Chapter 9

Daddy:Did you get caught naked in Arktis?

Me: Dakota cannot keep his big mouth shut, can he?

Daddy: I pay him to give me all the council tea.

Me: I think that's illegal.

Daddy: I'm the Avatar of Good, not the Avatar of Law.

Me: I'm not sure if bribing councilors falls into the category of "good."

Daddy: It does if it helps me maintain the balance.

Me: Gawd, I love you. How's the waifu?

Daddy: Bonnie's as beautiful as ever. Having a brat day, though. I'm taking her to the opera tonight and got us reservations at Hint for dinner afterward. Why are you distracting me from your sexscapades in a prison cell in Arktis. Why were you even there?

Me: Investigating Bellamy's abduction, and we decided to take advantage of the situation. You know we're still in our honeymoon stage.

Daddy: Well, at least you didn't end up getting arrested for public sex acts. The Patervulpises had to fake their deaths with the humans last time they got caught fucking in public just to avoid getting their faces and pictures up on the sex registry.

There is so much to unpack in that paragraph. Fox and I were in a semi-private cell in a private prison. If Akile hadn't spent an hour there, we wouldn't have gotten caught at all. Fox's parents seem like the type to get frisky in a public park.

Me: You know what, I'm just going to use that if they try to lecture us about getting caught. What was their last name before Patervulpis?

Daddy: Steinfar.

Me: Thank you, Daddy!

I run that word through a translator that detects language and come up with a translation of "stone father."

I eye Fox from the stairs to the basement as he and Bellamy spar. It's the only time that Fox can attack Bellamy without regard to Bellamy's ward. Somehow the ward knows when it's supposed to allow Fox to hit Bellamy.

Was your previous last name Stone?

I think that very loudly.

A few minutes later, Bellamy hits the floor and Fox backs up, turning to me. "Yes."

Bellamy looks between us as he pops up onto his feet, and Fox explains, "He guessed my previous surname."

Bellamy reties his braids into a bun on the back of his head as he catches his breath. "Stone? How did you guess?" he asks.

Instead of thinking loudly to Fox, I type out my response and let RoboRom talk for me. "Daddy told me what your grandfathers' previous name was and I put it through a translator."

Bellamy's accepted the family dynamic I've built in the last few months and doesn't even blink at my words. I love that for him. "What was it?"

"Steinfar," Fox answers for me so we don't have to deal with RoboRom. "It's Norwegian. It means ‘stone father.'"

"Do they just pick a language when they're making up their name?" Bellamy asks.

Fox sighs, grabbing two sweat towels and tossing one to Bellamy. "They usually pick a language that makes their name sound reasonable."

"What did they choose when you were Blackblade?"

I want to know that too, so I'm glad Bellamy asks.

Fox grimaces. "Dadelanndubh. They went Irish on that one, sort of."

"They are not allowed to pick their name when we all change our name to Foxily,"I insist.

My men both freeze in their tracks at the thought of that, and then nod in full agreement.

"What would they do with that?" Bellamy drawls, grabbing his smartwatch and slipping it on his wrist.

Fox does the same, and now I don't have to let RoboRom speak for me.

"Corrupt it beyond recognition, and they"d be proud of it," Fox predicts with a look of disgust.

Yeah, I'm seeing that happening too. I'll just have to intercede to save my good name from the corruption of overzealous fathers.

Speaking of, we're meant to meet Dakota in about an hour, so we should get a move on that. I stand and Fox joins me on the stairs, stopping to kiss me before murmuring. "Join me in the shower?"

If I do that, we'll be late meeting Dakota. I'm ok with that. Dakota can be ok with that too; Fox is more important to me than a meeting with his omp is.

Dakota worksin the same building we go to when we meet with the entire council, which has happened twice. Most people in the non-human community don't ever meet with the council, and I've attended two council meetings because the people in my family keep needing council approval for things that we require for our happiness and/or survival.

I wonder if they've replaced the council person we killed yet. They should probably wait on that considering we're about to unleash a whole Avatar and there will need to be representation on the council for that Avatar. Huh. Funny how the plot works out, isn't it? You'd think I was making this up.

Inside the nondescript building in the middle of an open field that we have to portal to because it's located somewhere in Australia, we make our way to the floor where Dakota's office is. I've never actually been to visit him at work before, and when we arrive, Tag's behind the secretary's desk, talking into a headset as he types on his computer. I knew Tag worked with Dakota, but seeing the blue elf in his professional setting solidifies the nebulous idea of Tag and Dakota working together.

He waves us through to Dakota's office without breaking the stride of his typing, which is impressive since he switches from two handed to one handed typing. Talk about multitasking; this is why I aspire to grow up to be like him. He's an organizational miracle.

Fox strides through the door separating Dakota's office from Tag's domain, and I follow him through, closing the door behind me. Bellamy chose to stay home since it doesn't take all of us to get the fathers on board with overthrowing the machine. I came because I was curious and Fox deserves to have my company as often as possible. We travel separately for work most of the time, so this is a treat for me.

"Arlington, Romily," Dakota says in a detached manner. It's not widely known that Fox is related to the Patervulpises. For a reason that no one has yet explained and I haven't guessed, Fox and his fathers don't claim each other publicly. That's something to research later.

"We need privacy wards," Fox tells him without preamble. "And Tag should be in here for this."

Dakota barely reacts, but a spark of electricity jumps from his nose to a lightning rod on his desk.

I blink at that.

My future father-in-law has a lightning rod on his desk, and now that I'm looking at it, his computer is in a faraday cage. Hmm.

Is this why you don't have a computer at home?

I send that to the group chat that includes Fox and his fathers. If we're going to include Tag in this conversation, we might as well invite Bear and Amos too.

The hair on my arms rises and goosebumps creep up my spine as the air in the room electrifies with Dakota's magic. Another burst of electricity arcs to the lightning rod, and then Dakota's formal mien relaxes slightly. "The room is warded. Tag is waiting for Bear and Amos, and they"ll join us in a few minutes."

Fox sits across from Dakota on one of the armchairs available for his guests, and he pulls me into his lap. I cannot overstate how much I love being Fox's lap boy. "I don't have any use for a computer when a phone can do everything I need," Fox explains. "And it's easier to protect my phone from magical surges than it is to protect a computer."

Dakota scoffs. "You stopped having emotional surges when you were a mere four hundred years old. Still a child. When was the last time you surged? I think we were traveling through Asia at the time, weren't we? Hiding behind glamour to fit in with the local population. You were such a cute boy, and everywhere we went, the hospitality of the people kept us comfortable. You charmed a warrior who wanted to buy you for his wife. You were having none of that. The people thought he was struck down by Tengri and that you were one of the universe's chosen ones. We didn't disabuse them of that notion. I think that was your first kill, actually."

Dakota in a nostalgic mood is amazing. He remembers Fox's first murder. His. First. Murder.

Can you imagine? It's 1200 B.C.E and you're Fox, traveling the world with your family, and some guy decides to try to buy you. I'm not even surprised four hundred year old Fox decided death was warranted. I mean, I'm sure the buying and selling of people was common back in the Bronze Age (Might've been the Iron Age for Asia, what do I know? I didn't graduate high school, and I didn't do well in school when I was in it, so… let's just say Google is my friend when I need to know something), but Fox wouldn't have stood for that. He probably had half of his ethics figured out by then, and he would have decided that slavery was unethical.

"He didn't want me for his wife. He wanted me to be his wife. How did you forget that?" Fox questions, staring at Dakota like he forgot the most important detail, which to be fair, seems like he did.

"Surely not. You were a child," Dakota disagrees, but he doesn't sound completely sure about that.

Fox squeezes me as I do a quick calculation on my phone.

By child do you mean you looked like you were about eight years old?

Chris (aka Bear, Fox's human father): Are you talking about that time he killed that warlord in Mongolia?

Me: Dakota was telling us about Fox's first murder.

Drama Llama (aka Amos, Fox's demon father): That wasn't his first murder. He killed an imp that snuck into our house in Hell when he was barely fifty years old.

"It's only murder if it's intentional. You were an infant. I don't count the imp you electrocuted because she decided to try to kidnap Amos' baby. You electrocuted all of us when you were upset. If we hadn't been immortal, you would have killed us. You did kill Bear. He'd never died that way before you were born." Dakota smiles fondly.

Fox was a murder baby.

"You're both wrong," Fox says as his other fathers join us.

"Wrong about what?" Bear asks, pulling me off Fox's lap to give me a hug.

He pulls back, examining my face. He's the parent who looks like Captain America and Thor figured out how to have a baby together, and he was the result. He's literally classically handsome, and honestly, it's no wonder the other fathers fell in love with him and decided to immortalize him. He's so handsome that he definitely deserves to be immortalized for all eternity.

"The Mongolian warlord was not my first murder, and it doesn't count as murder if it's a baby reacting to his environment. My first murder was an elf on Fae before you decided to drag me all over this planet. Her name was Aiste, and she eviscerated my dog, so I eviscerated her."

Fox's stoically delivered words drop like a bomb among his fathers, but I can't say I'm all that surprised. It would be love for a pet that launched Fox's career; that just makes sense to me. He's very loyal to the people he loves; I imagine he would have the same loyalty to the pets he loves too.

"You killed Aiste?" Tag gasps, horrified. "She was forty thousand years old. She was—"

"She killed Agatha," Fox interrupts with ice in his voice.

Tag stares at him in horror. "Agatha wasn't even your dog! She was Aiste's dog!"

Fox shakes his head. "Agatha adopted me, and Aiste killed her for it. I have no regrets."

I live for this family drama. I love these men so fucking much. I would kill for them all. Or rather, I would sic Fox on anyone who needed a final life lesson about fucking with my family, which includes Fox's fathers.

"Son." Tag emphasizes that like he might want to throttle Fox right now. I hear that. Parenting can be so difficult sometimes. Like, you love your kid, but sometimes…

"Athair," Fox returns steadily.

"Maybe we should leave the past behind us and talk about why Arlington called a family meeting in Dakota's office," Bear suggests, pulling Tag into his arms and then sitting with him on his lap.

Tag is so like me. If there is a lap to sit on, we're there. Maybe I should say I'm like him, since he is an indeterminate number of thousands of years older than me. I'm honestly afraid to ask, knowing that Fox killed an elf who was in her forty thousands. That's… not an amount of time I can conceptualize yet.

Yet, because I'm effectively immortal now, and I will become actually immortal after Fox retires from reaping. When that happens, I'll be around for when crows evolve into the dominant intelligent species on the planet. What? You think I'm joking? They're already using tools and teaching their friends and offspring how to make and use them. I'm pretty sure they're going to go big-brain eventually. Crows are up-and-comers in evolution's Survival of the Fittest arena, and I'm here for it.

"Arlington?" Dakota asks with some authority, moving us on from Fox's first murder.

Fox, being the loquacious and verbose man that he is, says, "My fated mate is the chosen one, and we're going to unleash the neutral force and force a government overhaul."

I make sure everyone can see me pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh as loudly as possible, shaking my head at my soulmate like I can't believe I let him even start this conversation. I drop my hand to stare dryly at my future husband, hold up my hand to the fathers so they will give me enough time to type things out properly, and then I send them all a real explanation.

We're working with the cherubs to correct the great injustice that their parents perpetuated on the world when they established the current system of government here 3000 years ago. The cherubs at the time mostly killed the Avatar of Neutrality and trapped the universal neutral force in the almost all the way dead body, imprisoned it in the arctic ice, and built Arktis on top of it to keep it from being discovered and probably to feed it magic to sustain the prison.

The air in the room grows heavy with the weight of Dakota's electric magic. I really hope that lightning rod is good at its job.

Now we need a group of magic users that represent every known discipline of magic to break the ward on the prison, and it would be helpful if they're all like Darcy Hellspinner, representing multiple disciplines. The cave that was dug out by the cults that belong to a bunch of not-so-dead deities of chaos isn't that big, so we need to limit the number of people we invite to help break the ward.

Before they can ask, I check with Fox if it's ok to out the beings that have been hiding their living status for millennia, and he nods.

Tiamat, Loki, Apophis, and Eris.

Lightning snaps from Dakota to the lightning rod, the crack of it making me jump.

"How did we forget about the Avatar of Neutrality?" Amos demands, looking around at his husbands as if they're going to have the answers to all life's mysteries.

They might, but I think I can answer this one.

The cherubs somehow made it so that people forgot about the neutral force.

"But how?" Amos says, completely unhinged by this. "There have been neutral Avatars since before I was born, and I remember when my people started counting time in longer segments than ‘seasons.' How did the cherubs make every realm forget about a universal force?"

I peer at Amos because what does that mean? Longer segments than seasons? Has he been alive long enough for demons to define what a year is? That's… fuck. That's another difficult-to-conceptualize time thing.

"It's possible that trapping and imprisoning the universal force may have resulted in the unintended consequence of forgetting that it existed," Tag suggests, but he doesn't sound convinced.

Dakota shakes his head, grim and pissed. "No. The only way that we would have forgotten about the universal neutral force is if the force of good and the force of evil participated in this atrocity. Now that I know what you were doing under Arktis, I don't think you need representatives of every type of magic to break the ward. I think all you need are the three avatars."

But we don't have an Avatar of Neutrality,I remind him, because that seems important.

"You don't have an active Avatar, but the force is there; that should be enough as long as you also have the Avatars of Good and Evil there as well." Dakota stands from behind his desk and comes around, leaning against it and pulling Amos to his side. "You're going to have to bring the Avatars into this, but I assume there's a reason we're having this meeting behind the privacy of a ward?"

Fox's hands flex on me like he thinks he needs a weapon in hand. "We're overthrowing a system of government."

Someone's going to try to stop us.

Maybe. Probably. Overthrowing a government seems like the kind of thing that someone is going to try to stop, you know?

"You're remodeling it at worst," Tag scoffs. "And that's only to put it back to the way it's supposed to be. But we will be here to help and run interference for you however you need us to. Dakota, you're going to have to make sure the council doesn't fill the open position for now. I have a feeling we're going to need it for a representative of neutrality."

Ha! Called it, didn't I?