Chapter 34

34

Atlas

I’d just pulled up at my apartment when my cell rings. It’s sitting on the passenger seat, and I glance over to see Troy’s name on the screen. My brain is a cluttered mess right now, but suddenly all of that is pushed out of the way, shoved to the back of my head because Troy is calling.

Usually he texts. Everyone under forty fucking texts. Why in the hell would he be calling?

My heart leaps up and lodges in my throat as I click to answer. “Hey, what’s wrong?” immediately tumbles from my lips.

“Hey, I’m, um…in the hospital. Piedmont Eastside in Snellville. Can…can you come?” His voice is soft, sad, something I hate to hear from him. Troy deserves to be happy. All the time.

“Yes. Jesus. I’m on my way right now. What the fuck happened? Are you okay?” At first I’m not sure if he even replies. Somehow, I’m already driving again, and I can’t say how that happened, fear leading me, blood rushing through my ears and making it hard to breathe.

Troy has to be okay. Why the fuck would he be in the hospital?

“Yeah, I’m fine. I promise. My hand is messed up, and they want to make sure I don’t have a concussion, but I’m fine.”

I squeeze the steering wheel. A fucked-up hand and a concussion? “What. The. Fuck. Happened?” I bite out.

“I’d rather not talk about it on the phone, but I’m okay. I promise. I just…need you.”

And as much as I hate for him to be hurt, I’m proud to be the person Troy goes to. Proud he needs me because the truth is, I need him, need him more than anything in my life.

“I’m coming. I’ll get there as fast as I can. Do you want to talk while I drive?”

“The nurse just came back in to take vitals. I should go.”

“Okay. I’ll be there soon. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Those four words fill me with hope, with happiness. I’ve been worried about what’s going on all day, but he said he loves me and needs me. All that other stuff doesn’t matter. When faced with the fact that he’s in the hospital, I know what’s important, and I believe Troy knows it too. We’re gonna be okay. I’ll make damn sure of it.

I drive too fast, break way too many laws following my navigation directions to the hospital. It feels like it takes three hours rather than thirty minutes to get there. My whole body is shaking, heart thudding, lungs almost too tight to breathe. It doesn’t matter that he said he’s okay. What if he’s not? What if something happens to him?

Visions of police officers coming to the door about Mom flash through my head, making a wave of nausea hit me, but I do my best to shove all those thoughts away.

This is different.

Troy will be fine.

My wheels skid when I jerk my car into the hospital lot.

I park, then run toward the building. My breath is coming out too fast, too shallow, as I go through the sliding glass doors. The moment I’m there, it hits me that I don’t know where he is—the ER or a room?

“Atlas! Oh, thank God you’re here!” Ellie says, coming through the doors herself.

“Where is he? I don’t know…” Why can’t I finish a sentence? My eyes are darting around, heart feeling like it’s about to explode.

“Breathe. You’re okay. Just breathe,” she tells me, rubbing my back…the way a mom would.

“I can’t… I don’t know what I would do…” I try to stop the words, but there’s no way I can. They just…fall from my mouth. “I can’t lose him.”

Her brows draw together like she’s surprised at the emotion in my words, and I know I should reel it in, but I don’t know how. Not in this situation.

“He’ll be okay. Let’s go find him, okay?”

I nod, and she leads me to the counter, where a security guard sits. “I’m looking for Troy Locklear.”

“Are you family?”

“Yes, he’s my son, and this is his brother.”

I’m not his brother. I’m…his…and he’s mine.

The man looks it up in the computer, gives us two stickers that say guest with Troy’s name on them, and tell us what room to go to.

I try to keep it together as we go to the elevator…as it rises too slowly for comfort. Ellie keeps glancing my direction with a confused look on her face. It’s normal to be concerned about my stepbrother, of course it is, but after our conversation, I’m scared I’m being too obvious. That she can see straight through my fear and knows that Troy is who I told her about earlier.

Finally, the elevator opens, and I practically stumble out of it. We head straight to his room, and I skid to a stop, unable to move, scared to go inside.

Like he can sense me there, Troy’s gaze snaps up, meeting mine. He looks smaller in the hospital bed, though I know that doesn’t make sense.

He frowns. “Atlas?”

Before I can respond, Ellie is going into the room, making me realize I’d left her behind when I got off the elevator. She doesn’t seem to have the same frozen moment as me, going straight to Troy, hugging him, crying and fussing over him.

“What happened?” she manages to get out between tears.

Troy looks at me over her shoulder like he doesn’t want to say, doesn’t know what to do.

“I’m fine, Mom. They only admitted me for observation.”

“What happened?” This time the question comes from me, my voice low and rough, filled with emotion.

“Don’t freak out,” is his reply, and I’m not sure if he’s talking to me or his mom, but it’s not helping.

“Troy?” Ellie’s all concern and confusion.

“I met…I met with Brandon.”

Rage envelops me, swallows me whole, my body temperature shooting up to unhealthy levels. “He did this to you?” I bite out.

“It was an accident. And the hand I did to myself.”

“Brandon did this?” I thought Ellie’s voice sounded small and confused before, but it’s even worse now.

I can’t stop moving, pacing the room while she sits on the bed and waits for Troy to continue.

“No, he didn’t do it. I was trying to keep him from leaving.” When neither Ellie nor I reply, needing more, he continues, “He called me to meet him. I thought it would be different. He said he was getting help. But he didn’t want to go into the restaurant. We sat in my car, and he…” Troy looks down. “He wanted money. A part of me knew that’s what it had to be, but I wanted to believe I was wrong. When I wouldn’t give it to him, he tried to get out, and I didn’t want to let him. It all happened so fast after that, it’s kind of a blur, but he accidentally kicked me in the head during the tussle. My hand…that was me. I was so frustrated, I punched a wall afterward like a fucking moron.”

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. Ellie’s crying harder now, trying to comfort Troy while I assume dealing with the fact that it was her oldest son who did this. All Troy wants is a relationship with his brother, and this is what happens? Troy, who has the biggest heart. Troy, who just wants to help. Troy, who is in a hospital bed because of it.

“Atlas?” Troy says, making my head snap up.

It’s killing me not to go to him, not to touch him and hold him and make sure everything is okay, but I don’t trust myself to get closer, afraid I’ll out us to Ellie, and I can’t do that without his permission.

“I’m okay,” I say, which is the most ridiculous thing. This moment isn’t about me. It’s about him.

Ellie is still visibly upset as she asks questions and tries to sort through exactly what happened. I can tell Troy is putting up a front, telling everyone he’s okay while trying to make Ellie feel better, and me feel better, and—“Where’s Glen?” I find myself asking. He couldn’t be here?

“I think he’s busy at work. I couldn’t get ahold of him after Troy called me. I left a message.” Ellie doesn’t make eye contact with either of us when she speaks.

“Mom…I’m really thirsty. Do you think you can ask the nurse if I can have something to drink and a snack? I was supposed to have dinner with Brandon, and obviously that didn’t happen.”

“Yes. Sure. Anything you need.”

Ellie kisses him on the cheek and leaves the room. The second she’s gone, I’m in her spot, hand on Troy’s nape, pressing our foreheads together. “I’m so sorry,” I say, over and over and over again.

“I should have known better. I shouldn’t have—”

“No,” I cut him off. “This is all on him. There’s no you-shouldn’t-have anything. He shouldn’t have done this.”

“I know that. That even with this addiction, this disease, he’s responsible for his actions. There’s no magic thing I could have said or done to alter the way he reacted, but it doesn’t change that I wish there were.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, the words feeling empty.

Troy offers me a small smile. “Why do you have to be sorry? You’re always here,” he says softly. “Even when we didn’t get along well, even when you disagree with my decisions…you’re always here.”

“Not tonight.”

He shakes his head. “I didn’t tell you what I was doing. I think I understood even then that it was a mistake, but I wanted it to be different so badly… He’s not the brother I remember. Not anymore. He’s lost, and I can’t keep putting myself out there for him. I need to save myself for the people who care for me, who are there for me. Like you. I just wanted one more chance to try and reach Brandon. I’m glad I did, but when it didn’t work out, it was stupid to take out my frustration on a brick wall.”

“You think I don’t do moronic things? I’ve been losing my mind all day thinking you were going to leave me, that you were going to get tired of me, that I was making the same mistakes I’ve made in the past and…”

“I would never leave you. Jesus, Atlas. Do you really think that? You’re…fuck, you’re everything to me.”

The magnetic pull between us is too strong for me to hold back anymore. I lean in and press my mouth to his. There are a million things we need to talk about, things I need to work through, but right now? Right now I just need to taste him and remind myself that Troy is mine and he’s okay.

It’s not a fast kiss, not even one with tongue, just the two of us, our foreheads pressed together as our lips meet over and over and over in gentle kisses.

“Atlas! What the hell are you doing?” Glen’s voice breaks the heartfelt moment.

We jerk away from each other, but it’s too late. I know it’s too late, and the thing is, I don’t care. I want everyone to know I’m with Troy. Life is really fucking fragile. Anything could have happened to him today, and I don’t have time in my life to waste on people like Glen.

I look at Troy, and the encouragement I see in his gaze tells me he feels the same.

“What the hell are you doing?” Glen snaps at me again—only me. Not Troy. “He’s your brother.” He takes a few steps into the room.

“He was my stepbrother, but now I love him. I’m in love with him,” I admit. But the thing about Glen is, being in love with someone, loving someone, isn’t something he will ever understand. He’s not built that way. He’s too selfish. He will only ever care about himself.

“You will end this right now. You’re not… You can’t… What did he do to you, Troy?”

“What did he do to me? Besides treat me well? Always being there for me? Making me laugh? He loves me,” Troy answers, his hold on my heart tightening even more.

“It’s disgusting. It’s wrong. Do you know what people will say? I will not let the two of you ruin our family. I forbid you to see each other!”

It’s almost like I blank out for a moment. I don’t see anything but red, my body hot, muscles tight as rage overtakes me. “We’re going to ruin our family? Don’t act like you give a fuck about family! You sure as shit didn’t care about family when you cheated on Mom, and you still don’t care about our family because you’re doing the same damn thing to Ellie!”

The second the words leave my mouth, I want them back. There’s a clank, and I look up to see Ellie had come into the room. She’s dropped Troy’s bottle of soda to the floor. Guilt overpowers my anger because while Ellie and Troy deserve to know what Glen did, they shouldn’t have found out like this.

“Ellie…I’m…” I can’t find the words, so I look at Troy. “I’m sorry. I just found out. I didn’t mean—”

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Glen cuts me off. “They were kissing. Atlas has brainwashed your son, played tricks with him to get back at me. That’s all this is about! He’s trying to punish me for Madison. He—”

“That’s enough!” Ellie shouts, everyone else going silent. “That is enough,” she says again, closing the door. “Is what Atlas said true?”

My heart breaks for her. While she isn’t crying, I can hear the tears in her voice, hear how hurt she is.

“He’s trying to turn this around, make it about something it’s not. He—”

“Is telling the truth,” Ellie answers her own question. “This isn’t about Atlas. It’s about you—how you’re never satisfied. No matter how hard I try, I will never be enough for you. And maybe I deserve this after what we did, maybe I deserve it, but I’m not going to let you blame anything on our sons. They don’t deserve that.”

“So you’re just going to let them…” Glen waves his hand. “Do whatever this is they’re doing?”

“Loving each other? Yes. I can’t pretend I’m not surprised, but if they are good to each other, if they make each other happy, then I’m going to support them.” She looks at Troy. “It’s time I start supporting my son more.”

I feel Troy’s whole body relax, knowing how much he needed to hear that.

“Ellie…don’t do this. Let’s talk about it. I—”

“Get out,” Troy tells him.

“Who the hell do you think you are? I—”

“Get. Out,” I nearly growl at him.

He looks at me, at Troy, then at Ellie, who walks to the other side of the room to stand with us. Without another word, Glen leaves.

“I’m sorry, Ellie. I was going to tell you—tell you both. I just found out yesterday and planned to tell Troy tonight—”

“Shh.” Ellie reaches over and squeezes my hand. “It’s not your fault. I knew. Well…I recognized his excuses, but I kept lying to myself. I’m not going to ignore Glen and his bad behavior anymore.”

I nod, still weighed down by my guilt, but Ellie is looking at Troy. “You and Atlas?”

His eyes find mine, and just looking at him makes me believe it’s all going to be okay. “Me and Atlas,” Troy confirms. “I love him.”

“And I love him too,” I add.

Ellie smiles. “That’s the best news I’ve heard all day.”

And while I know there is a lot to sort through, a lot of pain that all of us will have to deal with, all I can feel is hope.