Chapter 14

14

AMELIA

It was never supposed to come out this way.

From the moment I miscarried all those years ago, I’d buried my grief and emotions, reminding myself it was something I had no control over. The doctor gave me statistics. Mom even reassured me it was normal, and many women experienced pregnancy loss.

I was young, unable to comprehend the magnitude of the situation, but it didn’t matter anyway, it was never meant to be, and that was that. No point dwelling on something you cannot change.

But then I saw Will with the little boy on the beach. I wasn’t sure at the beginning exactly why my legs became weak or why I was unable to breathe at a steady pace. My eyes grew hot, and then a pain rippled through my chest when I imagined what our future could have looked like.

Us, here, and our child who would have been about this age.

The grief I had suppressed all those years ago came crashing down like a vicious storm. The what if’s, the reel of future scenarios playing inside my head. Would we have been one happy family? If my father was forced to welcome a grandchild, would he have finally accepted our relationship and the burning question which tore me inside—would we have had our happily ever after?

All these questions began to onset a panic attack, and hiding my feelings became too hard when Will stood beside me without knowing the whole truth.

And then he held me, the warmest of embrace, and inside his arms, I felt stronger. I had to grant him this, release the burden, and admit what I should have all those years ago.

“It happened four years ago…” I begin with, unable to look him in the eye. “Just before you left for London….”

He motions for us to take a seat on the small bench, which is nestled amongst a bed of flowers. It’s quiet, giving us the privacy to have this conversation.

“Do you remember when we were together how I got really sick with the flu?

“Yeah.” He nods with a fixed look of concentration. “I was traveling, and you even went to the ER from memory.”

I place my hands in my pockets, unsure how to say this. How do I tell him? I’m suddenly torn once again, fighting with my morals and my ability to shut him out unfairly.

“I was pregnant.”

Will’s mouth falls open, but no words come out. With a pained expression, he finally repeats, “Pregnant?”

“Yes.”

He shakes his head, eyebrows pinching together. “But I don’t understand?”

I take a deep breath, not realizing how much I would struggle to drag up the past again.

“I miscarried the day we had that big fight in your office,” I tell him, twisting the bottom of my cardigan in my hands. “The doctor reassured me it’s quite normal early on and that I did nothing wrong. Sometimes these things can’t be helped.”

Will runs his fingers through his hair, then buries his face in his hands. I give him a moment to process this, not wanting to continue for fear of overwhelming him. When he lifts his face away from his hands, the skin bunches around his eyes with a look of anguish.

“After you left, I got into a car accident,” I continue, desperate to get this off my chest. “I wasn’t thinking and nearly killed myself.”

“Amelia,” he breathes.

“I know you think I just moved on, but I didn’t, Will. I didn’t expect the grief to hit me as it did. I never imagined leaving you to be so heartbreaking.” My hands clench into fists as I relieve the injuries which permanently scarred me. “The accident caused more problems. I broke my arm, suffered from insomnia because the trauma wouldn’t leave me. I was drowning with no way out. I thought I was broken goods, but slowly, I began to piece my life back together.”

And then, I admit the truth, which could change everything or possibly nothing at all.

“Seeing you with that kid, I kept thinking. It could have been us.”

Will continues to stare into the garden. “You should have told me to stay.”

“So you could resent me later in life?” I counter with a heavy sigh. “Your life was planned out well before I stepped back into it.”

“My business was planned out, not my life,” he reminds me, his tone shifting, and if I know him as well as I claim to, the resentment is evident in his voice. “But now you’re telling me this? I destroyed you when I thought leaving was the best decision for you. It was so you could live your life and do what you needed to do. What I knew I did when I was your age.”

It all becomes more apparent. We were never on the same page. We were in love, a love which took us by surprise. But here we are, years later, trying to understand what happened in the past, how we went wrong. The thing is, we can sit here and analyze this until the sun comes up in the morning, but nothing will change the fact that we ultimately fell apart.

“We were too much too soon,” I murmur.

“That we were.”

We both sit in silence with the pale moonlight to keep us company. For tonight, we’d said the words we needed to say, and maybe we both need some space to think about this.

“Look, I’m really tired.” Will stands up, still keeping his distance. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Maybe for breakfast or something?”

I’m slightly hurt by his willingness to leave but try my best not to take it personally. He learned a lot tonight, and that couldn’t have been easy to hear.

“I’m tired too,” I tell him. “See you tomorrow, Will.”

He doesn’t say another word, walking back toward the main house and leaving me alone in the shadows. I don’t cry, nor shed another tear. The damage is done. How we move on from here, I am not entirely sure just yet.

* * *

I joined everyone for an informal dinner by the pool. Notably absent is Will. A few people asked where he was with Nikki answering he had some urgent work to attend to. I try my best to act normal, unaffected by his absence.

Inside is a whole other story. I begin to worry, wondering if I should text him to make sure he is okay. But the more I mull it over, I come to the realization he needs space right now.

The dinner is loud, with more cocktails served. Eric loves being the center of attention, so of course, he tells stories which make everyone laugh. As the night wears on, the parents say goodbye reasonably early. There are plans to take a yacht out tomorrow for lunch, so everyone needs to be at the marina around ten.

My body is urging me to go to bed, despite Ava begging me to stay. Today has been too much, so I apologize but welcome the quiet time inside my bedroom.

After showering and dressing in my tank and shorts, I climb into bed and play catch up on my notifications. Austin has sent a few texts, which I respond too. He apologized for not answering the call earlier and promised to call tomorrow.

I start to think about my relationship with him, how safe I feel. Austin is my best friend; we’ve gone through so much together. But there is no denying the feelings which still linger toward Will. I’ve become trapped in my own mistakes, unsure what is right or wrong anymore.

The more I think about us, me and Will, the harder it is to picture without the baggage of our past relationship. We were damaged goods. There’s no other way to explain it. And perhaps all along we had an expiration date. There were too many factors that stopped us from being together.

My rampant thoughts become too much to bear. I grab my cardigan and throw it on, leaving my room to head toward the kitchen to find something to help me sleep.

The noise becomes louder as I walk past the dining room. I linger at the entrance to see Rocky dressed in a pair of boxers and sporting a sombrero. Across the table is Jessa, Luna, and toward the ends are Andy and Nash.

My eyes are drawn to Will, who is sitting beside Rocky.

“Here’s my favorite girl!” Rocky shouts, “Come sit with us.”

“Hey!” Luna yells, “You said I was your favorite?”

“Um, hello, he also said I was his favorite,” Jessa interjects. “You’re such a whore, Rocky.”

Uncle Rocky nods with a proud grin. “What can I say? I’m a charming old fella.”

I saunter toward the empty spot, which happens to be across from Will. He ignores me, throwing poker chips in the middle of the table. I take a seat beside Jessa and pour myself a drink but decide to nurse it. I’m not in the mood for a hangover but don’t want to spoil their fun either.

Surrounding the table are empty bottles of tequila, gin, vodka, and a few other labels I don’t recognize. The more I observe Will’s behavior, not to mention the empty shot glass in front of him, the more it becomes evident he has drunk a fair bit.

There’s a lot of smack talk, mainly from Rocky and Nash. The two of them are just as bad as each other, the liquor of no help. I laugh along with them, not wanting to dampen the atmosphere even though Will has not said a single word, playing aimlessly with the poker chips in front of him.

“Who’s up for strip poker?” Uncle Rocky spouts with an obnoxious laugh.

Jessa shakes her head with disgust. “God, no.”

I rest my hand on hers reassuringly with a grin.

“No offense, Uncle Rocky, but some of us like wearing clothes,” I tell him.

“Really?” Will mocks, raising his eyes to meet mine finally. “It doesn’t stop you taking it off for what’s his face?”

His eyes are glossy, and his stare is anything but welcoming. There is a supreme confidence and satisfaction within himself, thanks to the shot of tequila he pours and throws back so effortlessly. He lets out a rasp, then wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

None of this excuses his rude behavior. Drunk Will is such a god damn asshole.

But what is the point of exhausting my energy to argue with him. Chances are, he won’t remember a single thing in the morning. This is more Will getting something off his chest. Unfortunately, he is choosing to do so in front of other people.

“What?” he prods with an arrogant smirk. “Nothing to say? Why don’t you tell everyone at the table why you’re marrying the jerk?”

“He knows how to eat pussy,” Rocky blurts out.

Will lets out a growl, almost fist punching his dad. They get into an argument which momentarily distracts Will.

“Hey, c’mon bud, calm down,” Andy says, patting Will on the shoulder.

“Will…” I murmur, dropping my gaze, “You’re drunk. So, no matter what answer I give you, it won’t change how you feel inside.”

“And what is that?” he begs to argue. “Tell me how I feel, Doctor Edwards?”

Jessa rolls her eyes, quickly stepping in. “Will, leave her alone. If you wanted to marry her, you should have asked first. End of story.”

Will slams his fist on the table, then rises from his chair. “I would have asked first! If I wasn’t threatened with losing everything I worked hard for. You try loving someone knowing that you will never be enough. You try having Lex Edwards sabotage your career unless you walk away!”

“Hey, son.” Uncle Rocky places his hands on Will’s chest. “C’mon, you need to calm down.”

“I won’t fucking calm down. You hurt me, Amelia. You’ve hurt me more than you’ll ever know by saying yes to someone else and forgetting everything we fucking had.”

Will grabs the bottle and smashes it against the wall, only to walk away, with Uncle Rocky following him.

I swallow the lump inside my throat as I fall back into the chair and close my eyes. I’m beyond tears, tired of this game we continue to play. The pain inside my chest refuses to subside, and the last thing I want to do is talk about this anymore.

“Let’s go somewhere and talk?” Jessa suggests with Luna agreeing beside her.

“You know what, guys? Thanks for the offer, but I really want to be alone.”

I head toward my room and close the door behind me. It’s one thing to know the pain you feel inside, but another to see the pain you’ve caused someone else. We had a past, a past which carried so much baggage. And despite how Will treated me tonight, I couldn’t entirely blame him. He is the one who must watch me live my life with someone else. If the roles were reversed, chances are—I would be in just as much pain.

I fall asleep while hugging the pillow and wake in the early morning with the sun barely risen. The phone beside me says it’s five a.m. I barely got any sleep, in and out of dreams, all involving Will.

Coffee is my only savior right now. I’m forced to take the long walk to the other end of the house, where the kitchen is located. A yawn follows each footstep I take as I drag my weary self.

The sun begins to filter through the kitchen though not too bright. When I see Will sitting at the table, I move toward the coffee machine, his head is bowed down, and his hair is a beautiful wild mess.

“Hey.” I purse my lips, trying to keep this civil. Chances are his memory of last night is vague.

He lifts his head, clearing the rasp in his throat. “Morning.”

“Pounding head?”

“You could say that.”

I pour myself a coffee, then turn and lean against the countertop while my hands wrap around the mug.

“You had a lot to drink last night,” I remind him. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that drunk.”

Will remains quiet, only for me to notice a bandage around his hand. I move toward him and scrape my finger along it but gently.

“What happened to your hand?”

He shrugs his shoulders. “I think I punched a wall.”

I sigh heavily. “You were upset, and you had every right to be.”

“What did I say?”

“Nothing which didn’t need to be said,” I tell him, backing away and drinking my coffee.

I’ve resigned myself to knowing I’m not so innocent in all of this. My actions held consequences, and the moment I chose to accept Austin’s proposal, the ramifications were staring me in the face. I just decided to ignore them because I was in denial.

“Anyway, I’ll leave you be.” I place two Advil down on the table in front of him. “A wise man once told me to take two of these before bed. But since that wise man wouldn’t have listened last night, here you are.”

With my mug still in my hand, I take a few steps before he calls my name.

“I’d still like to have breakfast if you’re up for it?”

I smile with a nod. “Of course, I’ll be ready soon.”

* * *

The café is only a few minutes away and quiet for this time of the morning. We chose a table outside, welcoming the fresh morning air.

“I propose we put yesterday behind us for breakfast and talk about something else if that is okay?”

Will nods, looking relieved. Considering he is still hungover, he scrubbed up well after a shower, dressed in his tanned shorts and a white tee. He left the beard unshaven, but nevertheless, Will still looks incredibly handsome.

“I wanted to ask you how work is going. I mean, I know you are back, but how was London?”

“London itself is wet.” He chuckles softly, taking a sip of his espresso. “But I spent a lot of time abroad and in Europe.”

“I love Europe. Every summer we used to go to our chateau in France. I had such good memories as a kid.”

“France is beautiful.”

“I miss traveling. It’s one thing my parents did well. They really opened the world up to my sisters and me.”

He raises his brows, rubbing his chin. “What’s stopping you?”

“Studying, I completed my undergraduate in three years. I worked myself hard so I could progress to law school quicker. There was time for nothing else.”

Will bows his head, running his finger along the rim of the small cup.

“What?” I ask, curious to his silence.

“Nothing.”

“C’mon, Will. It’s not nothing. You’ve got something to say.”

“You remind me a lot of Charlie, that’s all.”

I smile, relaxing my shoulders. “That’s not a bad thing? I admire my mother. She is my idol. Do you have one? Someone you’ve idolized?”

His gaze remains fixed. “I did, before.”

“Oh, who?”

A small huff escapes him, only for my exhausted brain to register. I lower my eyes toward the plate in front of me to raise them a moment later.

“I know deep down inside, he is proud of you,” I say softly. “You’ve come a long way, and my dad is a tough man to break. The truth is, we both broke him. He had no choice but to forgive me but hate me for saying this. For you, it’ll be a long time to heal.”

“I don’t want his forgiveness,” Will is quick to argue. “Lex isn’t a saint in all this either.”

“No, he isn’t. But he is my father, and I love him despite all his flaws.”

There is no chance we will agree on this, so I quickly change the subject to something less controversial.

We eat the meals served, finish our coffee, then take a walk back home. It’s another beautiful day in the Hamptons with perfect blue skies and not a single cloud seen.

“So, are you going on this yacht Ava planned?”

“Unfortunately, yes,” he drags, rolling his eyes. “My dad is relentless when it’s his birthday. It’s all about him.”

“As long as he is not driving the yacht, I think it’ll be a good day.”

My phone begins to buzz inside my purse, but I choose to ignore it. A few minutes later, it does again. Anyone calling me this early on a Sunday morning has got to be a prank call.

We reach the house, but Will stops me before we enter.

“I’m sorry about yesterday,” he begins with, keeping his hands in his pockets while staring at the floor. “The pregnancy thing was a lot to process, but regardless, it was selfish of me to have acted that way last night. I can’t imagine how hard it was for you to go through that alone.”

I place my hand on his arm. “It’s okay, Will. We all make mistakes. None of us are perfect.”

With a reassuring smile, our gaze locks into a long stare. I’d seen so many sides to Will since the moment I saw him inside Nikki’s office, but nothing will change the fact that behind it all is the man who once owned my heart.

It is a heart so desperate to remember what it is like to kiss his lips and radiate in his warmth. I find myself inching closer until the door opens abruptly and forces me to take a step back.

“Ava?”

“I tried calling you?” she growls beneath her breath.

“Why? It’s so early.”

She yanks me through the doorway and in front of the hazel eyes which belong to the man I’m supposed to marry.

Austin Carter.