But I can come visit you for a few days. Then you can come back here for the next break you have. And we can talk and video chat every day in between."

The stone sinks lower, realizing how many obstacles we have just to be together. Our lives are nearly four thousand miles apart.

"Long distance will be rough, but we can make it work. And it's just until I can settle things here. I need to give notice–"

"You mean… You'd move to Wales with me?"

"Well, yeah. If you want. It might take me a while to find a job, but I can pay you rent with my ass."

I bark out a laugh at that. Truth is, I make enough money that he wouldn't have to work at all if he doesn't want to.

"I love the idea of having you come to Wales, but your whole life is here. I can't expect you to drop everything and move across the world for me."

"My life is wherever you are," he says, pulling himself up so his face is hovering over mine. "With Jase leaving for college soon, there's nothing for me here if you are somewhere else. We already wasted half our lives because neither of us was brave enough to just say what we wanted. I'm not doing it again. I want you, Jason. I don't want to live another second without you. I am yours, and you are mine. That's it. I won't accept any other future."

The stone in my stomach lodges itself in my throat, choking me with the most terrifying emotional overload I've ever experienced. Hope.

"I love you," I whisper, touching my lips to his. They're the only words I can manage. They're the only words I need.

Mik drapes his body over mine, returning my sentiment with a slow, deep kiss that makes my toes curl. He's willing to leave his entire life behind to be with me. He's sacrificing his marriage, his job, and who knows what else. And I'm overwhelmed by it.

Gripping his hips, I shift him onto his back, pressing him into the mattress. His thighs widen to accommodate my body, legs wrapping around my back. I instinctively thrust against him, sliding my cock through his ass cheeks. I moan at the wet slide of my cock through the mess that has trickled out of him, and barely hold myself back from sliding inside again. Mik shifts his hips and grinds against me, wordlessly begging for me to take him, but I want something different. I want something I've never had before. Something I've never been willing to try before, because it made me feel too vulnerable .

Eighteen years ago, Mik gave me something that followed me for the rest of my life. It hadn't been my first time, but it had been his. He gave me his trust when he let me inside him, and because of the heavy emotional value of that moment, it tied us together irrevocably. It seems right that if we're going to start over, we should begin with that same level of trust.

When I reach for the bottle of lube, I don't pour it over my hand to prep him or coat my dick with it. Instead, I hand it to Mik before rolling us back over. Mik straddles my hips, lifting a brow in question.

"I want you, Mik. All of you."

His eyes widen, lust and indecision reflecting in his dark hazel gaze. His eyes dart to the bottle in his hands, at our straining cocks that I've taken in my hand, stroking them together as I reassure him.

"I want to feel you inside me."

His brow furrows with worry, and I wonder if he realizes I'm using the same words he told me that night so long ago. The night he convinced me that this thing between us was real and forever. I'd been so afraid that he would change his mind about us that I held back. It was the most magical night of my life, the happiest and most tragic memory that has stuck with me through every year, every moment we've been apart.

"You're sure? I didn't know you–"

"I don't. Or I haven't before."

"Jason, you don't have to do that."

"If things hadn't gone the way they had, it would have happened. It was something I wanted to give you the way you gave yourself to me." I take a breath. "It's not that I have been afraid or against bottoming. It's always been assumed that I would top, and I never let anyone stick around long enough to try anything else. And, I think maybe subconsciously I knew this part of me always belonged to you."

Mik blinks down at me, his eyes fluttering rapidly. Sitting up, I cup his face in my hands and say the words that have haunted my dreams for eighteen years. "I want this. I want you. Make me yours."

A rush of breath leaves him as he surges forward, pressing me into the pillows and crashing our mouths together. I widen my thighs and shift, so he has to adjust the way he's laying over me, positioning himself between my legs. He pulls back and looks down at the way I'm relaxed back and open for him. His hands caress slowly, tentatively down the tops of my thighs, then up the insides. I fight not to squirm at the light tickle of his fingertips brushing over me. When the tips of his fingers lightly caress over my taint and through the crevice of my ass, my cock jumps.

My physical reaction must be the motivation he needs, because Mik uncaps the lube and pours some onto his fingers. He keeps his eyes locked on mine when he reaches down to press against my ass, massaging my rim gently. I shift my hips open wider, eyes fluttering when his fingers press more firmly against me. The tip of one finger teases inside, and a moan escapes me. He presses in further, and I relax. It feels odd, somewhat like I need to use the bathroom, but when there's no pain and I relax into it, the awkward feeling dissipates.

Mik works his finger all the way in and out for a few strokes before pulling out and adding more lube to his fingers. I groan as Mik sinks two fingers inside me, lightly grazing over my spot as he pumps into me slowly.

"There it is," he purrs, stroking my prostate with each pump of his fingers.

He leans over and takes me into his mouth, and I'm so distracted by his hot, wet tongue sliding around my cockhead that I barely notice him adding a third finger until a slight stinging sensation makes itself known. We're officially in new territory for me. It burns, but it isn't unpleasant. In fact, the more his fingers work in and out of me, the more I want. There's an intangible itch inside me that wants more. I need him inside me, but I'm reluctant to give up the delicious suction of his mouth.

I lose myself to the sensation of it all. My body relaxes enough that his fingers are sliding in and out of me easily, the copious amount of lube he's added making wet, sloppy noises to join the sounds his mouth makes as he works my cock. My eyes are rolling back, hips bucking between his mouth and hands. I'm ready for him, but I'm so fucking close that it hurts to stop him.

"Mik," I warn. "I'm going to– I'm gonna come."

His mouth pulls off me and I make an involuntary whine that would embarrass me if it wasn't Mik. He works his fingers inside me a moment more while he reaches for the lube again, but then leaves me clenching on air when he pulls out to spread the slippery liquid down his shaft.

Hazel eyes flit up to meet mine once more. "Are you ready?"

"I've been ready, Mik."

With a clipped, possibly nervous, nod, he adjusts his thighs to spread me wider, and lines himself up. His chest is heaving, but his movements are slow and purposeful. He keeps his eyes locked at the place we're coming together, watching as his cock pushes inside me for the first time. Mik prepped me well, and between that, my arousal, and his free hand wrapped around my stiff cock, there's very little pain. The pressure is immense, and I marvel for a moment that Mik's smaller body is able to take my larger cock. I wonder momentarily how badly I've hurt him with my rough treatment lately.

Impossibly slowly, Mik watches his cock sink inside me, inch by inch. My eyes roll, and a primal moan leaves me as I stretch open for him, the barbell at the tip of his cock adding one more layer of oh my fucking god to the overwhelming sensations that are taking over my mind and body. I bear down as he sinks into me further. He groans, body tight with control, sweat beading on his forehead.

When his body is flush with mine, cock fully seated deep inside me, we both pause to breathe, eyes locked on each other. The moment is tense with anticipation and emotion. I'm racked with memories of the first time we were together, the clarity of the moment I knew that this was it.

Mik must be thinking similar thoughts, because he leans over me and kisses me deeply. "You feel so good," he rasps, shuddering. "This is… Fuck." He takes a deep breath and presses his forehead to mine. "Are you okay?"

"Feels good," I assure him, then grin. "Feels big."

He chuckles but gives me a meaningful look. "Really big."

Stretching my head up, I take his mouth again, pushing my tongue deep inside. Reaching around him, I grip his ass in both my hands and pull him against me, encouraging him to move. He tentatively pulls almost all the way out before sliding back inside. I moan into his mouth. My hole is sore and stretched around him, but the slide of my cock between our abs combined with the overwhelming fullness of having him inside me overshadows any discomfort. Honestly, even if it did hurt, I wouldn't want him to stop. I want this. I need the connection like I need my next breath.

Mik is trembling, alternating between kissing me and resting his forehead against mine as he slowly but firmly thrusts into me.

"Fuck, Jay. I'm not going to last. You feel… Fuck. "

Raising my hips experimentally, I meet his next thrust, encouraging him to let go. He huffs out a curse and readjusts himself so my legs are draped over his arms and my ass is raised. My hand slides up and down my shaft, missing the heat of his body against me but loving that I can see his face and body while he fucks me. Using his grip on my bent knees as leverage, he thrusts in harder, adjusting slightly with each thrust until–

"Fuck!"

"God, yes," he groans, sounding strained with the effort of holding himself back.

He thrusts into me in the same spot, harder and faster, pegging my prostate over and over again. Each sharp thrust of his cock inside me forces unintelligible noises from my chest, the hard metal balls of his piercing lighting up all my nerve endings. My muscles tense, and my cock swells.

"I can feel you getting close," he says, breathing heavily. "You're squeezing my cock so tight. I'm going to come."

"Come inside me, Mik. I want your cum inside me."

" Fuck ," he gasps. "You first. I want to feel you come while I'm inside you. Come for me, Jason. Please. Fucking. Come. On. My. Cock. Oh, God ." Each punch of his hips is accompanied by another word, another grunt, another moan, another encouragement to give him what we both want.

My hand moves faster over my shaft as I furiously stroke myself.

"Oh fuck. Yes! So…shit… tight . I'm going to fucking blow, baby."

The choked sound he makes when I clench down around him pushes me over the edge, and a spine-tingling wave of the most intense pleasure I've ever felt has me arching off the bed with a silent scream. I can't breathe or make a sound, but my cock shoots off like a geyser. Warm splatters of cum splash onto my stomach and Mik's.

Mik doesn't have the same problem I have getting sound out. He's panting and moaning and grunting with abandon, talking in circles about how tight I'm squeezing his cock, milking his orgasm from him. I force my eyes open to witness Mik unloading inside me, and we lock eyes as he fucks us through our mutual climax. A single tear falls from his left eye and gets lost in the beads of sweat rolling down his face.

He collapses over my body, squishing cum and sweat between us as our skin fuses together.

"I fucking love you," he moans as he rolls his hips, gently working us through the aftershocks of the most intense orgasm of my life.

I still can't make words happen, but Mik is content with kissing until we're too exhausted to do more and his softened cock falls from my quivering hole. I hold him against my chest for a few moments before adjusting so he's lying next to me. His fingers trace my tattoo and then move down my abs and between my legs. Two fingers push gently inside me, and I gasp as he massages my rim. When he pulls his fingers out, he holds them up in front of himself, marveling at the cum coating his fingers.

With a smirk, I roll over on my stomach and pull my knees under me, encouraging him to look his fill. He chuckles as he sits up, but the moment he gets behind me, he nearly chokes. He runs his fingers down my ass crack, circling through the mess dripping out of my hole, before pushing them inside me again.

"That's… wow," he breathes.

"I'm yours now," I whisper, as if I wasn't already. As if this wasn't just a physical manifestation of something that's always been true.

I am his and he is mine. Forever.