Chapter 17

I watched Ziola's tight little ass go up the steps before turning to the punching bag. With a burst of frustrated energy, I pummeled it until I was streaming with sweat and panting like a blacksmith's bellows. After gulping some water, I grabbed dumbbells from a rack and worked with those until my arm and back muscles burned and quivered. Then I dropped to the mat and did sit-ups with the dumbbells. When my body was reduced to one big ache, I poured a cup of water over my head and collapsed in a heap next to the water table.

Eventually, the sweat dried on my skin, and my pulse slowed enough for me to think. I had to do something about Ziola. This was moving beyond a lusty infatuation, and I didn't think a quick fuck would get it out of my system. I scrubbed my hands through my wet hair and let my head drop back against the wall. By the gods, I was starting to care for her. And if that wasn't a sure path to enslavement, I didn't know what was.

Emotional attachments were terrifying. They were double-edged blades and a cut from either side could be devastating. On one hand, you had to trust the other person not to betray you, and on the other, you obsessed over their welfare. I trusted Ralph and Alix, but I didn't spend much time worrying about their welfare. They could take care of themselves.

I had only ever needed two people, my mother and Halder, and both had left me. I had no wish to repeat that experience. Halder may have mainly considered me a useful tool, but I had still depended on him. Truly, no one had fretted about me since my mother died. And I honestly couldn't remember if even she had cared.

I didn't like this need I felt to protect Ziola. Why should I care if something embarrassed her or if anyone knew we were having sex? Although I had never intentionally hurt a woman, I also hadn't tiptoed around them. I said what I thought and did what I wanted. If someone didn't like it, too bad. Maybe it was time to go back to Lorget and get out of this arrangement. I wondered if I should tell Ziola first, but then sighed. The fact that I was concerned about what she would think was just further proof that I needed to disentangle myself from her.

The heavy tread of boots on the steps prompted me to rise and scrub a towel through my hair. I scooped up my shirt and was pulling it on as several members entered, having a good-natured argument over which was more important for a thief: skill or equipment. Could a skilled thief outperform one with the best equipment, or were the right tools essential for a successful operation?

"What do you think, Remy?" one asked me.

"That's too much deep thinking for the likes of me," I answered with a smirk. "I'm just a street rat."

They laughed, and the second pointed to my wet hair and sweaty chest. "You look more like a drowned rat. That must have been some workout."

"It was." I poured another cup of water and drank this one. Realizing that one of the newcomers was the man that Ziola had extracted from the City Enforcers' jail, I said, "Emil, I heard you took quite a beating from the Enforcers. How are you feeling?"

"Much better. Thank the gods that Ziola got me out. I'm not sure I could have survived a trip to Ironhold."

"She's definitely got some skills." Too bad she wasn't someone else's headache. I clapped Emil on the shoulder and headed up the stairs.

This was my opportunity to extricate myself from the emotional mess, but I hesitated on the main floor. Did I really want out? Yes, I assured myself and continued up the steps to Lorget's office.

The door was open, and I stuck my head in to find him sitting at his desk, surrounded by the usual chaos of parchment, books, and ledgers. As always, he was dressed with an understated elegance and projected an air of quiet authority. He looked up as I entered and smiled.

"Have a seat, Remy." He gestured to the chair and fixed me with his penetrating gaze. "You're looking a little disheveled."

I realized not only was my hair still wet, but it was sticking up in all directions, and my shirt was half unbuttoned and hanging out of my pants. "I was down in the basement using the bag and weights."

"Did they help?"

"Help what?"

"Relieve any frustrations." His eyes gleamed and one corner of his mouth twitched.

"No." I tried to comb my hair with my fingers. "That's what I came to talk about."

"First, tell me about your progress with finding the Eye."

I filled him in on what we had learned so far, then said, "As you know, Scepter Seraphim has never been breached. I'm not sure it can be done and we're not positive it's there."

Lorget pursed his lips and tapped his quill on the desk. "I wonder who has been invited to the auction."

I shrugged. "I know some high fae were invited… Council members. But I don't move in those circles."

"Few do," Lorget said. "I'll talk to the other directors and see if any can confirm that this auction is for the Eye. Entering Scepter Seraphim is too risky to try based on a guess." He looked over his glasses at me. "Keep studying their security. No matter what, that information could always be handy in the future."

I nodded and leaned forward, placing my forearms on my knees. "You don't want to hear this, but I need to work alone. I can't teach an apprentice."

"Is Ziola a problem?"

"No." Yes.

"Then what is the problem?"

"I'm a loner." She was distracting me beyond all reason.

Lorget let out a long sigh. "We've talked about this. You need to take more responsibility within the guild to become a master."

"Why? There are other masters who have no administrative role." Halder's words came back to me, and I wondered if he was correct. Thinking about it, it made sense. Masters usually took apprentices if they were so inclined, but I'd never heard of one being compelled.

Lorget spoke slowly and appeared to choose each word carefully. "In your case, we think it would be beneficial. Independence is admirable, but there can be too much of a good thing."

"Too independent. What does that mean? Spell it out for me, Lorget."

"Given your background, the directors believe closer ties to the guild would be in everyone's best interests."

Since Lorget was still beating around the bush, I decided to just say it. "My background on the streets? Or my background with Halder?"

Lorget shifted in his chair and cleared his throat. "Some are uncomfortable with your past association with Halder. He did recruit you into the guild."

"I was ten years old, and he caught me picking his pocket," I said dryly.

"But he mentored you for the next five years."

"And he's been gone for a dozen years. You seriously think I'm contaminated?"

"You're not contaminated," Lorget said with a sigh. "Everyone likes and respects you. Your results are outstanding, but you're a puzzle. No one knows how you do it, or how you spend most of your time."

I could feel the beginnings of a headache and rubbed my forehead. "Maybe you should assign someone more trustworthy to find the Eye."

"If we didn't trust you, we wouldn't rely on you for something this important."

"If it's that important, why can't I do it alone?"

Lorget closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. "It won't kill you to teach a junior member. Can't you just get on with it?"

Feeling numb, I pushed to my feet in weary resignation. Lorget would never understand that continued proximity to Ziola just might, in fact, kill me. I wasn't designed for commitments to organizations or women. With a half-hearted nod, I left.

The Stony Mug wasn't open yet for dinner, so I went to the back door and entered through the kitchen. The rich scent of roasting meat mingled with aromatic spices reminded my growling stomach that I hadn't eaten. Ralph looked up from the sink where he was washing kitchen utensils with his sleeves rolled up to reveal a mass of clan tattoos. Smiling, he waved a sudsy hand at me, the soap bubbles reflecting the soft, warm light that bathed the kitchen.

"You look like something the cat dragged in."

That was precisely how I felt.

"If you need an ale," he continued, "go draw a mug. I'll finish up here in a minute."

I pushed through the swinging doors that separated the kitchen from the bar and called back, "You want one?"

"Nah, I've got tea."

I returned with my ale and shuddered. "How do you drink that stuff?"

Ralph just smiled and said, "I don't know how someone your size puts away that much ale without passing out."

"Some days, passing out might be a blessing." I dropped onto one of the kitchen stools and took a mouthful of foamy ale.

Ralph put the last utensil in a rack and dried his hands before sitting across from me with his cup. He studied me closely for a few moments. "Are they still pressuring you at the guild?"

I propped my cheek on my fist and stared into my mug. "Yeah."

"I take it Ziola is the director's pet they want you to teach?"

"She is. It's not going well."

Ralph raised his brows. "She didn't seem so bad. Is she incompetent?"

"No. There are things she doesn't know, but she's got some unique skills."

"She won't take direction?"

I thought about that. She had turned out to be far more cooperative than I'd expected. "It's not that either."

"Then what is it?"

"I just…" I waved a hand in the air. "I just… I just can't work with her."

Ralph started to laugh, and I glared at him. "You like her," he said.

"No, I don't. OK, I do." I downed half of my mug. "But that's a problem."

Ralph grew serious and rested his arms on the counter. "Is she sleeping with the director?"

"I thought so before, but not now." Bad enough I couldn't get Ziola out of my mind. It would have been a nightmare of epic proportions if she'd actually been Lorget's lover.

"Then what's stopping you? You aren't exactly shy about pursuing women."

"I can't have a fling with someone at the guild. Do you know how messy that would get when it ended?"

"Who says it has to end?"

I frowned at him. "Are you serious?"

He sighed. "OK, fine. Don't have sex with her. But if it's too hard to keep your pants buttoned and your mind on your task, just tell the guild you don't want an apprentice."

"I tried that."

"And they said no?"

I nodded glumly.

"Why are they so insistent that you supervise others to get master status? You've been in that guild for years. It's pretty obvious to anyone who knows you that you're not exactly management material."

I thought I should be insulted but wasn't entirely sure. He wasn't wrong, so I supposed I really had no cause. "They think I'll go rogue," I reluctantly admitted.

"Rogue? You all operate outside the law. What does rogue even mean for a group of thieves?"

I ran my fingers through the wet circles my mug had left on the counter. "My first master. The one who brought me into the guild. He was expelled when they learned he was working as an assassin on the side. Poison, no less."

Ralph's eyes were wide as he opened and closed his mouth a few times. "They think you are poisoning people?"

I shrugged and hunched further forward on the stool. "They deny it, but it's the only thing that makes sense." I drained my ale and stood to get a refill. "They don't understand how I am so successful at collecting information, so they are suspicious."

He snorted and shook his head. "Given what you are, it's not exactly hard to understand."

I twisted the empty mug in my hands and stared down at it, but didn't reply.

He peered at me over his tea and said, "They don't know?"

"No."

"Why? Is it a secret?"

"No. I've just not talked about it for so long that now it's habit."

"Why not?"

"You should know better than most."

Ralph blinked and looked confused.

"If you could have blended in with everyone else when you were growing up, would you have?"

As a half-troll, Ralph had struggled to feel accepted most of his life. Humans had been afraid of him, and trolls had thought he was a runt. He ran a hand down his face. "You know I would have given anything to look like the others. Either side."

"Now imagine if other children knew you turned into a rat. Do you think that would have made them feel friendlier toward you?"

He sat back on his stool. "Probably not."

"You may have felt like an outcast, but at least you had a mother, a roof, and food. Alix may have been an orphan but at least he had his sister, and the pack provided a roof and food. I had none of that. If the other street urchins had turned on me, I would have died."

I walked back into the main room of the tavern to fill my mug. Resting my hands on the bar, I leaned forward and let my head hang down for several long moments as painful memories of fighting for survival assailed me.

By the time I was seven years old, I had carried a small blade and knew how to use it. If you couldn't defend your food and clothing, you went hungry and barefoot. Even the bigger bullies had thought twice before coming after me. A large group could overpower me, but not without losing some flesh, and after a while, they stuck to easier prey. No one knew I shifted into a rat, but they found out just the same how vicious we could be when cornered.

I had been alone then, just as I was alone now. And I liked it that way. Unbidden, Ziola's face as she had appeared in the basement when confessing her poverty drifted up. I shoved that image ruthlessly from my mind and returned to the kitchen.

As I sat back down in the kitchen, Ralph asked, "Are you going to quit the guild?"

I took a long, slow drink before replying. "I never thought about it." I'd been in the guild most of my life and wasn't sure what I'd do if I left. The only one I really knew who had left was Halder. And that was a depressing thought.

He shrugged and stood up to finish his dinner preparations. "Maybe it's time you should."