Chapter 12
I looked up watching as my cousin made herself at home at my place. Carley was the same age as me, but older by a few months. Because of our close proximity in age, and the fact that our parents were inseparable, we'd seen plenty of each other growing up. At times, she was more like a sister to me than cousin which likely explained our often adversarial relationship.
Carley was also very unmotivated in life. I'd had the drive to go to school and try to make something of myself, while she stayed in Los Angeles to party and hang out with all the people I was thankful to get away from. She bounced around from job to job while I'd been studying, but had never been able to hold one down. To come all this way, she had to have wanted something from me.
"When are you going to tell me why you're here?" I asked her while still watching her as she rummaged through my refrigerator for something to eat. When she didn't even look up, I sighed in frustration. "Are you going to answer me?"
Carley's head popped up at that point, and she turned to stare at me over her shoulder. "You're out of ranch dressing. How in the hell am I going to eat this rabbit food without it?"
"That's not what I asked," I reminded her, then stood up and walked over to her. I grabbed the individually packaged salad from her hands and put it back onto the shelf. "And this is my lunch for tomorrow. Find something else to eat."
Carley huffed, then turned. "I'll just order a pizza. What's your credit card number?"
"What? I'm not giving you that," I told her, especially upon remembering that she'd filed for bankruptcy not even two years prior.
"I have the cash, but the local pizzeria requires a credit card to deliver."
I looked at her suspiciously, but she walked over to her purse, then pulled out a wad of cash. Most looked to be smaller bills, but it still made me arch my brow at her. "Where did you get all of that?"
"That's nunya," she told me, and while it wasn't my business, it sort of was since she decided to crash at my place unannounced, and more importantly, uninvited.
"Carley, I–"
"It's the money I left Los Angeles with." That still didn't answer my question so my expression remained unchanged. "Stop looking at me like that. It's all legit. It's what's left of my last paycheck."
I exhaled. "Why couldn't you have just said that?"
"I don't understand why you're so worried about everything. If you won't order my pizza, I'll just borrow your keys and go pick it–"
"No, I'll order it for you. I just have some questions is all."
"Can we talk more about this after I've eaten something? I feel like my blood sugar is dropping."
Carley had always struggled with hypoglycemia growing up, and I hadn't noticed her eating since she arrived a few days before. Throwing up my hands, I relented and pulled up the online app for the pizzeria. "What do you want?"
She smiled, and began to rattle off a myriad of toppings before smiling at me. "And go ahead and order yourself a pizza too, Cuz."
I hadn't planned to, but since she offered to pay and I was somewhat hungry myself, I ordered a margherita pizza for myself. After paying for the order, I sat back down. Carley threw two twenties down onto the table, and I picked them up. It wasn't as if I truly needed them and as I held them in my hand, I thrust them back toward her.
"Go ahead and keep this," I told her.
"Are you sure? I don't want you to accuse me of freeloading."
"I'm sure," I told her, then realized she was right. All I'd been was suspicious since her arrival. "And you're right. I'm sorry."
"Just because I don't have some fancy-smancy business and condo of my own, it doesn't mean I'm a deadbeat."
"I know, and I'm sorry. Your showing up was just unexpected."
"Can't I visit my favorite cousin?"
"Well, I'm your only cousin," I pointed out.
"Which is even more reason to be here. Did it say how long the pizza would take?"
"I think about forty five minutes," I responded.
"Great. I'm going to run down the street and pick up a few beers for us."
"That's not necessary. I have some wine," I offered, and she laughed.
"I'm sure you do, but I don't want anything fancy. We were eating pizza and drinking beer at thirteen unless you've forgotten all of that since leaving Cali."
"I haven't," I told her as I remembered exactly what she was referring to. Our parents had worked quite a bit which meant the two of us would be left alone. When they'd leave us together, they often ordered pizza from whichever national chain had a deal, and we would scrounge around the houses for their stash of alcohol. Cheap pizza and cheaper beer. It was so reminiscent of our teenage years. I was now feeling a bit sentimental and assumed Carley was as well.
"It is supposed to rain so if you would rather take my car, it's fine," I told her.
Carley smiled. "That would be awesome. I'll be back in a few minutes."
I walked over to my purse and retrieved the keys to my Lexus ES and handed them off to her. "Please make sure you park it back in the same space. We have designated parking here."
"Will do, and I'll be so quick that you won't even notice I'm gone."
I doubted that, but I smiled nonetheless. My cousin left and I stood there by the side table and looked out into my living room. Carley had already made her presence known because I could see a pair of her shoes on the floor next to the oversized recliner, and her makeup bag on the table next to it.
Deciding to clean up, I grabbed both items and brought them to the guest room. It was in much more disarray which didn't help because I was a neat freak. Maybe it had been because of Oasis or just the memories of my childhood, but I despised any clutter. I had just been about to put things away when I heard the front door open.
"Carley," I called out from her room.
"It's fine. I forgot something is all. I'll be right back," she said.
"Okay," I called out seconds before the front door closed again.
I shook my head, then picked up her dirty clothes, including a hoodie to which I had a matching one. God, it had to have been high school since I'd worn mine. I set it in the hamper with the rest of the clothing, then added the shoes to the rest of hers, and neatly lined them up at the bottom of the closet. Lastly, I dropped off her makeup bag into the bathroom which was the only thing remotely clean.
I couldn't stand being in there any longer, and I already dreaded the day she left because I would have my work cut out for me with all the cleaning. I left the bedroom but couldn't stop thinking about our Carson High School hoodies. I went into my bedroom and located a box of items I'd taken from home yet rarely ever even looked at anymore.
I rummaged around the box, finally locating my gray hoodie that matched hers. Very little had changed with my size since then other than the loss of about ten pounds. I shook out the sweatshirt, then slipped it over my head. Once on, I walked to the full-length mirror.
My reflection stared back at me, only it no longer was the one I was used to seeing. I was now staring at the girl I'd once been. Basically forced to take care of myself most of the time, I'd done whatever I could to earn money. There were several things I was not proud of, and as my hand slid into the pockets in front, I closed my eyes.
At fifteen, I had gotten caught up with some others in the neighborhood, and it wasn't long before I'd gotten hooked on marijuana. It was an expensive habit for someone who had no money, so I'd agreed to sell it but only ended up getting myself into more trouble as I smoked more than I made.
I shuddered but kept my eyes closed. It was called a gateway drug for a reason. Harder to hide and harder to use, I'd moved on to other things like Xanax and Percocet. I not only supplemented my weed habit with the pills, but I also started to sell them on campus. I'd only stopped when rumors started to persist and I feared getting caught.
My eyes flew open as memories of that time came rushing back. I was about to remove the hoodie but Carley returned and began calling out my name. "Shelbs..."
"I'm in my bedroom," I told her just as she breached the doorway.
"Damn, I haven't seen you in one of those since you left Cali. I thought you were above it all."
"I am... I mean, I was. I just saw yours and it made me think of this old thing. I'm actually surprised it still fits."
"You look good in it. I mean, it looks a lot more like the real you."
"The real me?"
"Yes, and not the person you project to be here in Denver. Don't get me wrong, you've built something great for yourself here, but it's not the real you."
"If it isn't, then what is?" I asked her.
She walked over to me, then pulled my hair up into a ponytail. "The real you is this girl right here. You're the CHS peddler, the one we all went to when we wanted to have a good time. The girls to get high, and the guys to get–"
"Okay, that's enough," I told her as I pulled away from her abruptly, yanking my own hair in the process. I practically tore at the hoodie as I took it off, then tossed it onto the chair beside my bed. "That was a different time and a different life. The real me is the person I became in Denver."
"She's an imposter and we both know it," Carley said before sauntering out of the bedroom.
When she rounded the hallway and disappeared from view, I wiped at my eyes. She was right about being the high school drug dealer, but it wasn't the only thing she had been right about. I'd also been a party girl, and a promiscuous one at that. The boys loved me because I was fun, or so I thought. Turns out, they believed I was easy which only created this insecurity that still afflicted me to this day.
When I got to Denver for college, I had withdrawn into myself. All I cared about was making money and erasing my past. As I looked around my bedroom at the expensive linen and designer furniture, it sure as hell beat the mattress and metal frame I had back in Carson.
I had completely changed everything about my life, and it was likely why I was so resentful of my cousin. I should've been thrilled that she'd decided to come visit me, but instead, I was busy looking my nose down on her. She'd been a lot like me, only I had actually followed through with everything before. That same drive was what fueled me to my current career.
"Shelbs.... The pizza is here and is going to get cold."
I had completely missed the doorbell, but I did hear the door close. I left my bedroom and when I made it back into the living room with her, she already had a beer open along with her pizza box.
"Stop looking like that, Shelbs."
"Like what?" I asked as I took my seat and picked up my own pizza box.
"You've done amazing for yourself here, and I'm so proud of you. I was proud of you back then too, though. I don't care what it is that you're peddling these days. I only care that you're happy, and you are. Right?"
I smiled at her. "I am."
"And does that happiness include a man?"
My face heated at that. I still had no idea what to call what Easton and I had, and I certainly didn't want to mention Syn and what went on there, so I just nodded. "I'm talking to someone, but it's in the early stages so I'm not sure if it will amount to anything or not."
"I'm sure it will. Why don't you give me the deets on him, and by deets, you know I want to know how hot he is and how good he is in bed."
I had just taken my first bite of pizza and nearly spit it out at her words. I grabbed the bottle of beer and wasted a few seconds getting it open. If she expected me to talk about Easton, I needed to be buzzed. Of course, if I was, I might let something slip. After taking a swig of it, I set it back down.
"We haven't gotten that far yet," I lied and shivered slightly. "He is hot, though. Tall, blonde, and built like a Greek God."
"Oh, he sounds like someone I want to meet."
I smiled politely, although I doubted that would ever happen. "Why don't you tell me about why you decided to come visit me after all of this time," I urged, then took a bite of my pizza.
Carley started to talk, but something about her just wanting to catch up didn't sit right. I had no idea if something had happened back home. It'd been a few years since I'd talked to my parents or hers, and I made a mental note to check in with them soon. We did finish the pizza and beer, and finally both curled up on the couch with one another to watch one of those teenage chick flicks we'd loved so much back then.