Chapter 5

W inifred felt a frenzy of nerves! She had not danced since that debacle when she had been caught making merry to the tune in her own little world. In public.

Her mother had forbidden it.

If she was asked, she was supposed to say no. And in any case, no one had asked in years. She had no idea what had caused her to suddenly agree to his request because she should not have.

And as she was led to the floor, she caught sight of her dear mama, who did not look pleased that she was on the arm of Lord Ajax. No. As a matter of fact, her mama looked panicked, and Winifred knew why.

Really, it would just take one small action, one gesture, one missed word, some mistake for her to ruin her sister's Season. She would not do that. She couldn't. Surely, she could keep herself together for one jig—a bouncy dance which was meant to be joyful.

She looked at Lord Ajax and gave him a wary smile.

"Are you all right? You are looking a little bit green," he said.

"Perfectly fine. Thank you," she assured. "But this is really not our plan. Whatever are you about?"

"I couldn't resist," he confessed as he wove them through the crowded room and onto the floor. "I saw you sitting across the ballroom, and I couldn't have it."

"Have what?" she asked, frowning.

"You being so completely ignored," he stated.

"But I am accustomed to it," she pointed out, taken aback by his offense on her behalf. "That is why I'm a spinster, and that is why I sought you out for an adventure. I did not mean for said adventure to begin now with this jig."

"Can you forgive me," he asked softly, "if I have gone so entirely awry?"

She winced, but then she corrected her face. Wincing in Lord Ajax's presence wouldn't do. After all, he was such a revered young man. Surely, she should look as if she would swoon. She attempted to rearrange her features.

"You look as if you are in pain."

"Do I?" she gasped. "I'm trying to look as if being with you is sheer heaven."

His lips twitched. "Is it supposed to be heaven?"

"I think most ladies," she pointed out, "think that being in your arms is meant to be sheer heaven. This is what I understand, mind you."

"And so you are trying to replicate the emotion?" he asked.

"Yes," she replied as the music began its sprightly tune.

He gazed down upon her and took her hands. "Have you never known sheer heaven?"

"Not of your kind," she said. "I have known the sheer heaven of books, plays, and, of course, a good debate with my brother, but that's about it."

"My dear girl," he rumbled, "we must increase your capacity for heaven then."

"So you say, but be careful," she warned, her pulse increasing at the feel of his hands upon hers.

"Why is that?" he said softly.

"If you show me heaven, and you take it away when you go, then I shall be left knowing that there is something that I can never have."

"But isn't that what you are doing?" he queried as he began stepping to the right and then bouncing to the left and then bouncing back.

Lord Ajax bouncing was quite a sight. It should have been ridiculous. It was not.

It seemed whatever he did, he looked marvelous doing it.

She bit back a sigh. "I suppose that's exactly what I'm doing."

"Should we cancel it then, lest you feel the loss of the adventure once it is done?" he asked, though it was clear he was not serious but rather pointing out the fallacy in her thinking.

She frowned. "No, I am determined. You are the only chance I have, and I cannot go back from that."

"Good," he said. "And then perhaps you can feel the same way about heaven."

She nearly gulped. Did he wish to show her heaven? It was tempting. So very, very tempting to leave this mortal plane and allow him to lead her along more sensual, lofty paths.

"Right now?" she whispered. "This is not heaven. This is next to torture. My mother is watching us, and if I make one misstep, it shall all go terribly wrong, and my adventure shall be seized from my hands because I will likely be sent down to the country immediately."

"Then we best make certain," he said, giving her a wink, "that you do not make a mistake."

And somehow, in his arms, she did not. She wasn't entirely certain how Lord Ajax managed it, but he guided her in every step, every flick of the wrist, every turn of the foot, every bounce, and every weave.

The next thing she knew, she was smiling.

"Look into my eyes," he urged. "Don't look at anyone else. I promise I will be there for you. No matter what happens, I will be there."

Her heart skipped then, doing a dratted dance. Oh, how she needed it to cease. To be staid. But it refused!

If only he could have been there always, for every misstep she'd ever known, her life would be so very different. She might not be so lonely or so isolated.

But Lord Ajax did not truly know of what he spoke or the promise that he made. He could not understand how great her capacity for blunders was. And as the music at last came to a pause, she curtsied to him, relieved that she had made it through.

He gave her a bow and led her off the floor.

Though it seemed he had no wish to let her go, he slipped his hand from hers. "Until I see you again, I await further instruction."

She gave him a quick nod and hurried away out into the hall. She needed a breath of fresh air, but before she could go very far, his mother, the dowager duchess, marched up to her side, linked her arm in hers, and pulled her into a side room.

"My dear," the dowager gushed as if the most delightful thing in all the world had just transpired. "Something is happening between you and my son. I should like to know what it is."

She had of course seen the dowager duchess. She was a remarkable figure. Everyone knew her, worshiped her, or thought very ill of her. There were really only two camps: those who were in awe and those who were horrified. But all of them recognized her power.

Winifred gasped for air at suddenly being in the presence of such a figure.

Lord Ajax had really stolen her breath away, both with the magnificence of his dancing and with the realization that she was about to spend a great deal of time in his company.

And now this?

Were all Briarwoods so forceful? Almost certainly, she realized.

She blinked at his mother, determined to appear stunned by such a question. "I have no idea what you mean."

The dowager duchess tilted her head to the side and her silvery-blonde curls bounced as she gave a knowing smile. "You cannot fool me, my dear."

"No, no. Truly."

The dowager waggled her brows. "If what I saw was nothing, there shall be wedding bells in a fortnight."

She had never heard reports that the dowager was mad. But wedding bells? Had the lady lost her wits?

In all Winifred's life, she had never received so much attention, and quite frankly, she found it quite strange. She stared at the dowager duchess.

She should lie. She should tell a very, very good lie, but she'd never actually been very good at lying. Now she was about to try to pull off a large lie with her adventure, but she had planned it for weeks with her brother. She had gone through every step. This was not part of the plan.

None of this was part of the plan.

Lord Ajax was not doing as she had planned, and she supposed it was because he was human, and humans often did not go according to plan.

But still, how was she to have anticipated this?

"Your Grace," she began, "I only met your son this afternoon. He has been very kind to me, and that is the extent of what I'm willing to share."

The dowager duchess gave her an interesting look. "I like you," she said suddenly.

"You do?" Winifred stuttered, quite shocked by the statement. "You don't know me."

"It doesn't matter. I'm an excellent judge of character." The dowager wrapped her hands around one of Winifred's and gave her a look which seemed to suggest that she had a kindness and wisdom about her that was without end. "You are keeping your cards very close, my dear. But I do think you should tell me what it is. I'm a tremendous ally."

She swallowed. She had not had an ally. She couldn't remember the last time, except for her brother. "I really can't."

"My dear," the dowager ventured, "whether or not he realizes it, it is clear to me that my son likes you very much."

"He is merely helping me with something," Winifred said firmly, feeling as if she had to be dreaming.

"With what?" the dowager duchess asked.

"You are very determined," Winifred replied.

"And you are very blunt," the dowager duchess said with an approving smile. "How refreshing. Now, tell me."

As if by magic, she was sharing her secrets. "If you must know, your son and I are going on an adventure."

When she said it aloud like that, it sounded absurd. Like a game.

But perhaps life should be more playful, more like a game. Maybe then it wouldn't be so unrelentingly hard.

The dowager duchess's brows drew together. "Oh, my dear," she said, "I know he's quite capable in the arts of seduction, but you must be very careful. He's a good fellow with a good heart. I don't wish him to get hurt. Or you."

"Oh no," she protested, horrified. "I have no desire to be seduced. That sounds very messy and quite unpleasant if I'm honest."

While she might like to be kissed by Lord Ajax, if she let her fantasies get the better of her, she had no wish to be embroiled in an affair. From what she could tell, having spent years observing the ton, those were not fun. Not at all.

The dowager duchess blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"He's going to act as my guide. We're going on a tour of the country to visit sites having to do with the plays of Mr. Shakespeare."

The dowager looked at her with wide eyes. "Repeat that please."

She cleared her throat and began again. "He's going to take me about the countryside and show me certain sites. I've mapped it all out. I've picked the inns. I know where we shall stay. I've hired a conveyance. All of it is taken care of."

The dowager duchess gaped for a long moment. "My dear," she said, "you are a marvel. Most ladies want my son for…"

"Oh, I understand," Winifred rushed. "He's loved by the ladies. And the truth is I think that's part of his charm. I don't need that particular aspect of him, but he's very convivial and likable, and that's what I wanted. A pleasant companion who would smile at me and be kind and who wouldn't treat me poorly. Everyone seems to like him and so I thought he might be able to tolerate me for a bit."

"Tolerate you?" the dowager duchess said softly.

"Exactly," she replied.

The dowager's eyes softened and for a moment it looked as if she wished to say a great deal, but then she sighed and said, "But, my dear, have you considered how you will go about the countryside with him? After all, surely you will be noticed. A young lady going about with my son—"

"I have a disguise planned," she said. "I have had it planned for some time, and I have been practicing with my brother. I wouldn't be able to do it without him."

"Your brother sounds like a very enterprising fellow."

"Oh, he is. My mother really underestimates him."

"Does your mother underestimate you too?" the dowager asked.

Her insides twisted with a surprising dose of melancholy as she defended, "Only because I say the wrong thing and do the wrong thing."

"And so she shoved you over with all those old ladies so you could not make a mistake?" the dowager prompted gently.

"Yes, and now she's shoving me into the country so that I can't ruin things for my sister. I could see it upon Mama's face just a few minutes ago. She almost died with horror when Lord Ajax asked me to dance."

"Truly?" the dowager duchess asked, aghast.

She gave a nod. "Yes," she said. "Please don't think ill of her. Not really. You see, in the past I have made such a muck of things."

"You could not make a muck of anything, my dear. You are positively wonderful."

Her throat tightened and, much to her horror, tears stung her eyes. "Thank you," she said. "You don't have to pretend and say such things to me."

"I? Pretend?" the dowager duchess gasped.

"People don't generally like me," she said. "I try very hard, but I simply say the wrong things at the wrong times. And I get very tired in company when I try to be someone that I'm not."

"Then you must cease," the dowager duchess said. "Be exactly who you are, my dear."

"I don't know if I know how," she said.

"Well then, I think you should practice with my son."

"You're not going to stop us?"

"Of course not," the dowager replied as if the idea was absurd. "This is exactly what is meant to happen. I like a bit of adventure." The dowager winked. "And besides, you've thought it all out."

"I promise my disguise is quite good," she assured, even as her throat tightened with emotion. For she had not had someone treat her like this in years. And it was quite overwhelming.

"Good," the dowager said, patting Winifred's hand. "Costumes and disguises have a funny way of bringing out who we truly are. They permit us to be free."

Free, she thought. Could it be possible? Or was this all a dream? Was she about to wake up? It hardly seemed possible.

"You're truly not going to stop us?" she asked.

"Stop you?" the dowager duchess said. "I applaud you. And I shall do whatever you need. Whatever help you require, I shall give. I am all for the freeing of young ladies. So you tell me, my dear, if ever you need help. I shall be there for you."

The dowager duchess gave her hand another squeeze and then, with her head up and jewels winking, she left Winifred standing alone.

But…she wasn't alone. Not now. She knew it in the deepest part of herself. For tonight, for the first time in a long time, she realized that maybe there was nothing wrong with her. Not when there were people like the dowager duchess in this world.