Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

S hortly after dinner, I stood on the porch steps and watched River and Reese trail off into the night. They'd brought a few things from their duffels and stashed them into a plastic bag.

It was gonna be interesting to see what they came up with. Their options were limited, to say the least. No stores would be open before they were due back tomorrow morning, not counting the convenience store at the gas station half a mile outside town.

Hearing some shuffling and clanking behind me, I glanced over my shoulder to see Danny coming toward me with our dishes.

"I'll wash these up in the lake," he said quietly.

Now I had to figure out what to do about him. I scratched the side of my head as he headed down to the water's edge.

He was staying; that much was clear. I had to ask him his intentions, and then I was gonna have to accept his response. If he wanted to go private…fuck, so be it. His choice. My hands would be kinda tied, though. I wasn't sure I could trust anybody else to give him the right training.

I knew his background better. I'd seen him in action.

After everything I'd learned today, I wasn't positive the Army was the right route for him either. It may have been his home for nearly a decade now, but he'd missed out on a lot, and the brotherhood and camaraderie between soldiers could never replace having someone to come home to.

Say I spent a year preparing Danny for a position at Hillcroft—God knew they would want to hire him—perhaps I could carefully nudge him toward creating a social life for himself in the meantime. While I doubted he'd ever been the outcast eating alone in the school cafeteria, nothing about his profile convinced me he had actual friends he spent time with.

Befriending the twins would be a good start. The three could learn a lot from one another. And I wasn't always around. In the five months I'd been working with the twins, I'd been gone for a handful of week-long stints. Two weeks at the most. Simpler gigs.

"Join me in the cabin when you're done, kid," I said. "We should talk."

He side-eyed me briefly over his shoulder—not all the way to make eye contact in the dark. "Okay."

Since I hadn't been inside yet, I grabbed my duffel from the truck first. Then I headed indoors and surveyed the surroundings. I was a little curious to find out if Danny had slept here one night already.

A lantern was lit on the kitchen counter. "Kitchen" being used liberally. It was a counter with two cabinets and a basin of water. I pulled back the curtain below and spotted all six of my two-gallon jugs had been filled with fresh water. As Danny had said.

My utility dresser by the window that faced the porch had become the twins' loading zone. Their duffel bags were on the floor, some clothes spilling out after their hasty exit.

The living room area was spotless. Fire blazing, coffee table empty, two sofas forming a sectional. I saw no outward signs of Danny having spent the night, except for one thing. His backpack sat on the floor by the end of one couch, with his sleeping bag resting on top.

Having no plans to leave the property anymore tonight, I went into my bedroom and dropped my bag on the bed. First things first, unpack the kerosene and get some light in here. I had a kerosene lamp sitting on two stacks of books that functioned as a nightstand. With that out of the way, I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a new tee.

Then I grabbed the catalogue I'd packed with me and returned to the living room.

Danny joined me just as I sat down on the couch, and he stowed away the dishes before he opted for the other sofa.

"What's that?" He nodded at the catalogue.

"My next shopping venture, I hope," I replied. "The boys have been working their asses off for five months now, so I thought I'd give them something."

A watch, more accurately. Every operator needed a good watch.

"Ah." Danny leaned back, folding his arms over his chest, and rested an ankle across his knee. He didn't take his gaze off the catalogue. It had an expensive-looking watch on the cover, nothing like what I planned on ordering.

"I'm guessing you have a G-Shock like all the other soldiers these days." I couldn't quite see his wrist.

I had an ancient Rolex myself, from the days it'd been practically a standard in the Vietnam War. My old man had given it to me. I was due for an upgrade as well, but I struggled to let go of the analog days in favor of all things digital.

"Yup." Danny let his arms fall from his chest and eyed his watch. Today's watches were spectacles in comparison to what I was used to, though they had all the appealing features. Backlight, alarm, stopwatch. "It's good," he said. "I've had mine for four years—barely a scratch—and you know what environments I've exposed it to. Haven't even had to change the battery yet, and I wear it day and night."

I supposed I was generationally damaged, thinking everything with extra features was going to drain the battery too quickly.

"How much was it?" I opened the catalogue to go to the G-Shock section. It was a popular watch and came in countless colors and styles.

I noticed Danny started tapping his foot restlessly.

"Uh, about five hundred, I think."

That sounded reasonable.

The catalogue had about twenty of them on display, and I ruled out anything plastic or military-colored. No army green or desert sand. There was nothing covert about those watches.

While I perused and nixed several options, I kept Danny in my periphery and picked up more impatience for every moment that went by. He bit his thumbnail, he ran a hand through his hair, he tapped his foot, he bounced his knee.

There. A sleek G-Shock in stainless steel. It had the features the twins would want—and need. Danny's watch wasn't as bulky as some of the others I'd seen. That was good.

"Do River and Reese live with you?" he asked.

"At the moment." I nodded with a dip of my chin and flipped the page. "I want them close to me—and DC—so it was easier to just let them have my spare room than them finding their own place." They couldn't afford it right now anyway. Their training was a twenty-four-seven kind of investment, paid for by Hillcroft, and it left no extra time for work. Soon, they'd be even busier when their in-house education began.

"That's funny," Danny chuckled. "I asked some basic questions about your field, and you had zero answers. But you had no issue taking on two kids for around-the-clock training, having them live with you…and, right, buying them watches."

There we go. Safe to say, I'd managed to trigger a reaction.

I closed the catalogue and gave him my full attention.

"The circumstances were different," I explained. "I met the twins at a bar for old grunts when they'd already left the Army. You were at the top of the elites in between deployments. How do you think it would look if they brought me in and I recruited you to the private sector?"

He scowled to himself and bit at a cuticle.

"You're also Army through and through." I had to be honest. "Your version of blending in is to dress up in camo. Ours is to become one with the local population."

That one pissed him off. "You think I can't learn? I'm ten times more?—"

"Prone to turn everything into a competition," I cut in. "I'm not saying you don't have what it takes to become a private contractor, Danny, but you would have to start over completely. We're talking ten years of Army mind-set to deprogram. All your goals and how you attack a problem would have to change. You can't let your emotions control you, you can't get angry at every turn, you can't give yourself away—even for a bloody second. I'm not the PMC they send into war zones to blow shit up. I'm there to do my work undetected. I sneak in and sneak out. If shit goes sideways, I'm obviously trained and equipped to shoot my way out, but it's an absolute last resort."

I couldn't be sure if he had been about to compare himself to the twins earlier when he'd started saying he was ten times more…whatever. Either way, that didn't fly. River and Reese were a clean slate. They were new as fuck and had a long way to go, but there was very little deprogramming involved. They'd been soldiers for about a minute.

Danny stewed silently in his anger, and at this rate, he'd have no cuticles left by morning.

Another PMC agency came to mind, and I really didn't want to mention it. These agencies had their own areas of expertise, several of them including more military-like structure. Even when it came to traveling in squadrons and units.

I rubbed my forehead and inhaled deeply.

It would be a prick move to withhold information about his options.

Goddammit.

"If you insist on going private, I can probably pull some strings and get you an interview at another agency," I admitted reluctantly. "They operate a bit differently. They send smaller units, usually teams of six, and…" I trailed off when Danny shook his head stubbornly.

He refused to make eye contact. "No. It's gotta be you."

That…was as confusing as it was ego-boosting. But as long as I didn't act on any attraction, I didn't see the harm in taking a pinch of pleasure from his wanting me to train him.

"Why?"

My question evidently sparked more anger.

He glared at me. "Because you made me listen, you stupid fuck. How is that unclear? You gotta know what impact you make on others."

I raised my brows.

"You have a way about you—don't fucking make me explain," he added irritably. "It's so typical. You finally get an instructor who's more than a robot, and he turns out to be a closed-off dick who won't even talk to you."

Christ. Sweet, sweet Danny. The more defensive he got, the more he revealed about himself. He could lash out all he wanted; it just gave me a better read on him. He hated showing his vulnerability. Given his background of being abandoned, who could blame him?

Unfortunately for me, it pulled me closer. It made me protective.

"You really don't show any-fucking-thing in your expression." That infuriated him. "Can you stop doing your mind-reading shit? I know about you SAS people, you know."

I smiled faintly. "I'm not reading anything you're not letting me see. You're an open book."

"Fuck you." He got off the couch, jaw set, rage barely contained, and I automatically reached over the armrest and grabbed his backpack. He was gonna storm off, and there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell that I would let him bring his belongings. I'd never see him again.

He was hotheaded enough to make a permanent decision based on temporary emotions.

"What're you doing?" he demanded.

"I'm keeping your backpack here while you get your tantrum out of your system." I tossed the blanket farther up the couch and placed his backpack between my knees on the floor. "Go on, storm off. Curse me out and convince yourself this was a stupid idea. When you come back, I'll change your mind."

If looks could kill…

"It was a stupid idea," he snapped. "I'll get the money some other way. I won't stand here and make a fool of myself so you can be all condescending and laugh at me. So fuck off, Payne. Gimme my backpack right now."

He needed money? That was information I was interested in. The rest were just his projections. I wasn't being anything toward him, except collected.

"Do you hear me laughing?" I rose from my seat and kept his backpack behind me. If he wanted it, he'd have to go through me. "If you wanna make it as a PMC, you gotta stop filling the silence with unfounded guesses. I'm not condescending, I'm not laughing at you, I'm not rejecting you—I can train you, Danny. It wasn't what I originally wanted for you, but that has very little to do with my own personal feelings. I'm only trying to look out for you."

He continued to stare daggers at me, this time in silence. The boy was at war with himself, because he knew he was his own worst enemy. He knew he should cool down and listen to me. But that would require a level of trust and surrender. In order to lower his guard, he had to take that step and believe in me.

I took a step toward him, and he straightened automatically like the good soldier he was. At this point, the structure and order from the Army were second nature and undoubtedly a cushion of comfort to fall back on when he didn't know what was going on.

He was so incredibly wounded, this boy.

"I will help you, Danny. But we gotta work on your insecurities?—"

"I'm not insecure," he scoffed.

"Yes, you are." I leveled him with a patient but firm look. "You assume people think the worst of you, you constantly work for outstanding results in hopes someone will validate you—give you the time of day—but you push them away if their response takes a few seconds."

I saw the anger ignite once more, and I predicted his next move before he could execute it and shove me away. Acting on instinct, I closed the distance between us and hugged him tightly. He went rigid and pressed his hands against my stomach, but it seemed he couldn't make himself push.

"Do yourself a favor and stay quiet," I told him. "I'm not gonna let go for a while, so get comfortable."

I heard his shallow breath through clenched teeth, and I felt the tension radiating off him.

It made me tighten my hold on him.

I was committed.

I'd been royally screwed since my call with Arden.

"Do you want me to train you?" I murmured. "Just nod."

Danny felt a little too good in my arms, but I refused to let go. With his anger toward me and my reluctance to see him in the field without proper backup, maybe this was a rabbit hole we had to fall down together. I couldn't be the drill sergeant who never got personal, and he couldn't keep people at arm's length when he was so desperate for a connection. We both had to trust each other if we were going to do this.

It took him a couple beats, but eventually, he managed a stiff nod, and that settled things for me.

This was happening.

"Then you're under my care." I rubbed his back slowly, feeling all the contrasts that made up Danny Rose under my fingertips. His sleek, trim muscles. Soft flesh. His warmth.

Welcome to my personal hell.

I'd been struck by his appearance two years ago too. Especially those eyes and his rare, genuine grins. But Danny was right—I'd been closed off. That was how I coped easier. Seeing so many soldiers, being in and out of so many people's lives…and never lingering.

If it weren't for my family, I wouldn't have anybody either. Before I'd taken on the twins, I was used to coming home to an empty flat and having dinner by myself. Which stung a bit more when I placed Danny in the same shoes. I didn't want him to feel lonely.

"What do you need money for?"

"My future," he croaked and cleared his throat. He let his hands fall too.

"Elaborate."

"Are we just gonna stand here and hug?"

"Yes." I felt a smirk tug at my lips. "Although, you're not really hugging me back."

"Because it's weird. You're weird as fuck, Payne."

I chuckled under my breath and had to fight the urge to do something stupid. Like kiss the side of his head. For a fraction of a second, that was all I wanted.

He was right. I was weird as fuck.

"Tell me about your future," I repeated.

He let out a steadying breath. "I wanna buy a farm and have a bunch of rescue animals, but I gotta pay someone to watch them when I work."

Goddamn. Yeah, that fit his profile. It spoke volumes of his character, too. Those animals would love him back unconditionally and never leave his side.

It gave me insight into more than that. Maybe he'd given up on finding another person to share his life with. Maybe he didn't dare try. Maybe he didn't believe he was worthy of friends. Maybe he thought they would bail anyway. Maybe a wife and kids didn't interest him. Maybe I was thick in the head for pretending I didn't already know he was gay. I mean, I was fairly certain.

"That's a good dream," I murmured.

He took another breath, a longer and deeper one, and rested his forehead on my shoulder.

The last of the tension was draining out of him, and it felt so fucking amazing. I wanted him to be able to relax around me. I understood it would take time before he didn't tense up at first, but this had to be a good first step.

I was in trouble. I remembered, two years ago, I'd thought…in another time and place, I would've made a move on him. Danny was the right amount of complicated and feisty for me. I was rarely interested in perfect covers and untattered pages, because I was none of those things. Give me something to sink my teeth into. Someone who had his own scars and battle tales. Someone who could understand my own journey. But that didn't matter anymore. I was a new brand of authority figure to him now. I needed to earn his trust, not prey on him.

When the hug stopped being about calming him down, it was time to ease back. Otherwise, it would just be me taking advantage.

"We'll put together a plan for your training tomorrow." I nudged up his chin, not surprised to find him reluctant to make eye contact. I'd pushed him a bit outside his comfort zone tonight. "By the way, did you sleep here last night?"

He raked his teeth over his bottom lip and nodded hesitantly.

I snorted softly and shook my head, amused. "Trespassing punk."

My reaction seemed to put him at ease, and he smirked a little.

"I'm gonna crash early tonight. It's been a long day," I said. "I have books in my room if you wanna find your entertainment for the night. Otherwise, I'll just prepare the couch for you and say goodnight."

He scrunched his nose. "There's nothing to prepare. I have a sleeping bag."

Fucking nonsense. In our field, few things topped sleeping on clean sheets. Sometimes, it was all I could think about when I was stuck in some godforsaken country, sleeping on a floor or in a ditch.

"You should know better than to turn down fresh linens," I told him. Then I went into my bedroom and reopened my bag.

It was my one luxury. My bed at home with expensive linens. I'd brought extra for the twins, but since they weren't here…

"Go brush your teeth or something." I fanned out the bottom sheet over the couch and tucked the sides underneath the cushions.

I was going too far, I recognized. I never would've made the beds for the twins. I would've just given them the sheets. But fuck it, right? I could indulge discreetly. I missed having someone to take care of. Hell, I couldn't remember the last time… I guessed it was about three years ago I'd had a semi-serious relationship. That sort of thing just didn't work with what I did for a living.

I felt Danny's eyes on me as I tossed a small pillow into a pillowcase and realized he was profiling me too.

He squatted down in front of his backpack and dug out his toiletry kit and a pair of flannel bottoms, and right then and there, I saw something. A flash of baby-blue stood out in his bundle of army green and black. He met my gaze in a fraction of a second before he hurriedly closed his backpack again.

I was mistaken, right? He didn't have a small stuffed animal in there.

"I'm just gonna take a piss," he muttered and walked out.

I frowned to myself and listened. A couple muted thumps across the porch's floorboards, then down the porch steps. I had approximately ten seconds before he'd be near a window—five, if he went up the porch steps again. I didn't think twice. I quickly opened his bag and lifted a couple tees or whatever they were, and there it was. A pastel-blue plush toy in the shape of a baby elephant. I knew those bloody toys. America had lost its fucking mind collecting Beanie Babies, and my sister was one of them.

She lied and said they were for the kids.

Why did Danny have one?

I buried the little elephant under the clothes and closed the backpack once more.

After fanning out the top sheet over the couch, I ran a hand through my hair and went into my room to make my own bed. Danny—elite soldier, a Green Beret—with a stuffed animal?

Connect the fucking dots for me without involving my core kink, please.

Was he selling them? I watched the damn news… I'd seen those crazy ladies making bank on toys. I'd seen the hordes of women barge into stores and rip the toys out of the hands of children.

My sister kept her collection in a glass cabinet, and no one was allowed to touch them. They had the heart-shaped red tags on and all.

I hadn't seen a tag on Danny's toy.

This was gonna frustrate the ever-loving fuck out of me.

"I've only met him once, and I'm already an admirer of that boy."

"Danny is angry, and he is lost. That's why I agreed to his terms, because I believe he'll find what he's looking for with you."

"Fuck you, Arden," I whispered.