Chapter 27

Istood up straight, keeping my panic attack at bay. "But you just said—"

"I need you to sit down and listen to me and not say anything until I'm done. Can you do that?" Crew asked.

I nodded, lowering myself down onto the bench.

"When I left you on the beach, I went back to see my mom. She and your dad were arguing, and I could tell they knew each other."

I listened, realizing now that my father purposely didn't mention any of this.

"He called her some pretty ugly names so I jumped in and threatened him. That's when my mom spoke up."

"What'd she say?" I asked, unable to hold my tongue any longer.

"She told him…" he began, swallowing hard. "…that he's my father."

Bile shot up the back of my throat. I covered my mouth and bolted into the nearby bathroom, making it just in time to vomit. I dropped to my knees and hugged the toilet bowl. My head spun and tears flowed from my eyes as I continued to heave.

Did Crew know?

Had this been a twisted way to get back at a man who deserted him?

Had I been the pawn in a game I didn't know I was even a part of?

Once every last bit of vomit was wrenched from my body, I sat with my knees tucked up on the floor. With shaky hands, I dabbed my tears with toilet paper and blew my runny nose.

There was a soft knock and then the door opened. Crew slipped inside.

"Did you know who he was?" I asked. "Was this all a twisted way to get back at him?"

"God no," he assured me as he sat down on the floor beside me. "I'm just as shocked as you,"

"Do you swear to me?" I asked.

"I'd never do something like that. This rocked my world too."

I finally understood why he left. Why he hadn't explained. Why he hadn't played in front of the scouts. I dropped my head to his shoulder because, despite what I'd learned, I still needed him—in whatever capacity I could have him. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" he asked.

"Because I should've trusted you. I knew you never would've left if it wasn't something…well something as tragic as this."

"I just couldn't stay after I found out."

"I wish you told me."

"I wanted to tell you, but there was no way to do it without hurting you more. Because not only did he cheat again, now I'm your—"

"Don't. Please don't say it out loud."

We both fell silent. I pinched the area between my thumb and index finger, hoping this was a nightmare that I could wake up from. It wasn't.

As time passed, I knew there was nothing else to say.

There was no more us.

There never could be.

I needed to get up. I needed to be alone with my thoughts. I needed to crawl into a ball and sleep for a very long time. But I couldn't make myself leave that cold bathroom floor beside the guy who broke my heart without ever meaning to.

"I miss you," Crew said.

"I'm right here," I said.

"Yeah, but you feel miles away now."

A million miles away.

"What do we do now?" he asked.

"Find a good therapist?"

Silent laughter escaped us. It was all we could do to stop from being leveled by the weight of our new reality.

"I'm not sure your mother knows…" he said.

My mother. My poor mother.

"Are you going to tell her?" he asked.

I shrugged. "I think I need to wrap my head around it first."

"Fuuuuuuck," Crew roared, dropping his head back against the wall we leaned on.

I had the same urge to curse the universe that was currently having a field day with us. Why couldn't we have just stayed enemies? "Have you talked to your mom since you found out?"

He shook his head. "I needed to be away from her. She'd kept that from me my whole life. Even this summer, when she knew I was staying at his house, she said nothing."

"Did you talk to my—" I winced. "Our father?"

"Don't call him that. A father doesn't pay a woman to get rid of his kid."

I met his eyes. "He did that?"

Crew nodded. "He was furious when he found out about me. He asked her what she used the money for."

Tears slipped from my eyes. "I'm glad she didn't do it."

Crew lifted his thumb and wiped away my tears. "Me too."

It was wrong of me to rely on him for comfort. But I couldn't not let him do it. I needed him to. "This sucks."

"That's one word for it," he agreed.

Not wanting to prolong the inevitable, I stood on shaky legs. "I should go."

Crew stood and followed me to the exit. As soon as we got outside, I knew I'd need to say goodbye to him. To what we'd once been. To my short bout of happiness.

I grasped the doorknob.

"It was real," Crew said.

I paused.

"Everything between us," he explained. "It was all real."

Tears glazed my eyes. And, despite every part of my body yearning to stay there with him, I opened the door and walked out. I prayed my wobbly legs would not give out on me as I made my way toward the parking lot in the darkness.

Once I was inside Gina's car, I dropped my head to the steering wheel and sobs tore out of me.