Chapter 8

8

Atlas

What. The fuck. Was I thinking? I might not be a follow-the-rules kinda guy, but I’m pretty sure agreeing to blow your stepbrother if he gets an A on a test is taking it to a whole new level. Especially when you consider I’ve never sucked a dick in my life. Or thought about sucking a dick. But I’ve been on the receiving end of too many blowjobs to count, so there’s no doubt in my mind that I can not only pull it off, but be fucking amazing at it.

Along with his cock, I’ll blow Troy’s mind. Ruin him for any other BJ. Every time he has a guy on their knees for him, he’ll imagine me…or, wait, it’s not like I’ll actually have to do it. Yes, my plan is to light a fire under Troy because nothing makes his ass work harder than a bet with me, but there’s no way he’ll go from an F to an A. I’m thinking he can pull a B, but that’s the extent of it, which means it’s a win-win. He gets a better grade, succeeds, and I get Troy to participate in the auction to help those in need.

And why am I lying in bed thinking about it hours later? Usually, I can sleep like a motherfucker. Leave it to Troy to suddenly fuck with that too.

With my body feeling prickly and on edge, I kick off the blankets, reach into my nightstand, and grab my lube. Maybe it’s all the thoughts about dicks being sucked, and I just need to come and then I’ll get some rest.

I slick up my hand and start to play with myself. It doesn’t take long for blood to rush to my groin and my dick to plump.

I close my eyes, picture Danielle from a few days ago, on her knees for me, and yeah, okay, this helps. My balls tighten and my cock throbs. Fuck yes, this is what I need. Tingles shoot the length of my body as I quicken my strokes, use my other hand to tug on and play with my nuts. I fucking love that, love it when someone plays with my balls, buries their face in my groin and laps at my sac like it’s the best thing they’ve ever tasted.

I look down at Danielle in my mind and—what the fuck? My eyes jerk open because that’s not her on her knees for me. It’s Troy. I’m imagining my stepbrother giving me head, and now my dick is pulsing with even more need.

This is fucked up and wrong, but…I don’t care. My toes curl, my skin prickles, my whole body feels light while I stroke faster, squeeze harder, letting the images in my head take form. They blur for a moment, and I’m pissed at my brain for fucking up my jerk material, but then suddenly it’s not Troy on his knees for me…it’s me on mine for him, his dick in my mouth, the taste of him on my tongue, my own cock throbbing behind the jeans Fantasy Me is wearing. His hand is in my hair, pulling just enough to make it burn. His eyes have darkened with lust, and he’s saying my name all breathy, and…my back arches off the bed, balls drawing tight, pleasure washing over me as I blow my load all over my stomach.

My chest rises and falls with deep breaths as I realize what just happened. I came harder than ever while imagining myself sucking off my stepbrother. This is so fucked.

*

I’ve done apretty good job avoiding Troy over the last week or so. I don’t know what he’s been doing, and I’m okay with that. The fantasy still has me feeling some kinda something I’m not sure how to put into words, so I do my best to pretend it didn’t happen.

I have no issues if I realize I’m attracted to men, but I’m one hundred percent not supposed to want to do it with my stepbrother. That’s the part that’s fucking with my head.

I’m back today at Activate Kindness. We had an anonymous donation for a social night. There’s food out for everyone to eat their fill, and the room is packed with those in need—some homeless, some not. I think people tend to forget that it’s not only homeless who are insecure when it comes to basic needs. There are people in this room who work two jobs but still can’t always make ends meet.

“Hi.”

I look down to see a little girl staring up at me. “Hi.”

“I’m Wendy.”

“I’m Atlas.”

She wrinkles her little nose. “That’s a funny name.”

“Oh my gosh, Wendy.” A woman I assume is Wendy’s mom approaches. “You can’t say stuff like that to people. It’s rude.” Then to me, “I’m so sorry.” She’s wearing a shirt from a local diner, with a grease stain on her stomach and a nametag on the upper side. She must be a waitress there or something. She probably spent all day around food and then had to come here to eat. What a fucked-up world we live in.

I wave off her concern. “It’s fine. It is a strange name.” My gaze finds Wendy’s again. “Atlas was a Titan.”

“What’s a Titan?” she questions, and her mom and I chuckle. I begin to explain, but she soon cuts me off, clearly finding it boring. “Do you wanna play with me?”

“Oh, honey. He’s working. I doubt he can do that,” her mom says, giving me an excuse to say no.

“I don’t mind,” I tell her, “if you’re okay with it.”

She smiles. “Thank you, Atlas. I’m Naomi.”

“Nice to meet you.”

Wendy leads us to a table where we eat cookies and play with Legos. I build her a princess, which Wendy goes wild over.

In these moments, it’s easy to forget everything else, to try and pretend none of the bad shit happened. That my dad isn’t the world’s biggest prick. That my mom didn’t die…

I shake off those thoughts.

I only hang out with Wendy and Naomi for about half an hour, but I discover that Naomi lost her second job recently and is struggling.

“I’m really sorry. I know that has to be difficult. Sometimes it feels like the system is set up to keep people down.”

“It really does. It doesn’t help that I didn’t finish high school. My mom didn’t either. I want something different for Wendy.”

“And you’ll get it. You’re doing all the right things.” My words feel useless. I wish I had more to offer. Poverty is a cycle, tending to repeat for generation after generation. “Thank you for sharing with me.”

We stand up and say goodbye. The moment feels both light and heavy. Her life isn’t easy, but being here, talking like this with her, it means something to me. These are the real parts of me that matter—and then I remember that I might have to share this with Troy. The thought makes me raw, like I’ll be giving him a piece of myself that no one who really knows me has. That I’d never give to Glen or even Ellie because I can’t bear the thought of letting them inside.

When the event ends, all of us volunteers clean up. I head over to Dixon and tell him, “I got Troy.”

“No shit?” His eyes nearly glow.

Maybe I’m jumping the gun, but again, how in the fuck can Troy go from an F to an A? This bet is perfect for both of us—he’ll work hard to get a better grade to prove himself to me, and unless he’s a super genius and gets an A, I’ll get him to help with the auction.

But what if he does pull it off? Troy’s Mr. Perfect. If he pulls this off, he won’t participate in the auction. Raising money for those in need is the most important thing. Hell, I’ll participate myself if I have to. I can bring in just as much money as Troy, so if I can’t get him, as much as it will suck, I’ll step in and take his place.

“It’s under control,” I say with confidence.

“You’re the best, Atlas. Seriously. You do good work, and I appreciate how much you care.”

It’s not often I hear something like that, and I’m not sure how to react, so I just say, “Catch ya later, man,” and bail.

The second I’m in my car, my phone dings with a text. I groan. One moment I’m feeling like I’m doing something that matters, and one glance at Glen’s name and all that comes crashing down.

Glen: You’re expected at home for Ellie’s birthday this weekend.

Fuck my life. How could I have forgotten her birthday?

I hate playing nice with them. And why would they want me at Ellie’s party anyway? But I know the answer. As always, it’s all about appearances. He wants to parade us around so he can pretend he doesn’t think I’m a fuckup. That he supports my choices—any of them. He’ll do the same with Troy, though he actually does support more of his.

Glen: And youwillbe on your best behavior.

Me: Will I, though? I’m not sure about that.

My phone rings, and I drop my head back against the seat. “What?” I answer.

“I’m not playing, Atlas. I know you don’t care about anyone other than yourself, but Ellie loves you and considers you her son.”

“I’m not,” I snap. She’s not my mom and never will be.

“When will you stop punishing everyone? Your mom wouldn’t want this for you,” he says, which is like he’d just ripped my heart out and stomped on it. That’s the one thing he’s right about. She was a good person, and eventually would have forgiven him. She would have forgiven Ellie, and she would have wanted me to do the same.

While I can’t manage forgiveness, I do say, “Fine. Whatever. I’ll be there. I know how much you miss me.”

He does not, in fact, miss me. And I’m only going because he’s right about Mom.

He sighs like he’s had enough of me, and since I’ve had enough of him too, I end the call.

It looks like I’m only going to be able to avoid Troy for a few more days.

I fidget the whole drive to my apartment, changing songs, tapping the steering wheel, anything to get my frustration out. The second I’m on my couch, I text Troy.

What does it say about me that annoying him makes me feel better?

Me: How’s the studying going?

Lil Stepbro: So you just got the call reminding you about Mom’s birthday too, huh? Then decided to take your annoyance out on me?

Goddamn it. It irks me that he knows me so well.

Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Lil Stepbro: You’re the most closed-off person I know.

Me: Thank you! Best compliment you’ve ever given me. Now back to Thermo…you regretting this yet?

Lil Stepbro: Regretting the fact that you’ll be gagging on my dick soon? Not at all.

I look down at my crotch as my dick does a little twitch. Okay, now this is just pissing me off.

Lil Stepbro: Unless you chicken out. Because I’ll be acing that test. And youwillbe on your knees for me.

And somehow, the little asshole just got the upper hand.

Me: Nah, I don’t think so. But hey, if so, it will be the best head you ever received. I wonder how that will make you feel. The fact that I’ve never had a dick in my mouth, yet I’ll be better at it than you.

Lil Stepbro: Never gonna happen.

Me: Yeah, because you won’t ace the test.

Lil Stepbro: I meant, you’re never going to be better than me!

And because I know it will bother him, I leave him on read and don’t reply all night.