Chapter 22

22

AMELIA

The doctors reassured us of the baby being in stable enough condition for us to get some rest.

At only twenty-nine weeks, the baby weighed in at only three pounds. His vital organs are much more developed than those of babies born earlier. However, the doctors were adamant he would need to stay in the NICU for weeks, closer to what would have been his due date. On the stipulation if there are no health concerns or complications.

“How about I find a hotel for you to get some rest?” I suggest, placing my hand on Will’s arm.

Since the moment he found out, he hasn’t slept a wink. That was two days ago. His eyes are ringed in dark circles. The white surrounding his pupils turned bloodshot. Nikki is in no better condition, extreme fatigue aging her usually flawless skin.

He releases a heavy sigh, simply nodding his head.

“You too, Nikki,” Mom tells her softly.

They both agree without an argument. Just like the doctors told us, there isn’t much we can do right now. The baby is stable and progressing at the expected rate for how small he is.

Next to the hospital, there are a few hotel chains in which we can stay. I quickly hop on my phone, booking three rooms—one for Nikki, another for Will, then one for Mom and me to share if needed.

Much like Mom and me, Will and Nikki flew in empty-handed without a spare change of clothes, let alone a toothbrush. I send Ava a text, asking her for help to organize clothes, toiletries, and anything Nikki and Will may need in their rooms. Only to remember Mom and me. I send another text, asking to add that onto the list as well. When it comes to emergencies, Ava is the person to go to. Always with a solution and able to remove herself from the situation in order to complete a task.

Ava:I’m on it. Hope you’re okay, Millie xx

With Will distracted with everything going on, I pass the information to Nikki. She embraces me with a grateful smile, then takes her son to get some much-needed rest.

Once they are gone, I sit beside Mom on the plastic chair.

“I know this is a lot for you,” Mom softly says. “But I want to tell you that you’re doing amazing.”

I rest my head on her shoulder. “It’s almost like with Will. I don’t even think. I just act. It’s always been that way with us, even when I was a kid.”

“I know, honey,” she concurs with a knowing simper. “I’ve seen it.”

“Is that the same with you and Dad?” I ask, pondering life while medical staff walks past us with a sympathetic smile. “I meant to ask, was it always just this force with you? Like nothing makes sense but also makes perfect sense at the same time?”

A smile graces Mom’s face as a sigh escapes her lips. “Yes, it’s quite something, isn’t it?”

We both grow heavy, tired from the rollercoaster we’ve found ourselves in over the last few days. In my wildest of dreams, I would never have predicted this to happen. It’s something you watch on a soap opera or read in some angsty romance novel. How this has become my reality, I will never understand. Though, there is no point dwelling on what cannot be changed. Not when there is a small baby lying inside the room across from us, needing all the love in the world right now.

“Mom, what happens next?”

“As the doctor mentioned, it’ll be weeks before the baby can go home. Then, there is the question of custody of the child.”

“Since Will is the father, will he be given custody?”

“It’s a little more complicated. There is the matter of the paternity.”

I raise my brows. “Paternity?”

“The fact is, Ashley Stone was the custodial parent of this child. According to her parents, Will is the father. However, Will won’t be granted custody until that’s proven in a court of law.”

“So, a paternity test is required?”

Mom nods. “Under the circumstances, the court is required to do it before releasing the child to Will…or anyone else should he prove not to be the father.”

“Does Will know this?”

“Not exactly. Nikki and I were discussing this earlier. Millie, Will wasn’t exactly coherent when he arrived. I believe when he returns, we can have a proper discussion about this. At the end of the day, everyone needs to be protected here, including this baby boy.”

I had to agree with Mom. Will is not his usual self and unable to think straight, given the shock of it all. There are so many things running through his mind; grieving for a woman he barely knew, learning of this little boy being his son. I can’t blame him for sinking into a depression, but as we discuss the paternity test, what if he isn’t the father? Then what happens to the baby? The thought of this little boy being all alone is heartbreaking. How will we ever know who the father is with Ashley gone?

There were too many glass balls in the air, none of which could be safely caught without another one shattering.

It’s a relief to know Mom and Nikki are trained to handle these legal situations. While I had studied it, being thrown into the situation is a whole other story. The legal side, while crucial, is only part of the picture.

“Mom?” I call softly beside her. “I need to do something but may not be back until late tonight, possibly tomorrow morning.”

Mom pats my hand. “I’m here. You do what you need to do.”

“Promise me you’ll be here when Will returns? I don’t want him to be alone right now.”

“I promise,” she assures me, squeezing my hand.

I can see in her eyes she knows exactly what I’m thinking. It is time to take control of my life, but first, I need to close a chapter that should never have been opened.

Mom offers a slight nod as I take a deep breath and head back to Manhattan.

* * *

People walk out of the room in groups, chatting animatedly while carrying their textbooks. I tilt my head forward, searching through the groups of students but nothing. Maybe I got my days mixed up, or perhaps he skipped class altogether.

Just when I am about to take my phone out to call him, Austin walks behind another student, the last one to leave the classroom. With his head hung and chin lowered to his chest, his shoulders sag as he steps closer, almost dragging at an agonizingly slow pace.

I wait patiently, aware I also look like death until his eyes lift to meet mine. Gone is the spark, the twinkly hazel speckles which radiated happiness when they fell upon my own. I bite my lip with a quivering chin, sad to see him miserable and know I am the one who caused it.

“Hey,” I greet, with a soft smile to try and ease the tension between us, “can we please go somewhere and talk?”

“We can talk here,” is all he says.

People scurry around us, but shortly after, the busy hall at Columbia is quiet, and it is just the two of us standing in the middle.

“I’m sorry about the other night,” I begin with, finding the courage to be honest to which he is owed that respect. “You deserve better, and it was wrong of me to betray you.”

He shakes his head, averting his gaze toward his left while flattening his lips into a hard line. “So, what now, Millie? You’ve admitted what I suspected. I thought I was going crazy, but it turns out I was right.”

I raise my hand and slide the ring off, extending it toward Austin. His gaze falls upon the diamond with a look of anguish.

“I know your intentions to marry me were nothing but pure. But I should never have accepted it. I love you, Austin. I will never stop loving you. However, we are two best friends, not two people hopelessly in love with each other. We were comfortable, but you can’t mistake that for the real thing.”

And with that said and off my chest, he takes the ring, unable to speak to only raise his eyes moments later.

“It could have been great between us.”

I smile softly. “It’ll be better with someone else, I promise you, Austin. Some woman is going to completely own your heart, and you’re going to wonder how you ever lived without her.”

There’s nothing left to say, no other words to erase the past or validate what we were to each other. What’s done is done, and now—we both need to move onto the next stage of our lives.

Austin places the ring in his pocket to turn his back and walk away. I don’t shed a tear, though I take a moment to grieve the loss of a friend more than anything. I shared so many first experiences with Austin, creating fond memories to last me a lifetime.

No one can ever take that away from us. I just hope Austin will eventually forgive me for my mistakes because losing him entirely is a heavy cross to bear.

I don’t stay in the city any longer, booking the next flight back to Orlando. The trip back was just as tumultuous as flying over. Last-minute tickets meant awful seat allocation, crammed between two people, and neither of them budged with their arms, utilizing both armrests.

I eagerly took whatever snacks were on offer, unsure of the last time I ate. Somewhere during the flight, I dozed off, my head against some older man beside me. He didn’t seem to mind, and frankly, being embarrassed is the least of my problems.

Back at the hospital, nothing much has changed. I had been gone for most of the day, returning late at night. The hospital is strict on visiting hours, but given the circumstances, they allowed us to stick around.

Nikki and Will only just returned before me. Nikki looks rejuvenated, out of the pants and blouse she wore for the last day and into a pair of jeans and a buttoned-down shirt. Her hair appears to be washed, and her skin somewhat back to its usual glow.

Will hasn’t bothered to shave, though he did change into a pair of khakis and a white tee. Ava did well with sizes and helping with such short notice. He looks better than before he left for the hotel, but nothing like the Will I’d grown accustomed to. The dark circles remain, a reminder of the burden he carried on his shoulders.

“Is everything okay?” Nikki asks, eyeing my finger dubiously. “Charlie said you had something to take care of?”

“Yes.” I sigh, trying to remain optimistic. “Everything is fine with me.”

“I think it’s about time you and Charlie get some rest.”

“You’re right. I could use a shower and a few hours’ sleep.” I pause, fidgeting with my hands. “Did you speak to Will about the paternity test? Mom mentioned it.”

“I did. The fact is, he doesn’t have a choice.”

“But why would Ashley lie?” I question Nikki. “If she’s the same woman Will claimed she was, why would she tell her parents any different?”

Nikki shrugs his shoulders. “In my years of being an attorney, I’ve seen it all. There could be several motives, or maybe she did tell the truth. The fact is, we need to protect Will and this baby. If this is his child, the last thing we need is social services stepping in.”

My head begins to hurt at the thought of social services stepping in. This is not the way any human being should start their life.

“What about you?” I ask, worried about Nikki’s wellbeing as well. She is a strong woman, but we all have our limits. “How are you doing?”

“I don’t know, to be honest.” Her stare fixates through the glass window and toward where Will and Mom stand beside the baby. “This wasn’t exactly how I envisioned becoming a grandmother. I always thought it would be you, pregnant with a baby.”

I lower my head, rubbing my elbows. “I was pregnant, Nikki. Just before it ended with Will, it’s one of the reasons I chose to walk away as well.”

Nikki’s eyes widen as she turns my way. “Please don’t tell me you—”

“No.” I’m quick to stop her and set the record straight. “I lost the baby very early on. I wasn’t prepared to fall pregnant at nineteen to a man I’d been fooling around with, so the shock was a rude wake-up call to how deep we were in the mess we created for ourselves.”

Nikki places her hand on my arm. “I know that was hard to tell me, so thank you. It’s not easy being a woman, that’s for sure. We endure so much. In the blink of an eye, life can completely change.”

“I felt ashamed, blaming myself for losing the baby despite the doctor telling me it is quite normal,” I admit, swallowing the lump inside my throat. “But being here in the NICU, it’s made me realize how precious life is. I just really wish it was something women spoke about.”

“It’s not something to be ashamed of. Though I will admit, I felt that way when we were trying to conceive Beau. Infertility is such a lonesome journey.”

Dr. Rossmore, a neonatologist who is responsible for the babies inside the NICU—walks out of the room with Will. Mom stays behind, talking to a nurse from what I can see behind the glass.

Nikki raises the subject of DNA testing to confirm Will is the father. Dr. Rossmore explains how it works; a simple swab taken from the cheek. Will remains quiet with his head hung low, not asking any questions.

“We will have the results by the morning,” Dr. Rossmore informs us. “I understand this is a very trying process, but I suggest you go home and rest.”

Dr. Rossmore and Will walk down the corridor to perform the test. Mom exits the NICU, looking exhausted.

“I’ll stay here,” Nikki tells us. “Please grab something to eat, shower, and rest. We all need the energy to get through this.”

Mom agrees, so we say goodbye before Will returns, glancing at me from down the corridor.

“I’ll meet you at the hotel, Millie,” she says before leaving me alone with Will.

We both take steps closer to each other, then stop just outside the nurse’s station. Thankfully, only one nurse is there, and her head is buried in paperwork.

“Your mom said you left.”

I keep my stare fixated on his face. “There was something I had to do.”

“I thought you left for good,” he admits, dropping his gaze to his feet.

Placing my palm on his cheek, I caress it softly. “I promised you I would never leave.”

A sigh of relief escapes him while he places his hand on top of mine. For a brief moment, his eyes close only to spring open a second later. Slowly, he drags my hand away from his face, where his eyes fall upon my empty finger. A slow smile escapes his beautiful lips, the first I have seen since the moment I arrived here yesterday.

“I should never have accepted it.” I lower my voice, choking on my words from the raw emotion. “It’s always been you, Will.”

And just like that, his arms wrap around me as he holds my head against his chest. His heart is beating a beautiful melody, one I know belongs to me. My doubt had permanently shadowed the truth, but there is no denying he feels the exact same way I do.

“You don’t understand how much I needed to hear that,” he tells me while kissing the top of my head. “But if it’s true, if I am his father…”

“We will make it work, Will, together. But right now, there is absolutely nothing you can do until the morning.” I pull away, staring into his eyes. The mesmerizing ocean blue I’ve known my whole life. “Can you forgive me? For saying yes to marrying another man.”

As Will stares at me with his bright eyes, all I see is the man I love. No animosity, no resentment. Just two people fighting for the same thing—each other.

“There’s nothing to forgive, baby,” he murmurs, tracing my lip with the tip of his finger. “We were both hurting. We both made mistakes. What matters is what happens from this moment forward.”

I couldn’t agree more.

The trouble with us is that we could never let go.

And finally, we’re both where we belong.