37. I Will Always Come Back, Amor

THIRTY-SEVEN

I WILL ALWAYS COME BACK, AMOR

Yellow, Kinna Grannis

Santiago

“Can we talk about the fact that we might be going head-to-head for the title this weekend?” I ask Roe. We got back from our run and are eating a couple of yogurt bowls in the kitchen. We’re sitting on the floor because that’s where she sat and I won’t let her sit by herself.

“Ha, speak for yourself. I’m actually taking the title, Saint,” she snaps back.

“You’re so full of yourself,” I add as I watch her scrunch her nose at me.

“I’m confident. There’s a difference,” she says. And she’s not wrong. She’s more confident than a lot of people I know, but I know she hides her true feelings behind the front she sets up. “I can’t believe we were published in a magazine; can we talk about that?” She emphasizes the that and points at the magazine on top of the breakfast bar.

“Yeah, that’s cool, but it just adds to the challenge because every single rider will be coming for you and me now, especially if they want to qualify.”

“They have to catch us first,” she says, winking at me and getting up to put her bowl in the sink. She looks delicious, the way she walks around with her tight workout shorts and her tiny sports bra. Just looking at her, my dick goes to attention. I get up, setting my bowl on the countertop, scoop her by her legs, and throw her over my shoulder.

She yelps. “Saint, what the fuck? Put me down,” she says, kicking her feet, or trying to, and squirming in my hold.

“Oh, I’ll put you down. Let’s make it to the bedroom first so I can lay you down exactly where I want you.” The little minx stops kicking the minute I say the word ‘bedroom,’ and we spend half of our day off exploring each other and pushing some more boundaries.

“So are you two living together now?” Jake asks while we’re all sitting on his back porch.

Jake and Allie invited us to come over for dinner tonight and I was surprised when Roe said yes, too. She said, when I first met her, how she didn’t love hanging out with people and she would rather be with her books. But I knew she was friends with Jake, so I asked and she was excited to come. She and Allie have been giggling for the past hour or so and neither have paid any attention to us.

“I don’t think so,” I answer, taking a sip of my drink. “I’m staying with her until this shit with her house blows over but we haven’t talked past that.” I look at Roe, searching for any indication that I’m lying, but we both know that’s the truth. I don’t know where we stand. If it was up to me? I would be attached to that girl’s hip 24/7 but at the end of the day, it’s taking baby steps for her to feel comfortable sharing her life with someone and I don’t blame her. She has been through so much and she’s resilient as fuck. She needs time and she deserves someone willing to give it to her, and I’m going to be that man.

“What about your house?” Allie asks, tuning in to the last part of the conversation. The sun is dipping behind the trees, casting purple and orange hues in the sky. I look up and notice the sunset, closing my eyes briefly before looking back at the girls. Roe looks at me expectantly but instead of talking to me, she answers her friend.

“Someone’s breaking into my house. They’re not taking anything, just moving things around,” she answers and Allie gasps.

“Go to the police,” she tells her.

“And tell them what? That someone moved my plants and did my dishes?” The same argument she gave me. We installed cameras and nothing has happened since. It might be a pesky teenager just pulling a prank but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

“How are they breaking in?” Jake asks.

“Funny you ask, Jake. They just walked in,” Roe says.

They both look at Roe with a puzzled expression, before Jake just shakes his head.

“Do you not lock your house either? I thought it was just your Jeep,” Jake says.

“Apparently, she trusts everyone,” I reply.

“Alright, alright. I get it, I should lock my doors, yada yada . It’s done, and now Mr. Self-Defense over there is all up in my business about it. I don’t need to lock my door all the time.”

“Mr. Self-Defense, huh? And no, you don’t, because I lock the door every night now,” I snap back and she smiles at me.

“I thought you two were ‘ just friends ,’” Allie says with a big smile on her face, walking to Jake and sitting on his lap.

We both reply in unison, “We are.” We all laugh.

We keep talking about how weird everything is about the house and how nothing else has happened since the last race weekend. We talk about Allie and Jake, and about how funny it is that Cara is Allie’s best friend. Roe and Allie Facetime her at some point and they all coordinate to get together in the winter. They both want Cara to move back to Baker Oaks, but something happened with her ex and Cara doesn’t want to live in the same small town as him. I don’t blame her; everyone is in everyone’s business here.

We discuss the upcoming race, the expected outcome, and what will happen after qualifiers. Allie says she wants to come watch us race and we exchange information.

The drive back to Roe’s house is serene. The full moon bright in the sky casts a glow over the road that glistens after the light rain we got earlier today.

“Hey Saint?” she asks.

“Si, princesa?” I reply, looking over my shoulder at the girl who stole my heart and is keeping it hostage.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Always, amor, always.”

“Why do you look at the sky and close your eyes?” she asks shyly. I don’t think I knew she had a shy bone in her body.

“My sister,” I say, taking a deep breath before continuing. “When she got sick, she started appreciating the little moments in life more because she said she never knew when they would happen again.” I make a right turn around the dirt road, with its own bumps and roots, just like my heart right now.

“It wasn’t always the sky that she would stop to look at. Sometimes it was family dinners or my mom reading a bedtime story to the little ones. She would just stop, close her eyes, and take it all in. Her words, not mine,” I tell her, pausing to hold my emotions in and not open a can of worms that I don’t want right now. “So now, it’s the best way to honor her memory, pausing to appreciate it all.”

She nods and reaches over, holding my hand and squeezing it gently. “You know? I don’t know if I believe in fate or whatever, but what are the chances that we both lost someone with the same name and who believed in basically the same thing?”

“What?” I ask, dumbfounded at this.

“My mom, her name was Anna too,” she says, taking a deep breath and letting it out gently. “My mom used to say that too; ‘Miracles happen every day’. She would tell me if I only stopped long enough, I would see them too. I’m not ready to talk about this more, but yeah, Anna was her name. I guess they both believed in little miracles. I almost called you a liar the first time you said your sister with wings was Anna too.”

“My angel sis,” I add and she nods.

The empty roads surrounded by stillness are making me aware of the fact that I consider going to the house with Roe a home. Our home.

I try to get out of my thoughts, so I ask Roe, “My turn?” I’ve been wanting an answer to a question that has invaded my mind since she gave me that damn nickname that I love so much.

“Shoot, but don’t kill,” she says and winks at me. Dios, la amo. ? 1

“Why do you call me Saint?”

She almost spits out the water she was drinking. She laughs, full force, and loudly. I’m talking about the type of laugh you would hear if you went to a comedy show or how a little kid freely giggles when you tickle them.

She settles down and says, “At first, it was because everyone seemed to like you, and I figured only a saint could manage that. It was close enough to your name, so it fit.” She stops and I think she might be done, but she pulls her feet down from the dash and under her body while turning to me.

“Now, I keep calling you that because only a saint would put up with my chaos and continue to stay by my side. So far, you keep coming back and you’ve never left me, not once, even when I pushed you away.”

“I will always come back, amor. For as long as you’ll have me and then some. I’m yours to keep.”

“Mine to keep?” she asks and I smile at her. But her smile fades, her eyes skimming the road, and when I turn to face her, I see all the lights in her house are on and I know we turned them off.

1 ? Dios, la amo: God, I love her.