26. Sebastian

Chapter 26

Sebastian

T he ceremony was a goddamn snooze-fest.

The bride, whom Nelly had reminded me was named Ruby , had eyed the two of us at least ten times during her vows. Apart from that, there were no hiccups, no unhappy men or women storming in when the officiant asked if there was any reason they should not be wed. I’d been tempted to stand up myself and make a scene just to get a rise out of them, but I wasn’t here to be the center of attention. I was here to help Nelly.

And my God, I was glad I’d come.

She looked absolutely stunning in her dress, and considering I’d not been able to touch her for more than four weeks, I was grateful for the excuse to have my hands on her, even if it wasn’t nearly as much as I wanted.

The time she’d been away had been rough for too many reasons. My sister was furious with me but had become Matty’s part-time babysitter when I couldn’t shuffle my schedule, and with playoffs in full swing now, she’d had him every single night we had a game. He’d had to come to practice or stay at the after-school club most days, and even then, I was struggling to keep up. But more than that, more than anything else, I’d found myself thinking of her every waking second of the day, the memories too much and too many to stamp down. I’d tried, every single day, to figure out what I was going to do regarding this, but nothing had felt right, nothing had seemed like the best possible option when I was caught between wanting to track her down and wanting to give her room to breathe and come back by her own decision.

But showing up here, doing this for her, felt like the best possible thing I could have done for both of us.

I’d laid in bed the last two nights, wondering if it was the right decision. She hadn’t told me outright that I was uninvited, but she also hadn’t spoken to me since that single text, and I didn’t want to make things worse by showing up if she didn’t want me here. But then the thought of her going through this alone, seeing him on her own, and dealing with whatever that would bring up for her alone made me want to die.

“How’s Matty?” she asked, clutching her bag with both hands as we walked from the ceremony space to the reception room.

I pulled her in tighter to my side with a hand around her waist. I could be honest — tell her he was still asking about her, tell her he still cried when I had to tell him that I didn’t know if she was coming back. But I didn’t want to upset her or make her feel like I was guilt-tripping her. “He’s okay,” I said. “He’s with Dani tonight.”

She nodded, but I wasn’t sure if it was to me or just to herself.

“Try not to think about that,” I insisted, shuffling behind her as we stepped into the massive reception hall. “You’ve got enough on your plate this evening.”

Blue lights lit every wall of the room. Circular tables filled over half of the space, ornate white tablecloths draped across them with bouquets of baby’s breath acting as the centerpieces. At the other end, a dance floor sat empty, with giant lit-up letters spelling M&R behind it. It was tacky and gaudy, not a single piece of it meshing well together, and the massive chandelier that should have been a focal point was lost in the loudness of the decor.

I wasn’t exactly the best when it came to this kind of thing, but Taryn and I had at least gone classy for our wedding. This just seemed like an insult to the otherwise nice house they’d rented.

“God, this looks awful,” Nelly mumbled, turning her head over her shoulder just enough that I could catch her voice.

“I mean, I wasn’t going to be the one to say it…” I chuckled and wrapped my arm around her midsection, pulling her spine into my chest before she could get away. “Enlighten me, Nell. Is it just Morris and Ruby you want to annoy, or are there others here we should be playing it up for?”

Her hand wrapped around my forearm, holding it in place, and I took that as a sign that I was okay to touch her like this even if they weren’t in the room. “Mostly them,” she said. “But there’s family from both sides here that might think it’s weird if we go from being touchy-feely one moment to avoidant the next.”

Thank fuck for that.

I leaned down, bringing my mouth to the shell of her ear and sweeping her hair over one shoulder. “Good. I don’t want to let you go,” I breathed, and her hand squeezed around me, the little hairs on her arms standing on end.

“We can’t exactly steal the show, you know,” she chuckled, her eyes scanning the crowd as people mingled and checked the tables for their assigned seats. “We have to be at least a little reserved.”

I hummed my reluctance to follow through on that and pulled her closer, tucking my face against the side of her head. “Does that mean I can’t kiss you?”

I could hear her nervous swallow over the background music. “Let’s, uh, keep it to cheek kisses.”

Trying not to show my disappointment with her answer, I swallowed down what I wanted to say and huffed out a simple, “Okay.”

But that didn’t mean I couldn’t touch her within normal societal limits.

We grabbed a couple of drinks from the bar—two glasses of white wine and a glass of water, just to be annoying—and made our way to the table with Penelope Moreno and Penelope Moreno’s Boyfriend written on little placards. She grumbled when she saw it, folding them in her fist and dropping them beneath the table.

I scooted my chair close to hers, relieved to see that we were actually within the sight line of the head table. The moment they came through those doors and sat down, it was game on. But we could practice for now.

I let my hand fall on her exposed thigh, my thumb swiping across it. “So,” I smirked, eyeing the plate of chocolate-covered strawberries set out for each guest. “I was thinking that when they sit down, right there ,” I pointed to the two seats that were clearly for the bride and groom in the middle of the head table, “I could feed you one of those. ”

She chuckled as she leaned forward, picking one up anyway, and sat back in her seat. Her eyes studied me, dragging down my suit-covered chest and back up. “I like that. What else have you got?”

My lips tugged up at the edges and I couldn’t fight the smirk. “The suit or the idea?”

Her cheeks deepened, and she popped the strawberry into her mouth, clutching it by the stem. “Shut up.”

I squeezed her thigh, just a little, just enough to make her eyes widen the smallest bit. “When Taryn and I got married, we invited other couples onto the dance floor right after our first dance. If they do that, I think we should be the first ones on the floor. Get right up next to them.”

Nelly snorted, her hand flying up to cover her nose and mouth. “That’s excessive. But God, yes, I want to do that.”

“You think that’s excessive?” I chuckled. “I guess I should axe the idea of doing a fake proposal, then?”

She burst into a full-on cackle, drawing a handful of eyes to herself but not paying them one single bit of attention. It was so good to see that, so satisfying to hear her laugh, and her refusal to pay anyone else any mind left me with a sense of pride in her that she wasn’t giving two shits how anyone else saw her. I’d seen that fear in her the moment I came through the door, and now that I recognized it, I could place exactly what it was back at the arena when I’d blown up.

It was the same fucking thing.

“As much as I would kill to see their faces if you did that, yes, axe it immediately,” she laughed. “Though I wouldn’t say no to you hinting at something like that within earshot of them. You know, saying what you’d change about this ridiculous setup if it were our wedding. ”

I squeezed her leg again, and she leaned into it, her knee knocking against mine. I took that as an okay to move a little bit higher up, and she didn’t fight me on it — but her nostrils flared the moment my fingers began to trace circles on the soft, sensitive skin of her inner thigh. “I’ll happily go so far as to ask him for the contact details of their wedding planner if you want me to.”

“ Please ,” she grinned. She sat forward again, plucking another strawberry off the plate, her eyes watching it in her fingers in hesitation before she clutched the stem between them…

…and held it out to me.

I huffed out a breath. “They’re not in here yet,” I said.

She quirked a brow at me. “So?”

I wrapped my free hand around her wrist, pulling the strawberry just an inch closer to my lips. “Don’t tempt me, Nelly,” I warned, sinking my teeth into the strawberry and plucking the leftover top from her fingers. “There are plenty of things I’m willing to do right now that you’d think are excessive .”

She swallowed, her mouth parting just slightly. “Like what?”

“Introducing Mr. and Mrs. Morris Leonard!”

The crowd erupted into hoots and hollers and clapping, but I kept her there, locked in on me, her eyes flicking between mine. I didn’t even know where Morris and Ruby were, didn’t care to take my eyes off Nelly for one second to find out, but I leaned toward her, dug my fingers into her inner thigh, and brought my lips right up next to her ear.

“Don’t for one second think I wouldn’t happily have you on your knees in front of him so he could see what he was missing,” I rasped.

Her hand came down on top of mine, squeezing the back of my palm hard enough I thought she might actually be trying to break something. But when I pulled away, when I looked at her to gauge her reaction and make sure I hadn’t crossed a line she’d laid out, her cheeks were flushed red, and her eyelids heavy.

God, I wanted to kiss that fucking expression.

She blinked, and suddenly she was back, blushing and laughing and covering her mouth at the thought of it. “You’re crazy,” she giggled.

“You asked.”

————-

We’d made it through the speeches, the first dance, and dinner without a hitch. Neither of them had come up to speak to us no matter how much we touched each other, no matter how many times I fed her or vice versa, no matter how close we’d been on the dance floor the moment they’d finished theirs.

And that was a win in my book.

Now, though, as she leaned back onto my chest, her chair practically touching mine and her head on my shoulder, all I wanted to do was stay here as long as possible. I didn’t want the night to end, even if we were playing everything up for her benefit — especially when I was thoroughly enjoying seeing the joy she got out of showing me off in front of them.

I wanted this. I wanted her. And I’d missed her every goddamn second I hadn’t had her.

“I didn’t think I’d enjoy myself this much,” I chuckled, pressing a kiss on the top of her head before resting my chin on it. “Who thought such a shit wedding could be so fun?”

She giggled beneath me, her fingertips pushing into my palm and spreading mine open, slotting her fingers between my own. “I thought it would be the worst night of my life, if I’m being honest.”

“Really?” I teased. “But you seemed so happy to see Morris when I came through the doors.”

She tilted her head back, dragging my chin through her hair enough to glare up at me.

“I’m joking, obviously,” I added.

Her thumb brushed against the back of my hand, back and forth, back and forth. “Thank you,” she said, but the banter and happy lilt to her voice took a back seat for a moment. “Seriously.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” I squeezed her hand and moved the stray strands of hair off her neck with my free hand. “I wasn’t sure if I was going to come, to be honest. But I gave you my word, and I needed to keep it.”

Her breathing paused.

Everything paused.

I wasn’t sure what was happening, and before I could try to figure it out, she was moving, dislodging her hand from mine, and sitting up out of my embrace.

“Nell?”

“I…” Her jaw steeled as she looked at me, and what I thought had been a momentary pause in her overall happy demeanor seemed gone for good. Gone was the lingering smile, gone was the glint of happiness in her eyes, gone were heavy eyelids and the hint of need in the way her body moved.

“Nelly,” I said again, leaning toward her.

But she retreated from it .

What the fuck did I do?

Her gaze flicked over to Morris and Ruby, and then she was up, purse in hand, moving.

Moving away. Moving to the door.

She crossed the room with record speed, slipping out the doors before I found the wherewithal to actually get the fuck off my ass and follow. I did my best not to make a scene out of it before I slipped from the room in the hopes that neither of them was watching, but the moment I was out the door and the music from the reception room would dampen me, I called out to her. “Nelly!”

She was at least thirty feet ahead of me in the hall, too fast in her heels, and I wished for a split second that we were on ice and I had my skates — at least then, I could keep up and run laps around her.

She didn’t bother to look back as she turned the corner, nearly crashing into a man carrying a plate of hors d’oeuvres. She slipped around him, and I followed, and before I could reach her, she was out a side door, out in the night air, out on the empty, softly lit patio of the mansion.

And I had finally caught up.

I grabbed her by the wrist before she could go any further, pulling her toward me in one swift motion that was likely too rough, too brash. “Nelly, what?—”

She whipped around, her eyes glistening, little beads of tears pooling in the inner corners and threatening to drip. “Stop,” she choked. “Please, just stop.”

Reluctantly, I let her go, but she didn’t flee. “I don't understand,” I rasped, resisting the urge to grab her and pull her toward me. “What did I do?”

Her lower lip wobbled, and for a second, I thought she was going to tell me. I thought, when her mouth opened and sucked in air, that she was going to explain to me exactly what I’d done so I could fix this, fix all of it, fix everything that had been broken for over a month. But she didn’t.

She choked back a sob and turned instead, heading straight for the steps.

She’d asked me to stop. Did she want me to stop chasing her? Or was it something else? We’d been fine up until she’d run, as far as I could tell. We’d been fine all fucking evening, just like we’d been fine until I messed everything up at the game. I didn’t understand. I didn’t get it.

“Is this what you want?” I shouted over the twenty-odd feet she’d put between us. She paused again, this time of her own choosing. “Just tell me what I did, baby. Please. Tell me what you want.”

She spun around, and the tears broke free, slipping down her cheeks as she stared at me. “I want someone who shows up because they want to support me, you fucking ass,” she croaked. “Not out of obligation or because they want to keep their word . I want you to want to be here for me .”

“I’m here?—”

“Please just shut up and let me talk,” she sniffled, wiping her under eyes with a single finger, her lower lip wobbling. “I want someone who understands what they’ve done wrong and can apologize for it. I want someone who can ensure that when they apologize for what they’ve done, it doesn’t happen again. I want to feel safe and confident with whoever I’m with and know that they have my back because they want to, Sebastian, not because they feel like they have to.”

I stood there at the top of the steps, her heels unsteady in the cracks of the wooden deck. I didn’t know if I was allowed to speak yet, didn’t know if she was done, and I fought the temptation to tell her I’d been trying to apologize this entire time.

“And for what it’s worth, I’m really fucking proud of myself,” she added, her voice warbling as she readjusted her footing. “I could never tell him what I wanted or needed. I never felt able to or like it would even matter. And I’m not going back to that, Seb, I can’t. I’m not. I want you, I want this, and I know you probably don’t, but you asked what I fucking wanted, and you’re getting it laid out on a platter for you. But if you do, I can’t… I can’t deal with this .”

My chest heaved. “Of course I want you, Nelly,” I rasped, and I waited, waited for a sign from her that I needed to shut up and wait my turn, but when it didn’t come, I took the steps two at a time. “I want you. Jesus fucking Christ, I want you.”

I crossed the deck toward her, half expecting her to run again. But she didn’t.

“All I’ve been trying to do is apologize to you, baby, but you — you wouldn’t let me that night, and I assumed you didn’t want to hear it. But I’m sorry. I’m so, so fucking sorry for that. It shouldn’t have happened, and for what it’s worth, I knew that as soon as it happened. I was sick to my stomach the whole time after you left the game, and all I wanted to do was get home, apologize, make it up to you, and promise it would never happen again. And it won’t .”

She choked out a noise that sounded halfway between a sob and a whimper, and I took her face in my hands, brought myself closer, brought her closer.

“I’ve just been trying to get that across in whatever way I can. The car, the flowers, the space I was trying to give you. I didn’t know what you needed. I was guessing,” I rasped, tilting her head back to lift her gaze to mine. Little tears streaked down, and I swiped them away, every bit of her feeling so fucking fragile beneath me. “That’s part of why I’m here . I’m not just trying to keep my fucking word, baby, I’m here because I know how awful it can be with exes, especially with him , and it broke my goddamn heart to think of you doing this alone. I’m here for you. And I’m here to apologize. I just didn’t want to push you away.”

She sucked in a breath through her little sobs, her hands fisting the sides of my suit jacket. “I didn’t… I didn’t realize, I’m sorry. I thought you were fine letting me go.”

“No,” I swallowed. “I wasn’t. I’ve been a fucking wreck.”

I closed the distance before she could try to apologize for something she didn’t need to again, pressing my lips to hers for the first time in over a month, and I felt like I could breathe again, felt like I could understand again, felt like I could focus again. She dug her fingers into my side, her lips parting, the saltiness of her tears mixing with the subtle vanilla of her lip gloss, and I never wanted to leave. I never wanted to let go.

“I want you,” I said again, breaking from the kiss just long enough to get the words out before taking her again, and again, and again. “I’ll say it a million goddamn times if you want me to. Just come back. Please.”

I lifted my lips from hers, keeping my head close and my eyes focused on her, only her, only her . I swiped the last of her tears away, careful not to mess up her makeup. “Okay,” she breathed. “But you have to be, like, really fucking nice to me tonight 'cause I’m a bit of an emotional wreck with all this.”

I cracked a laugh and kissed her again, just briefly. “You have no idea how nice I can be,” I chuckled, tucking her hair behind her ears and cupping her jaw with both hands. “I got us a room at the hotel around the corner. The one on the invite.”

Warmth spread across her cheeks as a genuine smile took over. “That was presumptuous.”

I pressed a kiss to her cheekbone. “I would have slept in it alone if this hadn’t worked out,” I clarified. “I just would have been really, really lonely.”