Chapter 32

32

D ax is still acting weird even after our sexy session in the shower. Huffing out a sigh, I finally blurt out, “ Dax , what’s wrong?”

We are currently huddled up in my room. Which is nice, considering the mirror on his bedroom ceiling freaked me out a bit. Maybe I should ask about the mirror? Though that might be a random question to ask right now. Hum ... question for another time, I suppose. My men are sporadically situated around the room; Ash and Kas are on the bed with me, while the others have pulled up chairs to sit around the bed. I think it may be time for a bigger bed soon, so all of us can lie in here together.

He rubs the back of his head, still avoiding my gaze. “ I found a spell in one of the books in the library. I’m not sure if it will work, which is why I’m a bit hesitant to say anything.”

“ I can tell that whatever it is weighs heavily on your mind. Just talk to me, Dax .”

He rubs a hand down his face and stands from his chair. He begins pacing in front of the bed and sputters out, “ I found a spell that will allow you to speak to the dead. It will only work for a limited amount of time, though.” His eyes meet mine, and I realize why he searched for this spell.

I sit up and crawl to the end of the bed as I ask, “ You wanted a spell in case I didn’t make it?”

He nods sharply as he continues to pace. “ I know you were very close with your parents. That your father was lost at sea, and my father killed your mother.” He winces at that last part.

I frown, trying to understand why he would mention this now. Then it clicks, and my eyes widen as I jump up from the bed. “ I can speak to them?”

He winces at my shout but says, “ You can speak to only one. The spell is limited, and it requires a lot of magic, so you will not be able to speak to them again for a while.”

Who should I talk to? I can only choose one. One moment with a parent again. I bite my lip. “ My mother. I wish to speak to my mother.”

“ Are you sure, Little Raven ? This may not work. I’ve never done a spell like this before.”

I nod as I tighten my robe. “ Yes . I want to see my mother.”

He watches me for a moment before nodding. “ Okay . I’ll need some space.” He points at the chairs and says, “ I’ll need this area cleared.” Pulling out a knife, he pricks his finger and kneels.

“ Dax ?”

He looks up at me with a soft smile. “ This spell requires payment. Blood is all that is needed. Nothing more, I promise.”

I nod as I back away, giving him enough room to draw symbols on the floor. It’s a few moments later when he nods and looks back up at me. “ I’ll need a strand of your hair.”

Running my hands through my hair, a few strands come loose. I’m careful of the symbols as I make my way over to him. Handing the strands over, he smiles and points to the edge of the circle. “ You will need to stand there.”

I do as I’m told, moving over to the edge of the circle. Once I’m where he wants me, he begins to chant in another language, and the symbols start to give off a red glow. He places the strands of hair in the blood by his fingers as he ends the chant.

I wait on bated breath, then there’s a sharp crack and a flare of light. I squeeze my eyes shut against the onslaught of light. I blink open my eyes when it seems to have faded. I can’t help but gasp as a ghostly image of my mother stands in front of me. I can see Dax’s wide eyes through her body. I dare not breathe as I wait to see if this is real.

She looks around for a moment before her eyes land on me. They widen, and her voice comes through muffled. It’s almost too muted for me to catch. “ Eira ?”

My hands fly up to cover the sob that rips from my throat as my vision blurs. “ Mom ?”

She smiles softly and says, “ My Little Snowflake . You have grown so much.”

I can’t stop the words as they fly out of my mouth, “ I’m sorry, Mommy ! I’m so sorry that I killed you! I’m so sorry! I couldn’t stop him! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!”

Her eyes hold a ghostly shimmer as she says, “ Oh , my darling. It wasn’t your fault. I should have taken your counsel more seriously.”

I shake my head as tears stream down my face. “ I’m sorry.”

She reaches out as if to touch me but then realizes she’s not actually here. “ Enough of that, Eira . You have grown so much. A beautiful woman. We only have so long to speak, I imagine.”

My eyes flick to Dax , and I see tears streaming down his face as he watches me. I realize that my connection with him is the strongest. He can feel everything I’m feeling in this moment. I try to bottle everything up and pack it away.

He grunts as he shakes his head. “ Do not hide from me, Little Raven .”

“ But …”

His shimmering blue eyes harden as he says, “ It is well worth the pain for you to have this moment with your mother. Do not waste it, Little Raven .”

Taking a deep breath, I blurt as much out as I can in the short time we have together. “ I was tortured by the king for many years, but it made me strong. These men…” I gesture to the guys around me. “ These men saved me from him. The rules of the world have changed, and even though they may be villains… I love them. I love them very much.”

She looks at the men around me with a soft smile. “ As long as they love you, Little Snowflake . That is all I wish for you.”

Her image begins to shimmer, and my tears renew. “ Is Daddy there?”

She nods. “ He is.”

“ I died for a moment, but these men brought me back,” I choke out. “ I wanted to be with you and Daddy so much, but I couldn’t leave them behind.”

She smiles as her image wavers again. “ I’m glad you stayed behind.”

I rub my eyes, trying to wipe away the tears, not wanting to miss a single moment with my mom. “ Tell Daddy I love him! Tell him I found seven amazing men who love and take care of me. Tell him that he would approve.”

She shimmers again. “ I will baby.”

“ I can only hold her here for a few more minutes,” Dax says, grunting with exertion. I look over to find his face soaked with tears as he watches me. He can feel how happy I am to have this moment, but also the heartbreak of losing my mother all over again.

“ I miss you!” I sob.

“ I miss you, too, baby,” she says as her image wavers again.

“ I killed him, Mom . I killed the king, and we took back our kingdom. I’ll make you and Daddy proud! I’ll be the best queen I can be.”

“ Oh , my Little Snowflake . Your dad and I have always been proud of you.” Her image wavers again until there’s barely a whisper of her image.

“ Mommy !” I sob.

She gives me a wide smile. “ We are so proud of you. Always remember that. We love you, Little Snowflake .”

I fall to my knees as her image disappears. I wrap my arms around my middle as I bend over sobbing, my forehead resting against the cool floor. Arms engulf me, and I’m lifted. Dax wraps me in his arms, holding me tight.

“ I’ve got you. I’ve got you, Little Raven .” His voice comes out choked as he holds me close.

“ Dax ,” I whimper.

He gently rocks me, then softly says, “ Break if you must. Break but know that I will be right here to pick up every last broken piece of you. Shatter into thousands of shards, it does not matter. I will still be here.”

“ We will be here,” Mir says softly, his fingers tangling in my hair.

I can’t hold back my sobs any longer as I cry into Dax’s chest, mourning everything I’ve lost. I never had the luxury of mourning my father when I was still needed to help my mother. I couldn’t mourn my mother or my only friend while under the watchful gaze of the king. Charlotte had been my one and only friend, and I have missed her company. I mourn the loss of myself, and the woman I had to become. Lastly , I mourn the men my guys could have been if the world we lived in was not so cruel.