31. Nelly

Chapter 31

Nelly

I t was Wednesday.

For Matty, that meant school got out early. And for Seb, who’d been either at practice or working out or stretching nonstop during playoffs, that meant he was at the rink for a later practice than usual after last night’s away game.

And for me, that meant I got to take Matty to practice and we could both watch his dad skate, which was something I’d missed doing tremendously.

In the two weeks I’d been back working for Seb, Matty had been over the moon every single day that he woke up and I was there. He’d cried when I came home the first time, blubbering something about how he thought his dad had fired me despite Seb chiming in and insisting that he’d told Matty he hadn’t. He’d clung to me for hours, and even now, as I drove him from his school to the Peach Arena, I could sense the tiny bit of worry in him every time I met his gaze in the rearview mirror.

“What’s up, bud?” I asked, reaching behind me and grabbing his foot as it dangled from his car seat .

He shook his little head. “Just don’t want you to leave again.”

I squeezed his shoe and gave it a little shake. “I’m not going anywhere. I just had some personal things come up, remember? I’m back now.”

“Yeah.”

I tried to divide my attention between his reflection and the road in front of me as I pulled through the entrance gateway of the Peach Arena, but I kept wanting to look at him more, kept wanting to dissect what was going on in his head.

I waited until I’d parked up to unbuckle myself and spin in my seat to look at him. “We can talk about it some more if that would help. I don’t want you to worry,” I said.

His gaze dropped to his lap, his little hands fidgeting with the buckles on his car seat. “Were you on a journey of self-discovery ?” he asked.

My heart lurched.

Oh, God. He’d said that before, back when we went to the aquarium, told me that’s what Seb said his mom was doing. And Seb had the same when he told me about how Taryn had left him and Matty behind to go on some guru, self-love expedition.

Matty was worried I was doing the same thing.

Matty was terrified that I’d come and go just like she had.

“No,” I said, reaching further back and unbuckling the car seat for him. “No, bud, I’m not on a journey of self-discovery. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere, okay? And if you’re ever worried about that, you can talk to me about it. You can ask me upfront and I’ll tell you the honest truth.”

He watched me warily, his little blue eyes hiding far too much behind them, but the tiny grin that broke out across his lips told me he was okay. “Promise?”

“Pinky promise.” I held out my pinky, and he took it immediately, biting down on his thumb to seal the deal. I scrambled out of the driver's seat and leaned over the center console enough that I could bring my mouth to my thumb, too, and bite it.

I didn’t plan on leaving. Not when things were going as well as they were, not when I was falling head over fucking heels for his dad, not when I was starting to feel okay about that and was able to admit it to myself. He was someone I could love easily, in fact, if I let myself, and I had a sinking feeling that’s exactly what I was falling into.

————

A familiar head of brown hair with blue streaks found me and Matty as we entered the arena, his skates in one hand and his duffel bag in the other. In the handful of times I’d met Luke, he’d been nothing but nice to me, and I knew from what Seb had told me that they were close. So, when he offered to take Matty in to see the guys for me, I hadn’t been surprised — but I’d been confused.

“Where’s Seb?”

“Not entirely sure,” he chuckled. “Somewhere here. I saw him when I got to the locker room about an hour ago. I was hoping you could go find him so that Coach doesn’t get on my ass about being late.”

“Me?” I blinked at him, confusion settling into me. “I’ve only ever been to the family room. I don’t know my way around the back areas.”

“There’s signposts, it’s easy.” He brushed me off with no problem as he bent down to Matty’s height. “Hey, squirt. Wanna come watch me make snow?”

“Yes!” Matty shrieked.

He scooped Matty up into his arm before I could even protest.

“Don’t—ugh, don’t let him on the ice again, okay?” I grumbled. “I didn’t bring his skates and Seb lost his mind last time he was out there.”

Luke stepped back, carrying Matty just as easily as Seb did, and grinned at me. “Oh, believe me, I remember. He chewed me out, too. Little guy’s feet will stay firmly planted on non-slippery, non-frozen ground.”

He turned and pushed open the door that led through to the rink, and I called out to him before he could disappear completely. “Wait! How do I get into the back area?”

He pointed nonchalantly toward an unmarked set of double doors with his skates as the door closed behind him.

So much for signposts.

I sighed and slipped my phone from my pocket as I pushed through the double doors on the opposite side of the hall. Behind them, grey, undecorated walls lined the bare space, and three options greeted me: left hall, right hall, or straight down the middle. There wasn’t a signpost in sight.

I texted Seb.

Me: Luke’s sent me on a wild goose chase to find you and has stolen your son.

Me: Any chance you can help me out here? If I shout Marco loud enough, will you say Polo?

I stared at the screen, waiting for the three little dots to bounce and show me he was typing. But they didn’t come. Goddammit.

Left, right, straight.

Without a helpful, promised signpost, I did what any normal, sane person would do in this scenario.

I closed my eyes, held out a single finger, spun three times, and opened my eyes again. Guess we’re going left.

Regaining my balance after the dizzying, ridiculous stunt, I started down the hallway to my left, passing unmarked doors and propped-open ones that smelled of chemicals. My sneakers squeaked on the polished floors, announcing my presence far before I could appear anywhere, but when I caught a light on under a door, I took my chances.

I pushed it open, hopeful that maybe I’d stumbled upon a locker room or a storage room that Seb was in, but all I found was a lengthy, well-lit room with a janitor inside. He had his back to me, a set of headphones over his ears, and he mopped the floor meticulously beside what looked like an old, discarded Zamboni machine.

Definitely not Sebastian.

I shut the door before the man could see me and shot Seb another text message.

Me: Should I just go ahead and ask for an amber alert to be sent out for Matty?

The opening and closing of a door somewhere down the hall piqued my interest, and I shoved my phone back in my pocket and started for the corner it seemed to have come from.

“You’re going to be late if you don’t hurry up,” a woman’s voice chimed, bright and airy with a hint of laughter behind it.

“And whose fault is that?” A male’s voice, amused but deep, replied — and shit , okay, that was Seb. “You didn’t need to work it for that long.”

Work it?

“It is not my fault you kept writhing uncontrollably,” she chuckled. “Jesus, Seb, don’t forget your shirt.”

His shirt?

A tightness formed in the back of my throat as I rounded the corner, coming to a halt at the entrance of the short hallway. There were three doors, two on the left and one at the end, and the one closest to me was held open by a thin, pale woman who looked about my age. Her auburn hair was tucked up into a neat ponytail, her freckles on full display. Her jeans seemed casual, but it was the Atlanta Fire black and blue hoodie she wore that gave me pause.

She was pretty. Very pretty.

And as a hopping, familiar figure emerged from the doorway, one hand bent down and holding the little loop on the back of his shoe as he tried to put it on while exiting, his shirt off and thrown over one shoulder and his jeans unbuttoned, I felt the sudden urge to throw up.

“Thanks, Zoe,” Seb said, planting his foot back on the ground. His fingers came to the button on his jeans, quickly doing them up.

“No problem. I’ll probably be out to watch you guys in a little bit. I’ve not got anything better to do until after practice,” she chuckled, and a second later she’d ducked back into the room, shutting the door behind her.

I wanted to run. The temptation was there, the ease of it seeming closer in reach than usual, but predictably, all I ended up doing was staying locked in place, dread coiling tighter and tighter in my gut.

What the fuck had I just walked into?

Seb turned in my direction, finally , as he slid his shirt off his shoulder and pushed his arms through the holes. His eyes went wide the moment he clocked me. “Nell? What are you doing back here?”

“I…” I held up my phone weakly, blinking at him in confusion. “I texted you.”

“Shit, sorry,” he huffed, pulling his shirt down over his stomach muscles and jogging up to me, his right leg hobbling just slightly. He pulled his phone from his pocket and read the messages, breathing out a chuckle. “Please tell me you reminded Luke not to put Matty on the ice.”

“I… did,” I said. I didn’t understand. Had I not just caught him doing something? Had I imagined that? Why was he acting so nonchalant about this? “Seb?—”

His hand came to my cheek as he swooped in, pressing a quick kiss to my lips in the privacy of the empty hall. “Walk with me,” he said, coming around to my side and grabbing my hand to pull me along. “Coach is going to kill me if I’m more than twenty minutes late.”

I followed him blindly.

Had I gone insane? I’d seen what I’d seen, I was sure of it, but why was he acting like I hadn’t just stumbled upon that? A part of me wondered if I’d made it up in my head, imagined all of it, and maybe I’d actually found him coming out of the locker room alone — but I wasn’t sure if that was Morris’ voice shouting at me, That never fucking happened, Nelly! that replayed in my head.

He’d done that to me the first few times I’d caught him and Ruby. Gaslighted the hell out of me, told me it was all in my head, and said I was going insane because he would never do that. But I hadn’t been. I’d questioned myself like crazy, truly considering whether I was actually going insane or not, but it was clear I hadn’t been.

So why did it feel like I was right back in those moments as we walked in relative silence to the rink? Why did I question myself, why did I wonder if I’d made everything up? Why couldn’t I trust myself?

My stomach churned, raw bile climbing up my throat the moment the doors opened and Seb dropped my hand. I didn’t know how to process this.

————

Matty and I watched from the lowest line of seats, right up against the boards, as the guys ran drills. Over and over again, Luke and Seb moved along the right side of the rink from one end to the other, passing the puck between them as they weaved through cones or teammates pretending to play for another team. Over and over again, they practiced fake-outs before passing the puck to a player in the middle of the rink who I believed was called a center, and he’d hit it directly into the unguarded net.

I struggled to keep my focus, though.

Matty asked me all sorts of questions, from, Do you think Daddy will let me play when I’m older? to, Why haven’t you tried out your new skates? And I tried to field them, tried to answer them to the best of my abilities without showing anything was wrong.

But then she came through the doors.

The same woman, in her loose-fitting jeans and her Atlanta Fire hoodie, her auburn hair shining beneath the overhead lights. She sat down on the opposite side of the rink, one row up from us, her feet up and resting on the back of a set of bleachers as she watched the boys skate .

Anytime I’d caught Morris, he’d always been defensive before I could even get a word out. That was my only point of contention here — Seb hadn’t seemed phased in the slightest other than his eyes going wide for a moment, and that could have been just because I was in the back area alone. It could have been because I’d surprised him. But none of that explained what I’d heard, and none of it explained why he’d left the room half-naked with his jeans unbuttoned.

But the moment Coach called for a ten-minute break to let the Zamboni on the ice, my worries were only amplified.

Instead of skating straight to us, Seb hopped off the ice, put his guards on his skates, and leaned against the boards on the opposite side of the rink. He spoke to her .

Even from here, I could see him laughing, could see the way his lips tilted up as they talked. Matty wasn’t phased in the slightest — he was far too interested in watching the man on the back of the Zamboni control it.

“Maybe that’s what I wanna be when I grow up,” Matty said, his eyes wide with wonder and glued on the machine.

“You want to be a Zamboni driver?”

Luke’s voice cut through the faint noise of the Zamboni as he slunk off the ice at our exit. Matty’s smile doubled, and he nodded ferociously.

“Dream big, kid, you can do it,” Luke laughed. His gaze moved to me briefly, and I looked away, watching as the woman laughed at something Seb said before sitting forward in her seat. “You’re not hiding it very well, Nelly.”

I shot him a glare. “You know?”

“I figured it out a little while ago,” he chuckled. “Don’t worry, the secret’s safe with me. But you’ll give it away yourself if you keep looking at him like that.”

“At who?” Matty asked, and I moved all of my attention away from his father on the off chance he picked up on it. “What aren’t you hiding? I’m confused.”

Luke reached forward, ruffling Matty’s hair as he laughed. “Don’t worry about it, squirt.”

“Ahh, the nanny’s back?”

For fuck’s sake.

I didn’t bother to turn my head. I knew that voice, and I didn’t want to deal with it, especially not in front of Matty.

“Piss off, Addaway,” Luke grunted, covering Matty’s ears. I almost thanked him for thinking ahead like that. “Why don’t you go annoy Seb if you want to be combative?”

Bryan stepped into my line of sight, balancing on his guarded blades as he leaned back against the boards in front of me. “Who said I wanted to be combative?” he asked, one sandy-brown brow lifting in curiosity as he looked me up and down. Ugh. “Besides, Blue’s far too preoccupied with Zoe.”

I must not have hidden my irritation with that in particular based on the way Bryan reacted.

He chuckled, a sneaky little smirk tipping his lips up. “Aww, is that getting under your skin?” Bryan mused, his head tilting to one side like a puppy. “Blue can’t be that good of a lay that you’re getting possessive already, surely.”

Beside me, Matty pawed at Luke’s hands, trying to push them off his ears. But Luke held them fully in place. “Can you for one second stop being antagonizing?” Luke spat, glaring at Bryan over his shoulder. “Surely you know how to be nice.”

I glanced at the boards on the opposite side of the ice, watching as Seb laughed out again. He was too engrossed in whatever the fuck was going on between him and Zoe to pay a single bit of attention to what was happening here.

“Of course I do,” Bryan quipped, dragging his gaze back to me. Mischief danced in his eyes as he stared at me, too hard, too intensely. “Maybe Nelly here should get on her knees for me. I’d be more than happy to show her just how nice I can be.”

“What is wrong with you?” I snapped. “Surely your rivalry with Seb hasn’t messed with you so badly that you’d go after his sloppy seconds.”

Luke’s mouth popped open as his eyes went wide. “Christ, girl.”

“I should just take Matty home,” I grumbled, pushing up and out of my seat. I grabbed my bag from beside me, turning away from Bryan’s surprised expression, and picked up Matty’s abandoned backpack, too. If all I was going to be doing here was feeling like shit watching Seb flirt with that woman he’d come out of a room half-naked with and fielding Bryan’s bullshit, then it wasn’t worth it, even if it upset Matty to have to go.

He looked up at me, his ears still covered but his big blue eyes wide with confusion. “Are we leaving?”

I nodded, and Luke hesitantly uncovered his ears. “Yeah, bud.”

His lower lip jutted out, and just as I was about to lean forward and comfort him, Luke’s turning head made alarm bells go off in my head.

Something warm, long, and alarmingly rigid wrapped around my waist.

For the briefest of seconds, even though I was wrapped up in confusion and dread with whatever was going on with Seb, I thought it was him. I hoped it was him, having finally seen Bryan interacting with us, and he was standing his ground. I hoped he was being public about us. I hoped it was him whose hand went flat against my ribcage, whose thumb brushed against the underside of my breast, whose chest my back was pulled into.

Luke stared behind me in absolute horror, and I knew before either of them spoke that my hopes were about to be crushed.

“Don’t—”

“I wouldn’t just go after his sloppy seconds, Penelope,” Bryan hissed, his mouth just an inch from my ear as he tightened his grip on me. “I’d fucking take them. Do you understand me?”

Matty watched me, his brows furrowed in a tiny little expression of confusion. “Nelly?”

“Don’t touch me,” I spat, dropping both bags and grabbing for Bryan’s arm. I dug my nails in, but the padding and full coverage of his gear gave me almost nothing to damage.

Luke moved, finally, and even as he gripped Bryan by the shoulder guards, even as he pulled him off of me while saying things I wished Matty couldn’t hear, even as Bryan’s arm left my body and I was released, I wished it hadn’t been Luke. I wished Seb had seen, had sped across the ice or run around the edge of the rink, wished he’d noticed .

But he was too preoccupied with Zoe. Still .

“You don’t fucking touch her,” Luke scolded, shoving him back into the boards. “You don’t touch anyone like that. What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Oh, don’t act so goddamn high and mighty and pretend you haven’t thought about it,” Bryan laughed, his body shaking from the inertia as Luke slammed him into it again.

I needed to get Matty out of here.

“No, I haven’t, you fucking psycho.”

I didn’t know if it was the adrenaline or just my overwhelming need to protect Matty that kept me from having a complete and utter breakdown. But I managed to keep everything but my hands calm as I scooped everything up in one hand and hooked an arm around Matty with the other, lifting him up and onto my hip.

When I turned back, half to check on what Seb was doing and half to make sure Bryan was coming after me, Luke was shoving him onto the ice this time, forcing him a few feet away before Bryan’s skate dug into it and sent shredded ice flying. But then he turned, huffing out something beneath his breath, and moved on.

“Are you okay?” Luke asked, wide eyes turning to me immediately.

“I’m fine,” I lied. “Thank you.”

“Nelly,” Matty whined.

“I’ll tell Coach,” Luke said, his mouth forming a thin line. “That wasn’t okay. He’s a dick, but he’s never… he’s never done that, at least as far as I know. I’ll make a proper complaint.”

“Okay,” I swallowed, steadying my shaking hands by grasping onto Matty.

“And I’ll let Seb know what happened,” Luke offered. “I’m sorry.”

I shook my head as I stepped back, the backs of my eyes stinging. “Don’t bother telling him,” I said, but the words were almost croaks, and I knew I needed to go, needed to get out to the car where I could calm myself away from all of this, needed to get home so I could excuse myself from Matty for five minutes and let myself feel what was beginning to wash over me.