Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

SHARNIZA

M y bed is littered with accessories—pretty scarves, clips, headbands, and bangles. The floor by the wardrobe is lined with boots, each with a heel no less than four inches. I have ankle boots, calf-high boots, boots with zippers, and boots with laces, each made of the softest leather, not lastonflex. Which means I can't wear them every day just in case we're called to action. Still, I like looking at them, and they will no longer be hidden in the wardrobe out of sight. I might even see if I can get replicas made in lastonflex.

I finish applying kohl to my eyes, then sweep my hair up into a ponytail. It's been forever since it was long enough to tie up like this, and the style accentuates my cheekbones and slims my face.

I look almost…pretty.

"You look beautiful," Derek says from behind me.

I turn to face him, cheeks growing warm at the sight of his chiseled frame. "Didn't we talk about knocking?"

He vanishes, and a moment later, a soft knock sounds on the door.

I can't help but smile. "You can come in, Derek."

He materializes by my bed once more. "You still look beautiful," he says again.

He makes me want to giggle. He makes me giddy. I am so falling for this male, and I'm terrified that I've misread the signs, terrified that he doesn't feel the same way. I could ask him, but if I'm wrong and this thing between us is one-sided, then I'll lose what we have. This easy comradery. This closeness.

"Shar?" Derek moves closer. "Why is your face suddenly sad?"

I force a smile. "No, it's not."

His diamond eyes flicker. "Now it isn't, but a moment ago it was. Tell me what makes you sad."

His speech is becoming more fluid, more sophisticated every day. He's learning so fast, becoming his own person, and I'm so fucking proud of him.

"Shar?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"We are friends, are we not?" he asks.

"Yes. Of course." And I don't want to lose that.

"Then please don't lie to me."

Crap. "I…I'm sorry."

"Tell me what made you sad."

I can't lie to this male. "The thought of losing you."

He stares at me with bright eyes for several moments before bridging the distance between us and gripping my shoulders. "I have this same sadness when I think of losing you."

My heart leaps, and my mouth goes dry.

"I want to be close to you all the time," he says. "I want to hear your voice and smell you." His eyes flicker. "That sounds strange when said out loud."

A soft, breathless laugh spills from my lips. "No. I get it. Go on, what else?" I need to know. Need to hear it…

"I want to touch you." His voice drops an octave. "To…kiss you. On your mouth and…maybe other places."

My knees buckle, and he takes my weight easily, hauling me to his chest. "Shar, are you unwell?"

He has no idea the effect he has on me. I'm melting with desire here. Melting in his arms, and he has no clue that his words are the cause. This is new to him. The things he feels…his desires for me.

Oh god, he desires me. The revelation heats my body.

"Shar…" His voice rumbles deep in his chest, the vibration rolling against me.

I tip my head up to look at him, and fuck, I love that I have to do that. That he's larger, stronger. Love that he's him. "Derek…I'm falling in love with you."

His eyes flicker then blaze bright. "My heart is pounding," he says. "It aches but the ache is good. Sweet." He places his hand on my cheek. "Is this love?"

"I…I think it might be."

His gaze drops to my mouth. "Please may I kiss you?"

I want nothing more. "Yes please."

He presses his lips to mine, tentative and unsure at first. The contact sends a zing through me, and he gasps, mouth parting against mine. I echo him, sighing as he moans and slides a hand to the nape of my neck. He kisses me featherlight, brushing his mouth against mine, leaving me tingling and wanting.

"Derek…"

His grip tightens, and he sinks into me with tongue, teeth, and ravenous hunger that spikes my pulse and tears a growl from me. My beast rises, eager and starved for him, inhaling his sandalwood scent, marking him as ours as we topple onto the bed together.

His body shadows over mine, taut thigh slipped between mine, pressing at the sweet spot that leaves me liquid as the kiss deepens, unraveling all thought, all reason.

I need more than a kiss. I need all of him, but he tears his mouth from mine, his breath ragged and tormented as he looks down at me with an expression of horror.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Shar." He vanishes and appears by the door, shoulders heaving, hands fisted at his side. "I lost control. I won't touch you again. I swear it."

"No…" I push up on my elbows to look at him properly. "I liked it. I wanted it. I want you, Derek. You don't have to apologize."

"This is new. These urges. These emotions." He takes a step toward me then stops. "I want to be close to you, as close as I can get, but I'm…I'm afraid I might hurt you."

I'm a goyle, and we're made of hardy stuff, but maybe his reservations aren't about being intimate because it's clear that he wants to be; maybe he isn't ready. Maybe he needs time to be comfortable with that step, and that's fine with me.

I sit up with a smile. "You won't hurt me, but I do think we should take it slow. I've never felt this way about anyone before, so this is new to me too."

His shoulders drop in relief. "Yes. We go slow but…we don't stop."

"No."

"We can kiss?"

I bite back a smile. "We can."

His eyes brighten. "Can we kiss now?"

My body floods with heat as he moves closer, but as much as I want to lose myself in him, there's something else that's been bugging me since he returned that I feel we need to talk about.

"We can kiss as much as you like, but first…do you want to talk about what happened to you when you turned chimera?" He'd told us that he'd been in a place of nothingness. But I'd been in his arms when he'd said it. I'd felt the thundering of his heart. He'd lied. "Where did you go? Tell me the truth, please."

He crosses to the bed and sits beside me. "It's hazy, like a dream or…maybe a nightmare. All I remember is being afraid and…running. I remember running from something. But that's all. It's over now."

But what if it happened again? What if he went chimera for Cameron and was pulled into this strange place again? "We can't ignore this, Derek. We should tell Cameron and the others."

"No."

"Why not?"

"She's happy, and after so much sadness. I don't want to make her worry."

Dammit. "Fine, then we'll look into this ourselves. But you have to promise me something in the meantime."

"What?"

"You won't go chimera."

"But if Cameron is in trouble, then?—"

"Cameron has Serath now. She has all of us. Promise me."

He straightens, looking down his nose at me. "I cannot make that promise, my Shar."

Yeah, it figures. "Fine, then we'll have to work fast at getting answers." Cameron is part fae, and Mirrowind had suggested that Derek was a fae being too. A shadow sylph or something. "We need to speak to Mirrowind. If anyone will have answers, it'll be her."

Derek nods. "Can we kiss now?"

I bite back a surprised laugh. "Yes, we can kiss."

We wait till we know classes are over before heading to the main building in search of Mirrowind. The quad is busy with goyles. Some simply mill about, now free for the night, while others, like the initiates, are still training. We spot Touron's golden head on the training field as we pass. Palia and Ginia are at the far end of the field. They're playing capture the flag.

Nostalgia bites at me—a longing for a simpler time. But the games are long over for me. Now every action on the field has lasting consequences. In that moment, the difference between the Sharniza of a month ago and the Sharniza of today is a gaping maw.

"Supper soon," Derek says. "We should hurry."

I've unwittingly come to a standstill. "Yeah, sorry. Let's go."

The main building is still emptying out, but no one gives us a second look as we hurry up the stairs.

Flora lets us into the tutors' wing. "Blake isn't here right now," she says.

She thinks we're here to see Yarrow. "We're actually here to see Mirrowind."

Her face falls in disappointment. "Oh. Okay. She returned a little while ago."

She heads back down the corridor, looking small and dejected, and we trail after her.

Is she lonely?

I've seen her help Yarrow with classes, but what does she do the rest of the time? Does she stay here in the quarters? Does she have friends?

It's not my problem. I'm here for Derek.

She stops at the door to her quarters and throws us a weak smile. "Have fun."

"Would you like to come with us?" Why did I say that? But then her eyes light up, and I feel like shit because all I've done is throw her a bone, and she's so grateful for it.

"I'd love to," she says. "Maybe I can help with…whatever it is." She looks between Derek and me, waiting for elaboration.

I shrug. "Maybe you can."

Blake Yarrow needs to pull his head out of his ass and help his sister get a life. She deserves one.

Mirrowind opens the door to her penthouse suite, pink cocktail in hand. Her black silk robe, decorated with red blooms, leaves a little too much chest on display in my opinion, but her luscious locks spilling about her stunning face in gracious waves cover the worst of it. Damn, I need to stop ogling her. The woman is a masterpiece, and if I was that way inclined…Heck, maybe I am that way inclined.

Wait…No. "Can you please rein in your mojo?"

She laughs, melodious and pleasing. "Of course. Apologies. I forget sometimes."

Like hell. She probably loves all the attention and thank fuck the urge to lick her fades. "We need your help."

"I assumed as much." Her gaze lingers on Derek a little too long for my liking. "What can I do for you?"

"It's about Derek, actually. You know he's Cameron's shield, but he's also her chimera now, and when he shifted, he vanished and went somewhere. Derek, tell her."

Derek recounts his experience the best he can, and Mirrowind listens, her gaze raking over him as he speaks.

My skin prickles because she's starting to piss me off, and when she reaches out to touch him, I snap and grab her wrist.

She lifts a brow and looks pointedly at my hand wrapped around her arm. "I see…"

Fuck. I let go. "I'm sorry. I'm not sure why I did that."

"Oh, I understand, child. You have feelings for him. But I'm afraid that he may not be free to return them."

"What?"

She peers up at Derek through her lashes almost coyly. "You've been marked, shadow sylph. I can see it in your aura. Her mark."

"Whose?"

"Aine, one of the first of our kind. The maker of most, or so she likes to claim." Mirrowind chews on her cheeks. "You have the scent of the wildlands on you also, and if you were somehow called there, to her, it can only mean one thing…that the doorways to Faerie are opening once more, which means that the taint that plagued us for centuries has been vanquished." She walks away, sipping on her drink. "This changes everything. There will be a resurgence of the old ones. Bids for power…room for…" She breaks off, laughing softly. "I'm getting ahead of myself. You came to me for help, so I will give you the only advice that I can." She looks Derek in the eyes. "Do not go back there."

"Why?" Flora asks before I can.

"Because she will keep you. I'm not sure how you escaped the first time, but?—"

"He's bound to Cameron," Flora says. "Maybe that helped?"

"Yes…Yes, that would do it. You slipped into the wilds when you took the chimera form, a form which is the epitome of the wildlands. It would have attracted her. You must not take that form again."

"I have to protect Cameron," Derek says. "If I have to go chimera to do that, then I will."

Mirrowind sighs. "Yes, I suppose you do. She is defenseless without you, and after all that's happened…"

"But Blake has been teaching Derek how to be his own entity," Flora says. "To sever the connection that forces him to rely on Cameron to fuel him."

"That will be a problem," Mirrowind says. "And also explain why the wild was able to claim him, even if only for a moment."

Shit. "What do we do?"

"Simple. We forge a new bond," Mirrowind says. "One that Derek wants. One that will allow him to be his own entity but still tethered to this world."

"How?"

"By having him take a mate." She fixes her eyes on me. "A mate like you."