Chapter 8

8

AMELIA

Aloud groan escapes me while I try to suppress the persistent throbbing inside my head.

With one eye closed, I dare to open the other, only to be blinded by the morning sun. The harsh rays make it all the more harrowing, forcing me to shut both eyes and hide from the light. I bury my head in the pillow again when a familiar scent lingers in the air. What is that? I can’t seem to comprehend much, consumed by the agony desperate to control my head. But as I place my hand on the pillow, it becomes increasingly unfamiliar. Not at all like my own pillow at home, nor Austin’s bed either.

My body jolts upright; eyes wide open as the room slowly comes to full view. It’s a hotel room, a very fancy one. It’s not just a room; it appears to be a suite, quite possibly a penthouse. Shit. Where am I, and who did I end up with? Beside me is my phone with a text message on the screen.

Will:Nothing happened.

It all comes back to me. Well, only part of the night comes back. The rest is hazy. I recall our encounter in the office, the uncomfortable exchange in the elevator, and the moment he told me he hadn’t forgotten about us.

Unable to handle what went down, there was no way I was going home to be alone. I knew myself too well. I would have spent the night festering over seeing him again. Instead, I called Andy and asked him to meet me for drinks. Given it was a Friday night, he already had plans but ditched his friends because it wasn’t often when I begged him to be my drinking buddy. At least not anymore.

The rest of the night is completely blank. No memory, no recollection of anything.

I throw myself back into bed, only to hear the churn of my stomach. With only a few seconds to spare, I race for the bathroom and empty last night’s contents into the fancy hotel’s toilet bowl. I spend a good hour in there, regretting my actions, of course. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking, just like always when I am around Will.

He is this magnetic force who screws with my capability to make good decisions. It’s like nothing else matters, no acknowledging the consequences of my so-called actions.

When I finally peel myself away from the bathroom, I enter the room again and gaze at the surroundings. There is nothing to suggest he even stayed here. Not a single item of his strewn across the room, though given his obsessive need to be so tidy, I’m not surprised either.

The room is bare, and then I begin to think—why did he bring me back here? Why not to his apartment? For once, maybe he is thinking clearly. The apartment would have been too much and perhaps a temptation neither one of us could fight.

What are you even thinking? You’re engaged. You love Austin. You would never hurt him.

Shit! Austin.

According to Will’s text, nothing happened. I had to believe him. What other option did I have? It didn’t erase the guilt beginning to crawl its way through me and eat away at my conscience. At some point, I would have to tell Austin about last night. I just need to figure out the best time, given he won’t be pleased with Will’s return.

I make the journey back home, desperate for my own shower and bed. It’s Saturday morning, perfect to catch up on all the things I was unable to do during the week, like laundry. Yet my mind needs something more challenging, desperate to lose myself in case studies and theory notes.

When night falls, my eyes begin to strain once again from the constant focus on the screen. But I’d managed to get through the day and distract myself. The exhaustion has crept in, so I make myself a grilled cheese sandwich for dinner, then call it a night.

On Sunday morning, I am woken up by the sound of my phone buzzing beside me. I lift it up to view the screen, only to see Ava calling.

“What?” I groan, eyes falling shut again. “It’s early.”

“I gave you a day to recover, which I think is very generous of me.”

I let out a loose chuckle. “I saw your Insta stories yesterday. You were at some shoot in Long Island surrounded by very sexy men. I highly doubt you were giving me a day to recover. You were knee-deep in dick, admit it.”

“You’re so crass,” she drags.

“Only for you, little sister,” I remind her smugly. “What do you want anyway? It’s early.”

“I want to know what happened on Friday night. Will called me.”

“Will called you?” I sit upright, my attention suddenly piqued. “What did he say?”

“You drunk texted him, apparently. He was worried and wanted to know where you were, so I suggested the bar near Andy’s.”

“I drunk texted him?”

My finger scrambles through to my inbox. I scroll up on Will’s text message to see what I wrote to him. Thank God…it could have been worse. My eyes close upon relief, but it doesn’t erase the fact I’d texted him first. And worst—while drunk on Fireball.

“Were you going to tell me you saw him again?”

“I didn’t have time…I saw him then met with Andy.”

“Millie,” Ava says in a softer tone. “I know you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset. I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine. You got drunk and texted your ex, who saved you because that’s what Will always does. You fuck up. He comes running.”

“Will doesn’t always come running,” I argue back, hurt by her assumption. “And I didn’t fuck up. Nothing happened with him, nor anyone else that night. I love Austin and won’t cheat on him just because an ex is back in town. Give me some credit, will you?”

“Will is more than an ex. He’s the love of your life.”

“Correction, Ava, was,” I snap, curling my lip and baring my teeth. “And why are you Team Will all of a sudden? You were the one going on about how perfect Austin is. Now you’re trying to convince me I’m still in love with Will?”

“You know what? This is so you, Amelia. Always in denial. At least I live my life being honest with myself.”

“Oh yeah, easy when Daddy is helping you create your dream life.”

“You’re such a bitch!”

The phone call ends abruptly. I throw my phone across the bed, crossing my arms in annoyance. How dare she say all those things? I wasn’t some pity case in which Will needed to save me. He chose to hunt me down. I did not ask him to rescue me.

For the rest of the day, I turn my phone off, not wanting to deal with anyone. I cleaned the entire apartment, even the bathtub, which hasn’t been used since I moved in. When everything is sparkling clean, I go for a walk along the bay until I find myself at Liesel’s condo.

“Hey, girl! Come in.”

Liesel wraps her arms around me, a hug I so desperately need. She grabs my hand and leads me into the kitchen.

She smiles while pouring two cups of coffee. “Fresh brew.”

After she places them on the table, I welcome the steaming cup and wrap my hands around it. My lips move toward the steam on their own accord, a habit I’ve formed when drinking any hot beverage.

“How have you been?” I ask, eager to be distracted from my own thoughts.

“I love my new job. My boss is hot. I mean, he wears this suit, and it’s hard for me to concentrate,” she mentions, biting her lip. “Oh, and these glasses he wears. Did you know that glasses porn is even a thing?”

I nod my head with a knowing grin.

“So, I’ll probably have to quit.”

“Why? If you love your job, don’t let one man stop you from achieving a career.”

“I don’t think you understand how sexy. I can’t even talk around him, and you know me…I’m a born talker.”

“That is true, no denying that.”

“Then I end up saying dumb things. It’s a real bind to be in.”

“I mean, sure, plus the fact that you have an actual boyfriend.”

She scratches the base of her neck, then tugs on the gold chain and pendant. “Yeah, about that. It’s not working out.”

“You just moved in with him, Liesel. You’re still transitioning. You said you loved him?” I remind her.

“I also said I loved my boyfriend before that. What is love, anyway? I’ll probably need to find somewhere to live soon. Between moving, and a career change—this is not how I envisioned spending the summer.”

“Look, take your time and don’t make any rash decisions,” I tell her, knowing too well she is one to move quickly in life, never pondering nor waiting around for some miracle. “I have a spare room, and you know you’re always welcome.”

“I don’t think Austin will be pleased if I move in.” Liesel chuckles, her entire face brightening.

“Luckily, he rarely spends time at my place. His schedule is so full. He is back-and-forth between campus and the hospital.”

“So, how is the engagement going? Do you feel any different?”

I shrug my shoulders half-heartedly. “Aside from the ring? Not really. We both agreed not to rush into planning a wedding, especially this year because we’re so busy.”

“No wonder your dad gave his blessing,” Liesel snorts, taking a sip of coffee. “Speaking of your dad, how is the sexy old fella?”

“Can you not with the word sexy and my dad in the same sentence?”

“I guess I shouldn’t tell you what the girls in the office think about him?”

My nose wrinkles as I shake my head in disgust. “Um, no. I really don’t want to know.”

“There’s a photo of him online in gray sweatpants,” she blurts out, unapologetic.

I close my eyes while pursing my lips, willing this conversation to disappear. “Listen, if you want to have this conversation, call my mom. But for the love of God, never discuss my dad in sweatpants. I have seriously lost my appetite for coffee, and you know I love coffee.”

Liesel throws her hands up in the air calling defeat. “Okay, no more Lex Edwards talk. What else is happening with you?”

“I got into an argument with Ava this morning.”

“What’s new?” Liesel retorts. “Over what this time?”

“Just stuff…with Will.”

Liesel stops all movement, her eyes focusing on me with a surprised expression.

“Are we back to discussing Will? I thought the subject was closed on him?”

“It was closed,” I say, lowering my voice while running the tip of my finger along the rim of the cup. “Until I saw him again.”

“Wait a minute.” Liesel raises her hand in a flurry. “We’ve been sitting here for fifteen minutes. During that time, you let me go on about my sexy boss, and your dad’s big dick, only to drop this bombshell on me now?”

I shake my head, letting out a groan. “I’m going to ignore the comment about my dad. Yes, I ran into Will. It was not planned. It caught us both by surprise.”

“And?” she begs, leaning forward. “How did he look?”

“Hmmm, the same. Older, maybe. I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Liesel questions with an amused expression. “You are telling me you did not look at him long enough to form an opinion of how he looked?”

“He looked beautiful, okay?” The words come out but do nothing to ease the guilt eating away at me. “There’s more…”

Placing her cup down, Liesel presses her fist to her mouth, waiting in anticipation.

“I got drunk, sent a text which apparently prompted him to come get me from the bar. I woke up at the Four Seasons, and I haven’t heard from him since.”

“You woke up at the Four Seasons?”

“Nothing happened. That’s what he texted me.”

Liesel lets out a long-winded sigh. “So, this fight with Ava?”

“She thinks Will is the love of my life, and I can’t let go. She said no matter what bad things I do, Will always rescues me.”

“Well…” Liesel drags, prompting me to watch her with an unrelenting stare. “He does seem to have the tendency to find you when you’re less than sober. Take, for instance, that night of your nineteenth birthday.”

“One night,” I remind her. “So, he’s a little protective?”

“Is he the love of your life?”

I bow my head, unable to control my heart beating erratically. There is no rhyme or reason to feel this way, not after years apart. It was difficult to have this conversation with someone else, especially because I thought I was completely over him.

“He was, Liesel. But time has passed, and I love Austin.”

“Then tell Will that.”

“I did.”

“Okay…you’re holding back more?”

“I’m not holding back more. He knows I’m engaged. We are over. I just made a fool out of myself the other night, and the worst part is, I don’t remember anything I said or did.”

“So, apologize for your behavior, explain that it was a surprise to see him again. End of story.”

I nod. “You’re right, but enough about me. Let’s go back to your sexy boss…”

* * *

“You’re quiet.”

“I’ve just got a lot on my mind.” I stir the food on my plate with barely an appetite. Our weekly routine of late is dining at the Indian restaurant near Austin’s apartment. It helps that we know the owners who make our dishes extra special by throwing in starters. “It’s hard watching everyone have fun while I’m still studying. You know, Liesel has this new job, out there earning real money.”

“You’re studying law. It’ll be worth it in the end,” Austin reminds me.

“I guess so. Maybe I’m just tired.”

I lift my gaze to watch as Austin eats while laughing at something on his phone. Should I tell him about the other night? I’m too tired to argue, knowing it will probably lead to that, even though nothing happened. During our time apart, Austin dated other women. Nothing too serious, according to him, the longest lasting six months. After my relationship ended with Will, I didn’t have the desire to date, preferring to stay single. A year later, I went on a string of blind dates thanks to Liesel, but none of them lasted more than three dates.

Then, there was a drunken night during spring break. The guy was older, though I never asked his age, assuming he was maybe late twenties, if not early thirties. It took approximately five minutes on the beach in which I barely remember anything besides someone yelling out crabs. It turned out to be a couple not too far away in the same situation but less fortunate as crabs did invade their personal space… and genitalia.

“I’ve got to head back to LA for my sister’s birthday. Why don’t you come?”

With my elbows perched on the table, I lean my head into my hand. “You know I’d love to, but remember I’m going back next month. The week is already booked.”

“That’s right,” Austin replies with disappointment. “Hey, don’t be so down. We will make it work, okay? We’ve got tough schedules right now, but I promise to plan a weekend away, just the two of us.”

I nod with a smile as he rests his hand on mine to reassure me.

Back at the apartment, we head to bed early, both exhausted from the food coma we find ourselves in. It’s nice for Austin to just hold me without the pressure of having sex.

But as I try to fall asleep, my mind refuses to switch off. The moon is too bright, the noise outside the window is loud. My senses are heightened, and sleep is the last thing on my mind.

I’m unable to toss or turn, trapped in Austin’s embrace. His snores are gentle as he lays fast asleep beside me.

Wrapped around me are the arms of my best friend, the man I will call my husband one day. A wave of panic washes over me, the air inside the room becoming increasingly hot. I move Austin’s arm off me, careful not to wake him, and remove the sheet off my heated skin.

I check my phone, willing the anxious feeling to subside, only to note it’s already after midnight, and I’m still wide awake. There is no way to fall asleep unless I read. I click on my Kindle app and take a quick look at my library, settling for a romantic comedy to ease the tension. Somewhere after the first chapter, my eyes begin to fall heavy, with sleep imminent.

The following day, I’m woken up to Austin’s warm kiss against my hand.

“Good morning, beautiful.”

I let out a groan, unable to open my eyes as if I got no sleep at all. My entire body feels dead like I’d run a marathon.

“Morning,” I mumble. “What time is it?”

“Eight, I need to go to class.”

“Hmm, okay. I should be heading back too. I’ve got a class at midday, but I’ll be back in the city on Wednesday for work.”

Austin places another soft kiss on my hand, then hops off the bed. “By the way, your dad is in the city on Wednesday and wanted to catch up for dinner.”

“My dad?” I repeat, scrubbing my eyes. “Why?”

“Why is he in the city, or why does he want to catch up for dinner?”

“Never mind. I’ll text him later and get details,” I yawn.

“You didn’t sleep well?”

I shake my head, pulling the sheet to cover my neck.

“Why don’t you sleep a little more. I’m sorry I can’t stay.”

“It’s fine,” I tell him, letting out another yawn though this time much bigger. “I love you. Go be a doctor.”

Austin chuckles softly, saying goodbye as he leaves the room.

I fall back asleep, only to wake an hour later. I take my time showering since the apartment is empty. The hot water feels like heaven on my skin, but as much as I wanted to bask in the glorious water for longer, I have a class to get to.

I’m wearing the only dress I could find in Austin’s closet, stepping outside onto the sidewalk to welcome the warm air against my skin. My car is parked at the parking garage a block over, but as I begin to walk toward it, something compels me to stop.

I turn back around, extending my arm out to hail a cab. Within a minute, a cab stops in front of me. I have no idea what the hell I am doing, but I need to get this off my chest to clear my conscience.

Everything about the building brings back memories. I take the elevator up, cramming into the confined space with a bunch of workers. I can’t help but feel out of place, dressed in my navy boho dress when everyone else is in suits.

When the door pings open, the nerves begin to cripple me. I’m unable to move until a man asks me if this is my level. As I’m forced to step out, I take a deep breath and find the strength to do this for my own sanity.

The receptionist greets me, a blonde, of course, with a nice set of tits on her. I wonder whether he’s screwed her, not surprised if he has since he is single after all. With a forced smile, I ignore the burning sensation inside my stomach and try to act polite.

“Is Mr. Romano available?”

“Do you have a meeting scheduled with him?” she asks, in a rather condescending tone.

“No, I don’t.”

“I’m sorry, he is only accepting scheduled visits.”

“Please tell him it’s Amelia Edwards,” I say, trying to control my tone.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”

I pull my phone out of my purse and dial Will’s number.

“Amelia?”

“I’m outside your office, but your lovely receptionist will not let me see you, and I need to speak with you.”

Silence falls over the speaker until the door opens, and Will is standing at the entrance with an annoyed look on his face.

“It’s fine, Tabitha. Let her in.”

I smile widely at Tabitha, gloating at my accomplishment since she is purely a waste of time. A waste of time who is probably sucking his dick.

My momentary smile begins to fade as I clench my teeth. I follow Will into his office with my back facing her but stop in the middle of the doorway. His desk comes to full view, and I am unable to control the wave of emotions holding me in the position—my lips part at the memory of him taking me on top of the desk. My exposed arms begin to tingle, almost as if he is tracing my arm with his fingertips.

“You can step into my office, just to be clear.”

I take a step further yet keep my distance. His gaze fixates on me, but with a blank expression and completely unreadable.

“So, Tabitha, is it? Some receptionist. You would think she’s working for the CIA trying to protect you.”

“She’s just doing her job,” he deadpans.

“Right, of course.” My smile is coerced, only to mumble beneath my breath a moment later, “Probably not the only job.”

Will takes a seat behind his desk, trying to hide the smirk playing on his lips.

“I can assure you she is only performing the work she is paid to do,” he tells me with an arrogant tone. “But nice to know some things never change with you.”

I ignore the petty comment, reminding myself why I’m here, and do my best to ignore how incredibly handsome he looks behind the desk, dressed in a light blue business shirt and pair of black pants. I’m drawn to the glasses again but force myself to ignore how my body is betraying me.

“I wanted to come here and personally thank you for the other night. I’m not sure what I was thinking, but I should have been more responsible.”

“We all make bad decisions,” he replies flatly.

“Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you.”

“Amelia…” he softens, tapping his hand on the desk as if he is nervous or anxious. “It doesn’t have to be this way between us.”

“Be what way?”

“Strained.”

“Will.” I clear my throat, lowering my head while eyeing the floor. “It wasn’t easy when you left. In fact, it was the worst time of my life. I just want to make it known I didn’t just move on despite what you may think.”

Will stands up from behind the desk, moving closer to me yet keeps an appropriate distance between us. “And you think it was easy for me?”

I glance up into his longing gaze. I’ve seen this look before but under different circumstances. So much has changed, and just because I knew Will Romano back then—doesn’t mean he is the same man now.

“I never said that. I wouldn’t know, Will,” I admit, scratching the back of my neck while I struggle to find the right words. “Look, what your mom said is right. We are family, and chances are we will see each other again. I’m willing to put the past behind us if you are.”

His stare moves toward my hand, and at a slow pace, his footsteps echo against the concrete floor as he closes this distance between us. My chest begins to rise and fall, accompanied by a flutter inside my stomach. I bite my lip, scared of the power he still holds over me.

My gaze follows the movement of his hand as he reaches out for my own and brings the ring closer to him. His touch is like dynamite, igniting all senses at once. I can’t seem to pull away, desperate for his touch, if only for this second. If I just let myself have this moment, allow myself to relive the touch of his hand on my own, then maybe I will satisfy the curiosity, and the feelings will then disappear.

“I have no choice,” he utters with his stare still fixated on the ring. “You’re marrying another man.”

I pull back my hand, unsure why my throat closed in and my stomach hardened when he admitted the truth. “I should go.”

The guilt is like swallowing poison, a slow and painful spread to the entire body. I shouldn’t feel guilty for marrying another man, but here I am—questioning my decisions and for what? There is too much history between us, too much pain to ignore, and create something magical again.

The damage is done.

“Will,” I murmur, averting my gaze toward my feet. “I love Austin, and I won’t do anything to hurt him. I want you to know that.”

“Is that what you really came here to tell me?”

“No, I came here to thank you for the other night.”

“Well, you’ve done that,” he voices coldly. “And you’ve also informed me of your love for another man. Is there anything else?”

I shake my head, keeping my mouth shut.

Will bows his head, turning back around and toward his desk. “You can see yourself out.”

He grabs his phone and dials a number then raises the phone to his ear. Will begins to speak to the person on the other end as if I don’t even exist.

And the truth is— I don’t blame him.

I’ve hurt the one person who once mattered to me the most. There is no number of drunken nights, studying, distracting myself with housework, which can ever erase that.

Guilt is the thief of happiness, and right now—it has stolen everything I’ve built to be able to move on from us.

And the worst part is, I have no idea how to make it all go away.