Chapter 43

chapter

forty-three

ADDIE

Owen's late this morning, and the only thing at the forefront of my overactive brain is that it's because of me.

He doesn't want to accidentally run into me before class.

I don't know if he was at karaoke night last night. I didn't go, since Rain and I enjoyed a mother-daughter movie night for the first time in years. I wouldn't have opted to stay in with her on any other night, but yesterday was different.

She made me realize my relationship with her needs love and attention too.

But did Owen go to the Tap last night? Did he stay out late? How much did he drink?

And who the hell did he share a dance with?

I incessantly tap my pen to my notebook, my knee bouncing beneath it as I stew alone in the gym.

I don't know how long I keep this up until the door creaks open, and I pop onto my feet as graceful as a ballerina, although I don't feel so collected on the inside. My stomach is in absolute turmoil.

Owen rounds the corner of the bleachers, and when his eyes find mine, his steps falter. He doesn't stop, though, not until he's a foot from me, his hands tucked into his pockets.

"Hi," I whisper as my heart stumbles over its beats.

"Lockhart, listen." He frowns, and I hold my breath. "About the other day…"

"Good morning, dream team!" Sable emerges into the gym, her heels clicking across the floor with far more pep than I can muster. Even with most of my strength restored from my bout of food poisoning, enthusiasm is not currently in my arsenal.

I haven't talked to Owen since Saturday, and it's been torture. I haven't been able to sleep, knowing he's angry with me and it's my doing.

I've been unfair to him, and I have to explain myself.

But with Sable's interruption, I'm not going to get any relief from our debacle. Not yet, anyway.

I force a smile like I do when trying new foods, which is my least favorite thing to do. "Sable. Hi. How are you?"

"I'm great, but I'm more curious about how you are. Are you feeling better?" she asks, concern laced in her tone.

Owen gives a tight-lipped smile as I assure her, "Definitely. I had a rough go of it, but I'm feeling a hundred percent today."

Except for the whole I'm secretly dating my co-worker, and it blew up in my face bit .

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it to coffee this weekend," I say. "After the whole ordeal with food poisoning, my mother came to visit, so it's been a busy couple of days."

Owen's eyes brighten at the mention of my mother, and my lips wobble with confessions bubbling up my throat.

Sable waves me off. "I completely understand. No need for apologies."

My gaze instinctively drifts over to Owen, who starts to back away, but before he gets too far, Sable reaches out to stop him.

"I also came by to give you both good news," she announces. "Addie's classroom is almost finished. You can start moving back in there at lunch today, in fact."

"Today?" I squeak.

"A few good Samaritans from around town pitched in to help over the weekend. Wasn't that so nice?" Sable tilts her chin up, pride coloring her features. She loves this town almost as much as I do for its generous people—and delicious baked goods, among other things. "So, we're all set to get things back to normal."

"Normal," I repeat, but the word doesn't hold the same meaning as it might've last month.

Nothing will ever be "normal" again, will it? It can't. I don't think I even want things to go back to how they were when I had my own classroom—before Owen.

I won't see him all day, every day anymore. He'll be on his side of the school campus, and I'll be on mine.

I clutch my stomach, which rumbles like it did over the weekend, a wave of nausea rolling through it. It's not from any food poisoning, though.

"That's, uh… great," Owen says, but his tone falls flat.

A few of his students filter into the gym, and echoes of their laughter bounce off the walls. Owen hooks a thumb over his shoulder in their direction and parts from us with a brisk goodbye.

Sable nudges me aside and quietly says, "I'm glad you're okay. I was so worried about you. I wasn't the only one, either."

"Huh?" I blink back at her.

"Owen was a wreck. He was paler than you and out of his head with worry."

"Oh. He… well, he was probably concerned about taking on two classes at once for a minute. You know him—he's not a great multitasker." I frown.

A month ago, I would've let a jab like that roll freely off my tongue, but right now, the insult tastes more sour than a bad apple.

It's not right.

"Actually, he's become a good… friend." I peer over at him as he animatedly chats with his students before class.

My heart aches as if there's a whole country between us instead of just a basketball court.

"Is that all he is?" Sable lifts a brow.

I whip my attention back to her, gobsmacked as my tongue suddenly feels too big for my mouth.

"There's something going on between you, isn't there?" she ventures.

"Why would you say that?" I laugh nervously and twist my hair, my fingers itching for something to do.

"We've known each other a long time, Addie." She smiles, and it's warm. There's no hint of anger or judgment in her demeanor or tone, which puts me at ease, but it's only a fraction. "I even consider you a friend, and as your friend, I just ask that you be honest with me."

Tears sting the backs of my eyes.

This is it.

This is the moment. There's no way around it. It was one thing to pretend it's not true, but it's another thing entirely to lie when Sable's outright asking me about it. The latter would be a sin in my book.

I have to tell her, and I haven't even prepared for it. Then again, how does one prepare for such an occasion? Wear all black in mourning? Wear sneakers for an easy getaway once embarrassment takes over?

I don't even have cake or ice cream to wallow in once I get home.

But this is what I need to do. If I'm going to win Owen back, I need to come clean about our involvement, and this is my opening. I won't get another chance this perfect.

Besides, it might not be as bad as I've imagined over the last few weeks. I've been told on multiple occasions, especially by my mother, that I can really let my thoughts get away from me. I always assumed she just never took anything seriously, but after this weekend, I'm inclined to believe she might have a point.

Only one way to find out…

I clear my throat and manage, "Owen and I have been seeing each other, but it's new. It's not like we've been sneaking around for a year. Of course, he hasn't lived in town that long, but you know what I mean. Right?"

Her smile widens.

"You're not mad?" I cringe.

"Why would I be mad?" She rubs her hand up and down my arm. "Addie, I love seeing you happy, which you have been lately. It's all I want for you."

"Are you saying that as my friend or my boss?"

"Both."

Even though this is off to a decent start, I don't let my guard down. It's too soon to tell if this will end well or not.

"But as your boss, I must also say this."

Here we go .

I raise my shoulders higher and brace myself for impact as if I'm in a car headed straight for a brick wall.

"I just need you both to disclose your relationship to the administration, which sounds ominous, but really, all you need to do is sign a waiver. It's just so we can cover our asses." She squeezes my arm and adds, "That's all for the legal and official case of the matter, but the rest is possibly going to be more complicated."

"The rest?"

"The rest of the faculty." She offers a sympathetic smile, one that does not reach her brown eyes. And is it me, or does her big hair lose a little volume? Even her hair is sad for me. "There will be gossip, curious looks, whispers—you name it. They might give you a hard time too, but you have thick skin. You can handle it."

I nod, but I barely register her words.

"When the students catch wind of it, which they will, they might make a few jabs themselves. You know how kids are, but again, you can handle them until they latch on to the next piece of gossip. It's how the whole town works. It's nothing new to either of us."

Dread fills my stomach like buckets of oil, but still, I say nothing.

The kids .

Their reactions didn't cross my mind. I was so focused on my future at this school and my reputation across town that I didn't take the students themselves into consideration. How could I let that happen? I love my students. I want what's best for them, and that doesn't include a distraction by their scandalous teachers.

It'll be all they'll talk about for a while, at least. They do tend to sink their relentless claws into new rumors daily, so it would only be a matter of time before they forgot about Owen and me.

It doesn't make the consequences easier to swallow, though.

Sable exhales, intertwining her fingers together at her waist. "But when it comes to a promotion in the future, you shouldn't worry. Dating someone you work with isn't against any policy, so it's not like you broke a rule."

I finally perk up when she says the word promotion —the main reason I wanted to keep my relationship a secret to begin with.

"Maybe no rules were broken, but I know such a thing can be severely frowned upon. I don't want anyone to take me less seriously," I lament.

Her eyes droop in the corners with a solemn frown. "This is a small town. Optics are important, but they're not everything. You put your heart and soul into every part of this job, and it has not gone unnoticed. That counts for a lot." She checks her watch. "I need to get to a meeting, but we can discuss this more over lunch this week."

"I'd like that." I swallow and glance back over to Owen, but he's not there anymore. He's nowhere in the gym, and I suddenly feel alone, like I'm the only person on an island.

I need him.

I need the comfort only he can offer.

Sable starts to turn but stops. "Switching hats again and speaking as your friend, I know this career is important to you, but we can't control the future. Whether you get a promotion or not is never a sure thing, even if you hadn't gotten involved with him, but Owen is real right now. I'd hate for you to walk away from someone who makes you so happy simply for a what-if . Some things in life are worth the risks."

"Thank you," I whisper as gratitude fills my weary body.

She didn't freak out or give me the disappointed twist of her lips as she does when students are sent to the office.

I didn't die under the crushing weight of the possibly horrendous outcome.

I'm still standing, even if it is alone.

I've been alone a lot in my adult life. When I was a teenager, I often felt alone. I've always had the best of friends, but having Owen in my corner was like fulfilling some destiny written in the stars for me.

It's been one day with my mother, and I'm already talking like her.

Except this is true. He did fill a void I didn't know existed.

Owen's true right now, and if I don't grab destiny by the shoulders and shake it, I'm going to end up cursed, just as Rain warned.