5. Aspen

Five

Aspen

The week following dinner at Cassidy Ranch had been a blur. Between closing the shop and moving my stuff into the cabin, I had little time to decompress. Boone had been beyond helpful. If it weren’t for him, I’d still be stuck on the stairs hauling down the last box of books.

I worked up the courage to call my parents and told them about the move and new job. Of course, the questions started, which justified my reasons for keeping this change from them. That was the worst part, if I was confident in a decision I was making, I could always count on my parents to shut it down or make it sound stupid. At twenty-five, I found myself appeasing them at the expense of my own happiness. I wasn’t confident in my own choices and didn’t have the strength to stand up for myself.

When everything happened, moving in with them was never an option. I’d sleep on Penny’s couch before I dragged my sorry ass back home. Minimal phone calls and a visit here and there were what kept our relationship alive. I was the youngest, which intensified the need to protect. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my parents. They provided everything I needed and gave me a stable childhood, but the intense control I experienced as a kid bled into my adulthood. It presented as low confidence and needing constant validation from those around me. I understood their questions and intrusion came from a good place, but it doesn’t make it any less stressful.

I was sitting on my porch swing tonight, drinking my favorite red wine and reading a book, the same smutty cowboy romance I’d been reading all week. Wes Ryder could respectfully get it.

The sun was setting, which meant Boone would be coming back home soon. I learned his routine in the few days I’d been living next door. He did, in fact, wake up earlier than most. I’d yet to witness one of his parties or see him in his boxers on the front porch, and that was a shame. However, this was my first Saturday night on the ranch, and something told me I might finally get to experience my first Boone Cassidy bonfire.

My legs were tucked beneath me; a blanket covered my exposed skin from the crisp night air. During the day, the May heat in Texas can be a bit much; however, at night, there was a coolness to the air. My hair was thrown up in a low bun, little pieces falling out to frame my face. I craved nights like this, where the sun cast a beautiful hue on the horizon while mountain ranges decorated the view. There was no way anything could get better than this.

The sound of an engine caught my attention as it came up the driveway. There was an access road that led to this side of the ranch and forked in two. One way took you to the cabins; the other took you to the stand. The stand and cabins were walking distance away. Though, there was enough space that it wasn’t a nuisance. I paused my reading and watched Boone’s truck approach his cabin. I waved towards him as he climbed out. Dirty boots and hat in hand, he strode towards me. I was wrong when I said nothing could be better because seeing Boone dressed like that was definitely better.

Immediately, I covered myself more with the blanket. I had my pajamas on, which consisted of a worn t-shirt, no bra, and shorts that could probably pass as underwear.

Boone took a seat next to me. The swing moved back and forth as his body flopped down. “How are you settling in?” He asked, laying his hat on his bent knee. Relaxing back, his arms draped over the back. This man was hot, plain and simple. I didn’t need to come up with fluffy or creative words to describe his appearance because damn .

Boone looked at my shirt. It was clear I had nothing underneath. When he looked back at my face, I blushed furiously at his masculine attention, the kind of attention I wasn’t particularly used to.

“It’s going well,” I said, laying my book open on my leg to keep the page. “It’s quiet out here, peaceful.”

I took a moment to let my eyes wander in the distance, bringing my glass of wine to my lips. I felt Boone shift, and the pressure on my leg lessened. I realized then that Boone grabbed my book, opening up to the page I left off on. I didn’t make a move to grab it, instead I froze. Watching as he read a few pages, the anticipation was gnawing at me. Luckily, I didn’t leave off at a sex scene or love confession. When Boone was finished, he placed the book back on my leg the same way he retrieved it.

“What was that for?” I asked.

“That was the book you were reading when I came into The Coffee Cup,” He said. “I was curious. The guy on the cover looks a little like me, minus my mustache.”

I let out a loud laugh, tipping my head back. I held up the book and put it next to Boone’s face, “Wow, you’re kind of right.”

“What’s that one about? The few pages I skimmed didn’t give much away,” Boone poked.

Whenever someone asks me what kind of books I enjoy reading, I always get a little shy. How does one say they enjoy reading smutty cowboy romance? I guess I could tell Boone exactly that, I doubt this man knew what smut even was.

“It’s a romance book. She’s a city girl and he’s from a small town. They end up working together on a project and, obviously, fall in love. Hence, romance book.” I say, closing the book completely. It’s dumb, I was working on being more confident in the fact I love romance. People tend to think romance is silly, but it’s exquisite literature. You’d be surprised how many ways someone can write the word “cock” or “vagina” and make it sound sensual.

“So, are you looking for your very own small town romance?” Boone asked, not in a condescending way, his tone sounded like he was genuinely interested. “Perhaps, with a cowboy of your own?”

“Maybe,” I replied back, smiling at him.

“Is that what made you stay here after high school?” Boone asked, catching me off guard. “I always thought you’d get out of here. Make a life for yourself far from Faircloud.”

“I didn’t know you paid that much attention to me, Boone Cassidy.” The sentence fell from my mouth before I could run it through my filter. It came out flirty, maybe too much for my liking. Boone scoffed to himself and shook his head, that signature flirty smirk on his lips.

“You’d be surprised, Aspen Westgrove.”

Through school I was quiet. I kept to myself. It was Penny and me against the world, all we needed was each other. The kids at school were nice to me, for the most part, and when they weren’t, I just let it happen. I never felt I needed to connect or make friends because Penny was enough. She was safe, and that’s all I really wanted at the time.

Reflecting back, I probably did want to leave at some point, but I loved this town. When I thought about my future, I pictured myself living here forever with a husband and a few kids. Faircloud was a quaint town, reminding me a lot of a Hallmark movie. The Main Street was lined with small shops that were all locally run. The buildings were historic and had their own unique charm. Sidewalks were paved with cobblestone highlighting Faircloud’s roots.

“I love the familiarity. I feel safe here, comfortable. I’m not someone to take risks or do crazy things. I’m content being cozy.” That was the truth. I didn’t do much that pushed me out of my comfort zone; however, that didn’t mean I wasn’t open to the possibility of making changes. It’s hard to explain even to my closest friends. I sometimes wanted to be a little reckless. I wanted to be carefree and experience life through a different lens, although I didn’t know where to start. I’d always been the “sweet” girl, an expectation set for me that I latched on to to please my family. I’d always wondered what it would be like to let my guard down and live more freely. I think that’s another reason I loved books I could live through the words on a page and get a glimpse of a life I sometimes envision for myself. I could wear however many hats I wanted. I could read about falling in love with a golf pro, live as a Formula 1 racer, or even ride on the back of a dragon. Books were powerful like that. Every dream could feel real if you let your imagination take over, even for a second.

Boone looked over at me for the first time in a while. There was something in his constant gaze that made me want to take it all and throw caution to the wind, to be a little reckless. Boone broke apart every wall I’d put up, one yearning stare at a time.

He must’ve sensed a change because when he stood up, he patted my leg and said, “Get dressed in something more presentable. You’re coming to the bonfire.”

With that, he trotted down the steps, hat in hand. “Oh, and Aspen?” He called, pausing on the other side of the cabin railing. I looked at him, tilting my head to the side like a puppy looking at its toy.

“I’m what you read in those books, Darling.” Boone placed his hat on his head and departed with a wink. He was unbothered, but I was left sitting there, my mouth hung open and my body on fire.

* * *

“I’m what you read in those books, Darling.” Was quite literally the only thought I had running through my head while getting ready for the bonfire.

I should’ve said no thank you to the invitation. I didn’t even know what to wear. I didn’t know any of his friends. What was wrong with me? Something about being around Boone made me want to say yes. I wanted to be a little reckless.

I went through my drawers looking for a pair of straight-cut blue jeans with little rips at the knees. I paired them with a green halter top. This was different from my typical sundress and sandals combination, but who wears a dress to a bonfire on a ranch? I tried my best to channel my inner Theo, WWTD. What would Theo do? I needed support. I picked up my phone off the bathroom counter and sent a text to our group chat.

Aspen: Please tell me why I said yes to a Boone Cassidy gathering.

Penny: Because it’s the only answer?

Theo: Ditto Penny!

Aspen: I’m completely out of my element. Are jeans and a halter top appropriate?

Theo: ABSOLUTELY. Also, it’s about time you live a little, A.

Penny: RETWEET! Don’t think too hard about it, just relax.

Theo: You got this ??

Theo changed group chat name to WWTD?

Rolling my eyes with a grin, I turned my phone over on the counter and focused on getting ready.

Did I really “have this?” It’s not like I didn’t know how to interact with people. I was a grown woman. It was time to get out of my comfort zone and start living the life I wanted to. I was always taught to play it safe and surround myself with easy people who make smart choices. I wanted to make a dumb choice. I wanted to fuck up and regret it in the morning. I was pretty sure I’d only ever been wine drunk with my two best friends in the comfort of one of our living rooms. I was twenty-five, not eighty. I didn’t know where the change in mindset was coming from. Maybe the sudden disruption in my life? The unknown can be scary sometimes.

I was able to hear Boone outside with a few of his friends. The sun was gone, stars poking out in the night sky. I took a deep breath and gave myself one last look in the mirror. My hair was curled, and light pink lipstick tinted my full lips.

Tucking my hair behind my ears, I turned off the bathroom light and made my way out to the living room. In the kitchen, I grabbed my Yeti mug and filled it with ice, topping it off with red wine. I needed all the courage I could get. With one deep breath and a long chug, I swore to myself that little by little I would be who I wanted to be, starting with a bonfire and a little liquid courage.