Chapter 43

43

Lena

Her gaze widens. "So, you and JJ's son?—?"

"Isaac." I nod.

"And now, you and JJ?"

I squeeze the bridge of my nose. "I'm a slut; I know."

"Hey, stop." She reaches over and squeezes my shoulder. "Firstly, I'm really glad you reached out to me. I know we've only just met, so I'm honored you trust me enough to confide in me. Secondly, no judgment. You haven't met some of my other friends but we've all been through our own journeys to create the life of our dreams, and it hasn't been easy. We were lucky we were able to support each other, and I'd be privileged if you'd let me do the same for you."

Tears prick the back of my eyes. Guess I miss my family more than I realized. Except, even if they were in the same city as me, I'm not sure this is a situation I'd be able to share with them. Of course, if Ben were alive, I'd tell him, but I did cheat on him, too, in a sense, didn't I? A band squeezes around my chest. Shit, I am a liar and a tramp. I lower my chin to my chest.

"Lena, hey, please don't judge yourself so harshly."

"You don't know what I'm thinking."

"Oh, I think I have a good idea. We women are so tough on ourselves. We never give ourselves a break, do we?"

"Somehow I don't think I deserve it."

"Let me be the judge of that, hmm?" She inches my margarita forward. "Take a sip now, will you?"

"You make it seem almost medicinal." I sniff.

"Oh, it is, I promise." She raises her glass and clinks it with mine. "Bottoms up, then tell me what's on your mind."

I glance doubtfully into the depths of my glass. The frosty pink liquid is deceptively innocent, but I know better. Already, a pleasant numbness permeates my limbs. Also, I don't know how much tequila she put in it, but my vision definitely has a rosy glow around the edges.

"Go on," she urges.

Okay, then. I snatch up the half-full glass of margarita then drain it. So does she. I place the glass back on the counter with a snap before clutching the front of my head. I hear Summer's groan and glance up to find her doing the same. We both burst out laughing. As the pain eases, I realize the numbness has spread to my toes. All of my muscles feel limber. I plant my elbow on the counter and cup my chin. "Hmm, I already feel better."

She tops up my glass from one pitcher and hers from another, then points a finger in my direction. "Come on, fess up, missy."

"There's this attraction between JJ and me. From the moment I saw him, no other man existed for me. It's like I have his features burned into my brain. I carry the imprint of his scent in my veins. I feel his presence as soon as he walks into a room, and when he's not around, I can't stop thinking of him. I can't stop thinking of him anyway." I twist my features. "God, I'm pathetic."

"And you slept with him?—"

"Oh, I resisted him and the attraction. Trust me, I tried my best to keep away from him. But it was difficult, considering we worked in the same office, and initially, he'd give me a lift to his office."

"And you're living under the same roof as him."

"It was tough to remain impervious, you know? Everywhere I turned, there he was. His grumpy, glowering face would fill my line of sight. I'd look out of the window and see him swimming. I walked into his room once, and saw him jerking off in his bathroom."

"Wait, what?" It's her turn to choke. "You snuck in on him jerking off?"

"It was a mistake." I huff.

"No doubt." She chuckles.

"No, it really was a mistake. I didn't intend to be in his room. I mean, I went there intending to find out what time he was going to leave for the office the next day, and it's not like his door was locked so?—"

"Was it hot?" Her tone is sly.

I blow out a breath. "So hot." I snatch up my glass of margarita and pull on it. "I've never been so turned on in my life. After that, I couldn't see him without imagining him naked, and I was still living with my boyfriend—his son—under his roof."

"I'll bet JJ went out of his way to seduce you. I'm sure it wasn't an error that the door to his bedroom and his bathroom were unlocked, either."

"Hmm, I never thought about that." I hunch my shoulders. "I was so drawn to him that the last time Isaac and I had sex, I imagined it was JJ. Even when I was on my own, I imagined it was JJ."

"What do you mean?"

"There was one time I woke up, sure Isaac was in bed with me, but it was empty. But I was sure he'd been there and made love to me. Only, a part of me convinced myself that it had been JJ."

"Are you sure it wasn't JJ?"

I scowl. "What do you mean?"

"You were under his roof. And your boyfriend wasn't around. You hadn't locked the door. And given he's not exactly a scrupulous person, what's to have stopped him from coming into your bed and making love to you while you were sleeping?"

I blink rapidly. "No, he wouldn't…" Would he? Would JJ sneak into my room and fuck me while I'm sleeping? Is that why the time I'd come dreaming of JJ it'd felt so good? I thought I'd been imagining things, which is why I'd woken up so satisfied. And then the time I'd fallen asleep in his office. Both times I'd come so hard, more than I ever had with Isaac. But what if I hadn't been dreaming? What if it had been JJ himself making me come? It couldn't have been, though… Could it?

"No, no, no." I shake my head. "It's not possible."

"You're right. He wouldn't do that. He's not as cutthroat as the Seven—that's Sinclair and his friends who run his company with him and whose wives and girlfriends are my very good friends," she informs me.

"I mean, he is rumored to have run an underground organized crime syndicate, so—" I raise a shoulder.

"Rumored? So, you haven't asked him if it's true?"

"We haven't exactly done much talking. Also, I'm still trying to work out what the hell I'm going to do about this situation."

"What situation?"

"This situation" —I wave my hand in the air— "where I want to be with JJ, but I feel sorry for Isaac. I feel responsible for him somehow, you know?"

"You're not his keeper. He's a grown man?—"

"Who I cheated on."

"Did you, though?"

"Eh?" I tip up my chin. "I was with Isaac when I slept with his father. In fact, I was sleeping with Isaac, and then I slept with his father."

"And you haven't slept with Isaac since."

I shake my head.

"And you told him?—"

"Right away. I couldn't keep it from him. I had to tell him, you know?"

"So, you broke it off with him right after."

"I did kiss JJ before that, and whenever we were in a room together it was as if there was a livewire connecting us."

She fans herself. "That sounds hot."

"You have no idea."

"So, you made out with his father. You were confused. You tried to be a good girlfriend to him?—"

"But he was never around. He was too focused on his art, and I get it. It's his art. It's like a third person in our relationship sometimes. And I understand, I really do?—"

"Do you?"

I pause. "I wanted to." I stare into the depths of my glass. "I was proud of the fact that he was so talented. I wanted him to be successful. I wanted to support him, but also, I wanted him to understand we had bills to pay. I couldn't completely shoulder it all on my own, you know?"

"It's understandable, Lena," Summer says softly. "You did the best you could."

"I really did. I thought if we stayed in his father's home, it would be a temporary reprieve. Isaac could pull himself together and make a go of his painting, while I tried to find another job and save up to move out of there. I didn't expect to find myself working for JJ."

"Or to fall for him."

"Or to fall for him, and still feel responsible for Isaac. He's my friend, Summer. He says he's going to find a way to woo me back. He's moved into his studio on the top floor of the house."

"So, all three of you are still under the same roof?"

I grimace. "It's a mess, right?" I roll my shoulders. "What am I going to do?"

She takes a sip of her margarita. "Maybe you don't need to do anything, for the time being."

"I'm not sure that's an option," I mutter.

"Why is that?"

"I wanted JJ to patch things up with Isaac. They've always had problems. It's nothing new, but this situation has cranked it up to another level. Anyway, we decided to go out bowling."

"Bowling?"

"It was my idea." I blow out a breath. "And JJ, being the master manipulator that he is, insisted if he won then I should move into his room with him."

"With Isaac under the same roof?"

"Exactly. He wants to rub Isaac's nose in it, no doubt. Of course, neither of them told me they were the Starsky and Hutch of bowling."

"Isn't Starsky and Hutch a buddy cop movie?"

"You know what I mean," I interrupt. "You do, don't you?"

"I think so." She rubs her chin. "I guess you weren't kidding when you said you're in a bind."

"In the mother of all pickles, is what you mean."

She takes a hefty swig of her margarita. "So, what are you doing now?"