Chapter 59

59

JJ

I watch her sleep sprawled on her front, her glorious mane curling around her shoulders and flowing down her back. I wind a thick, silky strand around my fingers, then bend my head and sniff it.

"You're obsessed with how I smell." She yawns.

"Strawberries and passionfruit and a hint of something spicy. I can never place what it is. Every time I think I know what it is, it eludes me."

"Cloves," she murmurs.

"Cloves?"

"It's in my shampoo. A special concoction that nourishes my hair. It's so thick, I need something more tailor-made to tame the bulk."

"I love your hair." I bury my fingers in it and tug.

She shivers.

I drag my fingers through her scalp, and she moans.

I follow the curve of her skull to the base where it meets her neck and scratch gently.

"Oh, god." A quiver grips her. "That spot… How did you find it?"

"I know everything about you, baby."

"I hope not. A relationship without any secrets would be so boring."

I still. "As long as it's not the kind of secret that involves life and death."

Her forehead furrows, then she crawls onto my chest. I hook an arm around her waist and hold her close. "I don't envy Michael right now. If it had been you in her place—" I shake my head. "I'm not sure how I would have dealt with it."

"She wanted his child. I understand why she did it."

"She should have told him. He deserved to know how much danger she was putting herself in."

She cups my cheek. "She wanted to be a mother. It's something only a woman would understand."

I turn my head and kiss her palm. "If something were to happen to you, I'm not sure I'd be able to bear it."

"Nothing's going to happen to me," she murmurs.

Something in her voice makes me glance toward her. "What?" I growl.

"What?" she says in an innocent voice.

"Oh no you don't. I know when you're overanalyzing something. Out with it, girl."

"So, it's girl when you're trying to steamroll me into toeing the line, hmm?" She traces a line down my jaw.

"Do you think I can steamroll you into anything? Also, I'm not going to let you distract me." I twine my fingers through hers, then place a kiss on each of them. "Now tell me, what's on your mind."

She hesitates.

"You can ask me anything, you know." I search her features. "You do know that, right?"

"I was wondering about the turtle in your bedroom."

"Solomon."

"Eh?"

"His name is Solomon. I rescued him when I was fifteen. And he's been my only constant companion—" I bend and kiss her lips "—until now."

I pull back, and she chases my lips with her own. Another long, drugging kiss later, I search her eyes. "Now tell me what your real question is."

Her gaze widens, then she snorts. "It's annoying how you always read my mind."

"L-e-n-a," I warn, and she rolls her eyes. A gesture I'll tolerate, but only from her.

"I'm waiting," I remind her.

She searches my features and whatever she sees there must reassure her for she finally says, "It's about children."

"What about them?"

"Do you want them?"

"Do you want them?"

She chews on the inside of her cheek. "Not right away, but at some point. I want your children, Jack."

I stare at her. Kids. Doing it all over again with her. With a woman who gets me better than anyone else. With someone who is my partner. With whom I can finally take off the mask I've worn for so long, a persona I've perfected over the years but which has felt so constraining of late. Now I know why.

I want more. I want life… as I had once hoped it would be. A future I'd thought would never be mine. A place I can call home, with someone who is home. A unit. A family that belongs to me, and to whom I belong.

"I thought I was too old to start again." I lean in and brush my lips over hers. "But when I'm with you, everything seems possible. When I'm with you, I'm greedy, Lena. Greedy for you, for us. For what we are together. For the shared experiences that will be ours. For the hopes and dreams and laughs and tears and happiness and sadness and grief and joy… All of those highs and lows I've shied away from for so long. All of those emotions I could never share with Isaac and Tally" —I swallow— "that I want to open up and invite you to be part of."

"And our children," she murmurs.

"And our children," I agree.

"And Isaac and Tally, too?"

"And them. And their families" —I lower my chin— "on one condition…"

She looks wary. "Which is?" she finally asks.

"You move your books into the library."

She laughs. "You do realize they're spicy romance books, which may not exactly fit in with your classics?"

"Oh, they're better than classics, considering I plan to enact each and every scene from these books in real life, with you."

She draws in a breath. Her golden-brown eyes shine. "That's the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me."

"And I'm just getting started."

She sniffs.

"No more tears, baby." I kiss first one eyelid then the other. "No more wanting space, either. I want you in my corner. I want to be your backup. Without you, my days were long and lonely, but you burst into my life like a shooting star—all sparkly, and bright, and with so much to give. You dazzled me… You still dazzle me, Lena. You're what turns my dreams of tomorrow into a reality I can't wait to discover with you. Be mine, Lena. Stay with me, in my house, in my bed, in my heart, my soul. In every single fiber of my being. Be the mother of my children. Be my North Star… and my south, and my west, and my east. Be mine, Lena."

Her chin wobbles. She leans up and kisses me with so much passion, so much depth, so much emotion that my chest hurts. My heart stutters. My stomach seems to bottom out. My head spins. I kiss her back with everything I'm not able to put into words. I press her into the bed and she opens her arms, her legs, her heart, and welcomes me home. Thud-thud-thud my heart slams into my chest, echoing the beat of hers.

Thud-thud-thud. "JJ, Lena, you guys in there?"

"There's someone at the door," she whispers against my mouth.

All at once, my phone vibrates, as does hers.

I freeze. We stare at each other, then pull apart at the same time. "Karma!"

"You scared us." My girl takes Karma's hand in hers.

"That makes two of us," Summer says from the other side of Karma's bed. Sinclair stands next to Summer, one hand on the back of his wife's chair.

"I swear, when I saw you collapse, my heart almost jumped out of my chest." Lena claps her hand over her mouth. "Oops, sorry, didn't mean to say it like that."

Summer's lips twitch.

Karma chuckles, then coughs.

"Sorry, didn't mean to make you laugh, either." Lena looks stricken.

Karma rolls her eyes. "I'm not gonna die any time soon."

Michael makes a low noise at the back of his throat. Karma glances at her husband who's seated in the corner of the room. His gaze is focused on his phone, but his attention is on his wife. And rightly so. Karma looks pale; there are hollows below her cheekbones and purple patches under her eyes. Her eyes, though, gleam with humor. She's in good spirits, which is not something that can be said about her husband. Michael hasn't said a word since Lena and I walked in here.

After knocking on the door of Lena's house, Summer told us they were on their way to the hospital as Karma was awake. We'd followed them in my car. By the time we reached Karma's room, Summer and Sinclair were already there.

The entire time that Summer and Lena visit with Karma, Michael stays silent. Except for the occasional flicks of his gaze toward his wife to make sure that she is okay, he's been focused on his phone.

Luca and Adrian are positioned outside the room, with Christian, Axel, and Massimo at strategic points throughout the floor. Their wives have also been in and out, Karma told us. Seems the Sovrano clan has taken up temporary residence in the hospital. They managed to clear out the entire floor and occupy the nearby rooms so they could keep Karma company, and also act as emotional support for Michael. Not surprising, considering how tightly knit the Sovranos are.

Lena tugs on my sleeve. I glance down to find her glancing at Michael, then back at me.

"What?" I frown.

She rises to her feet, then circles her arms around my neck. I automatically wind my arm around her waist to hold her steady. "Why don't you take Michael out, so he can get a breath of fresh air?"

"Why would I do that?"

She pats my cheek. "Because you're his friend, and that's what friends do."

I may be older in years and experience, but I still have a lot to learn from her.

"Right." I glance at Michael. "Take him out."

"Why don't you go with them?" Summer places her hand on Sinclair's hip in an affectionate gesture.

"Why would I do that?" Sinclair's features wear an expression of confusion, which echoes my sentiments.

"Because we girls want time alone to catch up," Summer says patiently.

"Oh, right." Sinclair's brow clears. He looks toward me as if to say he'd prefer I take the lead in this. I blow out a breath. Considering the two of them were about ready to shoot each other until a few days ago, it's probably in everyone's best interest if I do.

I haul my girl up to her tiptoes, then bend my head and kiss her thoroughly. By the time I finish, she's flushed and her pupils are dilated.

"Hold that thought." I press another kiss to her forehead, then head in Michael's direction.