19. Jason

CHAPTER 19

JASON

"I would have chosen you."

I nearly crash the rental five times on the way to my hotel. I booked a room at the closest hotel to the airport, which is a swanky place with a spa. Not that I plan on utilizing any of it. I just need a place to hide and lick my wounds until I can run away. While I'm checking in, I request a bottle of whiskey be sent to my room. It shows up before the attendant is done emptying my luggage from the trolley. I tip both the employees handsomely and put a do not disturb sign on the door.

After my second refill, I abandon the glass entirely and drink straight from the bottle.

"I would have chosen you."

That should make me feel better, right? It's all I've ever wanted, except that it's wrong. There's no way… he would have changed his mind. Right?

I assumed he'd already chosen her the moment she barged into our apartment and dropped the bomb that imploded my life. Could I have been mistaken? He said he would have chosen me. It feels wrong, like an itchy, ill-fitted suit.

The moment the words left his mouth, I was too stunned to speak. Visions of an entire lifetime that I might have missed out on flashed through my mind, along with warring visions of the likelihood that it would have fallen apart, anyway.

So maybe he didn't make the right decision or wouldn't have. But I still did.

Right?

Right?

Fuck! I don't know! I don't know anymore.

I fall to my knees, sloshing whiskey on the floor. I take another swig, but it tastes rancid in my dry mouth. I have a strange urge to call room service and ask if they have any whipped cream flavored vodka.

Leaving the bottle on the coffee table, I shuffle into the bathroom. There's a jacuzzi tub, and a large rainfall shower. A brisk shower sobers me up a little, and I collapse onto the large, soft bed.

I can't sleep, haunted by all of the what-ifs that I never let myself imagine until now. When I close my eyes, an entirely different life plays before my eyes.

There's a pounding at the door, pulling me out of the deepest sleep of my life. I'm sore all over, my muscles still tired from the exertion of last night.

Last night.

My cock is hard against my stomach, and I absentmindedly stroke myself as I think about last night. Mik is still next to me, his naked body barely covered by the sheet. He told me he loved me. He gave himself to me, and he told me he loved me.

I want to nuzzle into him in, but mostly I just want to hold him close and confirm that he's really mine. Despite his whispered confession after he thought I was asleep last night, there's still a part of me that worries he'll freak out this morning. That he'll remember he's straight and change his mind.

"Go away!" Mik yells to whoever is banging our door down and covers his head with his pillow. I laugh and pull back the sheet to get up, but he pulls me down on top of him.

"No. Stay," he says, his voice rough from sleep. "They'll go away eventually. We are sleeping until ten, and then you're going to fuck me in the shower before we play Siler City."

Fuck me, he's irresistible. I can't help but drape myself over him, chuckling. "Aren't you sore?"

"Why don't you kiss my ass again and find out?"

Oh, yes, please. "You think I won't?" Fuck, I can't wait to show him everything I want to do to him. All the nasty, sexy things I plan to do to his body.

"I have zero doubt you would," Mik snarks back.

Biting my lip, I move down his lithe, naked body. His cock is just as hard as mine, twitching when I drag my fingers up his length.

"How about I tongue fuck your ass until you come? Would that get you out of bed early enough to go out for breakfast?"

His cock twitches, and I smirk up at him, my mouth watering just thinking about it. He comes so prettily when I play with his ass, I know he'll love the way I can drive him crazy with my tongue.

"You're a kinky motherfucker, aren't you? "

"Oh, baby. You have no idea," I say, taking his cock into my mouth. I'm so ready to show him how good I can make him feel. I want to eat his ass and his cum for breakfast, then keep him coming until he's nothing but a puddle on the mattress.

But the pounding at the door gets louder. Jesus. What the hell could they want? It's probably one of my idiot friends coming to cockblock me, knowing I'm usually up a lot earlier than this to go for a run. Maybe Tracy from across the hall wanting to join me. Then again, why would they be this insistent? Whoever it is, they're clearly not going to stop until we answer. I release Mik's cock with a pout and stand up.

"Just let me get that. Maybe something's wrong."

"The building could be on fire, and I'd still want to come before I get up out of this bed," Mik deadpans, cutting through the trickle of anxiety I feel. "There's no way I'm walking around with this thing," he says, gesturing to his long, hard cock that is dripping for me. I lick my lips and turn away to grab a pair of sweatpants off the floor.

"Noted," I say, and wink at Mik before I leave the room. "I'll just be a minute."

"Alright, alright," I call out as I make my way across the apartment, trying to arrange my erection to be less obvious. Good fucking luck. I'm harder than steel. It looks like I'm trying to smuggle a shotgun in my pants.

I tear open the door, ready to chew whoever it is out and get them to go away so I can go back to the hot, naked man I have waiting in my bed. Fucking Mik Sanders is in my bed, naked, waiting for me. And he loves me. And he wants me to eat his ass.

The door doesn't open halfway before my sister forces her way in.

"What the fuck, Jason! I've been calling and knocking all fucking morning!" she yells as she barges past me .

"What's wrong?"

"Where's Mik?" she says, stomping through our small living room towards Mik's room. Fuck, she's not going to find him in there. I really didn't think we were going to have to let the cat out of the bag this soon, but she's about to get a rude awakening.

"Jesus, Janel. You broke up. And it's about time, don't you think? Let him go already." I was worried when I first saw her at the door. She looks pale and strung out. But she's not about to guilt Mik into coming back to her again.

He's mine now.

"Mik!"

She pushes into his bedroom, but it's empty, so she heads to the bathroom. Empty.

Janel cuts me a look when she turns down the hallway to my room, calling Mik's name. I hear rustling, and then Mik's voice, calm and understanding. I stay back, leaning against the wall in the hallway to let them work it out.

"Shit, Janel. Are you okay?"

"No, I'm not okay!" Her voice is high pitched and panicky. "You've been ignoring me for two fucking weeks!"

Probably because you act like this whenever something happens that you don't approve of. Well, wait until he breaks this news to you, sis.

"Hey, hey. I'm sorry, okay?" His words are gentle and placating, and part of me hates it. It's not that I want him to hurt her feelings. She's my sister and I love her. We have a good relationship, but she goes too far, and he lets her take advantage of his kindness. "What do you need?"

My stomach churns. It's obvious there's something wrong, but my sister has a history of using her emotions against Mik. What if she talks him into coming back to her? What if he compares the two of us and decides he prefers her soft, feminine curves to my harder muscles, chest hair, and rough stubble along my jaw?

Mik says something I can't quite make out through my garbled thoughts, but I think for a second he's about to tell her about us. About why he's naked in my bed. I move closer, ready to come in and discuss things with her like adults. But then she drops a bomb.

"I'm pregnant."

What?

The walls around me close in. I feel like an insect trapped under an upturned glass. Everything looks distorted, and my access to the air I need is blocked.

She said…What?!

No. No. No no no no no no no. This can't be happening. How? When?

I stumble into the doorway and get a good look at them. I can tell from my sister's pallid complexion and serious expression that she's telling the truth, not that she's the kind of girl that would lie about such a thing. When my eyes land on Mik, all the breath and fight leaves my body. He stands and reaches for her, then remembers he's naked, and grabs a pair of pants from the ground. Then, slowly, like he might spook her, he pulls my sister into his arms. He holds her against the very same body I spent the night making love to, tucks her right against his skin that is marked with hickeys and signs of our passion. He sits down with her in his lap, holding her and pressing his mouth to the top of her head, eyes closed. When he opens them, I see his fear and his panic.

"We'll figure it out," he says into her hair, but his eyes are locked on mine. "It'll be okay," he says reassuringly. I give him a brief nod and give them space .

In the kitchen, I start some coffee and tidy up, trying not to overthink it. Part of me wants to run. He looked right in my eyes and said we'd figure it out, so that means he was talking to me, right? I mean, he was probably talking to my sister, too, but it was clearly directed at me. I just need to give him time and space and try not to freak out.

He's going to choose her. I know he will. If I know my sister, I know she'll keep this baby, and he'll do the right thing and raise it with her. My father will pressure them to get married. I can't be his side piece. His dirty little secret. His one night of passion, only to be forgotten.

My phone rings from Mik's room. I sneak in there to grab it, and realize how much of a mess we made before moving to my room. Both rooms smell like sex, I know that much. I listen to a couple of messages from the sports agent my dad set me up with. He's been trying to sell me on the idea of moving overseas, but I didn't want to move that far away from my family. From him.

"The offer is good until the end of the month, Jason. I told them you're not interested right now, but they're looking to sweeten the pot. I'm sending you an email with the new offer details, take a look at it. No pressure, but one season abroad could put you in a good position to negotiate with whatever team you want."

Maybe now is the time to take his offer. Do I really want to stay here and watch the man I'm in love with marry my sister?

I open the email with the offer, scrolling through the pages. Maybe it's the right thing to do. But I can't make a decision like this right now, not when there is so much at stake. I put my phone away and focus on calming my thoughts.

Janel and Mik eventually emerge from the room over an hour later. I can't meet Mik's eyes, or Janel's, for that matter.

"Are you okay to drive?" Mik asks her softly, and the way he pushes a flyaway lock of hair behind her ear makes my stomach clench painfully .

"Will you come with me to tell my parents?" she asks meekly, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Yeah, of course. We both will," he says. My head snaps up and I meet his eyes. He gestures towards my sister encouragingly.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Of course, baby sis." When I pull her in for a hug, she's trembling so much I drop all my animosity and selfish thoughts. I wrap her up and squeeze her until she complains that I'm suffocating her.

"Do you want to stay for breakfast?" I ask her, mostly because I'm putting off the inevitable conversation with Mik. How could he not choose her? She's so weak and scared, and carrying his fucking baby.

Janel shakes her head and pulls away. She looks green. "Ugh. No. I can't handle the smell of coffee and your sweaty bodies."

Once she's gone, the silence is oppressive. I'm standing in our small kitchen, staring at a picture of me and Mik from when we were sixteen. I was in love with him then. Even if he chooses her, I won't be angry. I'll try to understand. I can take that position in Wales and–

Mik's hand slips into mine. "Hey. Are you okay?"

An unhinged laugh bubbles up from inside me. "You're asking me if I'm okay?" His lips quirk, but there's no humor in it. "Are you?"

"Fuck no, I'm not okay. I'm freaking the fuck out, but I'm more worried about…" Despite his casual posture, his hazel eyes are dark with fear, and he looks like he might lose his shit at any moment. I pull him into my chest, wrapping my arms around him. His face buries in my neck, and he inhales a shaky breath. He's spent the last hour and a half being strong for Janel, then trying to put on a strong front for me. What he really needs is to let go and know that I'll be here to catch him.

As tempted as I am to run away, to avoid the inevitable heartache, I need to be strong for him right now .

"I don't want to lose you," he murmurs into my skin, sucking in a harsh breath.

My heart cracks in half, but what leaches out isn't sadness. It's the slightest amount of hope.

"I don't want to lose you, either," I tell him. Shifting, I cup his chin and bring our foreheads together. "If you're still in–"

"I'm still in," he quickly interjects. "If you still want me. I'm still in."

"I want you," I promise him. "I love you."

"I love you," he whispers back, a tear falling down his cheek. He's afraid, I know he is. I'm afraid, too.

"We'll figure this out together."

My mind fast forwards through all the scenarios that would come next. Going to our parents' together. Holding hands and providing a unified front when our dad tries to force the marriage issue. Holding the love of my life while he cradles his newborn son in his arms. Working together to provide Jase with the best life possible, moving in next door to Janel so we can all be close. Helping coach Jase's sports teams, getting to be there for all his milestones. Supporting my sister through school and standing beside her when she marries the real man of her dreams. Having her there with us, holding Jase on her hip as Mik and I exchange vows.

For half my life, all I've considered is all the ways it could have gone wrong. I assumed the worst and prepared for it, but I never let myself hope for the best.

There's still a very high likelihood that it wouldn't have worked out like I'm imagining it now, but there's a chance, and that's something I never considered. Which means there's a chance that I ruined everything by being too afraid to hope .

Now that I've had a couple hours to stew on it, to really let it sink in, I realize that this is worse than believing I never had a chance.

Ignorance wasn't bliss by any means, but it hurt less than this.