81. Chapter 81

81

Dimitri

" I …"

I try to respond, to say something, anything, but the words are lodged somewhere in my throat.

"Alex," Nico pipes up, coming right up to Alex and looking at him like he's the expert on all things. "He's not Big Man . He's Dyadya Dima."

" Dyad…ya Dima?" Alex tries, his small mouth struggling with the syllables. He looks up at me, his brow furrowed, like he's trying to make sense of who I am. Suka. My heart twists in a way that's foreign and uncomfortable, and I don't know what the hell to say to this kid—my kid—calling me uncle .

Nico is oblivious to my turmoil, his face bright with pride as he gestures toward Luka. "This is my papa. He's the world's best surfer!" His chest puffs out like he's just announced his father is the king of the world.

Luka reaches out a hand, and Alex, after a moment of hesitation, gives him a small fist bump, the tiniest smile tugging at his lips.

" Hwello , Niko papa," Alex says quietly, his voice so soft it almost gets lost in the room's noise. Then, he hugs his stuffed bear tighter to his chest, glancing down.

"I… don't have a papa ."

Blyat , the words rip through me like a bullet through flesh—the same flesh that's already been perforated by real bullets. The pain is familiar, but this kind of pain don't heal with a few stitches.

I don't have a papa.

Something breaks inside me—a sharp crack that leaves me empty and aching. My eyes flicker over to Luka, who's looking at Alex with a softness that cuts me deeper than I thought possible.

Luka's smile falters, and for a second, there's a flash of something in his eyes—pity, sympathy, maybe. He catches my gaze, and I see it—the understanding, the unspoken words hanging in the air. He knows. He knows that those words, coming from my own kid, have shredded me.

Erik clears his throat, breaking the heavy silence that's settled over the room.

"Well, looks like we've got to fix that, huh?" He moves toward Alex, crouching down to meet his gaze. "How about you call him whatever you want, little man?" He glances at me, a small smirk tugging at his lips. "Maybe not ‘ Big Man, ' though. We've got enough big egos in this room."

Alex looks up at Erik, then at me, his eyes curious and unsure.

"Can I kwall you … Papa ?"

My chest tightens, and I swallow hard. "Yeah, kid. You… you can call me that."

His eyes light up, a smile breaking across his face, and he nods, satisfied. He shuffles closer to me, his small fingers still clutching that bear, and I reach out, my hand trembling as I rest it gently on his head. His hair is soft, and for a moment, I just close my eyes, feeling the weight of his trust settle over me.

"Yeah! I hwave a papa now!" Alex suddenly throws his arms around me, his tiny body pressing close, and I catch a faint whiff of whatever baby shampoo Wren uses on him. So innocent.

The warmth of his hug hits me like a sledgehammer, and I see the bandage on his neck—I clench my jaw, feeling something inside me about to burst—guilt, shame, like a pressure building, ready to blow.

How did I miss all this? How did I let this happen?

"I hwave to tell Momma," Alex chirps, pure excitement lighting up his face, "and Uwncle Lenny, and Mwises Pam…" He rattles off a few more names I don't recognize, friends I've never met, lives he's lived that I wasn't a part of.

A pain forms in my heart, deep and twisting.

I'm sorry, kiddo. You deserved better.

Nico, never one to let anyone steal his thunder for long, nudges Alex, his grin as big as ever. "My papa can teach you to surf. Right, Papa?" He looks back at Luka, his eyes wide with expectation.

Luka lets out a small laugh, nodding. "Of course, but first, I think we need to get Dyadya Dima—I mean, Papa Dima—back on his feet. He's gonna need a bit of time before he's ready to hit the waves."

Nico nods, all serious business, but I can't focus on them anymore. I'm holding on, trying to keep my face neutral, keep everything locked down.

Don't cry, you stupid bastard. Don't you dare lose it here.

My fingers move, tightening around Alex's small hand, my grip trembling. Alex looks at me, then carefully sets down his stuffed bear next to me, making sure it's just right, its stitched-up face looking at me.

"Papa," he says, his voice so innocent it cuts through me, " ouchie goes away."

I swallow, my throat dry, and I can barely speak, just nodding. "Thank you, kid."

Before I can say anything else, the door opens again, and Sophia steps in. She's sun-kissed, her skin glowing from all the time in the Hawaiian sun, her eyes bright, though there's a softness there as they land on me.

"Mama!" Nico and Natalya shout in unison, rushing toward her. Sophia kneels down, scooping them up into a hug, her laughter ringing out like music in the room. "There you two are. I hope you weren't causing too much trouble," she says, her eyes flicking toward Luka for confirmation.

"Only a little," Luka says with a wink. She smiles back, all warm and sweet, and for a second, I catch that soft, kinda shy love between them—something I don't get, something I'm not sure I've ever had.

"All right, you little rascals," Sophia says, ruffling Nico's hair as she stands, her eyes sweeping over the room. "How about we go get some lunch ? Dyadya Dima needs rest."

She turns back, guiding the children toward the door. Nico and Natalya follow, chattering about what they want to eat.

Luka is next to move, striding toward the door. He pauses just before stepping out, his eyes locking on me with that familiar intensity. " Rest. You'll need it," he says, his voice firm, almost like an order, before he disappears through the doorway.

Erik is right behind him, moving with a little more swagger. He reaches the door, then stops, turning back for just a second. He gives me a wink, a grin tugging at his lips. "Congrats, Papa D," he says, his tone light, teasing, before he slips out of the room.

Alex stays for a moment longer, giving me one last look, his eyes wide and hopeful. "I kwome back, Papa?"

I nod, managing a small smile. "Yeah, kid. I'll be here."

He beams at me before scampering off after the others, leaving just Sophia and me in the room. She waits until the door clicks shut, then steps closer, pulling a chair beside the bed.

For a moment, we're quiet, and I can feel her gaze on me, assessing, taking in every bruise, every scar.

"You know," she starts, her voice soft but firm, "Alex has been waiting for you. Wren… she was scared, and she ran, but that kid always knew there was more to his family than just Momma. He knew something was missing. And now, he's got you."

I turn my head slightly, meeting her eyes. There's something there—an understanding, a warmth that makes my chest feel tight.

"You're gonna be great at this, D," she continues, her voice full of certainty. "I know it. The way he looks at you… you've got a chance here to be everything he needs. And I've got no doubt you're going to be the best damn papa he could ever ask for."

I swallow hard, my throat dry. "You think so?" My voice barely comes out—a rasp, almost a whisper.

Sophia smiles, her eyes softening, and she reaches out, giving my shoulder a squeeze. "I know so. You just need to believe it, too."