27. The Darkness Inside

TWENTY-SEVEN

THE DARKNESS INSIDE

Loco Contigo, J. Balvin

Santiago

How can anyone sleep so peacefully after realizing someone was inside their house? Not me, but the little velcro girl by my side covered in blankets and pillows doesn’t have a care in the world. Or at least it seems like it. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, for someone who hates physical touch when she’s awake, Roe sure as hell loves it when she’s asleep. Her body comes to mine naturally. A magnetic force drawing her to me, even if she wants to fight it.

I see an incoming text from Marco which is weird. He usually doesn’t text and definitely not in the middle of the night.

Marco: So are you staying over there?

Me: Over where?

Marco: Over at Roe’s

Me: Yeah, I said not to wait up. I’ll see you tomorrow or something.

The three little dots dance for quite some time but he never replies again. I turn off my recurrent alarm and shut the phone off, setting it on top of the nightstand.

I can only see her dark lashes and eyelids because the rest of her is hidden by the blankets. But it’s enough to know that she’s peacefully asleep. I know I should be sleeping too, instead of overthinking everything, so I close my eyes, eventually drifting to sleep.

“Saint,” I hear a voice saying. It sounds loud enough that I know it’s real but soft enough that I know it must be coming from somewhere nearby. I open my eyes to find Roe standing beside me, wearing almost no clothing, her hair pulled back in a ponytail and her gorgeous blue eyes shining brighter than stars.

Tapping her foot with impatience, she takes a drink from her shaker before asking, “You wanna go for a run?”

I pick up my phone from the nightstand, turn it on and see it’s 5:15am. Way too early to be up, especially after a racing weekend. I don’t mind waking up early but that means I have to go to bed early too and we definitely did not.

“Roe, it’s too early and my body’s sore. Come lay back down,” I say, pulling her hand and trying to get her to come back to bed.

“I’m wide awake, Saint. I need to burn some energy or I will combust. Come on, let’s go,” she says, walking around to the door.

“No, come on. We both have the day off. Let’s have an easy morning.”

“I already let you sleep an extra hour,” she says and lets out a sigh, “Come on, I’m going either way but you’re always telling me not to go alone and shit.”

I sit up, rub my eyes, and mumble a curse, but get up before she can leave without me. Her devilish smile lets me know that she got exactly what she wanted.

Walking outside, I can feel the immediate change in temperature. No matter how warm she keeps it, it’s worse outside. We run for a while in silence, especially while we are setting a pace that’s comfortable for both of us.

“Favorite drink?” I ask, adding more to the conversation we started this weekend and never finished.

“Water, seltzers, and hot cocoa,” she replies.

“Hot cocoa?”

“Yes, the only hug I need. The one in a cup.”

I shake my head and ask another one. “Favorite food?”

“Sushi, you?” she asks.

“My mom’s cooking,” I reply. It doesn’t matter what it is; if my mom cooks it, it will be my favorite.

“Such a mama’s boy,” she teases.

“Y orgulloso de serlo.”

“Does that mean proudly?”

“Yes, it does,” I reply before asking, “Favorite place in the world?”

“A hammock in the woods,” she says.

“Any woods?”

“Any woods.” She slows down and I match her pace, getting closer to the turning point. We stop and she takes this opportunity to ask her first question, “Favorite song.”

“How can you just pick one? I would imagine it’s like asking you to pick your favorite book,” I reply.

“That’s fair. What about your favorite singer?”

“Also too hard to pick,” I say. “It would depend on my mood and what I want to feel. Music is like a life enhancer. I play different music depending on what’s going on and I feel everything intensely,” I explain.

She stops running and turns to me, getting closer while she breathes through her mouth. Her breathing is slightly labored and it’s doing things to me it shouldn’t.

“What would be the soundtrack playing right now?” she asks, eyes attentive on mine and my body sparked with awareness at the way she’s looking at me.

“In English or in Spanish?” I ask because this can go two different ways.

“Spanish, por favor,” she says, catching me off guard.

“Loco Contigo, J Balvin,” I say, grabbing her shoulders and stopping her from getting closer. I’m really close to losing all control and I don’t want to, not here in the middle of nowhere.

“What’s that song about?” she asks breathily, and now I know she’s doing it on purpose because she gets closer.

“What does it make you feel, Saint?” she asks again as her hands slide up my chest and pause right under my neck. My breath catches and she smiles. Co?o.

“What feeling is it enhancing for you?” She licks her lips. “Intensifying,” she adds.

“Aurora,” I hiss.

“Don’t full-name me, Saintiago. Answer the question,” she says with the sultriest tone I’ve ever heard.

I grab her hand and hold it, staring at her, calling her bluff and trying to think about literally anything but this gorgeous girl in front of me. Begging my dick to calm down so we can continue our run without crossing any lines.

“Come on, Saint, give in,” she murmurs, rising on her tippy-toes and getting closer to my mouth. Hovering right there, not closing the distance, she’s leaving it up to me.

I grab her chin with two fingers. Her full pink lips part and I can see the tip of her tongue. I bring my arm around her waist to help her balance, my hand touching her sweaty back and pulling her flush to me. Letting her feel every inch of me. She hisses and her lips are so close to mine, all I have to do is reach for her with my tongue and we would be touching.

“I feel a lot when I hear that song, Roe, but I feel even more when you’re near me and let me see glimpses of who you are.” I turn her face slightly and kiss her cheek, and whisper in her ear, “Let me show you how much there is to feel if you let me in.” I kiss her earlobe and she shivers under my touch as I rake her hair back with my other hand. “I could make you feel much more than lust, princesa, if you just let me.”

“I’m scared,” she whispers.

“You’re so brave, Roe.” I kiss her temple, her cheek, and her jaw. “Being brave is being scared and doing it anyway. Let me carry you and your fears, princesa.”

She grabs my shirt and pulls back slightly, allowing me to see her flushed face. Her eyes are slightly teary and full of concern.

“Can’t you see, Saint? I’m dead inside. I don’t want my darkness to take over your light. I’m not afraid of feeling, because I can’t feel anything.” She drops my shirt and takes a couple of steps back. “I’m not scared of you; I’m scared for you.” With that, she leaves me standing in the forest and runs back the same way we came. And I run as fast as I can to catch up to her until we make it all the way to her home.