Chapter 26

26

Atlas

I’ve never held a guy’s hand before—well, no shit, I’ve never held a guy’s hand since I’ve never been with one other than Troy, but what I mean is, I’ve never held anyone’s hand. In my head that says we’re official, that we’re a couple. That the person you’re with is more than a friend and more than a lay. But as we’re heading toward the entrance of the Winter Festival, I find myself wanting to hold Troy’s. To just grab ahold of him, to slip my fingers between his, hold him tight so everyone knows he’s mine.

And that I’m his, which is fucking crazy that I even want that, to belong to someone, but I do. Being with Troy makes me feel loved, makes me feel important. Even the way he wants my name on him, while that might scare some people off, it makes me want to hold him tighter. I’ve never felt as wanted as I do when I’m with Troy.

“Are you going to win me a stuffed animal?” Troy asks playfully. “Or a goldfish? Don’t they always have goldfish as prizes for some of the games? PETA can’t be cool with that, but a fish isn’t a bad idea. You know, we’ll have some practice before Sarah Jessica-Nadine.”

“Definitely not. Goldfish always die, which means you’ll never trust me with our baby.”

Do it. Just fucking do it. Reach out and take his hand.

It’s incredibly annoying that I’m talking to myself about this, that I’m nervous about it. The man wants to tattoo my name on his body, wants his permanently on mine, and I’m freaking out about holding his hand?

It’s just strange. I’ve never been insecure when it comes to sex, and in some ways, I’m not with Troy either, but the fact that this is more than sex makes my wires get frayed and my thoughts short-circuit.

“I’ll always trust you with everything, A,” he says, his words working their way past the last of my defenses and nerves.

“Aww. Aren’t you sweet? I have my boy on lockdown,” I tease, then reach for his hand and interlace our fingers just like I’d seen in my head. He fits just right in my hold, like maybe this is exactly where he’s supposed to be, only there is no maybe about it. Troy is exactly where he is supposed to be.

His footsteps slow down, and he looks at our hands.

“Is this okay?” Annoying fear claws at me that he’s not going to want it, want me, or maybe he thought he wouldn’t care if people know about us, but now he’s having second thoughts.

When Troy looks up at me, though, a knockout smile on his face that almost makes me stumble, I know we’re good.

“It’s better than okay. This is what I never thought I’d have but what I’ve always wanted.”

I feel his smile land in my chest. “Well, shit. I’m gonna have to do things like this more often. Are you going to reward me with your ass when we get back home?”

“You can always have my ass, A. You know that.”

“That was the correct answer,” I joke, earning a chuckle from him.

We go to the ticket booth, and I buy us wristbands for the rides and tickets for the games.

Troy says, “I see you’re serious about this date thing.”

“I know. You’ve broken me.” And I don’t want to be fixed.

“Who knew you were a closet sweetheart?”

“Hey, take that back. I’m—”

“Troy! Hey!” We turn at the sound of Colin’s voice. For a moment, I think I feel Troy tense up, but I can’t be sure. Colin approaches us with Ash, Marty, Jesse, and Lance, and Ash is the first one to notice our linked hands. His eyes shoot to Troy’s.

That’s right, motherfucker. He’s mine.

“I’m confused,” Colin says, forehead wrinkled.

“Dude, why are you holding your brother’s hand?” Marty asks.

“Stepbrother,” Troy corrects, but I don’t say shit because again, I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks. We know the truth, and there’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing, so anyone who tries to make it into something it’s not can kiss my ass.

“Same thing,” Marty scoffs.

“No, it’s not,” Ash bites back, and okay, so maybe he’s not as bad as I thought. Definitely don’t see us being BFFs, but the kid’s all right. “They’re not related. It’s not the same thing at all.”

“Don’t be a dick,” Troy tells Marty.

Marty opens his mouth to reply, and before he can say something he’ll regret, I add, “Be real careful, man.”

Marty holds up his hands in surrender. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, but you have to admit it’s a little shocking. Not even as much the fact that you’re stepbrothers, but…it’s you. You’re kind of a dick.”

I grin. “Thank you. So are you.”

“Atlas,” Troy says, and I know he’s rolling his eyes at me, but that he also thinks I’m cute as fuck.

Colin hasn’t said anything. I’m pretty sure Troy realizes it at the same time I do because the air around us thickens. Colin is his best friend, has been for years. It’ll suck if he’s the one out of all of them who can’t accept this.

“Colin?”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me. I’m your best friend.”

“Aw, did Colin-poo get his feelings hurt?” Lance teases.

“Fuck off,” Colin tells him. “I’m just sayin’…I would have told you.”

“If you were in a relationship with your stepbrother?” Troy asks.

“Hey, why are you dragging me into this?” Ash counters, and yeah, I know it’ll be okay. I don’t doubt how Troy feels about me, but it would kill him to lose a friend. I don’t want to put him in a situation where he has to choose.

Would he even pick me? No. Stop that. Don’t think of that shit.

“Are we done here? Because we’re on a date,” I tell them.

“See why I was shocked? He’s an asshole,” Marty says.

“Stop complimenting me.” I shoot him a look.

“I don’t even know how to reply to that.” Marty frowns.

Troy tugs at me. “We’re gonna go.”

We say our goodbyes to the group, Troy telling Colin he’ll talk to him later, and then we’re on our way. One set of friends down, one to go.

“What do you want to do first?” I ask Troy, though I know what he’s going to say. There aren’t big, crazy rides here like in amusement parks, but there’s no doubt in my mind that it’s what he’s going to want to do. Troy has always loved rides. He’s like a big kid wanting to go from one to another to another.

“The rides, of course.”

“How did I know you were gonna say that?”

“Because you know me,” he replies. “Better than anyone else.”

Yeah, yeah I do. That fact makes me proud.

*

Given the sizeof Peachtree Springs, the festival isn’t huge, so I guess it’s not a surprise that we have time to go on every single ride, some of them twice. It’s not something I love nor something I hate, but I do like Troy, and seeing him happy makes me feel invincible.

The only person I’ve ever felt like I made happy is my mom, and that was in a totally different way. But I’ve never been the kind of son Glen wanted. Even before things went down with him and Ellie, I’ve always known he wished I were someone else—someone who plays sports, someone who isn’t surly all the time, someone who cares what people think and wants money above all else, instead of being this strange combination of angry and bleeding heart like he always said Mom was.

But for whatever fucking reason, I make Troy happy, and that’s enough for me.

I scoff.

“What was that about?” Troy asks.

“Nothing. My head. It’s being weirdly mushy tonight.”

He pumps his brows. “Want to let me in on what’s going on in there?” He leans in, brushing his lips to my temple. “Please? I’ll be a good boy.”

“I like it when you’re a naughty boy.”

“I can be that too.”

When he pulls back, I grin. “I know you can.” And a moment later we hear, “Holy shit. That’s why you didn’t want me to try and fuck your stepbrother! Why didn’t you say anything?”

I groan when I see Brenner and Taylor approaching. But really, it’s good that they know too so we can get it out in the open. It’s hard keeping Troy from them.

“Wait. What?” Troy asks.

“Nothing.”

“That didn’t sound like nothing.”

“You bastard.” Brenner playfully shoves me. “Everyone wants you.”

“It’s my shining personality.”

“You’re queer?” Taylor asks, and just like that, it’s not a big deal with either of my friends. They’re different from Troy’s. Not that there’s anything wrong with his people. I know they care about him, but we’re the misfits, the ones who don’t give a fuck, and they’re…well, they’re frat boys.

I shrug. “I am now.”

“Can we get back to Brenner having sex with me?” Troy asks, and I let out a low rumble, unable to hold it back. “Damn. That was hot,” Troy adds.

“He wanted you. I said he couldn’t have you. The end.”

Brenner says, “Sorry he kept you from me, baby. I know it must be hard finding that out now. Last time when he sent you away, I know it would have been our night, but the evil king kept us apart. If you get sick of him…”

I roll my eyes. “You’re a fucking idiot,” I tell Brenner. It’s true, but it’s also why we’re friends. The three of us get each other, we don’t have expectations of each other, and we accept each other the way we are. “Stop professing your love for my man.”

“Wanna have a threesome?” Brenner tosses out.

I give him the finger, then glance at Troy. I can see him working through it all in his head. “That’s why you cut it short that time Brenner was coming over! Because he wanted to hook up with me.”

“Do you have to remind me?”

“I would have chosen you,” Troy says, and yeah, that helps.

“I know.” But damn, it feels good to hear.

“So I’m the only one who’s not queer?” Taylor asks. “I feel left out.” We all laugh, and I have to admit I like this, like being with Troy and my friends.

I wrap my arms around him from behind, and Troy snuggles in close.

“Aww, look at Atlas.” Brenner grabs Taylor’s arm, tugging on him excitedly.

“I can see them. Jesus, you’re like a puppy sometimes, too much damn energy.” Taylor glances at me. “But it is cute to see you with a boyfriend.”

“Don’t call me cute,” I say, pouting.

Another round of laughter spreads through us. We talk for a few minutes where they do make a couple of jokes about me dating my stepbrother. They wouldn’t be Taylor and Brenner if they didn’t, so I start dragging Troy away. “We’re leaving. I have a stuffed animal to win my man.”

We disappear into the crowd, with Taylor and Brenner singing, “Atlas and Troy, sitting in a tree,” and as strange as it sounds, I realize this might be one of my favorite days.

When we get back to my apartment, where Troy does, in fact, give me his ass, I look at the small bear he’d won me, that sits on my dresser, and yeah, I was right earlier. It’s definitely one of my favorite days.