Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

One month later

" I 've been saying that to Terrance for months," I said. "Did you go to him directly?" I set a side salad next to my plate, then slid my tray right up to the register.

Darius nodded and grabbed a bottle of water. "He keeps saying maybe next year. Between you and me, I think he's waiting for TJ to take over that bit."

Wouldn't surprise me. In Terrance's defense, he'd run this agency on his own for too long. He needed the help. Thankfully, his and Arthur's sons were getting ready, especially TJ. Quinlan was still technically with the Army and only came in when he was on leave.

Darius and I paid for our lunches, then went to find an empty table by the windows.

The cafeteria seated at least sixty or seventy people, but I'd never seen more than a couple dozen here at the same time. Kind of like now. Which suited me fine. Darius was a rare sight, and I wanted to catch up with him. He was off to Israel tomorrow.

I glanced toward the exit before I sat down and unwrapped my utensils.

"Is Danny joining us?"

"I'm not sure," I replied. "He wanted to catch Sid before he flies out."

I wasn't privy to the details, but Sid was part of a larger detachment heading for Kandahar tonight. It was the first time I'd heard of Hillcroft sending a unit of eight operators.

"Fifty bucks he aces every test," Darius said.

I chuckled and shook my head. "I'm not betting against that, kid."

He grinned and tucked into his fish and chips.

I'd opted for meatloaf, because that wasn't fish and chips. Allow me to have some Britishisms left. Mum gave me enough crap for not liking tea.

Even though I genuinely didn't believe Danny would get here for lunch, I couldn't help but glance at the entrance every now and then. I didn't even know why I was nervous. He'd chosen to take tests within the fields he was already an expert, so it went without saying that he'd perform well.

Knocking those off the list would free up time for the things he needed to put more energy into, like infiltration, counterterrorism, and diplomacy. He'd made a face when I'd told him we'd rather use a client's funds to bribe ourselves out of a situation than shoot our way out.

"Do you stay with family in Washington, or do you have your own place?" I asked Darius.

That was another thing on my mind this week. Danny was flying back to Kentucky this weekend to "pack a few bags."

Darius furrowed his brow. "My own place. I mean, I live there."

Huh . That one made me sit back. "You don't consider yourself a resident here at all?" I did know he went home a lot, unless he was doing back-to-back gigs, but…

He grimaced and opened his water. "Not really. My condo here can be emptied in twenty minutes."

Roughly a month ago, I could've said the same thing. But with Danny adding some stuff, mainly in the kitchen and our bedroom, I'd need at least forty-five minutes now.

My boy liked his gadgets.

"I'm not much for the city life," Darius finished.

The real question was what Danny thought. Did he still consider himself to be living in Kentucky? Did he have plans to move here?

I was wary of bringing it up. He was focusing so hard on making it to Ecuador this November that I didn't wanna add shit to his plate. At the same time, I believed we'd both feel better with concrete commitment. Not just saying things but to make an actual move. Such as, don't renew the damn lease hundreds of miles away from me.

"But you didn't ask because you wanted to know my situation," Darius stated with a faint smirk.

I huffed and shoveled some food into my mouth.

These damn kids. You trained them, you worked with them, you helped turn them into excellent contractors—and then they used that shit against you.

"Eat your soggy fish," I told him.

He grinned around a mouthful of food.

"Operator Payne!"

I snapped my gaze to the doors and automatically sat straighter. It was Danny, and he strode toward us with a determined expression. And happiness? He couldn't really conceal the joy in his eyes, so I instinctively smiled in anticipation.

"Here we go," Darius murmured.

Danny held up a folder and offered a smirk as he reached our table, and he slapped the folder between our trays. "Top scores in exfiltration, special recon, interpretation and accent detection in Farsi, counterinsurgency, resistance-to-interrogation, close combat, advanced weapons training, field communications, logistical support, hostage rescue, and demolition. Take that, you sexy old bird watcher."

Holy fucking shit, was I proud. I picked up the folder and flipped it open, and sure enough. Highest score on each field in which he'd been tested. The types of weapons too, his precision skills, the distance, the caliber—all of it.

"What the hell's left?" Darius asked.

"I gotta be grayer," Danny replied. "We're working on that. And profiling."

I nodded absently, scanning his results.

"Terrance wants me in counterintelligence and cryptology too," he added.

Good additions, absolutely. We'd talk to TJ and probably call in a favor or two. Far as I knew, we didn't have any specialists in cryptology in the building, and the ones who worked with it weren't instructors.

"Speaking of becoming a gray man," Danny said and sat down next to Darius. "Your name came up when I asked who I could seek advice from—not counting the SAS's finest over there."

Thanks, baby.

Darius snorted under his breath and stuck two fries into his mouth. "Be cynical. That'll get you there. It's about what you show on your face."

I closed the folder again, curious about Darius's input. He was a natural gray man.

"Dressing for the occasion is the easy part," he went on. "I trust you're already good at reading a room—and you'll obviously study a scenario before you walk into it. So that leaves your reactions."

Danny nodded slowly and leaned back in his seat. "That's my problem. My fuckin' temper. I get heated too easily."

I felt the need to add something. "To be clear, you can stay put for as long as you need to—just not without showing your anger."

"Right. That." Danny nodded once. "I'm the same with interrogation. Like, the one interrogating me won't get a single response from me—I'll resist, no sweat—but every emotion is written on my face."

Darius turned pensive, before he eventually shrugged. "It's all mental, man. You gotta envision the worst of humanity and act indifferent about it. And never make shit personal out in the field. I do that during training instead."

Danny cocked his head. "How?"

Darius and I exchanged wry looks, and I had a feeling I knew what he was going to answer. And go for it; Danny needed to know. It was the ugly truth.

"Picture loved ones," he said. "When you're at home or here, training for your next gig, picture the absolute worst things you can imagine. And I'm not just saying entertain the thought of your siblings in the shoes of a victim you're bringing home, or… Whatever. Really imagine it. Lie down, close your eyes, and transport yourself to a scenario where you're witnessing brutal rape, abuse, torture—whatever usually triggers your rage."

Danny pinched his lips together and flicked a glance my way.

I cleared my throat. "Not only do you need to be composed and indifferent, like Darius said, but sometimes you must find it amusing."

Darius inclined his head. "One of my first contracts, I had to suffer through a dinner where animal abuse was the entertainment of the evening—before I could execute my plan. They literally strung up two dogs and beat them to death. And I had to find it funny. I had to show my target that life was great. The very definition is to be inconspicuous. Don't raise suspicion. Blend in."

"Jesus Christ." Danny clenched his jaw and scrubbed his hands over his face. "Like, I know it fucking happens—I hear stories about shit like that. But to witness it with my own eyes…?"

"That's why you must prepare yourself mentally, Danny," I murmured. "Picture that happening to your future rescue pups."

Right now, he couldn't do that without showing the rage in his eyes.

"You need to turn that into a smile," Darius said pointedly.

Danny smashed his lips shut and scowled. "What do you picture when you prepare yourself?"

"My nieces and nephews," I responded.

He turned to Darius.

"My baby sisters, mostly," he said. "Sometimes my mother and youngest brother. Whatever works."

"That's sick," Danny muttered.

"It's what keeps us alive in those situations," Darius answered. "It's taught us to shut down."

I added one more thing. "More importantly, it teaches us to choose our reactions and the next step we take. We don't allow our emotions to make that decision for us."

Danny had come far already, and he showed more potential for every day that passed. But he was facing his biggest challenge yet. To go from a hotheaded soldier to a stone-cold operator.

"You wanna know what's worse?" Darius drawled. "Most of the time, you won't get to put the abusers in their place. If your job is to bring someone home or escort someone to safety, that's your one and only task—and you don't do anything to jeopardize it."

Yeah, that needed to be said too.

"We had a saying in the SAS," I said. "Don't disturb the local flora and fauna. As in, don't meddle with the local culture, no matter how twisted it is."

Danny just closed his eyes and scrubbed his hands over his face again.

"If it's any consolation, you're unlikely to get sent to these places when you first start out," Darius said. "With your fields of expertise, I'm pretty sure the handlers will give you combat-oriented contracts. You're more of a pathfinder, security escort, and intel retriever."

He wasn't wrong. I couldn't foresee Danny handling extractions anytime soon. He had skill sets much better used in other areas.

"But I'm still gonna see it at some point, right?" Danny grumbled. "Especially in the desert."

Darius and I exchanged a pensive look, and I bet we were thinking the same thing.

I chose to answer. "There's a difference between what some of those people grew up with, thinking it's normal behavior—and I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. You will definitely see animal abuse and children in harm's way in the Middle East. But there's something more sinister about the Western men who own property in South America to live out their sadistic fantasies in human trafficking."

Darius nodded with a dip of his chin. "On the flip side, we usually get to act more freely with those fuckers. Or so I've heard. I've only had one gig down there."

"You were in Belize this February, weren't you?" I asked.

"Yeah. Fun times."

"What happened there?" Danny wondered.

"Large-scale op to take down a trafficking ring outta Texas," Darius said. "They called it a rape farm. Twenty young girls were freed—and I accidentally had my finger on the trigger once or twice when I came upon self-proclaimed slavers."

Danny muttered a curse and shook his head. "You see a lot of shit in a war zone, but you don't see that ."

"It's worth it if we get to do some good," Darius answered, finishing his food. "Not that it doesn't leave scars. Good luck handling that."

I cocked a brow at him. "It's easier to deal with if you actually go to all the recommended sessions with a counselor, punk."

"I go to a place in Seattle occasionally," he defended. He wiped his mouth with a napkin. "Now I'mma go upstairs and get my papers. Apparently, I'm flying commercial to Brussels and Cyprus, and then I'm hitching a ride with the Queen's finest."

"Is anyone meeting you at the border?" I asked.

He nodded and stood up with his tray. "Mossad. They're investigating a mole problem in Shin Bet. But you didn't hear that from me."

Oof. He had his work cut out for him, then. And it explained why he'd avoid entering the country with his passport in hand.

"Good luck, kid."

"Thanks." He nodded at Danny. "Not that you need it, but good luck in Ecuador."

"Thank you." Danny straightened in his seat, and we watched Darius walk out after discarding his tray. "Was he allowed to tell you that?"

I shrugged and got back to my meatloaf. "I'm still his CO, so he can tell me anything." I wagged my fork at him. "You just make sure to keep your cute mouth shut."

He grinned. "Yessir."

Good. I jerked my chin toward the buffet area. "Go grab something to eat."

The following Monday, I was itching to sit in on every class Danny had. He'd only been gone for two and a half days, and it'd been too much. Too much without something greater tying us together.

I'd picked him and two large bags up at the airport, and I'd almost blurted out those three words right then and there.

The toughest part had been when he'd called me in the middle of the night on Saturday. He'd struggled to fall asleep, and he'd admitted he hated his apartment.

Give it up. Cancel your lease. Move in with me.

After grabbing a cup of coffee, I took the elevator down to the basement.

Pool and shooting range to the right. I veered left and walked through the break room, past the changing rooms and the gym, and then I reached the martial arts studio.

It was a good thing official trainers had taken over the boys' sparring sessions, because I had nothing left to teach them. While my experience still scored high, their young age, speed, and strength made sure my win wasn't guaranteed. Danny, in particular, was difficult to defeat.

I sat down in one of the cushy chairs that lined the studio, and I sipped my coffee while Danny and Reese went to town on each other. The walls and floor were padded, and the boys were allowed to tape their knuckles and wear cups, but that was about it. Sid's goal with his classes was not just for the fighters to learn how to fight, but to learn how to swallow the pain.

"Skip the fuckin' finesse, Danny," Sid ordered. "You can overpower him a lot quicker if you lay off the high kicks."

"How about teachin' me to overthrow him ?" Reese growled, ducking a blow. "Motherfucking… Goddammit!" He swung around and delivered a swift kick to Danny's side, and my boy toppled to the mat with a thud.

Hey, better Reese than me. I might beat Danny the majority of the time, but he recovered a lot faster than I did. Last time, I'd walked with a limp for a fucking week.

The victory wasn't worth it.

Danny was back on his feet a second later, and he came at Reese so hard that I practically heard all the air get punched out of Reese's lungs.

I tensed up and leaned forward, relieved when Reese glared murderously and retaliated quickly. Then I eyed River in the corner; he was observing the two fighters, further proving he and his brother would make an excellent team. Reese was undoubtedly a fantastic fighter already, but it was River's observations that would take them to the next level in the field.

That said, River still needed to learn. He was a decent fighter, and that wasn't enough for him to graduate.

"Sid," I said.

He glanced over at me.

"I wanna see the boys take on Danny together."

He nodded and blew his whistle. "You heard Payne. Take two, and then it's the Tenleys against Rose."

"Fuck," Danny panted. He walked over to a corner, where he promptly collapsed on the red mat with his water bottle.

"I'm gonna go get the others in the gym," Sid announced. "Get ready, Rose. You'll face them all in pairs."

Oh, this was gonna be painful for me too. But in the end, I wanted to see Danny take on as much as possible during training. Every time he impressed me, a brick of worry turned to dust in my chest.

"Thanks a lot." Danny flipped Sid off behind his back.

I smiled and got comfortable again.

River and Reese huddled together in another corner, and it was River who spoke. Presumably, he was sharing his observations. Maybe weak spots of Danny's. Whatever it was, Reese nodded and pinched his bottom lip, then responded with something that made River lift his eyebrows.

Watching the recruits evolve had become my favorite thing about working at Hillcroft. My hunger for challenges had shifted, in a way. I no longer craved the risks of being out in the field, even though I admittedly enjoyed that too. But this right here took the prize. It was something I could picture myself doing after I'd retired from the field.

I wasn't getting any younger after all. I had maybe ten or fifteen years left. After that, I'd be a liability.

Sid's booming voice down the hallway caught my attention, and I watched six recruits enter the studio, dressed similarly to Danny and the twins in sweatpants and beaters.

"You okay, kid?" I tossed Reese another roll of surgical tape and remained in the doorway. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, nursing his busted bottom lip and an eyebrow.

River shed the towel around his hips and stepped into a pair of boxer briefs.

"Yeah," Reese muttered. "How the fuck is he so fast ? I gotta work harder. I mean, we were two against him."

"You gotta rest up and remember he has eight years on you," I said pointedly. Not to mention Special Forces training. "That's what you gotta do."

I had no doubt Reese would get there one day. Not only did he attack swiftly and viciously, but he managed to spare his brother from most of the onslaught as well. River had gotten away with a few bruises and a twisted ankle.

"Hey," River said quietly. He exchanged a look with Reese, and the tension between them was enough for me to stay put. They had something they wanted to talk about, right?

"Are you sure?" Reese replied just as quietly.

River nodded once. "I've done the math. It won't work."

What was going on?

Reese nodded too. "All right." He shifted his stare to me and cleared his throat. "Do you have time? We need to discuss somethin'."

I furrowed my brow and pushed away from the doorframe. "Shoot." Danny was still in the shower—and even if he weren't, I could sense this was important.

As always, Reese handled the talking. "We're not gonna be able to graduate in November."

I lifted my brows and folded my arms over my chest. "Did something happen?"

They looked at each other again, and River rubbed the back of his neck. "There aren't enough hours in a day. With the extra fields Mr. Daniels wants me to study, I can't make time for physical trainin'."

What the fuck? What extra…

I drew a breath as everything snapped into place, every puzzle piece, every time Terrance asked for an update about the twins. He was inserting himself for a reason. He had plans for them that went beyond including them as next-generation operators.

"Let me guess, he wants you working full time in intelligence," I stated.

River nodded minutely. "But honestly, I'm really into it."

Yeah, that wasn't a surprise.

"And I assume you won't go to Ecuador without your brother," I said to Reese.

He shook his head. "No, sir."

Fair enough. I knew that was their one stipulation, and I respected that.

"The question is, what I can do in the meantime," Reese said. "The way TJ, Mr. Daniels, and River have discussed his schedule, he'll be busy with studies for at least a year—maybe more. They wanna send him to London for a bit too."

"We already asked to make sure Reese can come with me," River clarified.

I'll be damned.

I took another breath and nodded slowly, realizing that Terrance was going all in. He wasn't merely recruiting next-gen operators; he was recruiting the next management. He wanted River in charge in one way or another. Possibly Reese too. I didn't know. What I did know… River was likely to get sent to every friend Terrance had in other agencies and sectors. Contacts at MI6, the CIA, presumably Mossad at some point. Just to learn, observe, and exchange knowledge.

First things first. "Have you boys made it crystal clear to the higher-ups that you wanna be field operators?" I asked. "Because if not, chances are they'll wanna mold you into management suits."

"Oh, we've been very clear," Reese stated. "It's the whole reason we're here—and I told Mr. Daniels that bluntly."

"A little too bluntly," River replied wryly.

"The man needed to hear it," Reese said with a shrug.

I believed him.

But good for them. "In that case, there's room to shake 'em down a bit," I said. "If they're investing in either of you—or both—to this degree, it means they want you long-term." I looked to Reese. "You're, of course, welcome to stay with me for as long as you want, but this is the perfect moment for you to request your own condo in this building. Terrance will give it to you." I paused. "You've also advanced far enough to be given a side gig. You could get practical experience by working security or be an intel courier locally. There's decent money in that."

He seemed to perk up at that, and he glanced over at River. "That doesn't sound bad. I can continue my physical trainin' and work part time while you get lost in more books than can fit in a library."

I snorted softly. "Reese, you also need to study a lot."

He scowled. "I know."

I lifted a brow at River. "You okay with this?"

He chewed on the corner of his lip and nodded. "It's a load off. I wanna get the physical training too, but it helps if we get an extra year."

Yeah, no doubt.

"Then it's settled. If you're happy, I'm happy," I said. "I wanna be there when you meet with Terrance next time. I'll make sure you get what you've earned."

If they were going to dedicate themselves fully to the agency on that level, they deserved proper compensation.

"Thanks. We appreciate it," River murmured. "Do all recruits graduate within a year?"

"Maybe half and some change," I replied thoughtfully. It wasn't black-and-white, and I had to explain it. "Getting the operator title doesn't mean you're done. Danny's probably gonna graduate with a top score—but with a requirement to advance in some fields. Ultimately, we want everyone to be specialists in one or two fields, and it's common for operators to pursue that after graduation. And in the meantime, you're qualified to take on assignments suited to your skill set. Make sense?"

They nodded.

"Good. You take the time you need, River," I told him. "I don't care if it's one year or three. Chances are you'll set the bar high, so by the time they drop you two somewhere, you'll need to be fully prepared."

They looked at each other, undoubtedly feeling the gravity of their future responsibilities.

I believed in them, though. Reese would probably get impatient here and there; he shared that trait with Danny, but it would work for them in the long run to do the work before taking on the final selection in Ecuador.

"Get some rest, boys," I said. "We can talk more tomorrow."

"Right. Goodnight, sir," Reese answered.

"Night," River yawned.

This might actually work out for the best. As I returned to my room, I made a mental note to schedule an appointment with Terrance tomorrow.

I heard Danny in the bathroom. Humming to himself.

I smiled and opened the door wider.

My boy was happy and brushing his teeth.

He turned to me, toothpaste dribbling down his bruised chin, and grinned.

Just like that, work shit disappeared, and it was just him and me.

"You still high on adrenaline?" I chuckled.

He shook his head and spat out some toothpaste in the sink. "I'm high on youuuu."

My heart.

That was it. The final straw.

I couldn't wait another minute. It was physically impossible. I walked over to him and took over, grabbing the toothbrush from him. He had to be careful with those cuts and bruises. Reese had still gotten him good a few times.

"Open."

He obeyed, and I brushed his teeth and made sure I didn't get close to the cut in the corner of his mouth. He watched me; I watched him. My God, I loved him. And all that he was. Right now, he was actually both the soldier and the boy. He had his cute pajama bottoms I'd given him, the carefree smile, happiness in his eyes, and all the marks from today's sparring. The beginnings of a black eye.

"Don't renew the lease on your apartment," I murmured.

He backed away to spit and rinse, and he turned the water colder. "Why?" he asked quietly in between sips.

"Because I don't want you to go back there," I answered. "I…" Fuck. This was harder than I thought it would be. I'd never put my heart on the line before. I swallowed my nerves and handed him the toothbrush. "I don't even wanna see you take on solo assignments."

He turned off the water and reached for a towel to wipe his mouth. It'd been a while since he'd eyed me with such wariness. "Can you spell it out for me, please?"

Whatever you want.

"I wanna spend the rest of my life with you," I admitted. "I could—you know…I could talk to the higher-ups and say I'm not doing any more solos either. You and I can be a unit, just like the twins will be one day."

He straightened up and tested a small smile. "You want us to work together when I graduate?"

"And live together."

He swallowed. The wariness faded, and I received another glimpse of hope in his eyes.

It gave me the strength to continue, and I gestured vaguely at the apartment. "I know this isn't a farm with a bunch of rescue animals, but it could be eventually."

Oh, thank fuck . Danny lit up, and I felt a fuck-ton of tension roll off my shoulders.

He snuck his arms around my middle and peered up at me. "That's all I want. Because I'm so fucking in love with you, Em."

Goddamn .

I drew a steadying breath as a storm of emotions and relief raged within me, raising goose bumps in its wake, plastering a ridiculous smile on my lips, and I cupped his face in my hands and rested our foreheads together.

"You beat me to it, brat." I brushed my thumbs over his cheeks and kissed him gently. "I love you so fucking much. Hell—you're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"Fuck yes," he whispered and kissed me hard.

I chuckled and dialed things down, because I was the only one who gave a fuck about his injuries.

"Careful, baby."

"I don't wanna be careful, Daddy," he whined. "My ass is unharmed, for the record. You could tear that up."

Oh, I would.

But first, I had to give the emotions a chance to run their course. I smiled like an idiot and peppered his face with kisses.

"It's you and me, you got that?" I murmured. "You're my home, and I'm yours."

He nodded and buried his face against my neck. "I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you."

I let out a long breath and finally felt everything settle within me. The sense of liberation was just…so overwhelming and freeing. And solid like armor. This was what I'd needed.

"You're my life," I whispered into his hair.

He peered up at me and kissed my jaw. "And you're mine. I'll call my landlord tomorrow. I have better things to spend my savings on."

I grinned softly and touched his cheek. "More video games and kitchen shit?"

He narrowed his eyes at me, failing to hide his amusement. "A blender and an ice-cream maker don't qualify as shit . And no." He slipped his hands up my chest and around my neck. "We have a farm to save up for."

We sure fucking did.

We met in another kiss, but I wasn't sure I did a good job of seducing him. I was too distracted by the sheer relief—and the moment changed things between us. It solidified what'd already transpired; the ink dried on the pages we'd written together. And now we could face forward. The future belonged to us. I'd make sure we'd get the same deal the twins had. I needed Danny by my side at work too. Our fields of expertise lined up, so I saw no reason for Terrance to deny me. Danny would make an excellent security detail, whether we extracted victims or information. He'd see enough combat to satisfy the soldier in him.

We'd be each other's strengths out there.

"I want you to meet my family," I admitted against his lips.

He swallowed and nodded once. "I'm ready to bribe your nieces and nephews."

I chuckled and nuzzled his nose with mine. "They're easy. All it takes is candy and a cool bedtime story."

"Oh. I'm good to go, then." He got smirky. "I'll share the story of Emerson Payne."

Christ. I exhaled a laugh and shook my head.