Chapter 3

3

Ash

T he following Tuesday, after I finish my classes, I head back to the Alpha Theta Mu house. I hurry through my usual routine—snack, brush my teeth, shower up. I get dressed, then let my gerbils out of their cage and spend some time with them on my love seat while watching TV. Sagan's crawling around on my chest while I roll Darwin up in the hem of my shirt—she'd spend her life this way if she could.

There's a knock at my door, and I answer it with Sagan on my shoulder and Darwin still rolled up in my shirt.

"Oh, you got the mice out," Lance says.

"You know they're not mice."

"Yeah, Darwin and…what's the other one?"

"Sagan. I would've expected them to be great friends, but Sagan nips at Darwin a bit. Don't you, girl?"

Lance pulls a face before smiling. "Okay…some of the guys were gonna head down to the rec center for pi ckleball, if you want to come with. I almost texted, but then I was like, I can get off my lazy ass and knock next door."

"I would, but today's my meeting with Mom."

He chuckles, closing his eyes. "That's right. Maybe I was trying to block out the fact that you have to schedule your meetings with one of your parents."

"I'd complain, but since our therapist suggested this, it's actually been a lot better."

I have a strange relationship with my parents. They aren't like Steve, Colin's dad, who's very present and attentive, and who's been as good for me as Colin since they entered my life. Mom and Dad aren't really affectionate or emotional people. Highly intelligent, yes, but the qualities that have made them successful in their careers have made them struggle with parenting. And that Mom sets aside this time for me means a lot.

"Yeah, no, I wasn't meaning to criticize or joke," Lance says quickly, like he's horrified I might have mistaken his playful remark for anything else.

"I knew what you meant. But it's a no on pickleball for today. Maybe next time?"

"Of course." He starts like he's about to come in for a hug, but after eyeing Sagan, offers his fist for a bump.

I watch some more TV before my allotted four o'clock with Mom. Usually, she calls, but she can be a few minutes late, so I give her five before ringing her up, keeping her on speaker so I can manage Darwin and Sagan.

"Lauren Fuller speaking—oh, no, it's you, Ash. Sorry, I saw your name come up. I'm just in the middle of something and can't think straight."

I tense up. "In the middle of something? You remember this is our scheduled time, right?"

Yes, she has a difficult job. "Criminals don't lock themselves up" is always her joke at a party when it comes out she's a prosecutor with the DA.

Mom's not one for jokes.

Obviously.

But she is one for sticking to a tight schedule, so to say I'm stunned by this would be an understatement.

"Didn't Sarah get ahold of you?"

I grind my teeth. Sarah's Mom's personal assistant, who's probably responsible for more than a few of Colin's and my birthday and Christmas presents.

"Why would I talk to Sarah about our meeting?"

"She was supposed to call and reschedule because we have a deposition we couldn't get to until…right now. They're still parking, but they'll be in soon, and I'll have to go."

I run my hand through my hair. "And you couldn't text me to let me know?"

"I always get Sarah to change it. Is that wrong? Are you upset?"

It's true. I really shouldn't be surprised, and I can tell by the way she asks that it's a sincere question. She cares, but sometimes there's a real disconnect. "It's cool, Mom. So you've gotta go?"

"I have a few minutes. Is it something important?"

"If it was important, I'd just call whenever. I wouldn't need to schedule with Sarah."

"Are you being passive aggressive again?"

"What's passive about that?" Now I'm raising my voice. I take a breath. "I just wanted to tell you about my week. And hear how your week was going."

"But you can see why that's less of a priority for me than the deposition to put away a murderer, right?"

Is that even a fucking question?

"Just tell Sarah to make time to call me so that you can make time to call me."

"With how much time we spent on this call, I feel like I should have just asked you how your week was." She snickers, and I'm sure she thought that was funny. And it could be funny if this wasn't typical for her.

"I'd say you could call Steve," she says, "but he's at the golf course with a friend from college. What about your dad?"

"He's at a conference in Tokyo. And it's not like I have to talk to someone about my week. I wanted to talk to you . I'll figure it out, but thanks, Mom."

"Okay, Ash," she says like a goddamn robot .

"I'll talk to you later. I love you."

"Talk to you later. I love you too." I can tell she's forcing herself to say the words. Mom is not the show-your-feelings type, so fortunately, this is an area where therapy has helped us.

After we hang up, I'm on edge. I take Sagan in my hand and pet her to soothe myself.

Colin's out of his last class, and he's not working today, so I call him to tell him about the stunt Mom pulled. When he answers, he says, "I don't think Marty's gonna do well on his test tomorrow."

"I can hear you!" Marty says, which makes me laugh.

This is typically how Colin and I answer each other's calls. Not much "hey, how's it going?" We jump into whatever's going on.

"What are you guys up to?" I ask.

"Marty has a chem test tomorrow he needs to study for, and it's not going well."

"No offense, but he asked you to help him with chem?" I'm the unofficial tutor for all the guys at the frat, which I love, so I'm thrown.

"It's flashcards and memorization," Colin says. "Trust me, he'll be hitting you up too."

I chuckle. "Let him know I'm here when he's ready for me. Sorry it's not going well, though."

"Eh, it's Marty. Who cares?"

"Asshole!" Marty says.

"Oh, whatever. You love it."

The guys laugh before Colin's attention returns to me. "So really, what's up?"

"It's nothing. I can tell you later."

"You were talking to Lauren, weren't you? It's just past four, so that has to be it."

He knows me too well sometimes.

"Yeah. She bailed. She had a good excuse, but you know."

"I'm sorry about that. You want me to ditch Marty, come right home to cuddle you and hear all about your day?"

"You can't ditch me," Marty says, sounding stressed. "I will fail this test, lose my scholarship, and then some prick is gonna move into my room and make all your lives hell."

"Yeah, 'cause you make all our lives so much easier. You know, come to think of it, let me have a minute alone with these flashcards…"

"You big shit," Marty says.

"I'm teasing," Colin tells Marty. "I'm not letting you fail this test. I got you."

And he won't let him fail; that's the kind of guy Colin is.

So funny how a few minutes on the phone with Colin can cheer me right up after that bullshit with Mom .

"How about when I finish up," Colin says, "I come back, we get some takeout, and you tell me all about your week? Then maybe a movie?"

"Oh," Marty's voice comes from the background. "You didn't tell me I was keeping you from a date with your brother."

Getting his in, I figure.

But Colin and I have gotten enough jokes about our relationship over the years that this sort of comment doesn't really faze us.

"That sounds good," I say. "Get going. I'll be here when you get off."

"Get off? I feel like we're making more innuendos ever since we slept together."

We share a laugh. Marty groans, and Colin tells him, "You started it. Just wanting to hear about how I woke up with Ash's pretty lips around my dick."

" I can't hear you. I can't hear you, " Marty sings, and I don't have to be in the room to know he's got his hands over his ears.

"My lips are pretty?" I ask Colin.

"Shut the hell up. You know you have pretty lips."

Why does that make my cheeks warm? Kind of makes me think of last week when he was talking about my ass.

Whatever.

"Okay, get back to helping Marty. I' ll talk to you later."

After we get off the phone, I return Darwin and Sagan to their cage and use some hand sanitizer.

Even though I feel better knowing Colin will be around later, I still feel kinda shitty. But I know just what I need to take the edge off. I plop down on the bed and roll over, retrieving lube from my nightstand, when my gaze shifts to my phone, sitting on the edge of the bed.

A wicked impulse stirs within me.

I pick up the phone and scroll through my apps until I see the symbol for Manzturbate—a live stream site where men post amateur videos, usually doing sexual things to earn comments and tokens you can trade in for cash. I first discovered the app a few months ago when a guy I hooked up with was telling me my load was worthy of some Manzturbate attention.

I was nervous about posting something online, but most of the guys on the app don't show their faces, and after the idea kept coming back to me, it was hard to resist the temptation to give it a try.

Even harder the second time.

Am I really considering a third?

I hop up from my bed, heading over to my desk, where I set the lube down and rig my phone mount.

I toss off my shirt and sit in front of the phone, excitement rushing through me at the thought of getting the comments and the tokens just for showing off my muscles, cock, and load.

But there's something else there too.

A bit of guilt.

Back when Colin and I were first adjusting to the whole stepbrother thing, we made two lists to help us navigate the situation. In one column was Step Dos. In the other, Step Don'ts.

Step Dos are shit like "do be respectful of each other's time," "do communicate if there are issues," "do take turns cleaning the bathroom." Step Don'ts are things like "don't throw the other under the bus with our parents" and "don't hog the TV." But the most important Step Don't was "don't keep secrets," something that came from the fact that our parents had kept their relationship secret from us. We only found out when the work scandal broke—prosecutor and defense on the same case. We heard about it at work events, parties…even kids at school were talking about it. Fortunately for Mom and Steve, no one could prove it, so they didn't lose their jobs, but Colin and I knew the truth, and we knew our parents were lying to save face.

Not that they're terrible people, but the scandal wasn't great for two middle schoolers who had enough to deal with.

So when we said "don't keep secrets," we weren't talking about what we did in private. We didn't chat about intimate details after we became sexually active with our girlfriends.

Colin doesn't want to hear about my sex life. Hell, he can barely tolerate Brenner flirting with me. And I'm sure the only reason he was cool with me crushing on Troy was because he knew his bestie wasn't into me.

No, what I'm about to do isn't something he would need to know about.

But then, why do I feel a pang of guilt?

I shake my head, pushing my worry aside the way I have the other times it's come up. Then I pull up my account on the app, aptly named fratwiz20. I log in and adjust my camera to catch my body, keeping my face out of the shot and setting my glasses on the desktop.

Excitement pulses through me.

Of course, there are nerves too. What if no one comes into my live room?

But apparently, I'm not too nervous because I press the Go Live button and lean back in my chair so that my chest and abs are on full display.

My cheeks are warm.

This is so naughty. So dirty.

I wonder if I like it so much because no one would suspect I would be into something like this. Just innocent, nerd-boy extraordinaire with an impressive GPA, who happens to love equations and helping a bud out by tutoring him for an upcoming test .

A few moments pass, my nerves intensifying before the first couple of users enter my live room. Then a few more before the comments start.

feralmanho1e: saw this guy last time he was on. sexy bod.

th1rstyb0ywantzluv: LOVE tht chst.

sweetslibrarian78: im here for this.

I figure some of these might be from my new followers whom the app notified I was on. Pretty good for this only being my third time.

I fondle my chest and flex my arms for the camera. I wish this came more naturally for me. I'm sure a lot of the guys on here are sex studs who are so slick and suave. But I'm just starting out. Hopefully I'll get better.

Get better? Am I already considering doing this more?

I run my finger around my nipple before trailing my hand down my abs, past my happy trail, playing around the fly of my jeans.

th1rstyb0ywantzluv: yesss…

As the number of viewers increases, a barrage of compliments eggs me on, so I stand up, positioning myself so I can remove my pants.

The token ticker increases as I'm lauded with more compliments.

But I'm not just gonna give them this dick.

No, they love the tease. And so do I.

I pull my pants down, kicking them off, so I'm just in my boxers. As I rub my crotch, my dick's so fucking hard. Painfully hard, which is making the comments go wild as they beg and plead for more.

feralmanho1e: wait til u see the guys load.

Warmth radiates in my chest and cheeks. I love a compliment.

I tuck my boxers down, placing the waistband under my balls, revealing my cock for them.

noobPup85: Jerk it.

cumGuzzzl3r: jack it.

Live4theapplause: shut 4 us, fratwhiz!

After I remove my boxers the rest of the way, I sit in my chair, leaning back to display my naked body for them. I'm grinning ear to ear as I pump some lube, then take my cock in my hand and play with myself. As I stroke the shaft, I continue fondling my body.

feralmanho1e: Ur killing me!

sweetslibrarian78: *heart emoji*

It's hard for me to pin down why I enjoy this so much. There's something about it being naughty. About them being willing to pay and beg me for this. About getting myself off.

But mostly, the praise and attention. Not of my brains. Of my body. I just want to be an object. Their worshipped object.

It feels so good to have all these eyes on me, of people wanting to see me pleasure myself fully. And I want to give it to them .

As I jerk myself, I play with my chest with my free hand, massaging my pec, stressing the form in my bicep for them—they fucking love that shit. I leave my mouth hanging open just enough so it's in the frame.

They're begging for me to come, and I'm ready to give it to them, when I think of my texts with Colin. "We can bang later."

I smirk at the ridiculous thought and his comment today— "You know you have pretty lips" —but then suddenly there's this jolt rocking my entire fucking body before I'm shooting all over my abs and even up to my chest.

It doesn't stop—I keep dumping my load across myself, a thick, juicy mess. It glides down my body, streaming through the grooves in my muscles.

I always come a lot, but this is even more than normal, and I know it's because of how much I fucking enjoyed doing this.

I peek to see the chat group going wild with excitement over it.

Then I lean back in my chair, reveling in the delicious satisfaction.

Weird to think that one minute I'm worried I could be committing a Step Don't, and the next I'm thinking about Colin right before I come.

Bet he'd give me hell for that one.