20. Aspen

Twenty

Aspen

Life at the farm stand had been crazy. Traffic was picking up, and I had less time during the day to complete the additional tasks I had to accomplish. I rarely worked this hard, even at The Coffee Cup. Not only was I the face of the stand, but I also handled all the inventory, prepping, and operational logistics completely on my own. I wasn’t complaining; in fact, I’d rather be busy during the day to make the time go faster.

The night after the rodeo, I started plotting out my story and created a timeline of key events I knew I wanted to include. Boone and his damn bunny sparked something inside me.

I came home and plotted so much that my brain was mush, but that was the easy part. Connecting events was what would be the hardest. I was chipping away a little every night before I went to bed. I read somewhere online that if I aimed for five hundred words a day, it would take about five and a half months to write a full-length novel. That brought me a little comfort to know that I didn’t need to overwhelm myself to get the story done. Taking my time and letting it flow naturally has been beneficial so far.

Around mid-afternoon, I usually see a lull in traffic. I took this time to prepare or make things easier when closing up at night. Today though, I had an unexpected visitor.

Parker walked through the open doors, looking around like he was taking in the space. I stood up from counting the number of honey jars I had remaining on the display table.

“Hey, Park!” I said, putting my clipboard on one of the empty round tables in the center of the stand. I gave him a long hug, squeezing him tight.

“I needed to come by and see what my sister was doing to the place. I have to say, it makes me a little jealous I didn’t ask you to come work for me,” he said, letting go of our embrace. I motioned for him to sit at the empty table.

“Can I get you anything? A drink? One of my muffins?” Parker loved my muffins too, not more than Boone. When I worked in town, Parker would come visit often and take a muffin for the road.

“A muffin is perfect,” he replied. I made my way around to the baked goods cabinet and pulled out the second to last muffin. I already took one out for Boone earlier this morning, so I didn’t need to worry about him not getting his fix for the day. I cut the muffin in half to run it through the toaster. Parker liked his warm with a little butter. I brought him the plate and sat down with my cup of coffee. I needed the caffeine to “pick me up” to finish the next few hours.

“How’s it been living and working on the ranch?” Parker asked.

“It’s been amazing. Hard work, but I welcome it,” I replied.

“I’m glad to see you’re happy,” Parker said. “Despite what Mom and Dad think, I’m proud of you for sticking to your guns and not letting them change your mind.”

I thought about that and how wrong he was. I was a complete pushover when it came to my mom and dad. I didn’t stick up for myself or tell them about wanting to be a writer. Instead, I let them think I was going to follow their dreams for me. “Well, I don’t really know about that,” I responded.

“What do you mean?” Parker asked, tilting his head to the side.

I played nervously with the rim of my mug, running my fingers over it. “I haven’t been completely honest with them. Hell, I’m just starting to be honest with myself,” I said, wanting to tell Parker everything I’d been thinking over the last few weeks. “They always tell me I have ‘more potential’ than living in Faircloud and I could do so much. I can’t even tell them that I want to be here, that I love it. I always fall into their trap and make an excuse to keep their hopes up. I have no intentions of leaving this town or going back to school.”

“I never thought you did,” Parker said. “Why not tell them to get over it already? I did.”

“I know you did, which made them focus even more on me,” I replied, getting a little defensive. “I don’t want to disappoint them, Parker. I can’t handle the look on Dad’s face when he finds out his baby girl doesn’t want to be a doctor or a high-level tech person.”

“Well, what does Aspen want to be?” he asked, so nonchalant.

“A writer. I want to publish my book,” I said, flinching like Parker was going to react terribly. Who was I kidding? Parker was one of the most level-headed people I knew. He had a way of analyzing things that just made sense. He was cool, calm, and collected, something I wasn’t.

“Then do it,” Parker paused. “Start writing, and when you have something to show, bring it to Mom and Dad.” He said it like it was that easy.

“I am. Writing, I mean. I started a little bit ago. It’s in the early stages. I’m enjoying it so far.” I was new to the whole author thing, but from what I read online or through meeting people in the community, I was doing well.

“Don’t let them bully you into resentment. Giving in may work for a short time, and they might be happy. What will you be? Over time it will slowly eat at you that you didn’t get a say or a chance to do what you want in your life,” Parker said and it made a big impact. He was right; it was my life to live, and the regret I’d feel doesn’t outweigh the need to make them happy. I wish I had the guts to stand up to them and make them see that.

“Thanks, Parker,” I said. Hearing the same feedback from the people in my life outside my mom and dad was more motivation for me to make it happen. I had plans and goals to achieve and I wasn’t going to get there by letting others dictate or control my actions. My brother coming to see me today gave me the motivation to stick up for what I want and be true to myself.

“You’ll do great things whether you believe it or not. Just know I’m here for you, whenever you want to tell Mom and Dad,” Parker responded.

“Please don’t say anything,” I said, putting my hands together in a begging motion. The last thing I needed was for them to find out from Parker and start blowing up my phone.

“I promise, Scout’s honor,” he said, holding up The Hunger Games signal. That’s where I learned it from.

Parker hung around for a bit longer while I checked in on the other customers. I would stop by his table and offer him whatever else I could. Before he left, I gave him another hug and told him he could come by any time. Now that he hired a new employee, he had more free time to get out of that damn store.

I worked on filling the wildflower displays, organizing the soap and candle displayed, and sweeping the floors in preparation for closing. Tonight, I wanted to sit inside and write. The passion was at an all-time high after the conversation with Parker because he was right. If I had enough to show my parents, maybe they would get on board with my dreams too.

Boone

It was a fucking scorcher today; the sun was relentless without a cloud in the sky to break it up. I ditched the shirt early this morning, and I was getting sunburnt. Rhodes and Logan were with me today, cleaning up the unused pasture to introduce more livestock. We were expecting to get a new set of cattle and had to free up more space. It was nice having these two by my side today, because on a typical day, we aren’t on the same task. I needed all the muscle and reinforcements I could get to finish this project.

“Have you heard from your sister?” Logan asked, taking a drink of tea from his jug.

“Yeah, last weekend she called me for the first time since she left,” I said, realizing I hadn’t told Rhodes or Logan I heard from her. They both don’t know the real story, just the bare details. No one knows the truth of it besides my parents and Aspen.

“And you didn’t tell us?” Logan asked, offended.

“I haven’t seen you guys since I heard from her; what’s the deal?” I replied; his tone was throwing me for a loop. Logan rolled his eyes and looked away, throwing a temper tantrum. I looked over to Rhodes for help to back me up.

“I bet he told Aspen,” Rhodes mocked. That wasn’t much fucking help it made things worse. My friends were ganging up on me, throwing punches I didn’t know they had.

“Woah, okay, let’s take a step back,” I said, putting my hands up in mock surrender. “What the hell is going on with you two?”

Logan scoffed, clearly pissed off, so Rhodes spoke. “I want you to come clean about your relationship with her. I’ve been asked so many damn questions, man, and I can’t answer any of them. Do you know how it feels to have some random person in town know more about you than I do?”

Fuck, that one hit hard. Talk about a sucker punch I wasn’t expecting. The last time Rhodes and I talked about the whole Aspen thing, I swore we were friends. By now, it had to be around town about our very public date and also very public affection. Also, I knew I got a little handsy at the rodeo.

In all honesty, I didn’t have much time to think about anyone else but her. Since the farmers market, I’d been straight-up infatuated with that woman. I’d do anything to spend more time with her, even if it was under the umbrella of our fake dates.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about that,” I said, genuinely caught up. “It isn’t what you think.” I didn’t know how to tell them without revealing the whole truth, but I still had to convince them to be on my side. “I’m helping her with a project. We’re going on fake dates and she’s using it as help to write a story.” I left out the part about her parents, that may be a little too much.

Logan was still silent, making me wonder if he was bothered about something else. I extended my legs in front of me, using my arms to support my weight. Rhodes said, “Come on, Boone. You gotta be honest with yourself.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

“It’s more than just ‘fake dates’. I’ve seen you two together enough to know there’s something more. I hope you’re just too blind to see it and not holding back for my sake.” Rhodes said. Did he think I was keeping my feelings for Aspen a secret so I wouldn’t hurt him after what happened with Jess? Rhodes was making this about him. In reality, it was a “me problem.”

“No, not at all.” I let out a sigh, “I do like her a lot.” They were going to either find out one way or another. “We haven’t talked about any potential of being more than friends. I don’t know how to start the conversation, so I decided to just go with the flow.”

“Coming from someone who has felt like that before and lost it, don’t let it go,” Rhodes said. “Having someone you feel a connection with is special, and not acting on it because you’re not sure how to handle it, is stupid.” I haven’t heard Rhodes talk about him and Jess like that before; he’s been closed off and quiet about that part of his life since it happened. He wasn’t the kind of guy to share his feelings or let many people in so hearing all this from him was catching me off guard.

“I don’t even know how she feels about me. I know we’re attracted to each other. Beyond that, it’s a big fucking question mark,” I said, taking off my hat and running my hands through my hair. Having to be front and center with these feelings for Aspen stresses me out.

“It doesn’t have to be hard. Just go for it and do what you feel is right in the moment. Life’s too short to let it eat you alive,” Rhodes replied.

I could tell he was thinking back on his experience; the change in his face said it all. His jaw tightened, and he directed his eye contact to the ground, pulling at the grass. He was shutting down and climbing back into the hole. I’d tried to approach the subject with him before, but he’d never been open to sharing. I hoped one day he’d find someone who he could confide in.

Logan didn’t say a word, keeping quiet for the whole conversation. Who would’ve thought a day on the ranch between three men would turn into a therapy session?

* * *

Break time was over, and Rhodes’ words stuck with me for the rest of our day. I needed to talk about how I was feeling for Aspen and see where it got me. If she was willing to take the relationship somewhere else, so was I. I haven’t even thought about another woman since Aspen came into my life and honestly, it didn’t affect me one bit.

“Hey, Logan. Wait up!” I said, jogging to catch up to him before he got into his truck to head home at the end of the day. I knew he was tired and beat from the sun, but I needed to talk to him to find out what the hell was going on.

“What’s going on with you?” I asked, stopping in front of him as he stood at the open door of his pickup truck.

“Nothing, man, I’m all good.” He brushed it off. It was obvious by his tone that something was bothering him.

“Something set you off. If it’s the whole Aspen thing, I’m sorry for making you feel like –” Logan cut me off with a laugh that sounded downright harsh.

“You think I’m all bent over you and Aspen? If anything, I’m happy for you,” Logan said.

“Then fucking spill it. You’re acting like a prick, leaving town on a moment’s notice. Don’t think I let that one go,” I spat, getting angrier by the second.

“I’m fine. It doesn’t concern you,” Logan replied, deflecting.

“You’re my best friend, man, of course, it does.” I had to calm myself down, and matching anger with anger didn’t go well. I’ve learned from experience.

Logan took a deep breath, obviously trying to calm himself too. “I’m just worried about Ellie. I’ve been trying to reach out and make sure she’s okay, but I don’t get a reply.”

“You’re all fired up because of my sister?” I asked, making sure I heard him correctly.

“She – I mean, it’s Ellie,” Logan said, stumbling on his words. “She’s like a sister to me too.”

We all grew up together. Logan and Rhodes pretty much lived on the ranch. I was completely in the wrong for not telling them both about her phone call. They’re family, too, and they deserve to know that she was okay. “You’re right,” I said. “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you about it sooner.”

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did,” Logan said. I patted him on the shoulder and took a step back. “Can we just forget it and move on?” Logan was my sister’s age. The kid has been through a lot and I’d give him a pass this time. He was young and still learning.

“Sure, kid. I’ll see you tomorrow. We still got work to do.” I gave him a mock salute and I walked backwards from his truck. Logan hopped in, the engine roaring to life before he backed out and dust was flying behind him down the driveway.